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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Intermission
Tuesday. 11.24.15 10:12 pm
There's a couple things on my mind that I want to get out of my system before I write about part two of my Vegas vacation. It'll probably come tomorrow, before the holiday weekend, since I'll likely want to write about that once it's complete.

Anywho, tomorrow and Friday are my final two days on phones. I'm moving to my permanent position starting on Monday. I'm still really torn about it, but I've been told by multiple people that I'll like it. I'll be the judge of that for myself. I'll give it a month before I make my final decision. A month should be more than enough time for me to have adjusted and gotten used to the change. A month is a pretty good length of time for me to make final judgments on something like this. There are several factors that are going in to the mixed feelings, but I mostly think that it's just my aversion to change that's creating the most anxiety.

I've also recently found myself to be interested in a person whom I don't really know. I think it's just my morbid and overactive sense of curiosity that has me so interested, but I kind of want to see how things go. I mean, we still haven't hung out ... and at the rate of how fucking long it takes to get a text response, I have a feeling it may never actually happen, but I'm gonna keep trying. At least for a little bit. I was told by a mutual friend that he's basically a 32 year old frat boy who never grew up, but whatever. I'm pretty determined to at least hang out once and then decide if it was worth trying so damn hard.

We've known of each other for years. He used to work at my campus and way back in the day, my initial impression of him was that he was a huge tool. Just a complete douche. Fast forward about a year, I noticed that he'd been promoted and that lovely sense of curiosity that I have told me to stop at his desk and talk to him; you know, the whole second chance type of deal. Over the next several months, I found myself stopping more and more often, staying longer and longer and being kind of pouty whenever I'd walk by and he wasn't there. I found different reasons to stop to talk and would think of different things to ask him so that I could keep having reasons to talk. Eventually his position was eliminated and I was sad, but I never really tried to keep in touch.

Fast forward another couple years, after a crazy, whirlwind summer, I decided to look him up on Facebook {there's that damned curiosity again} and added him; figured that if he didn't remember me or just didn't add me, I'd laugh it off and move on with my life. He did add me and it was kind of cool just seeing his stuff pop up in my feed here and there. It was something that would stay in the back of my mind, just outside of the range of normal, conscious thought, but would make me laugh or smile whenever I'd see the plethora of wedding/party images show up in my feed.

A few of my coworkers knew him prior to his original promotion and he was mentioned one day, not sure what brought him up, but it got the wheels in my mind turning and the curiosity pushed me to message him. The opening question was that of the more ... direct kind, but it worked as an ice breaker. However, he sucks at responding to texts so I'm slowly trying to push toward actually hanging out, without pushing too hard or making myself come off as too interested or desperate.

We'll see where this goes, if anywhere. It could go absolutely nowhere and my efforts wasted. But it'll all be updated here, randomly, whenever something actually happens or when I finally give up.

I didn't intend for this to be quite this long... I always say that, but it's true. I was just trying to write something up really quickly. Which, I kind of did. It's only been 15 minutes. But I'ma end this here.

Until next time. . .

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Part one: week one
Saturday. 11.21.15 11:25 am
The Saturday that I left for Vegas was quite the early morning, compared to what I am now used to. My friend/coworker was gracious enough to be up before the ass crack of dawn to have me to the airport by 5am. He lives a bit farther away from me so I was really appreciative of his assistance. He was also nice enough to fix me delicious dark hot chocolate so that I'd have something to warm me up, as it was in the 40s at that time of day.

Once at the airport, it didn't take long to get through security, but I had a 10 minute walk to get to my terminal. I made sure that my electronics were charged up so that I'd have something to occupy my time until boarding. Once on the flight, which was on time this time, it was a smooth ride to Vegas. We took off in foggy, rainy weather and it was entertaining to see the rain going exactly horizontal whist flying 300-400 mph. It cleared up about an hour in to the flight and the sun rose as we were flying. I was on the wrong side of the plane to see sunrise, which I was okay with. I didn't want the sun in my eyes that early in the morning.

On the ground, I'd checked my carry-on at the gate {for free} and so I had to go to baggage claim. I waited there for my sister, her boyfriend, and my nephew to meet up with me. My nephew knew I was going out there for Halloween, but he didn't know that I would be arriving a week before, or that I'd be staying with them. Which, will never happen again. Hotels from here on out; that will be explained in part two.

Since it was fairly early still, and no one had eaten yet, they decided that we were going to stop somewhere for breakfast. We ended up at some restaurant/diner type place, with a separate bar area {it's Vegas; most places are like that} and enjoyed some good breakfast foods. Back at their place, we just hung out until it was time for me to pick up my rental car.

I was able to get a Hyundai Elantra, which I quite enjoyed in the 2 1/2 days I had one in VA. This one, however, was not from Canada and I found quite a few things I didn't like about the car in the two weeks of renting it. It's still a really nice car. I like Hyundai, but the blind spots were the worst part. I think I could rent it again, but I'll never buy one.

Once the vehicle was obtained, my sister, nephew and I went to go visit my mom. We only hung out there for a little bit. I was drained from having been up for much longer than I was used to so mom and I made plans to get together later in the week.

I honestly don't remember what we did that Sunday. I have absolutely no recollection of what happened that day. Clearly it was memorable.

Monday morning I went to their community fitness center, because I didn't want the vacation to keep me from losing too much track of my recent weight loss. After a shower, I think I went to the store to get some snacks for while I was there, so that I didn't end up eating all of their food. Since all three of them were sick, I also got some vitamins {which ended up only slightly helping; will also be explained in part two.} The remainder of the day, I think, was just hanging out.

Tuesday, I made plans to hang out with Jacob. I hadn't seen him in two years, since he'd moved away from Seattle. We just met up to get sushi. It was alright. The sushi out here is actually quite a bit better. It's possible it's because the fish is probably fresher. Or we just happened to go to a place that wasn't the best. Either way, it was nice meeting up with an old friend. I spent the rest of the day just kind of hanging out.

Wednesday was the day I'd made the plan to hang out with mom. We went out to play bingo, which was a mother/daughter tradition we'd started on my 21st birthday. Every time we get together, we go play bingo. Of course we didn't win anything, but it was still fun. After that we went to a different place for lunch. The food there was good and there was some leftovers. It was a late lunch/early dinner, but afterwards I decided to just drop her off and head back. See, the problem with sleeping on someone's couch is that you get woken up every time someone needs to leave for work. Let's just say I didn't exactly sleep very well in the two weeks I was there.

Thursday was the day that I headed out to Los Angeles to visit another friend of mine. I was trying to go out there on Wednesday, but he had another friend in from out of town so we were waiting until he was supposed to leave. Well, there was a fire on a plane at the airport he was supposed to fly back to, so the flight got canceled. I didn't find this out until after I was already in California, so there was no turning back. The two days I was in Cali turned out to the best part of my entire trip.

After I got there, the three of us decided to walk up and down Hollywood Blvd and ended up getting some dinner, since I'd not eaten yet {it was now almost 5.} We bought tickets for Ripley's Believe It or Not museum that night and since they allowed admission to Guinness Book of World Records and the Hollywood Was Museum, we decided to go do those the next day. We also decided to do the Warner Bros studio tour as well. So Friday was a pretty packed day. I was leaving that evening, but it was so worth staying out later. The brief trip ended up with a fancy dinner, courtesy of the friend who got stranded in L.A.

Because of the packed day, I ended up leaving much later than previously anticipated and ended up not getting back to my sister's until almost 4 in the morning. Which is what caused the turning point in my trip.

I woke up Saturday morning, Halloween, with a sore throat and that feeling you get in the back of your nose to indicate that you were getting sick. As the day went on, it continued to progress. I went with my sister and her boyfriend to my sister's boss's house so that a large group of neighborhood children could go trick or treating. I was excited to be able to walk around with him, but the group decided that the fathers take the kids around so I ended up just hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know, just sitting there. We had free food, but that was about the only highlight.

The next morning I woke up feeling like shit, but that's for the next entry. This one is long enough.

Until then. . .

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Quick update
Sunday. 11.15.15 11:15 am
It's been almost a month since I last wrote something here...

I went on vacation. It wasn't exactly as I'd hoped it would be; I'll actually write out a two part entry on my vacation sometime later this month (split in to week one and week two.) The fact that I still need some time before I write anything down about it so that it doesn't just turn in to a rant-fest should be an indicator enough that it wasn't the greatest of vacations.

But I haven't forgotten about this place and I wanted to write something real quick to let whoever still reads these that I haven't gone on hiatus and I'm not planning on disappearing any time soon. Essentially this is a placeholder.

Until then. . .

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Midway goal achieved!
Monday. 10.19.15 8:55 pm
I did it! I lost a full 20 lbs! Only 20{ish} more to go until I hit my goal. I say ish because if I lose a couple more after I reach the 40 lb mark, then so be it.

The first time it truly hit me that I was fat was on May 8th of this year. A couple days prior, I went to the health seminar thing for work, so that they could measure your stats to determine if you get to have money taken off your next year's insurance; which is complete bullshit because they don't measure your true BMI, but whatever. That's neither here nor there. I just assumed that the number on the scale was because it was halfway through the afternoon, I'd eaten food, had water to drink and I was wearing an outfit that I deemed to be heavier than normal. There was no way I weighed that much. Until I went to the doc's office, first thing in the morning, wearing the lightest outfit I could wear in public and the number was only .4 lbs less...

Now, I knew that I was gaining weight; my clothes were fitting tightly, or were no longer fitting comfortably at all so I found myself avoiding certain clothing items. Walking up only a few flights of stairs exhausted me. It was pretty bad. But I didn't think it was as bad until I saw the same number only a few days apart, at two different times of the day, wearing different outfits.

It was at that point, I knew that I needed to make a change. But I'd tried things in the past and it always ended the same way: me just stopping. I'd be really good about it for a month, or three, but then I'd just stop. I wouldn't feel like doing anything anymore, or I'd already overeaten something twice that week, so what was another day? This time would be different, however. This time, I had a support group. And no, not the kind you normally think of when you hear that. I didn't join Weight Watchers, or some other crazy weight loss group that sucks as much money out of you that they can.

I had friends, and coworkers, who were there for me. To listen to me bitch and moan about how tough it was and how I wasn't seeing any results and how hungry I was. They were there to cheer me on when I realized, after a few weeks of light exercise and portion control, that I'd actually lost a couple pounds. I had my sister, from states away, cheering me on and getting on my case about making sure I kept up with her and the 30 day challenges we agreed we'd do together. These people were there on my inevitable fat kid days, like potlucks or weekends when I wanted to go out for drinks.

I started utilizing the workout clothes I'd been acquiring for comfort purposes, for the actual reason they're made the way they are. I began using MyFitnessPal on a daily basis, even on my fat kid days. I'd record everything I consumed, even if it was over the recommended caloric intake for the day. With the help of my coworker, who'd only recently been in the exact same boat as me, I started getting in to healthier habits. She's real about things; she doesn't sugar coat it like most people do when they're afraid of offending you. And that's exactly what I needed. I need the push, the reality of things, in order to get me motivated. And it's made such a huge difference.

I finally took advantage of the free use employee fitness center on a regular basis. Sure, I could lose a lot more weight much more quickly if I actually used the free weights and machines, but I'm not really in to that. At least not right now. Perhaps eventually, but I like doing the exercises that use my own body weight. I use the treadmill while I'm there, for at least 30 minutes. I'm usually on there between 30 and 40 minutes, doing intervals. I'll start with a 5 minute warm up and then interval my way until the cool down period. When I started out doing that, I couldn't go more than 5 minutes at a 4.5 mph pace. Now, I can go for a steady 10 minutes at 5.3 mph pace. This past weekend, I pushed it up just a little more, to a 5.5 mph pace. Every time I increase the speed, I test it out at 5 minutes and keep going until I can't. Then a 3.5 mph walk {I'm short; my legs can only go so fast when walking} for a few minutes before increasing it back up to the faster pace.

It took about a month before I was finally able to gain enough self control to actually begin steadily working on this so I'm counting my first month working on it as June. So between then and now, I'm proud to say that I'm finally under 160 lbs for the first time in over 3 years. The end goal is to be back under 140 lbs. If I keep it up the way I have been, I'll be at that goal by the Spring. It's been a hard road. There's certainly ways that I could do more in order to lose more at a time, but the fact that I'm even doing what I'm doing is more than a lot of people can say.

And for that, I'm quite proud of myself.

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B-day weekend and other happenings
Tuesday. 10.13.15 8:40 pm
I've fallen quite behind on writing stuff here. At least by my standards. I want to write things, but then it just doesn't happen. Oh well, I'm writing now.

So the Sunday after I was sick, I went to the gym. I didn't push myself more than I felt I could handle it. I felt pretty good afterwards ... until about halfway through my shower. I didn't puke again, but I'm sure if there'd been something in my stomach to come back up, it would have. Apparently I'd pushed myself a little too hard a little too soon after having a stomach virus. Oh well. I spent the rest of the day carefully ingesting solid foods and felt better Monday morning.

I woke up at the normal time I do for work, but since I had the day off, I absolutely refused to get up that early. I laid there until I fell back asleep, then woke up around the time that I would have been leaving for work. I said fuck it and laid there until I was motivated enough to get up. I got dressed and headed up to my friend's place so that we could spend the day just hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

We drove out to Leavenworth, since I'd never been, and spent several hours just wandering about. Lunch was yummy; we stopped at a handful of points on the way and back so that I could take pictures. Nearly every picture I took on the birthday mini road trip ended up on Facebook, if you'd like to go check them out. My stomach was still iffy, but at least I could enjoy food again without it coming back up.

The work week was alright; I was offered the new position, which I accepted. I should be transitioning over to it in about a month and a half. I'm still torn, but I know it's a necessary change that has to happen and I'd rather go in to something I at least have some training in, rather than something completely fresh. Less anxiety that way. Still some, but less of it.

This past weekend wasn't the normal payday weekend. I did go grocery shopping; I went to the gym, did laundry, and I hung out with a friend Sunday evening. We watched Brave {which was cute} and Captain America {since I'd not seen it yet.} I wish it hadn't been on a work night so that I could have had more to drink, but I was already out later than I normally would be on a work night so I played it safe and only had a couple drinks.

This coming weekend I'll be hanging out with another friend of mine. I need to get in some quality Yoda time before I go on vacation. I'm starting to get pretty excited about my trip, despite the poor state of my finances. Just spending time away from work and getting to see my family and some old friends will be enough of a boost for my mood. When I get back, I will be saving up as much as possible for the two week trip I have planned next Autumn.

Currently, I'm listening to the 90s Alternative station on Pandora, all thanks to a friend posting something about it. It gave me ideas and I'm glad that I went with it. So much nostalgia! I normally listen to a different station when I'm on the treadmill, but I may have to change it to this station this weekend. We'll see how I feel. I may just stick with the EDM. The music tends to be more motivating with that specific activity. I also tend to want to lip sync to the songs when I know the lyrics and when I'm huffing away at my {current} top speed, it tends to come out as forced whispers. Which is awkward if someone else is in the gym.

Anywho, not much else is going on, really. Birthday weekend was good. I accepted the permanent position within my company, so I'll actually start getting full benefits, rather than the limited stuff I have now. This coming weekend will be nice and it's the last weekend in Seattle before I'm gone for two weeks! I may or may not blog while I'm out of town ... I'm sure I'll have plenty of down time while I'm there. We shall see. I'm going to try to write one more time before I leave, but I'm not sure if I'll have anything worth writing about.

Until then. . .

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Nausea or hunger?
Saturday. 10.3.15 8:51 am
I woke up yesterday morning with an upset stomach. No big deal; it's not the first time I've woken up with an upset stomach. It usually goes away after an hour or so. Yesterday, however, was a different story. After a couple hours, I suddenly felt much worse. I was trying so hard not to puke, but to no avail. I expelled everything in my stomach, which at that time of the day wasn't much.

I went back to my desk and felt so much better. I had a banana, some saltine crackers and a small Gatorade. About an hour later, I started feeling the same as I had when I'd woken up. I decided to go home for lunch and lay down for half an hour, see if maybe that would help. I got home, and threw up again. This time it was only a little bit of the Gatorade. I laid down for about 25 minutes, but at this point I was freezing. It was a little on the chilly side outside, but nothing that would make me this cold.

I got back to work and was still freezing. At this point, I was out of it enough that my coworkers could visibly see it. Barely 30 minutes later, I excuse myself to use the bathroom and pretty much everything that I'd put in to my system came back up. I walked back to the office, tears still glistening in my eyes, pale as a ghost, and my coworker tells me to ask my supervisor if I can go home. I walk down to her office, where two of my other coworkers were having a meeting, interrupt and ask if I can go home. I was shaking at this point, probably from throwing up so many times in so many hours, and I was told that going home was probably a smart idea.

I felt really bad about leaving. Not only am I taking a 2 hour cut in pay {which really isn't that much}, but I'm never this sick. I had to bail on my friend, who'd already paid for my movie ticket. I felt even worse about that than I did leaving work. I was hoping that I might feel better enough to meet up with them anyway, but that wasn't the case. I got home and even with long pants, fuzzy socks, a t-shirt and three blankets, I was still freezing. I passed out almost right after laying down and didn't wake for a solid 3 hours. After that, I drank water in little bits and slowly, so as not to agitate my system. I didn't dare try any kind of food until I'd not had any stomach pain for a while.

Around 8:30, I was finally able to get out from under the covers without shivering and got dressed so that I could go get some soup. I got two cans, and a thing of Gatorade {for today} and made my way back home. The fever had apparently passed because it didn't take me long to warm back up. I was even able to take the socks off because I was getting too warm. I ate about half a can of chicken and rice soup. A couple hours later, I was back in bed and fell asleep pretty damn quickly.

Today, I'm sore. My rib cage hurts from hurling. However, the nausea is gone. Despite the fact that I'm feeling significantly better, I am going to be taking it easy today. I've already had quite a bit of water; I'm slowing working through a banana now. I feel really bad about having left work yesterday and bailing on my friend. I know that I was sick, but I would have felt less bad if the illness had carried over to today. 24 hour stomach bugs are the worst because you feel fine one minute, then really shitty for a day, then the next day it's like nothing had happened.

Hopefully everyone will forgive me. And that I'm not sick again for a long, long time.

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