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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
Well, hello there.
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Monday. 7.21.08 7:33 pm
I already know that I'm not on much anymore, but I'll be on even less during the next two weeks or so.

I'm incredibly stressed out and I have a feeling I'm worrying entirely too much over things that take the time I don't have.

It's hard though, not to stress when you have less than 2 weeks to find a job, find a place to live, be able to afford everything you need to pay for and still try to maintain a calm and collected composure.

I don't ask for much, but please God let this work out. I need Your help with this.

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my continuing hiatus
Saturday. 7.12.08 8:35 am
It's not that stuff hasn't been happening, because it has. I just haven't felt the need to write about any of it.

I'm still on Nutang every day. It's the site I default back to when nothing else on the net satisfies me. I still read blogs and try to find something worthwhile to comment, but I'm nowhere near as active as I used to be. I guess everyone needs a break once in a while.

Wanted is a good movie. As long as you're okay with how fake some of the stuff is. I mean, really? Have you ever known anyone who can curve a bullet in real life? But since I was one of the people who was able to enjoy the movie for what it is, despite the unrealistic stunts, I rather liked it.

I got car insurance yesterday. I'm paying about half of what I was actually planning on paying. You could say I'm happy about that.

I'm looking into apartment complexes that offer 6 or 9 month leases that are reasonably cheap. If I can get a 1 bedroom for less than or about $600 a month, I should be able to afford the extra utilities. Since it'll just be me, the bills won't be uber high. So it shouldn't cost me more than the $800 a month I'd be paying if I stayed at the extended stay place I had in mind.

Part of me is wanting to stay in Vegas so that if something were to happen to my sister, she'd have a place to go. I realized that's the reason I was going back to Florida with my mom: so she wouldn't be going alone. Whenever I thought about going back to Florida it was always in the 'vacation' mindset. I realized that I didn't actually consider living there again. With mom marrying Steve, she won't be going alone anymore. I don't have to worry as much. Even though Steve and I don't always get along or agree, I know he won't let anything happen to my mom.

I know that my sister has Tony to take care of her, but what if they get into a fight? They're living together and with mom leaving, she'd really have nowhere to go. I could provide that refuge. At least for a while. Until she gets her life in order; get's a job and her license.

I'm not going to deny that part of the reason I'm wanting to stay in Vegas is because of my boyfriend, but as I think about it, that reason is being pushed farther down on the list of reasons.

I have to figure out what I want before I go and pursue it. I don't know what I want. I've been thinking and still nothing is coming to me. I don't know where exactly I want to go. Nor do I want to go there blind, as I did in Tucson. I want to find out where I want to go, go there, do some research, come back and then decide if I want to go back.

I'm also still trying to figure out exactly who I really am. . .

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hmm
Sunday. 7.6.08 10:05 pm
Someone says my name, whether trying to get my attention, introducing me or otherwise, and I turn in the general direction, thinking nothing of it.

He says my name and my heart skips a beat. Then it quickens ever so slightly before I will it back to a normal beat.

I wonder why ...?

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*le sigh*
Saturday. 7.5.08 11:26 pm
The wedding went ... well. The way the minister spoke annoyed me. When/if I ever get married, I hope to God the minister doesn't speak the way that guy did. The ceremony was actually very short; we were waiting more than twice as long as the actual ceremony. But, my mom is happy so I'm happy for her.

I stayed at Jake's last night. Even though no one was home, I didn't want to come here. I'd rather stay there and deal with his crazy family than my own. Even though the couch isn't as comfy as my bed, mine is no Serta. I can deal with sleeping on the couch for a while. If nothing else, I can just get a cheap ass air matress to sleep on if the couch gets too uncomfortable.

We saw Hancock today. It was a very good movie. I'd recommend you go see it.

I'm tired, not feeling well and trying to fight back tears. Most of today was good ... it's only when we get tired does the mood change. Whether it's me or him, the mood is altered when one, or both, of us is tired. I don't like it, but there ain't shit can be done about it so whatever.

All-in-all, I had a good Fourth of July and like I said, most of today was good also. A big part of it had to do with being with Jake the whole time.

I'm going to bed. I don't know when I'll write again, nor can I guarentee the next entry will be a good one. I just don't know right now.

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getting ready
Thursday. 7.3.08 7:19 pm
Tomorrow is my mom's wedding. She wanted to get her nails done so what I did was treat her, myself and my sister to get them professionally done. It was the first time for all of us and it feels weird. The last time I had them done, I bought the $6 ones from Wal-Mart and had my sister stick them on. They looked nice, but you could tell they were cheap.

The acrylic is making them look fat. They're longer than I've ever had my nails so it's taking a little getting used to. But they definitely look nice. The guy who did mine, he was the owner of the shop, painted a flower on each of my ring fingers free of charge because he wanted it to be special for ma's wedding. I thought that was really nice.

So far, I've gotten my nails done, re-painted my toe nails, shaved my legs and have the outfit put aside. In the morning I have to take a shower and have my sister do my hair. It'll be the same as before, when Jake and I went out that one night.

Tomorrow I have to go up to work in the morning before I pick Jake up so that I can get my paycheck. The problem is I forgot it's the 4th of July so all the banks will be closed. I won't be able to cash it until Saturday. It sucks, but hey, what can ya do?

I have to drive up to the dealership on Monday to pick up my green slip so that I can register my car. I still need to call DMV to find out how much it's going to cost me. If it's anything like the car insurance quotes I've been getting, I'm afraid.

Alrighty, I don't have a whole lot to say. I don't even know if my entry made much sense. I was just kind of typing what came to mind.

I shall write again whenever.

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tired and burnt {long entry}
Tuesday. 7.1.08 5:53 pm
Yesterday was the 13 year anniversary of my Dad's death. I asked Jake to keep me occupied and distracted so that I wouldn't dwell on the day. He did just that and with the exception of one time, I stayed in a fairly good mood the whole day.

So yesterday I got to work at 7am ... and there was no one there besides those who were scheduled. Only 3 people, besides myself, showed up for the "mandatory" meeting. So we got credit for showing up, watched the video and left.

Leaving about an hour earlier than expected got me up to Jake's an hour and a half earlier than I told him. I sent him a text telling him I'd be early and when he didn't respond I didn't think anything of it. When I got there, I found out that he had only woken up 5 minutes before I arrived. If he hadn't answered the door, I would have let myself in, but with his brother back, I'm not sure I would have been comfortable going in and waking Jake up the way I normally would. So I'm glad he had just gotten up prior to my arrival.

We hung out at his place for a couple hours and played the Wii. I wasn't sure what time the mall opened, so we waited until around 10 to head up there. I exchanged the shirt I needed to and we wandered around the mall for about an hour or so. He bought the new Coldplay CD, but other than that, no money was spent.

We left the mall, went back to his place and fixed up some food. Then his brother had to take a nap so Jake and I finally got some time to ourselves. We played on the Wii some more and around 1:30 when his brother got up, we decided to go swimming.

Being the smart person that I am, I didn't put on any kind of sun screen and going swimming in the middle of the day when you're as white as me isn't going to leave you unburned. After a short while I could feel my face frying in the sun. What's funny is that my shoulders and chest are more burnt than my face. I'm already starting to itch and it's driving me crazy.

I had fun in the pool. There weren't a whole ton of people there and the ones who were there basically just lazed around tanning. I think that as soon as my burn fades back to white {I just can't seem to tan} I'm gonna go swimming again. If I remember to put sunscreen on, so be it, but if I forget {like I usually do} I just hope I don't get burned again. Next time, though, I'm going to try going swimming later in the day when the sun isn't going to affect my skin the same way.

Jake had to be at work at 4, so I dropped him off and headed back up to my part of town to pick Steve up. I dropped him off at home, then went straight back up to Jake's work. 5:30 rush hour traffic on the freeway isn't fun. It took me longer than it should have to get back to his end of town, but it was still quicker than taking city streets.

I hung out at his work with him until it was time to close up shop. Two of the regular customers were there and we all ended up staying an hour past close just talking. It was nice, but I probably should have left right after I brought Jake back home. I didn't and I ended up not leaving his house until 11:30.

I took the freeway back and it was odd how comfotable I was. With Jake always taking the highway, I knew exactly how to get where I was going so even though I've never personally driven the highway {going in that direction} it took very little thought on my part to get me to where I needed to be. I would have been home before midnight, but there was construction backing up I-15 Northbound and it had us at an almost standstill for a while.

I got home at midnight, let Jake know I survived the highway and went to bed ... only to have my alarm wake me up 3 hours later.

So that was my day yesterday. Going back and forth across town killed a quarter of a tank of gas, but hey, that was part of the plan: to kill my gas yesterday rather than Jake's. It's only fair since for the first 3 months we were together he drove us everywhere. All-in-all it was a good day.

RIP Dad. I know you're there watching over us. I love you.

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