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Mmm, tasty!
Thursday. 6.14.07 11:35 am
I finally took care of my hot dog craving. But I have a feeling that three was too much cuz now I'm overly full. But not too full for chocolate! Reese's Big Cups are delicious.

I'm not very happy with the cable company right now cuz they're doing scheduled weekly tests of the emergency alert system. It keeps interupting a Scrubs episode that I actually haven't seen. Its annoying me. I guess I can watch it online, but its not the same. And I have to actually search for the episode. Oh well.

Today is payday. I get to flirt with the guys at the bank. They keep bugging me to give them a free pizza and I thought of a bribe. I doubt very much if the one guy will go for it, but its worth a try. I want to go out to the movies and I want this one guy to take me. If he does, I'll get them a free pizza. If not then oh well. It can't hurt to try right?

I have one month left in Tucson. I have 3 weeks left at my job. I'm getting a little nervous about getting everything done accordingly when I get out there. It won't be a vacation. It will be my life. I'm sure everything will work out, but I'm still a little nervous.

I had a dream about David last night. I don't really remember where we were or what happened, but I remember that it ended with us kissing. Its unfortunate that the dream felt real. I only wish it would become a reality.

That's it for now. I can't think of anything else to say.

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apparently its changed
Wednesday. 6.13.07 7:38 pm
But I don't want to jinx it. Last Wednesday and today were just chaotic. It was non-stop the whole day. No, I didn't feel like I was doing four different people's jobs this time, but I just felt like I couldn't catch up. I didn't have time to stop. I think I maybe took a 2 minute breather, but other than that, I didn't stop the whole day.

Usually its Thursdays that I have problems with, but not lately. I'm only hoping that tomorrow will be somewhat relaxing. And hopefully something good will happen. What, I don't know, but it would be nice if something good happened. Payday is tomorrow, but I want something else that's good to happen.

Last Comic Standing is on tonight. Its an all new season. I hope that the people are funny. I could use a good laugh.

Uhm ... it was frickin hot today. Its that time of year where the temperatures won't go below 100 duing the day. And the lows at night won't be any lower than 90. I hate the heat. Damn desert.

Yep, I guess that's it. I'm drawing a blank on what to say.

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Meh {edit}
Tuesday. 6.12.07 6:04 pm
America's Got Talent is on tonight. I hope that the people who are auditioning are better than the people from last week's episode.

I worked today. Its usually my day off, but I needed hours and they needed the shift covered so I worked it. I also did it because it meant that I got to work with Mark again. I like working with him cuz he's funny, cute and he's a good worker. He'll help out where he can and it just makes the day more pleasant.

I'm just about over being pissed off at Justin. Its a waste of my time and energy to be pissed off at something like this. If I don't talk to him again before I leave, I won't be affected by it. I'm completely done with him.

Stuart hasn't come over yet. I was actually glad that he was at home when I texted him last night cuz I was able to get sleep. If he had been out, the chances of him coming over would have been higher, but usually once he's at home, he doesn't go out again. As much as I want to see him, I don't want him to come over tonight either. I need to work in the morning and I want to sleep again tonight.

I've had a craving for hot dogs for the last two days, but I haven't gotten to the store yet. I was going to go yesterday, but I decided against it. Then I was going to go today, but being the procrastinator that I am, I put it off till tomorrow. I'm going to have to go to the store tomorrow, though, cuz I'll be out of food by then. I'm looking forward to taking care of my hot dog craving.

Anywho, I'm watching the news right now. They said the high today was 93, which is about 7 degrees below average. Tomorrow, however, will be back up to average. Oh great! They just showed the 7 day forcast and they're saying that the high will be between 102-104. Gah! I HATE the heat! Grr, go figure that I'm going to be moving out of one desert into another. Oh well.

I need a tan, but I don't tan. I burn and I go right back to white. I guess I've gotten used to it. Its kind of funny cuz I'm so white that I glow when I go in the pool. Ha.

I want another tattoo and I know what design I'm going to have, but I'm debating whether to get it before or after I move. I guess it all depends on money. I'm going to try and aim for before the move. I also want another piercing, but I think I'm going to wait until after the move to get that done.

Alright, I think this has been made random and long enough. I'll end it here.

{edit}: Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 51. Happy b-day Dad!

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Almost what I was expecting.
Monday. 6.11.07 6:31 pm
I was expecting to see Justin again at some point, but I was thinking it would be at my place and not at work.

He came in today to order food. I wasn't happy to see him. And I showed it. He told me that he was in California and that he had told me that twice before he left. I would have remembered something like that had he actually told me. Come Wednesday I would have been "hmm, I haven't seen or talked to Justin in a couple days. Oh yeah, that's right, he's in California" But he didn't tell me so I just thought he was ignoring me. He kept trying to convince me that he had told me, but I'm not going to take it. Also, if he had been in California for the last week, why did I have 3 different people tell me that he had come in last Thursday to order food? Something's not right. Also, he has a cell phone. I'm almost 100% sure that his phone works in Cali. He has Verizon and they work just about everywhere. He couldn't have answered my texts or my calls? Even for just a minute? Its just ridiculous.

I'll still be friends with him, but the relationship is over. No ifs, ands or buts. I've lost whatever it is that I felt for him. I was just about over it too. I was almost beyond the 'pissed off' point, but then he had to come in today. Now I'm pissed again. Fuck!

So Stuart is still talking to me. I haven't seen him, but I guess I'm alright with it. I've gone a couple weeks without seeing him and I don't expect to see him too often so its not a big deal. I guess as long as he's still talking to me, I'll be good. The emo post that I did up a couple nights ago was just me overreacting. I didn't think I'd be able to handle losing both Justin and Stuart at the same time so I broke down. With Stuart still talking to me, I'm okay right now.

Alright, I have other stuff to say, but I don't feel like writing it right now. Maybe later.

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*big long-ass sigh*
Sunday. 6.10.07 7:05 pm
About the only improvement from last night is that I'm not crying, but the night is still young so its not definate that the tears won't come.

Stuart being mad at me cuz of a few hickies that I gave him is one of the stupidest reasons to be mad at me. And since the one he gave me is almost gone the ones on him should be almost gone by now, if they haven't disappeared already. Tonight will determine if he's still mad at me. I'm going to text message him like I usually do, and depending on how he responds, if he responds, will tell me everything. One can only hope for the best.

Gah! My burn is itching like crazy right now. The skin is peeling like a sunburn and its scabbed over in some spots. I want to scratch it so bad. I try rubbing it, but it only makes it itch worse. And when I try to ignore it {as I'm doing now} it just makes it itch that much more since I'm not scratching to relieve the pain. Grr!

I'm working on less than 3 hours of sleep right now and something tells me that I won't be sleeping that well tonight either. Hopefully I'll get more than 3 hours, though.

I'm working on Tuesday this week. It was my choice. There was a shift that needed to be covered and I need hours so I opted to work the shift. Its not like I'm going to be having company on Monday night and I certainly don't have any plans for Tuesday. At least this will benefit me in two ways, at the least. One, it gives me something to do and two, I'm getting paid. Money is always a good thing.

I don't really have anything else to say right now. I'll write again whenever.

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a pathetic waste
Sunday. 6.10.07 2:41 am
That's what I feel like right now. I'm sitting alone in my apartment at quarter till 3 in the morning crying because of how completely alone I am. I have no one.

Justin isn't talking to me for whatever reason. Stuart is mad at me cuz of how many hickies I left on him. And in all honesty, I didn't even mean to leave more than one or two. So he's not talking to me either.

I really wish that I had someone who I could call right now, but I don't. You know why? Cuz I'm a pathetic waste. I have one friend. And I can't call her this early in the morning.

Why? Why does it have to be like this? Just when I was finally happy about something, it had to all go out the window. I guess I'm just not allowed to be happy. Like, by some crazy ass fucked up coinsidence, if I'm happy the world will explode.

Its times like this I wish I could just disappear. Just vanish from the earth. Its times like this that make me wonder if I ever really will be happy. If I'll ever find someone who I can talk to at any hour of the day if I need to. Someone who I can confide in and not feel uncomfortable telling them things. Someone who I can trust not to turn their back on me the first time I even remotely screw up.

I'm supposed to be this perfect person who does nothing wrong. Who is supposed to do whatever is told of them whenever they are told. And I just can't do it. I can't keep crying myself to sleep because I don't feel appreciated. I can't live the rest of my life alone, but by the way things are going, it looks as though that's what's going to happen. If every person is going to abandon me when I need them, then I guess I just need to get used to the tears.

I hate being like this. Please, God, make it stop.

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