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The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Quick reminder
Tuesday. 9.2.14 9:27 pm
The PNW gave us a good, but brief, reminder of what we're most known for: rain. A lot of it. It wasn't really raining much throughout most of the morning and early afternoon, but it was certainly cloudy and windy; a sure sign of things to come.

Unfortunately I was at work when the storm hit, but I could definitely hear the amount of rain falling. It's times like those where I want to curl up in a comfy chair in front of clear bay windows, wearing comfy pajamas or a turtleneck shirt and sweats, holding a big mug of hot cocoa. It's something that I could watch for hours.

It's far too short lived, however. It'll be back in the mid 80s by Saturday. Which is stupid, but I guess summer technically isn't over yet. Boo.

Anywho, I'm free for the next 5 days. Since all of my prior plans had fallen through, I am now just taking it one day at a time. I have only one definitive plan: an eye appointment tomorrow afternoon. It's been 4 years so I need to get them checked. I'm about 3 years overdue. Since I've waited so long, I'll be going from high definition to ultra high definition. Should be a fun few days adjusting to new glasses.

Alright, I'm gonna chill out for a bit before I knock out. I know that I don't have to wake up to a work alarm in the morning, but I still have to get up at a reasonable hour so that I can be awake for my appointment. I really wish this rain wouldn't go away, but it's that time of year where it'll be a lot sooner before it returns rather than later. I'm excited for the change of season.

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New {old} challenge; day one.
Monday. 9.1.14 5:23 pm
I'm testing myself again. I want to see if I can actually write every single day, this time. I did pretty damn good last year, having only missed about a week the entire year. I'm not going to challenge myself to a full year, though. Only until the end of this year. This is brought on by the recent activity on my page, after a serious break in regular entries. I wanted to actually write about something positive each day, or at least, less negative, and this is a good way for me to have to think about it.

I've also just added a new module over there to the left. I'll be adding more as them come along; these are just the first two that came to mind. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month and it's that time of year again to help further spread awareness to people who might not have otherwise realized it was a thing. Most people don't think about children being affected by it, but cancer has no bias.

The other part is for brain cancer research, something that I was directly affected by. My father died from it nearly 2 decades ago, as most of you regulars are probably aware. June is always a hard month for me. This is the first year that I'm participating in a walk for it, though, and I'm pretty excited to be helping support the cause. I wanted to do it last year, but didn't find out about it until after the fact.

I will also be participating in the AIDS Walk this year, but that section has yet to be added because I haven't registered yet. I want a link to the direct page, rather than the generic one that most people go to when they want to donate.

I have one more day to get through this week. It's my least favorite day of the week and I'm definitely not looking forward to this one any more than I would every other week, despite the fact that once the day is done, I'm on reprieve for 5 days. My supervisor at the regular job will be all pissy and in full bitch mode because of all the catching up to do from his 3 day weekend. And the mega bitch supervisor that no one likes at Sam's will be the one who closes and that's certainly not how I want to end my day, but I'll have to deal. I only have a little bit longer there. Only 9 more shifts left to go.

So tomorrow's entry will most likely be rather negative ... you've all been warned.

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Steps in the forward motion
Sunday. 8.31.14 6:30 pm
So over the last couple weeks or so, I've not been listening to any music in my car. Every few days I'd turn the radio on, flip through the programmed channels and give up, turning it back off again for a few more days until I repeated the same process. I do this when I'm upset/angry/distraught/generally unsatisfied with how my life situation is going. I'd rather drive around in silence, listening to the sounds of the car and the world around me than have some stupid song with stupid lyrics get stuck in my head for days.

A few days ago, I decided to try this process again and ended up leaving the radio on. Which is, to me, a sign that I'm beginning to move forward. I turned it off again this morning, but I'll most likely turn it back on again tomorrow morning. We'll see how I feel.

I have two more days of work to get through this week before my extended weekend. I have my eye appointment Wednesday afternoon and tentative plans for Saturday, but otherwise, nothing. I'm not even really counting the plans for Saturday because I know that if I look forward to them, I'll just end up getting disappointed if they fall through or don't live up to the hype I might assign them. So instead, I'm just going with the definitive plan: the eye doc. The rest of the days, I have no expectations. I just know that I'll be happy simply because I won't have to go to work.

Today was perfect on the weather front. It could have stayed cooler all day, but getting to a high of 70 is just about as perfect as you can get. Especially with it being overcast most of the day. It was the first day in forever that I'd woken to rain so that set me up to be in a good mood ... until I got to work and that fucked everything up. I just hate being there, but nothing seems to be giving. I just don't understand. But, I'm not going to get in to that right now because I'm just happy that the weather was nice today.

I'm not sure what it's supposed to be tomorrow, but I'm really hoping for the same as it was today.

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Friday. 8.29.14 10:02 am
Last night's plans didn't happen. I ended up just staying home and getting drunk alone. I needed to feel numb after the last couple weeks of not knowing which way was up or down. Getting to the point at which I drank probably wasn't necessary, but it happened anyway. I'm paying for it this morning. My stomach hates me again.

I'm very quickly coming to the realization that just because I say I'm ready for something to happen, doesn't actually mean I am. And when it involves two people, the other person has to be ready as well. Which also means that it could take a lot longer than it takes just one of us. I hate knowing that this is the reality of how things are, but I just have to accept what I'm being given and go with it. Asking for more could result in consequences that I may not be okay with. But assuming less will just put me back in a miserable place. The key to this is finding balance. Something you'd think, being a Libra, I'd be better at doing.

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Grinding gears
Wednesday. 8.27.14 10:47 pm
I'm fairly certain that, hypothetically speaking, if I were driving a manual transmission in this emotional reversal, I'd have blown a clutch by now. Or 6. Ugh! Why the fuck do hormones have to play such a huge part in the way we think? My brain is agreeing with all of the logical opinions and choices and decisions being made and pointed out and my heart is standing in the middle of the room, with its arms crossed stomping its feet. My brain tells my heart to shut up and get over it and the heart responds by sticking its tongue out, crossing its arms even harder and closing its eyes, as if that alone will make it all go away. Will they ever be in agreement? Hahaha, fuck no. The heart never learns and the brain only gives in to the heart when there's a chemical imbalance. Which, for me, happens to be pretty much all the time.

Yay for being fucked up!

Tomorrow is my Friday. Finally. I'm going out with the girls after work. None of us have to be anywhere Friday morning so there's a definite possibility that it could be a late night. We're getting together early so we may all just be old women and be home and in bed by midnight. Who knows. Anything is possible at this point. I'm pretty excited, despite being an emotional wreck off an on throughout the day. It'll be the last time I get together with one of them before she goes off on an internship in New Zealand for 6 months. There's also a very strong probability of drunk texts being sent. I'll try to avoid drunk calls.

I like blogging every day. It allows me to get out things at the end of the day. Or the beginning. Doing this at the end of the day kind of lets things play out in their entirety so that it's slightly more cohesive. Rather than writing about a panic attack as it's happening, I can recap it and type out the outcome as well.

Now I'm just rambling. There probably won't be one tomorrow ... since I'm going to be out til who knows when. So, until Friday. . .

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Shake it off
Tuesday. 8.26.14 10:42 pm
There's just something about a catchy tune that makes playing it over and over again somehow worth it. I will openly admit, right here, that I can't stop listening to Taylor Swift's new song Shake It Off. The video is rather entertaining as well. It's kind of awesome that she can poke fun at herself. I've never been one to listen to her music. I honestly can't think of any songs of hers that I've ever listened to, but this one sticks with me. Weird ...

It appears that I've already started writing every day, but if I miss a day or two between now and next Monday, then I'm still golden. I will begin the daily blog challenge again on Sept. 1st. We'll make it until the end of the year. Just for the sake of keeping it slightly different than the last. And because I can make up my own rules for this dammit.

After not getting hardly any sleep last night I'm hoping tonight I'm tired enough to just knock out for a solid 4-5 hours, with no interruptions. This is all based on whether there will be more cops outside ... or drunk parties or whatever. No more loudness outside. City sounds I can sleep through no problem. I have planes, trains, cars, buses, ferries, all within sounding range and I've acclimated. But something that's out of the ordinary wakes me up ... like a cop with a megaphone trying to get someone to come out of their apartment/home so that they could speak to them. "You're not in any kind of trouble, we just want to talk to you. There's people out there that care about you. Please come out of your room and downstairs so that we can talk." I have no idea what transpired with that, since I was finally able to doze off again for a couple hours, but I'm hoping the fire truck that was parked outside when my alarm went off had nothing to do with it.

Alright, I am gonna listen to the damn song one more time before I call it a night. The fan has aided in my hair drying quicker than normal. As much as I like my giant, high velocity tower fan, I'm looking so, so forward to when I don't need it and all I have to do is keep the windows open. Nature's air conditioning. Never fully appreciated until I moved here.

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