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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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July
Sunday. 7.3.16 6:42 pm
Well, I made it through. Barely. That last day was rough. Like, more so than it has been in recent years, so far as I can remember.

Iv'e been talking to this guy for almost 2 months now and it's ... I believe we've arrived at an impasse. We kind of keep going through the same motions over and over and it's slightly frustrating. But I can't just let go. I've let him in, and as my friend once told me "once you're in, you're in." It's like trying to pull out a tooth with a wrench in order to remove said person from your inner circle. It's possible, but it fucking hurts like hell, and you are fucked up for a while before you heal. But once you've healed, it leaves behind a nasty scar, one that always reminds you of what was once there.

I've gotten back in to the gym again. I've dropped another couple pounds, leaving me at around 8 more to go before I reach my weight goal. I'm sitting at around the weight I was when I first moved to Seattle. I want to get back down to where I was before I moved here, before I started gaining all the extra weight. It feels good knowing how close I am.

Yesterday's workout, I incorporated weights for pretty much the first time ever and I'm feeling it today. I did weighted squats, and some dumbbell sets. My back is only mildly sore, and only when I move certain ways. My arms are feeling it a bit, but again only when I move certain ways, or pick up something with a noticeable weight. My legs are what got hit the most. It probably didn't help that I did my normal cardio routine right after doing the weights. I'm sure that when you combine the two, strength and cardio, you're supposed to ease up a bit on one or the other. But what the hell do I know. I've never been trained. I'm just going by what I want my goals to be. I'm supposed to go back to the gym tomorrow... we'll see how I feel in the morning.

This weekend I was supposed to disconnect from everyone ... apparently that's impossible for me to do. I think as long as I'm not getting pissed off and unnecessarily upset at certain situations, then I can keep up what I'm doing. As long as I keep remembering to breathe. I did disable my Facebook for another week, though. That serves at least some form of disconnecting. I didn't really need to see what everyone was doing this weekend. That would have just reminded me even more that I have no life. As if staying inside, avoiding people, wasn't already reminder enough.

I cleaned a bit this weekend. I donated a lot of my old clothes that I hadn't worn in forever, or no longer fit in. I also donated shoes that I thought were cute at the time of purchase, but wore them all of once or twice, then never wore them again. The corner looks a little more organized, at least. It's not the deep clean I wanted to do this weekend, but it at least looks like I did something.

I finally went for it and purchased a Groupon to have some of my pictures printed on canvas. I've been wanting to do it for a while now, but it's super expensive, or the Groupons that they have aren't really highly rated. I found one that was decently rated, and the shipping costs weren't too high {since that was what I would have to pay on the website} so I went for it. The pictures came out quite nicely. I feel like they would have been better had I not needed to crop them down, or had I shot them with a professional camera; both of those are also super expensive, so considering my tools and the cost, they came out fairly decently.

No clue when I'll be writing again. At this point it's just kind of whenever I'm in a decent enough mood to make reasonable entries that aren't filled with a hateful rant fest. Those days seem to be far and few between lately ... or I really just don't have anything I really wanna write about. So I guess it's up to you to figure out which is the reason I'm avoiding writing.

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One more day
Wednesday. 6.29.16 5:20 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Quick update
Saturday. 6.11.16 11:12 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Alaska: part 2
Sunday. 6.5.16 9:21 am
Sunday morning we woke up and made the final decision to drive out to Seward. It had been discussed as an option, but it wasn't cemented in yet. The plan was to be on the road by 11, since it was about a 3 hour drive; we got in the car at ten till, so the timing was actually on point. We stopped several times on the way out so that we could take pictures and see it better than just from the car.

There was one stop that we made, at a little shopping plaza where they had a gas station, food places, and a store called The Great Alaskan Tourist Trap. Of course I had to go in there! I didn't buy anything {come to think of it, I didn't buy any souvenirs} but the stuff in there was cool to look at. Perhaps next time I go there, I'll make sure to have extra space in my bag for random stuff.

On our way to head back out on the road, we were waiting to turn, when all of a sudden we heard what sounded like a truck running over something in the road. Next thing we know, the same truck has pieces falling out from underneath it. We literally watched a transmission drop, right in from of our eyes!! It was the craziest {not really} thing to see!! I mean, you hear about a transmission dropping, but you don't realize that that's literally what it does, in pieces. This poor guy driving the truck was also pulling a rather large trailer. If there has to be a silver lining, he had a caravan with him {another truck and trailer, and an RV} and his truck broke down right at a gas/service station, where there's also food and places to just kind of survive for a while until a tow truck can make it all the way out there.

Since we stopped several times, the 3 hour drive took about 4 hours and we made it there around 3. It was the one and only time in the 5 days we were there that it wasn't sunny, but we also weren't anywhere near the city we were staying in.

Seward is beautiful, even with the overcast, foggy day. The contrast of colors was still brilliant. We stopped to take pictures first, then decided to get some grub. We went to this place called Chinook's, which had some awesome seafood choices. I got smoked scallop mac'n'cheese. Man, was that tasty! I know I'll have to go back there next time I find myself in that area.

Once we were all pretty stuffed, we headed back to the same lookout spot to take more pictures and wander around a bit more. The fog had lifted so you could see the mountains more clearly. It was still overcast, but not raining or foggy. If you're friends with me on Facebook, you've probably already seen all of these photos that I'm talking about. If you're only following me on Instagram, you've seen just a small glimpse in to the beauty that is Alaska.

Once we got back in to town, we were tired again so we called it another early night. The next day was our final full day in town so we decided to split up and do different things. The friend who I flew out with wanted to get in some shopping, while I, and the friend we were visiting, wanted to get on a bike and hit the trail that was behind her apartment. She already had a bike, so we rented one for me to use. It had been well over a decade since the last time I was on a bike so it took me a bit to get back in to the hang of it. I wasn't quite back up to where I could ride with no hands, but by the time we reached the halfway point, I was able to stay pretty stable while only using one hand.

I need to make sure I get in more practice since that's pretty much the only requirement prior to learning to ride a motorcycle.

The trail was about 10 miles one way, and we rode the whole thing. There were parts of me that were sore, that hadn't been that sore in quite a long time. I'm not too surprised that my legs weren't more sore, since I work those out fairly regularly, but there were definitely other parts that were sore.

I managed to get myself sunburned during this bike excursion. Since it wasn't super hot out, and there was a nice cool breeze, I didn't think about applying sunscreen. To be honest, I don't usually think about putting on sunscreen... considering how ridiculously white I am, you'd think it was something I'd put more thought in to. Either way, once we were back I could definitely tell that my upper back was burned. I could feel the heat coming off it, but I didn't really think anything else had been burned... until we went to dinner and I could see how red my arms and chest had become. They weren't nearly as bad as my back; that got the brunt of it.

After sushi for dinner, we went to Target to get me some aloe. Annoyingly enough, a moose gave birth in that same parking lot ... the next day. We didn't see any kind of native wildlife, except a beaver bumbling down the side of the freeway, and then a moose just gives birth in the same parking lot we'd been in only the day before. Oh well. Clearly it just wasn't meant to be. Perhaps next time.

The final day we were there, we decided to go to a bar and grill for lunch. It's a sports bar and grill so it was pretty busy, considering it was only 11:30 on a Tuesday morning. The food there was delicious; the desserts were amazing. It was a good final place to eat. I was so full from the food that I ate there, I didn't have anything else to eat the rest of the day. Once we finished up there, we went back to the apartment just to chill out until it was time to go to the airport.

The flight back wasn't bad. I finally had a window seat. I watched part of a movie and just tried not to think about how much pain I was in. By the time we landed, however, I was just ready to get home. The burns are in the peeling/itchy stage right now. It's driving me a little crazy because I want to scratch, but I know I can't. It should be mostly healed in the next couple of days.

Overall the trip was great, it was just more stressful than I had anticipated. I'm already planning my next trip back; this time I will be traveling alone. Or with someone I know for sure isn't going to cause stress. I know for sure that I will no longer be traveling with the friend I went up there with.

If you guys ever get the chance to go to Alaska, do it. It's one thing to see pictures and hear about how beautiful it is there, but you don't truly know until you see it for yourself.

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Alaska: part 1
Wednesday. 6.1.16 1:42 pm
Due to the number of activities we did, I will be splitting this in to two, just to make it easier to type up, and to read; rather than just one massive entry.

It was very strange leaving work at noon on Friday. I came home, finished packing up the last little bit of stuff, and headed to my friend's place. We didn't really need to be at the airport until 3:30, but my friend wanted to make extra sure that we'd make it through security with enough time to get to our gate ... so we got to the airport 3 1/2 hours early. It took us less than 20 minutes to get through security. So we then had a few hours to still kill. The longer we waited, the more anxious she became. It was kind of annoying, to be honest. But I digress.

We finally boarded our plane. I ended up in a window seat that had no window. What the shit. So of course, I had no movies to watch, no new books to read, and no window to even look out of to kill time. To make matters more frustrating, the captain kept coming on overhead, once we were flying over Alaska, to say what beautiful views were around us... with no window to look out of.

Once we were there, it was amazing. The view just from the airport was stunning, and we hadn't gone any farther than the parking lot. There's so much untouched land in AK; there really are no words. Pictures don't do it justice. You just have to go see it for yourself.

The first night we were there, we stopped at a diner and had some pretty decent food. It was one of those places that the friend we were visiting liked to go when she had friends over. After that, we went to this park that was right at the edge of the airport runways, on the top of a cliff, so it had some gorgeous views! It was so crazy that the sun didn't set until after 11. And it didn't really get fully dark, because sunrise was just after 4 in the morning. We went to a bar after the park, and when we left at midnight, it was still dusk out. There was still light on the horizon at 2 when we finally went to bed. It was crazy!

The next morning, we got up a little later than I think we were hoping to. By the time we got out for breakfast, it was just after noon. We stopped at another diner for breakfast. I had reindeer sausage. It was super lean, and really tasty. There was definitely left overs from that. We agreed to go on a bit of an easier hike; it was only 2 miles round trip. But the views were pretty and the waterfall at the end was nice. Feeling the breeze and mist kick up from the running water felt really nice. It was amazing how warm it was there this whole past weekend.

I got eaten alive my mosquitoes out there, surprisingly. Though, we were near a water source, and that's where they thrive. I'd counted at least 11, between my legs, arms and back. Once we finished the hike, we continued on to other random areas, stopping here and there to take photos and just enjoy the beautiful wonder that is Alaska.

It was sunny and warm the entire day. My friend I went with had been doing nothing but talking about getting crab, so we stopped at a brew house for dinner. The food there was amazing! Again, I ate way too much food. There wasn't any left overs this time, but I felt like I wouldn't need to eat again for like, 2 days. Once we were done there, we were all pretty tired so we just kind of went back to my friend's apartment and called it kind of an early night. I'm pretty sure we were all in bed before midnight. It was still light out, but I think the sun had sunk behind the horizon.

The second and third full days, plus the last half day, will be in the next one. I'm still not really in the mood to blog and I feel if I keep going for now, it won't do the description justice.

Until then. . .

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Mental preparedness, and low expectations
Saturday. 5.21.16 8:45 am
Something that a friend from the past taught me, or tried to teach me, was that having low expectations (or zero, if possible) was highly underrated. It allows for pretty much anything to happen and you don't end up getting hurt as badly had you expected more. I tried implementing that in my life; it was pretty damn challenging at first. I've grown to be better at it, but I'm nowhere near perfect. I recently found myself having much higher expectations than I even consciously realized I'd had, until afterwards when the shitty moments happened and I got quite hurt.

So here I am in another interesting situation, and I keep telling myself not to expect anything. Just keep enjoying it for what it is. Go with the flow. If the flow stops, then go with the new flow. Let it happen as it happens and don't expect anything. It's been quite nice so far, but it's only in the very early stages so let's see what comes next.

I leave for Alaska in less than a week. I do believe I have finally mentally prepared myself to not be alone that entire weekend. I mentioned to my friend that I was probably going to take advantage of the trail that runs behind her apartment so that I could clear my head and she eagerly said she'd join. I love her to bits, but I think she missed the point. Oh well. I'm still bringing my extra headphones just in case I do get that little bit of alone time.

Today is the day to go out and prepare for next weekend. Girly stuff: nails, hair, etc. It's also a birthday celebration for my friend. Her birthday is technically tomorrow, but since it's harder to stay out late on a Sunday when you have to work Monday, we're celebrating today. It's a typical rainy Seattle day, however, so I'm not sure how much time we'll be spending outdoors.

Yesterday was my nephew's birthday. It's kinda crazy that he's already 6! Like, that baffles me in the fact that in just 4 more years, he'll be 10. And my sister will be 30! Ugh. Me turning 30 this year doesn't make me feel old. Knowing how close she is to 30 is what makes me feel old. Since I wasn't able to get anything super special for them for Christmas, I decided to get them better gifts for the birthdays. I bought my nephew a new bike. He'd been asking for one since he was kind of outgrowing his old one. I didn't like the character designs on the ones they had at Target or Walmart so I got him a nice one from REI. I also bought my sister the Chucks that she's been wanting. She already knows about it, but my nephew will be surprised by the bike sometime mid next week. I also bought myself an REI membership, because why not.

I need to make sure not to overspend today so that I can still have a good chunk of money to just spend on stuff up in Alaska. I know most of the money spent will be on food and drinks, but I'd like to be able to buy some souvenirs and whatnot as well. We'll see how the day goes. I'm going to try to write at least once more before I go on my trip.

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