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admitance
Wednesday. 8.5.09 7:36 pm
Alright, I admit, I actually haven't been on NuTang that often as of late. It just doesn't hold the same interest it used to. It's only a phase. I know cuz I've been through it before. I just don't know how long this phase will last.

Actually I haven't really been on the internet at all. I come on to play videos on Youtube, but that's about it. I can't stand myspace or facebook. I'm ready to just delete them both. I know I won't do it because at some point later on I'll just have to recreate them and that's a hassle I don't want to have to deal with.

I'm broke beyond broke. Like, I literally have about $40 to my name until next Friday when I get paid again. I have to call up my insurance company and explain that I'll be paying my dues three days late and hopefully they'll understand and not charge me extra fees.

I'm very confused about the whole Jacob thing. One day he'll want me around and want to hang and chill; then the next he'll avoid me like the plague. I've let go some, but I'm still working on it.

I can understand if you don't really want to read this. The whole purpose, really, was to come here and complain. I've been feeling pretty shitty and out of it over the last few days. Probably since Friday or Saturday and all I really want to do it bitch and moan about things.

I've decided it's probably not a good idea for me to drive when I'm pissed off or upset, but sometimes I just can't avoid it. Like the other night when I went to work. I had to drive then. But when I get out on the highway all I want to do is be wreckless. I want to speed and cause some sort of destruction.

Chaos. One of my friends told me that the world wouldn't survive without some sort of chaos. Organized or otherwise. I think he's right.

Blah. I need to go to bed. I have to be up in 6 hours.

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quick blog
Wednesday. 7.22.09 7:05 pm
Wow, I've kinda been out of the loop lately. No, I haven't gone to the dark side and been sucked in to the addiction of other websites. I still wander throughout the abyss that is NuTang, but it's just not holding my interest like it used to.

I finally had a good weekend. Like, the whole, entire weekend was good. One of Jacob's friends was in town visiting and I helped entertain on my two days off. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad I got to meet her. Pictures are on my myspace if you'd like to check them out. Link is in the "things to do if you're bored" module.

Work is work. I'm really starting to not like my job anymore. All the people I've grown somewhat close to {all two of them} have both gone. One just doesn't work there anymore. The other works a different shift and I hardly get the chance to see him. It sucks working with all females. Especially when you don't get along with females in general.

This heat is killer. It's been a steady 105-110 every day for the last week and a half and it doesn't show any signs of cooling off. August will only guarentee to be hotter.

That's pretty much it. At least that's all I feel like writing about right now.

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I don't have a title for this one either
Sunday. 7.12.09 11:01 am
Yesterday I spent running around town doing this and that.

I needed to get a money order to pay my water, but instead of going to the Smith's right by my house, I drove across town to the one farther north. Where I used to live many years ago. Yes, I drove 20 minutes from my house just to get a money order.

I came back home, payed my water and hung around the apartment for a while.

Around one, I decided I was going to drive across town again, but this time for ice cream. The one flavor of Ben & Jerry's that I like the most I can't ever find. Only this one Albertson's has it and unfortunately its not very close to me. It's actually farther away than the Smith's I went to earlier in the day. Yes, I drove half an hour or so from my house just for ice cream.

I had made plans to meet up with a friend at the South Point around 3. We met up, went to the Girls' Day Out thing they had in the exhibit hall, got bored and left. I wanted to go eat at Raising Cane's so we headed over to the Outlet Mall. Wandered inside the mall for about an hour or so, then made our way to the fast food joint.

After we ate, we headed back to the car. I had the sudden urge to go to a theme park. Well, the only one out here would be the Adventure Dome and neither of us really had the money to go there. Instead, we drove out to Primm.

I'd never been there, but I knew they had a rollar coaster. It was fun. We rode the log flume ride they have, but it was kinda lame. Nothing like Disney. The coaster was fun, but jerky.

I'm not quite sure why, but the last two weekends have started out great and ended shitty. I'm hoping this is not the pattern I'm supposed to follow ...

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Saturday. 7.11.09 8:32 am
This past week has been plagued with very little sleep and I have no idea why. Probably because I'm stressing myself out way too much over things that aren't that big of a deal.

This coming week will be plagued with a very odd work schedule and an even stranger home schedule; towards the end of the week, at least.

Right now, however, I'm stuck wondering what kind of events the current weekend will plague me with. Or endear me with. Either way. I'm hoping for something very good to happen. Or at least something that will keep my mood from slipping back into the depression I suffered through last weekend.

I honestly don't have much to talk about. So I guess I'm done.

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it's getting harder to resist the temptation
Wednesday. 7.8.09 12:41 pm
It's half-way through my work week and I'm half-way through my goal that I set for this week. I already said that I don't include my mom or sister in this so I sent one text message today. But I won't be sending any more unless someone texts me first.

It's starting to get harder to resist. I want to talk to people. But apparently they don't want to talk to me. Otherwise I'd already have received something.

I find that if I don't get very involved in something, it's easier to move on from it. I'm almost completely over my formerly newfound distraction: breaking through the armor-covered nutshell my boss currently lives in. I say almost because there are still times when I think about it and get a very small amount of jealousy when I see him talking and joking with other people when I want it to be me. But it's still almost because I can very easily shrug it off.

I need to go to the store, but I don't really feel like going by myself. If my sister doesn't answer me about tomorrow, though, I'll have to go alone. I'm out of milk, juice and water. I've also been craving chocolate for a good while now; at least two weeks. I've had a small amount in the last two weeks, but nothing that lasts more than a day or so.

I really shouldn't take a nap again today, but I'm tired. I want to just lay down for a couple hours. The problem with that is that later in the evening when I need to get the sleep, I can't. It sucks.

It's going to be harder to resist the temptation tomorrow and by Friday it will probably be killing me. But Saturday I'm allowing myself to give back in and start my 95% of the conversations I have.

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deleting comments doesn't change what's already been said ...
Tuesday. 7.7.09 12:20 pm
... but it helps to keep people from being reminded what was said.

I do believe I have screwed myself over, yet again. I've pushed the limits too far and now there's no going back.

I don't think I've completely submerged myself in the shark infested waters, but I'm certainly treading water right in the center of the crowd.

I had to delete the only surviving link to my NuTang just to be on the safe side for now. I'm pretty sure I'll put it back up there in a month or so. Perhaps when things hopefully simmer down.

I'm beginning to think that it would simply be safer for me to just not speak to anyone. At all. Ever.

My big mouth seems to be what keeps getting me in trouble. Is there a procedure where they can remove your vocal cords?

Today is day two in the task I've given myself and I'm actually not feeling any kind of pressure. It's probably helping that I'm feeling down. I don't want to drag anyone else under with me.

For now, as long as I don't have any kind of URL linking people to my NuTang, I'm safe here. The only safe place it seems I have that's outside of my little apartment.

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