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making my daily rounds
Thursday. 8.20.09 4:39 pm
Wow, about all I have to say is that I'm bored. I've been bouncing back and forth between here, youtube, myspace and facebook. In pretty much that order.

I have no plans for this weekend. I don't think I'll be out driving around quite as much. I still plan on getting out of my apartment though. If nothing more than to go bowling {which seems to be a weekend thing.} Sadly, even though I seem to go bowling at least once a week, I'm only getting slightly better. My game average went up from a 100 to a 110. Either way, I have fun. It'd still be nice to beat my all time high score of 151. I haven't even come close since that day.

In completely other news, I'm going to write about random stuff and I think I feel a mini rant coming on. So if you'd like to stop reading here, I won't mind.

I know that there are a few guys at work that have an attraction towards me. Most of them are drivers; at least that I'm aware of. Who knows how many more people actually feel the same way they do that I'm just completely unaware of. As of right now I'm aware of 9 guys that I see on a daily basis that are attracted to me. At least, they're the ones who are open about it. Who knows how many more feel that way, but don't say or act towards anything.

Some of them I'm comfortable talking more openly about things compared to the others. It's probably just the way I get along with those specific people. Only one person that I know if is slightly jealous and that's because he's friends with one of the people I'm more comfortable with talking to. I just don't feel the same way towards him. Oh well. He'll just have to get over himself.

I'm having some issues with not being able to be myself again. I have things I want to talk about and it's driving me crazy not being able to talk about them. To anyone. No one can know. And it's really starting to get to me. I can't act on certain things either because of the same reason. I've had to deal with this before and eventually it got to me too much.

I'm pretty sure I'd be able to talk to a professional about it without feeling like I'm saying too much, but unfortunately can't afford that right now. I'm going to look into it when I get insurance.

Maybe I'll write up a private entry with all of the things I need to get off my chest.

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moocher's anonymous
Wednesday. 8.19.09 4:49 pm
I am what they commonly call a "moocher." When I see someone eating something, I have a hard time not asking "can I please have some?"

I would also have to say that 7 out of 10 times, if I see someone eating something that looks good and I don't ask for some, I will go out at some point within a week and buy it for myself.

Examples:

Today, I saw Franki eating chips. I tried really hard not to directly ask for some, but when I pointed them out to her, asking what kind they were, she was kind enough to offer me some.

Another example would be just this past Monday. Kim brought in baked beans, mac'n'cheese and some chicken. I now have macaroni and cheese and baked beans, cooked, in my fridge waiting to be eaten.

I've been that way for quite some time. Its just a horrible habit. There are times when I really want to ask, but I'll feel bad because I know I've asked these certain people before and I don't want them to feel like I'm taking advantage. Or I'll feel bad because I can't reciprocate.

Franki and I were joking about it today, saying that I should go to Moocher's Anonymous.

"Hi, my name is Cheryl. I'm a moocher."

The whole class would consist of telling mooching stories and being "sober" for however many days/weeks/months.

Some people I just won't ask. I'll want to. I'll be fighting the urge the whole time, but with these certain people, I'm just not close enough to them to feel comfortable mooching off them. It's still a fight having to resist.

I really need to work on these bad habits of mine.

Oh, on a side note ... why is it people only seem to ask how I'm doing when I don't actually feel well? Something always seems to be bothering me when people randomly ask how I'm doing. When I feel like nothing is bothering me and I don't have a whole lot to complain about, that's when no one asks how I'm doing. Maybe they can sense something is wrong? I don't know. Either way ... I almost feel obliged to wait to answer him until this thing goes away and I can answer him without complaining or lying saying that everything is peachy keen.

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goal reached and exceeded
Saturday. 8.15.09 8:02 pm
I filled up my gas tank on Friday before I went to work. Between the drive to work {from the casino, not from my home} and the driving I did after work I managed to use up a quarter of a tank of gas in just the one day.

The driving I did today I managed to use up another 1/8 of a tank so after driving tomorrow {since I appear to be done for the night} I'll have used up a full half a tank of gas.

It was some much needed driving though. Something I've needed to do for a while.

I've come to the sad realization that I text message way too much. When you get your cell phone bill and it's 36 pieces of paper, front and back {adding up to 72 pages total} and most of the pages consist of the texts sent and received ... you realize you spend far too much time texting. The monthly total for texts sent and received last month was 3555. That's more than an average of 100 per day.

What's even more sad than that? I won't stop doing it.

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going through withdrawls
Thursday. 8.13.09 3:05 pm
Due to a intense lack of current income, or an insane, sudden increase in bills, I am incredibly broke. I'm sure I've emphasized this a few times in the last however many blogs.

But due to that intense lack of monetary flow, I have only had enough gas in my car to get me to and from work for the last two weeks. I have thus been confined to my household ... except for last Saturday when my friend picked me up and we went bowling.

Now, you have to understand, I really enjoy driving. Sometimes I'd rather have someone else drive so I can sit back and relax, but for the most part, I'm fine driving around. I didn't actually start liking driving until about a week after I purchased my own vehicle.

Because of this enjoyment and my lack of being able to do so, I'm starting to really go out of my mind. I get paid tomorrow and I plan on filling up my tank and wasting at least a quarter of it by just driving around. I don't really care too much if I'm by myself or if I have someone with me, but if I have someone with me it'll at least give me a direction to head in and a destination.

I'm okay going without food. I'm okay turning off my AC for a little while. I'm alright even keeping lights off. I just need to be able to go out on the road and take off. Sometimes I'd rather be alone. It gives me time to clear my head or even time to think. Something I really don't need a specific time to do; my mind is already too busy doing that. I wish there were an on/off switch.

Tomorrow I'll be offering up my chauffeuring services to a couple people for the weekend. We'll see if I get any takers.

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quick pit stop
Tuesday. 8.11.09 6:26 pm
I decided to write a blog real quick. I'm bouncing between websites, browsing nothing really, but I felt like making an elongated stop here. Just long enough to write something.

I worked 12 hours today and I'll probably be doing it again tomorrow. I didn't have too much of a problem doing it today, but I had laundry to do before I could actually stop and relax for the evening. Something I like to do as early as possible in the day just to be done with it.

I actually like doing laundry ... as long as I don't have to leave my residence to do so. Not having my own washer and dryer is a pain in the ass. It forces me to leave my apartment when I don't want to. It also forces me to be publicly decent. I can't wear my normal laundry day clothes; they're not publicly decent.

Still broke. Only three more days until I have money placed briefly into my account before it's all taken back out to pay the rest of my month's bills. And then the vicious cycle starts over again next month.

I was told two things today that I'm not sure how to take. One, I was told I think about someone way more often than I rightfully should. And two, that I seem to be happier as of late. I'm not actually happier. At least I don't personally think so, but I suppose it's because the person who told me this only sees me while I'm at work. They don't know how I am or anything outside of the building. Either way, it caught me a little off guard today.

Uhm, yeah that's the quick update. Nothing special. Just felt like dropping some useless info.

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a lack of motivation
Saturday. 8.8.09 3:32 pm
Staring at my ceiling just now, I came to the realization that I only seem to want to blog when something is bothering me. At least its been that way over the last few months.

You'd think that I'd want to talk about all the good that happens. But when that good actually does happen, I simply don't feel like writing about it. I'm not sure why.

Another thing that's going on right now is a complete lack of motivation on my part. I really should leave my apartment, but I just don't have the proper motivation. The fact that I'm saving up my gas since I won't have money until the 14th is only just an excuse. I can borrow money from someone if absolutely necessary.

I have a movie I need to return, but I haven't watched it yet. Why? No motivation. I'm simply not in the mood to sit and watch it. I've had it for a few weeks now, but it's just been sitting on my floor.

I want to drink tonight, but I doubt it'll happen simply because I'm not motivated enough to get the bottle out of my freezer.

Maybe I'll just spend the weekend laying on my bed. Not what most people would call a good weekend, but I have nothing else to do. Or I have a lot to do, but just can't bring myself to go out and do it.

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