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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Wups, sorry about that.
Monday. 9.22.14 9:16 pm
Try again.

What was I thinking? This is probably the best thing for me to do when I'm in a place like this. Writing for me is an outlet, albeit not the one that I want, but still an outlet.

I'm not okay right now.

But I will be.

It'll take time and a lot of days that are going to be harder than others. And a lot of days that will be easier than others. But I know that I will be okay.

My 28th birthday is in 13 days. I see nothing special about turning 28. I'd rather just skip ahead to 29. And then to 31. There's really nothing special about the even numbers. I'm not sure why, but I've always been more partial to odd numbers. The numbers 3, 5, 7. Really, any odd number. I'm not sure exactly how long ago this started, but it's been going on for at least a decade. Or just shy of one. When I first moved out on my own is the first time I can remember being partial to odd numbers. I looked a lot more forward to being 19 than I was 18. I ate cookies in odd numbers, I arranged decor in odd numbers. Right now I have 9 puzzles on my shelf. I own 9 pairs of shoes; I own 6 jackets, but only wear 5 of them. I own 9 bras. I have no clue how many pairs of underwear I own, but I'm going to guess it somehow comes out to an odd number. Today was an even numbered day and I'm not okay with that. Tomorrow will be better. Simply because it's the 23rd.

I own two pairs of jeans, two pairs of shorts, two pairs of exercise pants and one pair of khakis, just to throw off the balance. You get the gist.

However, my zodiac is the scales. It's the only one that is an object, not a living thing. My whole life is about balance. And when things get out of balance, it tears me to pieces. Until I can somehow regain control and figure out how to make sure things are balanced.

Today was supposed to be my birthday. It was my original due date. Mom always told people that I would be an October baby, but no one believed her. Well look at me, proving them all wrong. I'm a procrastinator by birth. It's in my blood.

And now I'm not making any sense. But that's the whole point in this, right? It makes sense to me. My ramblings. It helps to get them out.

I'm not okay right now.

But I will be.

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Challenge over
Saturday. 9.20.14 7:19 am
I'm ending the challenge. I'm just not in the right place of mind to keep writing every day. I'm going on hiatus for a bit. At least until I'm okay again. It could be a while.

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The day after
Friday. 9.19.14 1:25 pm
I have no idea why I drink enough to get drunk. There's no satisfaction in getting drunk. Tipsy, yes. Drunk? I'm getting too old for this shit. Despite all this I did have a good time, but I will have to watch myself next time I consume any kind of alcohol.

I woke up this morning in another panic. Stupid dreams. I wish I didn't have them. The good ones are too far and few between to make me want to keep having dreams. I'd rather just not. My stomach hates me this morning. I guess that's one positive about when I get drunk; I don't get headaches. I just get bad stomach aches. It's making me rethink the invitation I accepted to go to a brewery the Friday before my birthday.

I need to go to the bank at some point soon. Just the basics. Rebuilding my credit will have to wait another month because my check was less than normal due to the three days off I took early this month. And with my final check from Sam's coming next week and the rent having to come out of the next regular check I get, it'll be the middle of the month before I have any expendable income. Hell, I'll probably have to rethink my sushi birthday dinner due to my lack of finances.

I'm in a fuck it all mood today, if it's not already ridiculously obvious enough by the tone of this blog. I have a feeling it's going to carry over in to tomorrow and the next day and who the fuck knows how much of next week.

Until then. . .

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New resolve
Thursday. 9.18.14 11:22 pm
I am definitely inebriated. I probably should have waited another hour or so before driving home, but I'm home now and it's too late to go back in time. Just like walking when drunk, I can drive within the lines, even at my normal speed.

Work was uneventful until the very end of the shift. Then it got kind of busy, but whatever. That's kind of how things go there. It wasn't very exciting. Just a typical code. My relief was actually on time; early, in fact, so I was able to leave a good 5 minutes early. It was a nice way to start my weekend.

I came home for about an hour before driving up to pick up my new glasses. I'll start getting used to them tomorrow. . . maybe. I might just wait a couple more weeks. I really like them, but I do still kind of want to wait until my birthday weekend before I get used to them. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. The guy at the eye place said it should only take a few hours to adjust to the new prescription before I'm okay to drive, since it's not that much stronger.

After that I sat in traffic for what was probably an hour before making it to the mall that I've only been to once. I bought some new earrings that I'll definitely take advantage of tomorrow. I met up with my friend and we got drinks and snacks. Both of us had eaten before meeting up so dinner was not really necessary. After that we drove to this country bar that neither of us had been to and got more drinks. It was necessary for me to get out and distract myself.

Distance is necessary in my recovery and I'm standing my ground! This could be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty stuck in what I plan on doing. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. There's errands to run and then like, 5 hours of shows on Hulu to catch up on. Then I have the walk to do on Saturday morning before I figure out what to do with the rest of my day. Then Sunday is back to work.

Alright. I'm making a lot of mistakes and it's a sign that I really need to pass out.

Until tomorrow. . .

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Liberated
Wednesday. 9.17.14 9:46 pm
I'm not longer employed by the Walmart Corporation. I'm sure it'll completely sink in the second week in October, when I go my first week without a paycheck in between the regular checks. It'll sink in next week when I know I don't have to go anywhere after work Tuesday or Wednesday.

Funny enough, I'm actually fairly busy from now until next weekend. I have plans after work tomorrow, errands to run on Friday, plans on Saturday and then back to work Sunday, with plans afterwards. Monday through Thursday I don't have anything going on so I'm probably going to take full advantage and sleep after work each day. Just simply because I now can.

I'm rather annoyed at my current personal situation and it's more because of a gut feeling I'm seriously hoping is wrong, but there's a possibility I'm, at least, somewhat correct. I can't find out yet, though. Perhaps next week. Or the week after. Hey, that'd be one hell of a fucked up birthday present. Finding out that a horrible gut feeling was correct and losing important people from my life.

Maybe I'll wait until after my birthday ... I just have to hope I can quash this feeling long enough to get me through until then.

Anywho, I'm going to try focusing on as much positive as I can over the next couple weeks. Here's to hoping I can keep up the charade.

Until tomorrow. . .

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Oh? Oh. . .
Tuesday. 9.17.14 9:29 pm
That was my manager's reaction when I told him that tomorrow would be my last day. He was given basically a two month notice and with next week being my last scheduled "week" {the whole two days} he shouldn't have been terribly shocked that I wasn't going to come in next week. I guess it just throws him off because that means he has to prepare my exit interview early. Whatever. I gave them 9 months longer than I originally planned. They should be happy that I stayed as long as I did.

It won't affect my income much because it would have been all of 8 hours and after taxes, I'd have gotten maybe $60. So I'll make sure to pack my own lunch for work for a couple weeks until I can figure out how I want to budget everything. The hardest transition will be getting used to only getting a paycheck every other week, rather than the full time job one week and the part time job the next. Still, it'll be awesome not having to deal with late nights with a quick turn around in to the next work day just to do it all over again the next day. It'll also be awesome having my full weekend and the ability to go to bed early if I please.

I'm slowly making plans to fill in my extended birthday weekend. I have plans the first day, Friday and plans the last day, Monday. Now to figure out Saturday and the actual day of. Fuck it. I'm just playing by ear. I know what I want for dinner and where I want to eat and if I'm alone, then so be it. I sure as fuck hope I'm not alone, but whatever. It's my birthday and I'm doing what I want, regardless if I have awesome company or not. {please keep your fingers crossed that I have awesome company}

Anywho, I need to get something to eat while I wait for my hair to dry enough to sleep comfortably. Tomorrow there's an actual chance of rain. . .we'll see how accurate their forecast is.

Until then. . .

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