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my temporary resignation
Monday. 7.6.09 5:36 pm
I'm feeling very resigned right now. I suppose giving up would be a good way to word it too.

I'm sick of trying for things and getting nowhere.

I'm also feeling pretty shitty right now because I'm coming to realize that 95% of the text message conversations I have, I initiate them. I think my plan right now is to not text anyone and to see how long it takes for someone to text me. {I'm excluding my mom and sister from this}

I have a feeling I'm in for more disappointment. Especially when it comes to me realizing I have absolutely no life.

I've pretty much decided on where I want to move to next summer. I'm going to talk to someone about possibly getting a place to stay when I first get up there. But I won't bring it up until later in the year. I'm still going to be trapped in Las Vegas until July of next year, when my lease is up.

The question now is: Is it really, truly giving up and moving on when you still have hopes?

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day 185
Saturday. 7.4.09 2:32 pm
Today is the 185th day of the year 2009. What significance does it hold? The USA has been independent for 233 years now. Why is that special? Well, I don't really know. Nor do I feel like researching it to explain.

Anywho, today is my mom's and her husband's one year wedding anniversary and I decided to take them out for lunch. We went to the Santa Fe Station Casino Buffet for brunch. It wasn't cheap, but the food was good. I also wasn't hungry, but I think I took enough advantage of the variety. This is the first time in a while, though, that I haven't gotten a desert at the buffet. I just wasn't feeling it today. Besides, I still have Half Baked in my freezer.

Today also would have been my grandparents' 68th wedding anniversary, but sadly they both have already passed. Could you imagine? 68 years is a long time.

I don't have any plans for the rest of the day. I was hoping to spend it with Brian, but I have serious doubts. He has to actually answer my texts before we can plan time together. I still don't get why he would say yes to hanging out with me and then avoid doing so. If he didn't want to, I would have been perfectly okay with him saying no. I was fully expecting it. But when he said yes, that made me happy. And I'm not sure if he realizes it, but until it finally happens, I'm not going to stop bugging him about it. The more he avoids it, the more I'll pursue.

I suppose I could drive up to the complete other side of town tonight to watch the fireworks go off all over the city {there's this place just off the highway where you can see most of the city} but I'm not sure if I want to do that. I'll probably just end up staying home, getting drunk and watching the fireworks on TV.

Right now, though, after all that buffet food, I think it's nap time.

Hope everyone in the states has a good 4th of July.

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stuck in limbo
Tuesday. 6.30.09 5:34 pm
I'm at the point right now where I'm tired and I'm sure I could fall asleep if I layed down, but I'm not actually sleepy enough to purposly lay down.

I've been talking to about 4 different people through text and they've all suddenly stopped. Like, all at once. It's a little frustrating. I'm waiting on answers from two people and I'm half expecting responses from the other two. But I'm stuck. I don't want to text them again until I get responses, but if I don't get anything in the next half hour, I'm considering doing so.

I've been listening to the new single, New Divide by Linkin Park, over and over again. I'm pretty sure I'll reach a point where I don't want to listen to the song again, but right now I can't get enough of it. I heard it once, on the radio, and I was hooked. This was before I saw the movie {which, by the way, was spectacular.}

Today is the anniversary of my Dad's death. It's been 14 years. I was hoping to hang out with some people today, but everyone is busy. I keep forgetting it's the middle of the week and everyone that isn't me actually has shit to do in the afternoon. As long as I don't completely focus on what happened, I won't break down. A very small part of me wants to, though. RIP Dad. I love you.

It's getting hot outside now. We've hit triple digits and it's looking to stay that way for a couple months, at least. It's sad when you walk out of your house at 2:30 in the morning and start sweating before you reach your car. Either way. As long as the AC in my apartment and my car work, then I'm okay. I'll still complain, but not as much.

Yeah, I think that's it for today.

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new plates
Monday. 6.29.09 1:51 pm
Well, I have new tags on my car and it is registered through next July. Even though it didn't take very long at the DMV, it was still a pain in the ass having to go up there. I think I was done within an hour.

Hopefully I won't have to go up there again until next year when I have to register my car again.

I don't actually have a whole lot to update on. Perhaps I'll add more later if something comes to mind.

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have you ever had to file a police report?
Saturday. 6.27.09 8:03 pm
I haven't ... until today.

This morning when I left my house to go out and do stuff, I noticed the license plate on the back of my car was gone. The front one was still there, but it didn't have a registration sticker on it so apparently it didn't benefit the person who stole the back plate.

I called 911 and was told because the car isn't gone, just the plates, it wasn't an emergency and to call 311. I didn't think about calling the non-emergency number, I just wanted to notify the police. So I call the non-emergency number and they tell me I have to go to the police station and file a report.

The closest one wasn't that far from me, but it was not the way I wanted to start my day. I spent about half an hour at the police station, got my report, was told to take the other tag off my car and to get new ones ASAP.

The problem? I don't have the money for new plates until the middle of next month. Another problem? It's Saturday. The DMV isn't open tomorrow. I have to work Monday morning. Until I can figure out how to get the money sooner than the middle of July, I'm going to have to drive around without plates on my car. And only a police report stating it's okay that I don't have them, for now.

I was lucky enough not to have gotten pulled over today. But what about tomorrow? Or the day after?

I'm beginning to really hate Vegas. As soon as my lease is up {unless I can come up with enough money to break the lease and move} I'm leaving the state. I've given myself until my birthday to figure out where I want to move to. At this point I've narrowed it down to either the Pacific Northwest or the Atlantic Northeast. Either way, it'll be close enough to the coast.

Today was not the best of days, to say the least. I can only hope tomorrow brings good news.

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meh! random thoughts and such
Wednesday. 6.24.09 2:45 pm
Alright, so I'm really bored right now. I just had some ramen noodles and I'm full, but I want cereal too. Maybe in a little bit.

I'm tired. Perhaps instead of eating I'll just lay down.

No one is texting me right now. That's not helping the boredom.

I'm dealing with some personal issues right now. I'm sure I'll get them figured out. Eventually. . . Or so I can hope.

It's kinda cloudy outside. If only it would rain. But if it does rain, I better be awake to experience it.

Sometimes I wish I was a man. I don't like dealing with the emotions that run through my mind. Being emotional isn't always a blast.

Today was a really long day at work. I hope tomorrow is better. It's Thursday so I at least get ice cream. I think i'll bring in an extra quarter or two so I can get a better kind of ice cream.

If you haven't guessed already, the mood to this entry is really blah. Pretend it's just one, big, giant

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