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welcome to my mind ...

The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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The fam has arrived
Thursday. 7.12.07 6:58 pm
The arrival of the family has made it inevitable that I'll be leaving in three days. I'm thinking that my nerves are kicking in because I've felt sick to my stomach all day.

The tears have come and gone all day. Its mostly because I'm really afraid that I won't see Stuart. I don't think I'd handle it too well if I left Tucson without seeing him.

I am excited for tomorrow, though. Its my last day of freedom and leisure. We're going to the mall. We're going to be seeing Harry Potter 5 first, then we're gonna be going to lunch {I have no idea where yet} and then later in the evening we're going to be going bowling. I'm not sure what we're going to be doing inbetween lunch and bowling, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.

I've just about cried my eyes dry. When I do cry now, I don't cry near as long. I just can't. My eyes get dried out. I've woken up the past two mornings with my eyes dry and hurt, but I can't help it. My mind starts to wander off to the bad and the tears just come. I'm not an optimist; I never have been. Its hard for me to think of a good situation for myself. However, when someone else is having a problem, I can pick out the good in that. Optimism just doesn't work for me.

Alright, I don't know what else to say. I'll write again at some point tomorrow.

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Real quick
Wednesday. 7.11.07 9:52 pm
This won't be very long. I don't have a lot to say.

I started to clean my kitchen today, but lost motivation rather quickly. I got as far as soaking my dishes in the sink. I have a dishwasher, but I don't have enough dishes to run a full load. Its a waste of water {the fact I don't pay for water is completely beside the point} and it saves having to use a detergent pac.

My mom and sister will be in town tomorrow. Tomorrow I need to actually get up and do stuff. I need to finish cleaning my apartment, since I'll be out all day Friday. Tomorrow is payday. I need to turn in my uniforms and pick up my last paycheck. Then I need to decide how much I want to deposit and how much I want to keep out to spend on my final day of leisure. It doesn't really sound like a lot, but it is.

I'm crying more often than not. The last three nights I have spent in tears. And today the tears came early. I'm not crying now, but with the way its been working lately, its too early to start. Either that or my eyes are just too dry. I know part of what it is. My depression mixed with stress, mixed with the knowledge and coming to accept that I probably won't be seeing my friends here ever again. Its a hard thing to accept, no matter how many times you've moved; no matter how many times you've had to say goodbye. Its never easy saying goodbye. But that's a sacrifice you have to deal with making when making the decision to move and start your life elsewhere.

This is it for this entry. I decided to make it a short one since my last few have been fairly long.
Again I want to give kudos to those who read all the way through my last entry, but I'm going to give special kudos to Randomjunk and The-Muffin-Man for commenting on it.

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Transformers ... and other things
Wednesday. 7.11.07 4:18 am
Well today started out with an interesting thing. More annoying/funny, actually.

I went to bed around 4ish, like I have been, but my phone woke me up at around 9:30am. When I answered it, it was Katie returning my call from last night. It was very obvious that she had woken me so she laughed, told me to call her later and go back to sleep. Not even 10 seconds after I end the call with her, I get a text message alert. It was from Stuart asking if I was up.

I sent him a message back "I am now, what's up" He proceeds to tell me that he's chillen out at the DMV so that he can get his ID updated and update their records since his PO got mad at him for not having done it back in December {when he was supposed to update all of his stuff} The texting back and forth goes on for about an hour.

After the texting stopped, I called Katie back. I figured, it had been an hour; I sounded more awake and I was actually coherent. I get her voice mail. I don't leave a message figuring that she'd see the missed call and call back or I'd just end up calling her later. I doze off again at this point.

Around noon, I wake up, look at my phone to see what time it is and see that Katie had returned my call. Why the phone didn't wake me up that time, I'm not sure. I turn over assuming that I would lay there for a minute before I actually got up. Not the case. I dozed off again and didn't wake up till almost 2pm.

About 10, 15 minutes after I got up, I called Katie back. Got her voice mail again. This time I leave a message: "Hahaha, we're playing phone tag. You're it. Call me back" She ends up not calling me back, but I did finally get ahold of her.

Anywho, Tiffany and I went to see Transformers. That movie was the shit! I didn't really have the money to be spending, but I'm glad I spent the money. It was well worth it. Its also a good thing I waited to see it till a week after it came out cuz we were able to actually get good seats even though we didn't get into the theater until about 5 minutes before the movie started.

Friday is the day Katie and I are going out. We're going to see HP5; I already bought the tickets. Tiffany and Lance are going to see it as well and I need to call both Katie and Lance to let them know what time we're all gonna go. Tiff already knows; I told her right after I bought the tickets. Now all I have to do is hope the timing works out in our favor so that there's no complications.

After I got home from the movies, it was about 11:45pm and I was starting to settle into my depression again. I really wanted to see Stuart and with his ankle {which actually isn't that bad; at least it didn't look it} I was having trouble convincing him to come over. I managed to do it tonight though. Instead of staying in my apartment, we drove about 30 minutes north to sneak into this enclosed pool in a fairly nice neighborhood. Its the first time I've ever snuck into any place. If I've snuck into somewhere, then it was so long ago that I don't remember. Even though the night didn't go as well as planned, I enjoyed driving in the car with him. I'm hoping that I get to see him again so that didn't have to be our goodbye. That would definately push me back into a depression.

Well, I started this thing about 15 minutes ago and its now 4:36am so I'm thinking that I pretty much got through most of my day. I watched this really interesting show on Animal Planet about giraffes {I can't wait to go back to school to become a zoologist} And I finally took care of my spaghettio craving. It'll be a while before I crave them again.

Alrighty. I know that was a lot for not a whole lot of events, but kudos to those who read all the way through it. I know I probably wouldn't have. Then again, ya never know. . .

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Monday. 7.9.07 5:47 pm
So today was my first time going to In'N'Out Burger. I love how absolutely simple their menu is. They only make three things there, though. Burgers, fries and shakes. There are only so many combinations you can have.

Tiffany took me. It was supposed to be her, Adrian and I, but Adrian is either busy or out of town until after I leave. It sucks cuz I wanted to say bye to him, but I guess I couldn't say bye to everyone.

After In'N'Out, we went to the other location where Tiff works so that she could put in a request for a few days off. We were only going to be there for a few minutes, but we ended up being there for about an hour. We joked around with Gary and Tori the entire time. I didn't think I'd be saying bye to either of them, but I got to so it was kinda nice.

After that we went to the mall for a little bit. Basic window shopping. Tiff got suckered into buying something from a kiosk. I've never been suckered into buying anything from them, and this time was no different, but Tiff did. It was kind of funny. She bought some bath salt crystal things. They smelled okay so it wasn't a complete waste of money. And the guy trying to sell it to us was kinda cute so I guess it was worth standing there for the 5 minutes it took.

By the time we left the mall it was close to when Tiff had to be at work, so she dropped me off at the store so that I could buy some food and she went off to work. I had a pleasant day. It was nice going out and hanging out with someone different. She's going to see if she can go out Wednesday night so that we can go see Transformers. She's seen it already, but I haven't and its apparently good enough that she's willing to go see it again.

I called Katie and left her a message to call me back. I want to make sure that we're still on for Friday. I hope she calls me back soon.

I'm not sure if I said anything yesterday, but I filled out one application online yesterday and this morning, I got woken up with them calling me. I hated telling them that I wouldn't be in Vegas for another week. Once I get there though, I'm going to be contacting them as soon as I can to let them know that I am in town and to schedule an interview. I'm actually hoping that I get the job. If not, though, there are plenty of other places by my mom's place where I can apply at that aren't food places. {I'm not doing food again; its not bad, if you're into that kind of thing, but its not for me}

I have my hair up again. I didn't put it up while I was out, but just from walking home from the store it was hot so I needed to get it up off my neck. I'm thinking that the next time I go out I'll just put it up before-hand so that I don't have to worry about it. Its still a pain in the ass for me to put it up, but if it means that I'm a little cooler, I'll deal with it.

Okie doke, I'm done with this entry.

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Cleaning, part 1
Sunday. 7.8.07 4:10 pm
I didn't get up early like I wanted to, but I guess I didn't really have to.

I started cleaning up my apartment today. Now, I have to admit, I haven't vacuumed my apartment in months, but I do have a Swiffer Carpet Flick that I've been using. So the floor wasn't a complete mess. It just hadn't been properly vacuumed. Well, I broke out the vacuume today and ran it over my carpet. There are stains on the carpet from previous residents, but it does look cleaner.

I also cleaned up some of the papers I had lying around on my floor and couch. So now the general living area, the part people see the most, is clean. I still have a lot to do, though. My next goal is the kitchen and my desk. After that I shall tackle the bathroom.

I've had my hair pulled back most of the day. I hate having to put my hair up, but when I'm cleaning I need to so that it doesn't get in my face. Once its up though, I usually keep it up for the remainder of the day. Its a convenience. I don't actually mind having my hair up, its actually putting it up that I don't like doing. My hair rarely cooperates with me.

I'm just about out of food again. I need to go to the store, but its too hot right now. I might even put it off some more and go tomorrow.

Tiff and Adrey are supposed to be coming over either tomorrow or Tuesday. We're gonna have an indoor movie day. Since none of us really has any money, we chose to just stay in and watch movies instead of going out and doing something. About all we need to do is put what little money we have together so that we can get some food to munch on. It should be fun. This is the last time I'm going to see either of them so we're gonna hafta make the best of it.

I'm not sure how its going to work, me seeing Stuart again. With him being on crutches, its a challenge for him to get up the stairs to my apartment. And since he lives with his parents {and someone else; I can't remember who} no one really goes to his place. Its too cheesy {and too expensive} for us to stay at a hotel for a night. And I don't know of anywhere else we could go. Maybe, if he's stubborn enough to want to still play hockey on a messed up ankle, he'll be stubborn enough to come upstair to my place. But, unfortunately, I'm afraid its not going to happen. I really want to see him again before I leave.

I guess that's it for today. I can't really think of anything else to say.

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Saturday. 7.7.07 4:13 pm
I have decided that I'm going to simply relax today. Oddly enough, I'm very calm right now. Calm and content. I've had two days {yesterday and today} to relax and do nothing so tomorrow I'm going to start cleaning up my apartment.

I've done my laundry already today. I washed my uniform shirts and apron seperately from the rest of my clothes so that I can start to wash the smell of work out of my normal clothes. I have folded all my uniform shirts and apron and placed them in a bag so I can easily return them. I'm still debating whether to bring them up in the next couple days or to just wait and bring them in when I go to pick up my check. At this point in time, if I do bring them up before Thursday, it'll be at night so that I don't have to deal with the hot sun.

The last two nights {Thursday and last night} I've been staying up till 4, 4:30am. Yesterday I got up around 11am, but today I wasn't up till almost 1pm. I'm probably going to be up just as late tonight since I didn't wake up till late, but I'm going to make myself get up in the morning so that I can start cleaning.

My tattoo has healed completely. Its been healed for about a week now, but I've just forgotten to mention it in my entries. I like how its still elevated a little so if you run your fingers over it, you can feel exactly where the ink has set in.

The Slim Fast bars that I got seem to be helping my random hunger pangs. If I eat one first thing in the morning, or shortly after I get up, I find that I'm not wanting to snack on things throughout the day.

I'm actually sort of glad that there's nothing on TV right now cuz it gives me the chance to listen to my techno music. I have the TV on, but its muted. At 6, though, I'll be shutting the music off and unmuting the TV so that I can watch Scrubs. Its probably going to be episodes that I've already seen, but no matter. They're all pretty funny.

Okay, this one isn't as long as the one from yesterday and I'll keep it that way. Till tomorrow ...

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