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moocher's anonymous
Wednesday. 8.19.09 4:49 pm
I am what they commonly call a "moocher." When I see someone eating something, I have a hard time not asking "can I please have some?"

I would also have to say that 7 out of 10 times, if I see someone eating something that looks good and I don't ask for some, I will go out at some point within a week and buy it for myself.


Today, I saw Franki eating chips. I tried really hard not to directly ask for some, but when I pointed them out to her, asking what kind they were, she was kind enough to offer me some.

Another example would be just this past Monday. Kim brought in baked beans, mac'n'cheese and some chicken. I now have macaroni and cheese and baked beans, cooked, in my fridge waiting to be eaten.

I've been that way for quite some time. Its just a horrible habit. There are times when I really want to ask, but I'll feel bad because I know I've asked these certain people before and I don't want them to feel like I'm taking advantage. Or I'll feel bad because I can't reciprocate.

Franki and I were joking about it today, saying that I should go to Moocher's Anonymous.

"Hi, my name is Cheryl. I'm a moocher."

The whole class would consist of telling mooching stories and being "sober" for however many days/weeks/months.

Some people I just won't ask. I'll want to. I'll be fighting the urge the whole time, but with these certain people, I'm just not close enough to them to feel comfortable mooching off them. It's still a fight having to resist.

I really need to work on these bad habits of mine.

Oh, on a side note ... why is it people only seem to ask how I'm doing when I don't actually feel well? Something always seems to be bothering me when people randomly ask how I'm doing. When I feel like nothing is bothering me and I don't have a whole lot to complain about, that's when no one asks how I'm doing. Maybe they can sense something is wrong? I don't know. Either way ... I almost feel obliged to wait to answer him until this thing goes away and I can answer him without complaining or lying saying that everything is peachy keen.

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goal reached and exceeded
Saturday. 8.15.09 8:02 pm
I filled up my gas tank on Friday before I went to work. Between the drive to work {from the casino, not from my home} and the driving I did after work I managed to use up a quarter of a tank of gas in just the one day.

The driving I did today I managed to use up another 1/8 of a tank so after driving tomorrow {since I appear to be done for the night} I'll have used up a full half a tank of gas.

It was some much needed driving though. Something I've needed to do for a while.

I've come to the sad realization that I text message way too much. When you get your cell phone bill and it's 36 pieces of paper, front and back {adding up to 72 pages total} and most of the pages consist of the texts sent and received ... you realize you spend far too much time texting. The monthly total for texts sent and received last month was 3555. That's more than an average of 100 per day.

What's even more sad than that? I won't stop doing it.

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going through withdrawls
Thursday. 8.13.09 3:05 pm
Due to a intense lack of current income, or an insane, sudden increase in bills, I am incredibly broke. I'm sure I've emphasized this a few times in the last however many blogs.

But due to that intense lack of monetary flow, I have only had enough gas in my car to get me to and from work for the last two weeks. I have thus been confined to my household ... except for last Saturday when my friend picked me up and we went bowling.

Now, you have to understand, I really enjoy driving. Sometimes I'd rather have someone else drive so I can sit back and relax, but for the most part, I'm fine driving around. I didn't actually start liking driving until about a week after I purchased my own vehicle.

Because of this enjoyment and my lack of being able to do so, I'm starting to really go out of my mind. I get paid tomorrow and I plan on filling up my tank and wasting at least a quarter of it by just driving around. I don't really care too much if I'm by myself or if I have someone with me, but if I have someone with me it'll at least give me a direction to head in and a destination.

I'm okay going without food. I'm okay turning off my AC for a little while. I'm alright even keeping lights off. I just need to be able to go out on the road and take off. Sometimes I'd rather be alone. It gives me time to clear my head or even time to think. Something I really don't need a specific time to do; my mind is already too busy doing that. I wish there were an on/off switch.

Tomorrow I'll be offering up my chauffeuring services to a couple people for the weekend. We'll see if I get any takers.

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quick pit stop
Tuesday. 8.11.09 6:26 pm
I decided to write a blog real quick. I'm bouncing between websites, browsing nothing really, but I felt like making an elongated stop here. Just long enough to write something.

I worked 12 hours today and I'll probably be doing it again tomorrow. I didn't have too much of a problem doing it today, but I had laundry to do before I could actually stop and relax for the evening. Something I like to do as early as possible in the day just to be done with it.

I actually like doing laundry ... as long as I don't have to leave my residence to do so. Not having my own washer and dryer is a pain in the ass. It forces me to leave my apartment when I don't want to. It also forces me to be publicly decent. I can't wear my normal laundry day clothes; they're not publicly decent.

Still broke. Only three more days until I have money placed briefly into my account before it's all taken back out to pay the rest of my month's bills. And then the vicious cycle starts over again next month.

I was told two things today that I'm not sure how to take. One, I was told I think about someone way more often than I rightfully should. And two, that I seem to be happier as of late. I'm not actually happier. At least I don't personally think so, but I suppose it's because the person who told me this only sees me while I'm at work. They don't know how I am or anything outside of the building. Either way, it caught me a little off guard today.

Uhm, yeah that's the quick update. Nothing special. Just felt like dropping some useless info.

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a lack of motivation
Saturday. 8.8.09 3:32 pm
Staring at my ceiling just now, I came to the realization that I only seem to want to blog when something is bothering me. At least its been that way over the last few months.

You'd think that I'd want to talk about all the good that happens. But when that good actually does happen, I simply don't feel like writing about it. I'm not sure why.

Another thing that's going on right now is a complete lack of motivation on my part. I really should leave my apartment, but I just don't have the proper motivation. The fact that I'm saving up my gas since I won't have money until the 14th is only just an excuse. I can borrow money from someone if absolutely necessary.

I have a movie I need to return, but I haven't watched it yet. Why? No motivation. I'm simply not in the mood to sit and watch it. I've had it for a few weeks now, but it's just been sitting on my floor.

I want to drink tonight, but I doubt it'll happen simply because I'm not motivated enough to get the bottle out of my freezer.

Maybe I'll just spend the weekend laying on my bed. Not what most people would call a good weekend, but I have nothing else to do. Or I have a lot to do, but just can't bring myself to go out and do it.

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Wednesday. 8.5.09 7:36 pm
Alright, I admit, I actually haven't been on NuTang that often as of late. It just doesn't hold the same interest it used to. It's only a phase. I know cuz I've been through it before. I just don't know how long this phase will last.

Actually I haven't really been on the internet at all. I come on to play videos on Youtube, but that's about it. I can't stand myspace or facebook. I'm ready to just delete them both. I know I won't do it because at some point later on I'll just have to recreate them and that's a hassle I don't want to have to deal with.

I'm broke beyond broke. Like, I literally have about $40 to my name until next Friday when I get paid again. I have to call up my insurance company and explain that I'll be paying my dues three days late and hopefully they'll understand and not charge me extra fees.

I'm very confused about the whole Jacob thing. One day he'll want me around and want to hang and chill; then the next he'll avoid me like the plague. I've let go some, but I'm still working on it.

I can understand if you don't really want to read this. The whole purpose, really, was to come here and complain. I've been feeling pretty shitty and out of it over the last few days. Probably since Friday or Saturday and all I really want to do it bitch and moan about things.

I've decided it's probably not a good idea for me to drive when I'm pissed off or upset, but sometimes I just can't avoid it. Like the other night when I went to work. I had to drive then. But when I get out on the highway all I want to do is be wreckless. I want to speed and cause some sort of destruction.

Chaos. One of my friends told me that the world wouldn't survive without some sort of chaos. Organized or otherwise. I think he's right.

Blah. I need to go to bed. I have to be up in 6 hours.

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