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Mental preparedness, and low expectations
Saturday. 5.21.16 8:45 am
Something that a friend from the past taught me, or tried to teach me, was that having low expectations (or zero, if possible) was highly underrated. It allows for pretty much anything to happen and you don't end up getting hurt as badly had you expected more. I tried implementing that in my life; it was pretty damn challenging at first. I've grown to be better at it, but I'm nowhere near perfect. I recently found myself having much higher expectations than I even consciously realized I'd had, until afterwards when the shitty moments happened and I got quite hurt.

So here I am in another interesting situation, and I keep telling myself not to expect anything. Just keep enjoying it for what it is. Go with the flow. If the flow stops, then go with the new flow. Let it happen as it happens and don't expect anything. It's been quite nice so far, but it's only in the very early stages so let's see what comes next.

I leave for Alaska in less than a week. I do believe I have finally mentally prepared myself to not be alone that entire weekend. I mentioned to my friend that I was probably going to take advantage of the trail that runs behind her apartment so that I could clear my head and she eagerly said she'd join. I love her to bits, but I think she missed the point. Oh well. I'm still bringing my extra headphones just in case I do get that little bit of alone time.

Today is the day to go out and prepare for next weekend. Girly stuff: nails, hair, etc. It's also a birthday celebration for my friend. Her birthday is technically tomorrow, but since it's harder to stay out late on a Sunday when you have to work Monday, we're celebrating today. It's a typical rainy Seattle day, however, so I'm not sure how much time we'll be spending outdoors.

Yesterday was my nephew's birthday. It's kinda crazy that he's already 6! Like, that baffles me in the fact that in just 4 more years, he'll be 10. And my sister will be 30! Ugh. Me turning 30 this year doesn't make me feel old. Knowing how close she is to 30 is what makes me feel old. Since I wasn't able to get anything super special for them for Christmas, I decided to get them better gifts for the birthdays. I bought my nephew a new bike. He'd been asking for one since he was kind of outgrowing his old one. I didn't like the character designs on the ones they had at Target or Walmart so I got him a nice one from REI. I also bought my sister the Chucks that she's been wanting. She already knows about it, but my nephew will be surprised by the bike sometime mid next week. I also bought myself an REI membership, because why not.

I need to make sure not to overspend today so that I can still have a good chunk of money to just spend on stuff up in Alaska. I know most of the money spent will be on food and drinks, but I'd like to be able to buy some souvenirs and whatnot as well. We'll see how the day goes. I'm going to try to write at least once more before I go on my trip.

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T-minus two weeks
Friday. 5.13.16 8:54 pm
Alaska is coming up so quickly! I feel like I have so much going on until then, but really, I'm only busy tomorrow, next Saturday, and that's pretty much it. Other than work, of course. I was supposed to work OT today, but they didn't have the work ready that they wanted us to do, so there was no point in staying over. It's actually really frustrating because they keep pushing for us to get this done as quickly as possible, yet they don't provide the basic necessity. And then when they do, they want it to be perfect, but done immediately. With as complicated as this department is, it's just not possible, yet, to have efficiency and accuracy without needing extra time.

We affectionately call this department our detention center problem child. It's not just a problem child; it's worse.

Tomorrow is a baby shower for a coworker, then next weekend is a birthday weekend for a friend. There will be many drinks consumed during that weekend. It's probably good that I'm not interested in anyone right now, otherwise I'd probably fuck up any possible chance I might have with said fictional individual.

I really need to get myself back under strict self control in these next two weeks. I have put on a few pounds over the past few weeks and I'm getting farther away from my goal. I already know that I won't reach my weight goal by the time I get to AK, but I can at least get back to where I was a few weeks ago. Plan is to get back to the gym 3 times a week, and I really need to get the snacking back under control. I'm still not eating a whole lot, but I'm eating more crap. This weekend should be alright, though, because my mouth is swollen. So eating hurts. . . time for a liquid detox.

I wanted to get a tattoo today, for Friday the 13th, but that just wasn't in the cards. I have too much I need to buy between this weekend's baby shower, next Wednesday's baby shower, my nephew and sister's birthdays before the end of the month. And I have pampering to do next weekend in preparation for the AK trip. I may have to dip in to my savings. Once I get back, I need to buckle down and get ready for VA in September.

Holy shit. When did I become a person who has a social life? No longer does my job(s) consume my life.

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May 5th
Thursday. 5.5.16 9:10 pm
I think I figured out why I was feeling so strangely; I made a note on my calendar and so I should be fine for at least another month. Or so. Who knows how long it'll be before it happens again. Ah, hormones.

Today was Cinco de Mayo. Obviously. It's really hard not to know that when you say what date it is. Did I eat any kind of Mexican food? Absolutely. Was it something I purchased myself? Absolutely not. One of the MA's made homemade guacamole and pica de gallo. An RN bought some Juanita's tortilla chips and so of course I indulged a little. My coworker calls them crack chips; they're so good.

The end of my day was probably the best part of the day, though. I officially have paid off the debt that has been consuming my life for the last three years. I made the final payment {which will technically be paid tomorrow} and I'm so. Excited! Ah! This means that it'll show as settled on my record and my credit score will finally start to go up again, which means I'll be able to rent a new apartment! Not gonna lie, I've already started looking. I'm hoping to be out sometime before my VA trip.

On that note, I'm gonna go to bed. I don't even care that it's still early. It's dark, and cool, and that's all I need to go to sleep. Just a little Rainymood and it'll be the perfect combo.

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It's just weird
Tuesday. 5.3.16 8:53 pm
I really can't explain the way I'm feeling in any better words. Weird is the best I can come up with. I don't necessarily feel sick, or sore, upset, angry. I just feel weird. I'm hoping sleep will help tonight. I'm kind of feeling like maybe I should have gotten some coffee...

I have a little over 3 weeks before I go to Alaska. I may not act like it, but I'm super excited about this trip. My friend who's coming with me has been through so much this year, though, that I'm afraid she won't be fully there when we go. I wish there was something I could do or say, but there's really nothing.

I forgot to mention that one of the pairs of earrings I got were dangly! I haven't been able to wear dangling earring since I made the choice to gauge the holes. It's pretty awesome that they're expanding the selection of plugs and spacers. Next time I go to Spencer's, I'll need to get some new naval rings. It's been ages since I put in a new design. I'd get new tongue bars, but the metal one works just fine for me. I do want to go back up to my 10, but they don't sell gauges in tongue bars anymore so there's really no point.

Anywho, I'm glad tomorrow is Wednesday because that means I've already made it through half the week. It would be nice to just skip to Friday, but that's not how time works. So instead, I just hope that the next three days go by as quickly, and painlessly, as possible.

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One with nature
Sunday. 5.1.16 9:40 pm
A couple friends from work and I went on a hike yesterday. It's a fairly popular hike; there were a lot of people on the trail, but not so much that it was overwhelming. The drive out there wasn't bad, only hitting traffic once the entire way. The trail led up the side of a mountain to a lake. It was a little under 5 miles round trip, and only a few spots were slightly questionable. According to my friends, the hike was much less strenuous without the snow blocking chunks of the trail. The lake was beautiful! If you're friends with me on Facebook, you'll probably have already seen the pictures by now. The lake itself was small, but with the surrounding mountains, it was an amazing sight.

If I were to ever go on a solo hike, that would be a good first one to do. There are enough people there that if something were to happen to me, someone would be around to hear me yell for help... unless I was knocked unconscious. But still. There's a lot of people on that trail.

Today was kind of an impromptu girl's day. After the week we'd had at work, especially the way that Friday went, it was needed. The hike definitely helped out for a majority of relaxing, but today was kind of a pampering. Pedicures, food, new earrings, and shoes. I'm really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Here's to hoping tomorrow isn't nearly as stressful as Friday was.

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Radio silence
Saturday. 4.23.16 1:54 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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