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welcome to my mind ...

The weather
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Today was not bad...
Wednesday. 3.21.07 7:37 pm
But it wasn't good either. I worked, which meant that my day was not a good one. However, the day started out well and it stayed decent throughout the day.

I was woken up this morning by my phone alerting me that I had a new text message. Since it was about 8:45am, I was expecting it to be Steve asking me to go in early, but when I opened the phone it said one new message from Stuart. This got my attention {cuz I wasn't quite awake yet} and I thought to myself, 'He texted me on his own? Without my prompting him?'

That started a 3 hour long conversation through text messaging. Just back and forth with the text messaging. It was really nice. After the three hours, the messages slowed a bit, but they didn't stop.

Then he came up to the store to get some lunch. So not only did I wake up to him texting me, and kept the conversation going, but I got to see him too. He hung out for a bit to eat and then he was back off to his work. That was one of the best parts of the day.

Work wasn't busy, but it was constant. It made it a little difficult to get things done in a timely fashion. But after staying about half an hour after my shift was over, everything was finally done. I don't have to work until tomorrow evening, so I get to sleep in.

Oh, so I have this notebook/journal thing that I write in {I've mentioned it before} and when I got my computer I pretty much stopped writing in it. Well, I've noticed recently that even after writing stuff on here, I still write about stuff in the notebook. Its not really a big deal, but ... I dunno. Whatever.

I guess that's it. I'll write again whenever.

EDIT: It was overcast, windy and cooler. The weather made the day a little better too.

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a day off
Tuesday. 3.20.07 3:44 pm
Ok, so I know that I've been talking here and there about how I haven't been eating, due to lack of appetite, and I haven't been dreaming cuz I really haven't been sleeping; I've just been having elongated states of unconsciousness.

Well, I'm eating on a regular basis again. I'm acutally gonna be getting some Arby's when I'm done with this entry.

And I guess I actually slept last night cuz I had a weird ass dream. Then again just now, I took a short nap and I had yet another really weird ass dream.

Last night's dream, I was at a school. My sister's school, to be exact, and I had to go get her from the class to let her know that it was time to go. I have no idea why cell phones weren't just used. But anywho, I was walking down the halls, like I had been there before; like I had been a student. I got to her class and there were only 3 people plus the teacher. The other two people with my sister were her friends, so when my sister left, her friends went with her. I was left alone in the room with the teacher ... who, after a few moments, I realized I knew. I had known this person when I went to school. They were one of my former classmates.

I flirted a bit, we exchanged phone numbers and when I decided that I had been there long enough and had to go, he advanced me. It kept me there another few minutes. Those few minutes were just long enough for my sister and her friends to get out to the car and wonder where I was. Then began the text messaging. First, I got a simple text, 'hey, where'd you go?' When I didn't respond, I got another few asking if I had gotten lost and that I needed to hurry up, we'd be late. After I managed to convince my 'old, new friend' that he could just call me later, I answered back 'I'm on my way.' It took me another few minutes to finally leave the room.

When I got back to the car, I had 3 pissed off people wondering where I had been, what took me so long and why I hadn't answered the text messages. I lied and said that I needed to go to the bathroom and had gotten lost trying to find my way back.

That was the end. I woke up after that. But the dream I had during my nap was even weirder. It was based around today.

I walked outside around dusk, but it was more towards the night end of dusk. There was one cop car on the road, and nothing else. There wasn't even cars in the store plaza parking lot across the street. Nothing. It was completely dark, quiet and empty. It was eerie.

I go back inside and suddenly I get a knock on my door. It startled me cuz just a minute ago, there was no one out there. When I opened the door, it was an old friend who I hadn't seen in a bit. I invited her in and we just hung out and watched TV. After playing a quick game on the comp, she said she had some stuff to do and left. I walked outside with her and everything was back to normal, only there had apparently been an accident cuz there was a fire truck and an ambulence and a small crowd. I walked over to the edge of the walkway to see if I could see what was going on, but I when I couldn't I just went back inside.

Then I woke up. Freakin weird. I go, what, 2 weeks without a dream and then I have two really weird ones? Whatever.

I'm pretty sure Stuart isn't going to call me cuz its Tuesday and he's got league hockey today. If he does, it'd be a great surprise. I'd be very happy. But I'm not expecting it.

Alrighty, I've made this much too long. Kudos to any of you who actually read the whole thing.

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Sweet, sweet air
Monday. 3.19.07 6:45 pm
My aparmtents turned the AC on! Finally. Its been on for about an hour and my apartment is getting all nice and cool. It feels so good. I'm happy about that.

The day was crazy slow. We did hardly any business and there wasn't a lot of prep to do. It wasn't bad though. I wasn't really up to working anyway. Gary had somewhat of an interesting day, though.

He had not one, but two nose bleeds to deal with. It was disgusting. Both times it took about 15 minutes for them to stop. So I guess its a good thing there wasn't much to do.

I'm off work tomorrow. There are some things that they have to do tomorrow that could have been done today, but we didn't have the supplies for it. And our food order didn't come in till late, so those few things didn't get done. Oh well. It shouldn't be a big deal for them. Its a good {or at least decent} crew tomorrow. They can handle it.

I felt like texting Stuart earlier, but I decided not to. I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. Oh well. Maybe he'll text or call me.

Alright, I'm gonna go enjoy my AC. I'll write more tomorrow.

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Steady
Sunday. 3.18.07 7:49 pm
I was opening manager today. Gary and I switched shifts; I opened for him and he's closing for me. I was fine with it cuz there's a show I want to watch tonight and I wouldn't have been able to if I had to work. Besides, today wasn't all that busy. Well, it didn't feel busy. The numbers said otherwise. And its not like I was going to see Stuart cuz Gary gave him the day off.

Stuart called me though. Asking me who was working tonight cuz he was thinking about going in and getting food. He didn't go and if he did, it was after I had already left.

I'm starting to get annoyed by this off and on thing that seems to be happening. One day it seems to be working and that there's a chance, then the next nothing. Its really starting to get on my nerves.

*sigh*

Anywho, I have to work tomorrow; nothing out of the ordinary. I don't really even have a whole ton of stuff to say.

So I guess that's it for tonight. I'll write again whenever.

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5 liters
Saturday. 3.17.07 7:03 pm
Today was so hot. My apartments are gay cuz they haven't turned on the AC yet. I called the office this morning to see when it would be turned on and she said Monday, Tuesday at the latest. That's ridiculous. It should have been turned on a week ago. But whatever.

Because there's no air flow going through my apartment {even with a ceiling fan and a window open} I just kept drinking water. I've drank 5 one liter bottles of water so far and I'll probably go through another 2 before I go to bed. At least I know I won't be dehydrated.

Gary just called me three times, twice to go up there tonight and then once to tell me not to worry about it and to see if I just wanted to switch shifts with him tomorrow. I really don't want to open tomorrow cuz I want to be able to sleep in, but I made the decision up to Gary whether he wanted to or not. He's going to get drunk tonight and doesn't want to go in to work hung over. Whatever. I guess it doesn't matter either way. Stuart isn't working tomorrow and that's the main reason why I like working Sunday nights. Soo I have to open manager tomorrow.

I can't complain enough about this heat. I don't hardly ever put my hair up when I don't have to, but it was just too hot to keep it down. I've been wearing my swimsuit all day too. Clothes are too hot. Ugh!!!

I have nothing to write about. I guess this means this entry is done.

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Friday
Friday. 3.16.07 8:18 pm
Today started out good. I was a little hung over, but nothing too bad; nothing I couldn't handle. After a couple hours my hang over was gone.

Everyone was in good moods, so that helped the atmosphere. Gary was being very talkative after not having worked the last two days. It was kinda funny.

The day got even better around 3:30. I was standing at the register helping a customer when my phone started ringing. I silenced it before they could hear it and a minute later I heard my phone alert me that whoever had called left me a message. I was confused cuz everyone who calls me knows that I work on Friday and they know that I work all day and into the night.

So after I finished with the customer, I went in the back to see who called and to listen to the message. I opened my phone and looked at the missed calls list. It said Stuart. Stuart called me! And he left a message! My face lit up.

I got permission to check my voicemail {cuz we're not supposed to be on the phone while we're working} and it was a pretty long message. Basically Stuart wanted to call out cuz he fucked up his leg earlier today while playing hockey. So I called him back and told him that all he had to do was come in for a couple hours cuz he was training someone and that he didn't even have to move around; he could make his trainee do all the hard work.

He said okay and for a few more minutes we talked about his day. I loved every minute of it. Then about 15 minutes later he called back to ask something about coming in early so that he could leave earlier than he usually does. Gary and Erin were fine with that. So he called me twice. I was so happy.

That was the end of the happiness, though. The night shift started and everyone's attitudes went down, like they usually do. Stuart came in {sort of limping around, but not too much} and I was happy to see him. I asked what he was doing after work and if he was up to calling me, maybe we could hang out. He said no and all I said was okay. I didn't bother to hide the tone in my voice nor the look on my face. I was upset by it, but I wasn't going to push my luck so that was the end of the convo right there.

I hate not knowing. I hate how one minute it seems as though it might go somewhere, and then the next I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Its starting to bother me. I realize that if its meant to happen it will and that patience pays off and that time will tell, but I'm starting to run out of patience and time. I leave in 4 months. 4 months from now, I'll be leaving for Vegas and a few weeks later, he'll be leaving to go into basic training. So I'm starting to run short on time. But I don't want to push my luck and its hard for me not to call him or text him just whenever I feel like it.

Fuck. I hate situations like this. I wasn't even supposed to get myself into a situation like this; where I like someone. But now that I'm in it, I'm having trouble getting it to go somewhere or to just simply get myself out of it.

Alright, I'm done. This entry is long enough anyway. I'll probably write some on either Bug or Blackfire later on. If not then I'll just write tomorrow.

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