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The weather
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Oh? Oh. . .
Tuesday. 9.17.14 9:29 pm
That was my manager's reaction when I told him that tomorrow would be my last day. He was given basically a two month notice and with next week being my last scheduled "week" {the whole two days} he shouldn't have been terribly shocked that I wasn't going to come in next week. I guess it just throws him off because that means he has to prepare my exit interview early. Whatever. I gave them 9 months longer than I originally planned. They should be happy that I stayed as long as I did.

It won't affect my income much because it would have been all of 8 hours and after taxes, I'd have gotten maybe $60. So I'll make sure to pack my own lunch for work for a couple weeks until I can figure out how I want to budget everything. The hardest transition will be getting used to only getting a paycheck every other week, rather than the full time job one week and the part time job the next. Still, it'll be awesome not having to deal with late nights with a quick turn around in to the next work day just to do it all over again the next day. It'll also be awesome having my full weekend and the ability to go to bed early if I please.

I'm slowly making plans to fill in my extended birthday weekend. I have plans the first day, Friday and plans the last day, Monday. Now to figure out Saturday and the actual day of. Fuck it. I'm just playing by ear. I know what I want for dinner and where I want to eat and if I'm alone, then so be it. I sure as fuck hope I'm not alone, but whatever. It's my birthday and I'm doing what I want, regardless if I have awesome company or not. {please keep your fingers crossed that I have awesome company}

Anywho, I need to get something to eat while I wait for my hair to dry enough to sleep comfortably. Tomorrow there's an actual chance of rain. . .we'll see how accurate their forecast is.

Until then. . .

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Weight lifted
Monday. 9.15.14 6:38 pm
Oddly enough, really oddly enough, after last night's whole ordeal I'm feeling so much better today. I woke up in a shit mood, but as the day progressed, I thought about it more and I realized that I was okay with my current situation. Despite the circumstances and consequences {he's still talking to me; it's just going to be a few days} I'm currently dealing with, I'm actually okay.

It's a really strange feeling. I guess I didn't realize just how much that was bothering me until after shit hit the fan. It's out in the open now and there's no taking it back. However, I am still pretty damn nervous about the next time we actually see each other cuz who the fuck knows how that's gonna go. I'm hoping for fantastic.

I went and got my SIM card replaced today. I was going to wait until the weekend, but my phone tripped out like 3 times while I was at work so I decided to get it taken care of today. I also finally cleaned the interior of my car windows. Now to hope the rain washes the outside of the windows. Well, I just hope it rains when they say it's supposed to. Come on Wednesday ...

Even after my phone fucking up 3 times, I still was reluctant when I got home to want to go back out in to the hot sun, but after a dream jarred me awake, I said fuck it and went out. I almost don't want to go to sleep tonight for fear of the dream invading my subconscious again, but I have to sleep. Perhaps I'll try out more of the purple stuff. If I allow myself to relax, it's actually rather effective.

Alright, time to kill some time until I have to go to sleep. Both jobs tomorrow. Joy.

Until then. . .

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What have I done?
Sunday. 9.14.14 8:28 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Resisting temptation
Sunday. 9.14.14 4:13 pm
I'm doing it again, but instead of avoiding it became I'm ridiculously depressed and torn apart, I'm doing it to, more or less, test my will power. I will inevitably fail at this current challenge. I might get to about where I did last week, but at least my mood is a little different about it.

I have to look at this from the friend perspective and in thinking about it, I don't like where it's going. At least not right now because I want more from it. This was the first time I'd ever experienced such compassion from another human being toward me and in the very short period of exposure, I became, for lack of a better term, addicted to it. I know it'll get better, but for now, I really don't like it.

I really need to go clean the inside of my car windows, but this ridiculous heat and sun has me cowering inside. I wanted to see how I felt about doing it today after I took a nap, but I woke up, saw that the sun was still shining bright and immediately said, "nope." It's supposed to rain on Wednesday. It sure as fuck can't come soon enough. Since it'll be even hotter and somehow sunnier tomorrow, the windows won't be getting cleaned then either. Then with both jobs taking up my time Tuesday and Wednesday, it looks like the cleaning will just have to wait until Thursday. *shrugs*

Speaking of two jobs, I checked my schedule online and it appears that I will only be working this week and next week, rather than this, next and the week after. October 1st was supposed to be my last day so Tuesday the 30th and Wednesday the 1st was supposed to be my final week. However, in looking at the online scheduled, I'm not on those days. I'll have to confer with the paper schedule printed, but it appears that they finally did cut my hours back like I assumed they'd have done shortly after I gave my notice. I guess calling off for yesterday was kind of the final straw for them. Oops. In my defense, I really wasn't feeling all that well. But bad Chinese food sounds better than cramps.

It'll take some getting used to not having a second income, but I need to work on budgeting anyway and this will be a good, forced way of doing so. I have an appointment on Friday to take affirmative action in getting my credit fixed and now that I'm older and more responsible, I feel like it'll be a good lesson in self control. A good test to see if I'm capable of being a responsible adult and sticking to my guns. I'm determined at the moment so we'll see if it holds up and for how long.

Alright, it's time to find something to kill time. Once it starts being all cold and rainy again, I'll be more tempted to go outside. Or even just below 70. This heat can go fuck itself.

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And ... repeat
Saturday. 9.13.14 10:43 am
Today is going to be a mirror image of yesterday, with the possibility of it being hotter outside and also sans the Chinese food. It didn't taste horrible; I've certainly had worse Chinese food, but I'm most likely never going to eat from there again. Desperation will bring me elsewhere. Or, I just won't eat. See? This is why I only like to try new food places when someone else suggests it. Odds are, the food will be better.

I've also completed my laundry and don't really have any more shows to watch on Hulu. I'm also not getting dressed ... so a mirror image of yesterday, but significantly more boring. I'm not feeling fantastic so it's probably for the best. I was actually supposed to go out today, but I think I'm going to cancel. This is the first weekend in who knows how many weeks where I haven't had to get up and be anywhere so I'm going to take advantage of it and rest. Perhaps I'll be feeling better tomorrow. Physically, at least. Going back to work will create a fucking fantastic effect on my mental health.

I completely missed the chance at seeing the Northern Lights last night. My cramps started to get to me enough that laying down was the best thing for me. I was asleep before 11 and I'm fairly certain that I slept through until 7. At least, I don't remember waking up in the middle of the night. I stayed in bed and dozed off and on again until around 10. At least I didn't have any startling dreams this time. I did dream, but I wasn't rudely snapped back to consciousness.

Alright, I've managed to get sidetracked and have since forgotten where I planned on going with this so I guess that's it. I'll add in an edit later if I feel it necessary.

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In limbo
Friday. 9.12.14 2:04 pm
I'm currently in a very strange state of being okay and being very not okay. This morning, when I first woke up, I was very not okay. I actually decided right then that I was going to just stay in bed the whole day and hide under the covers. I dozed off an on for a few hours before finally having a dream that startled me awake so I changed my mind about staying in bed. I didn't want to have to deal with that kind of dream again so I got up.

I showered and shaved, ensuring that absolutely nothing would happen this weekend. 90% of the time, when I shave, nothing happens. I don't want anything to happen this weekend so I'm making sure of it. *see the Murphy's Law entry for reference*

I ordered food for delivery. The reviews on Yelp were mostly bad, but I don't really give a shit at this point. I wanted something new and instead of venturing out and finding it on my own, I limited myself to whatever would deliver to my place of residence; which, considering I'm not that close to the city, limits it quite a bit. So I guess we'll see just how awful the food is that I'll be getting.

My laundry is done for the weekend and I have no plans until I go back to work. I'm still not feeling well. My nose started bleeding again from blowing it so often. This stupid weather is back to being hot and sunny again. And will be like this until sometime in the middle of next week.

I'm just in a very apathetic mood right now. I'd only be slightly less so if it were cold and cloudy and rainy.

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