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this or that
Saturday. 3.19.11 1:42 am
I'm having a hard time getting into my book. I'm currently reading Jack and Jill, by James Patterson. I love the author and most of his books are real easy to get in to. But every once in a while, I'll come across one or two of his books that just takes me longer to become interested in. Jack and Jill happens to be one of them. It is a good book thus far, but I just can't seem to keep my attention on it for more than a couple chapters at a time. Which, if any of you have ever read anything from James Patterson, would know that that means not reading more than maybe 6 or 7 pages at a time. Oh well. I'll get in to it eventually. Especially since I already bought the next book in the series: Cat and Mouse.

Anywho, I saw this new trailer today that has a very, very similar story-line as another movie that just recently came out, but in my opinion looks funnier. I also like the two main actors in the new movie compared to the other.

Friends With Benefits

and

No Strings Attached

Like I said, in my opinion, Friends With Benefits looks funnier. I like Justin Timberlake better than Ashton Kutcher. I like both Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, but I think as an on-screen couple, Mila and Justin go better. I haven't seen No Strings Attached, but it's on my queue so when it becomes available, I'll have it shipped to my house.

I'm sorry if the title made anyone think about the Kia Soul hamster commercial. My bad.

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independence ≠ freedom
Tuesday. 3.15.11 2:07 am
So I suppose all is forgiven. He's got a cold so his mood is a bit off anyway, but we've been able to laugh and joke. I'll just be trying my very hardest NOT to be bringing up the death of my grandparents again. Or at least for a really long time.

I was thinking earlier about the difference between independence and freedom. In my opinion, the two are not one in the same. Similar, but not the same.

See, I found my independence in Tucson when I moved in to my own place. I still didn't have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I was held back because of the lack of transportation.

I gained my freedom when I bought my car. Even borrowing my mom's car didn't constitute freedom because I had to have it back for when she needed it and I couldn't use it whenever I pleased in case she needed to use it.

As of right now, I suppose I have both. Freedom to do whatever, whenever, wherever. And the independence from parental control. However, financially, I wouldn't be able to support myself fully right now. I'd have to make sacrifices; kind of like I did before. I chose to pay everything else and only buy food on the rare occasion I could afford it. Well, with the combined income food is more than affordable. I am independent, but there's sort of a joint thing to it right now.

I very much love having my car. Even though it sucks a big chunk of money out from underneath me. I am aware that car insurance premiums go down when one turns 25, but I have a feeling it's not going to go down much. Oh well. Even if it goes down $20, that's still $20 that I didn't have before.

Having my car allows me to leave and go wherever. It's slightly restricted here; parking isn't exactly a free luxury. You either park on the street {I don't know how to parallel park, so this proves a challenge} or you find a lot and pay. More than half the street parking you have to pay for as well. You're lucky if you can find free, unrestricted parking. For example, Walgreen's down the street. Their lot is free to park in, but you have to be a customer there. You can't even park in their lot and walk the 50 steps to the Starbucks.

Wow, I kind of changed the topic a bit there. I mean, I guess it still goes along with freedom, but in a completely different way in which I had been talking about. Either way, I apparently needed to get that off my chest.

Anywho, I also realized that I only seem to write whenever Jacob isn't around. He's here tonight, but he's asleep. I'm not really sure why that is ...

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Sunday. 3.13.11 11:36 pm
I made a mistake. I wasn't even thinking so I kept talking like it was nothing.

I feel really, really, really, really, really bad now.

It's been almost a year since his grandfather died and it's still a very sore wound for him. So what did I do?

I was talking about the ailments that took my grandparents lives and just kept going.

Finally he stopped me and asked if I could just not talk about it anymore. That's when it clicked how close it was to his grandfather's passing.

How am I supposed to make things better? I apologized. I left the room to take a shower. When I came back out he was in bed.

I feel horrible. Hell, I'm the one crying.

He called off from work tomorrow. I want to think it's because he's coming down with a cold and doesn't want to go to work sick, but before my runaway mouth upset him, he was still fine going in to work tomorrow. He even said no when I suggested he call off. So I know it's because I've ripped open the wound and he doesn't want to go in feeling the way he is. Regardless if he were sick or not.

I don't know what to do to make things not so awkward. I really do feel horrible.

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ineffective
Sunday. 3.13.11 12:22 am
The time change is supposed to be so that there is more sunlight during the day. In the later summer months, yes, I suppose this becomes true. And just a side note ... even in the states and cities that don't change the clocks, the sun still rises earlier and sets later. Go figure. However, it's null and void to the people who work swing shift and are unable to take advantage of the evening sunshine. Sure, the sun is rising a lot earlier in the day, but that would only mean waking up that much earlier before the start of the shift in order to take advantage.

I don't know about the rest of the working world, but I find it rather hard to go to sleep right after I get home from work. I have to stay up at least a few hours before I'm tired enough to sleep for more than an hour or so.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I would much prefer it to be dark, but everyone likes to make a big deal about how they can stay out later during the day because of the extended sunlight hours. I want to have the option. I suppose I could always ask to change shifts. The odds of that actually happening would be unlikely.

Anywho, I don't really have anything else to write about. No more progress on my diet. I've mostly given up staying on the strictness, but I am still staying under 2000 calories a day. I really do need to see a doctor about my thyroid. If that's not what's making it so hard for me to lose weight {and for me to gain weight so easily} then I have no idea what is causing it. If I completely avoid food altogether, I will lose the pounds. Even just skipping a day's worth of food has proven to cause me to lose about a pound.

I need to stop procrastinating ... perhaps I'll call the doc's on Monday and schedule an appointment.

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very, very, very small progress
Sunday. 3.6.11 1:13 am
I want to lose all 25+ pounds now dammit! I don't want to only lose 2 pounds/week. It's ridiculous that I can't lose more than that without relying on drastic measures. Like completely dropping the consumption of food altogether. Something I told myself I'd never do again.

I've been using the Ab Wheel that Jacob got me. I can tell it's working because my abs are slightly sore the next morning. I do about 15 reps one day, then about 10 the next and back to 15 the day after. So on and so forth. Hopefully it'll help in the sculpting. Least that's what it's supposed to do.

Anywho, I was driving to work this morning watching the car in front of me kind of sway back and forth from one side of the lane to the other. A few times they almost went into the adjoining lane, but never quite crossed over the line. I eventually moved around this person, but it got me thinking ... a person who drives like that probably never learned how to color in between the lines. It was an amusing thought.

I'm sick of work already. I've only been there for a little over 3 months. It's not a bad job, nor is it even as close as annoying as the last one, but I'm still sick of it. The monotony. Even when there's a code or I'm busy taking calls left and right, it's still all the same. Patrol here, walk there, unlock this, lock that. Monotony. Unfortunately I have a feeling I'd feel the same way about any job I have. Eventually it all becomes a routine. Too bad I can't just make a million or so on a stupid invention.

Or win the lotto. That'd be cool too.

Alright, I wanted to update on my dieting. And rant about a couple things.

Until next time NuTang . . .

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cheat day
Tuesday. 3.1.11 1:45 am
I was told by someone who is dieting, has been dieting, that a cheat day once a week is necessary in order to keep yourself sane while eating the same foods every single day.

Today was my cheat day.

I don't think I went too far over 2000 calories. I feel like lowering my calorie count isn't enough, though. I walk a lot at work. I even try to take the stairs most of the time too. I still feel like that's not enough.

I want to stop eating. It's worked in the past. Why would now be any different?

I need my insurance to come in so that I can see a doctor. When I was 13, which is the last time I saw a doc besides a gyno, I was told that I might have an enlarged thyroid. Which is what's probably affecting my lack of ability to lose weight. I'm not blaming it solely on that, but it's definitely a cause. I want to see a doctor now so that they can tell me if that is actually what's going on and to see if there's anything can be done.

I'll be going back on the lower calorie count diet tomorrow. One 200 calorie shake, one 200 calorie meal bar, 3 100 calorie snack bars and a 500 calorie dinner. Yesterday was the 3rd day in the diet and it was actually easier than the first two days. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier as well.

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