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alone day
Monday. 5.18.09 12:16 pm
I have been almost constantly busy {or at least it feels that way} for the last few weeks. I need a day where I do absolutely nothing at all. A day where I don't leave my apartment for any reason {except an emergency} and where I don't actually do more work than fixing myself some food.

I need a day where I don't send out text messages or make phone calls. A day where my blinds and door stay shut. Franki is the only one who doesn't count towards the text message thing because she's in on the alone day. I can text her and it won't count against me. Anyone else though? It counts against me. She doesn't think I can go the whole day. I've done it before; it just doesn't happen often.

I'm finally coming to the realization that, at least for now, our relationship really is done. Who knows what the future will bring. But if it brings us back together, well, then that's for the future to tell. Right now, though, it's not happening. And I need to move on.

I'm not going to cut myself off completely from Jacob. He still means quite a bit to me and I care about him. But I need to finally focus my mind on me. I need to stop thinking about whether my actions will affect him or not. I doubt he's thinking that way. It's probably going to still take some time for the transition to fully take place and who knows, maybe it won't take long at all. Or it could just not fully happen. Either way, it's time for me.

Today is a part of that. I don't really feel like talking to anyone or going anywhere today, hence the shutting myself in for the day. I'm doing it for me and only me.

Tomorrow I'm going to make some plans. I don't want to work in retail again, but Big Lots is hiring for part time and that's what I need. I've already worked there, I know what to do and I'm pretty sure I'm rehireable. So I'm considering stopping by there after work to talk to the manager.

I also need to go into the storage unit to get my floor lamp and my hangers. I'm going to go through some of my other stuff, too just to see if there's anything I want to bring back to my apartment. That will either take place tomorrow or Wednesday depending on how I feel after work tomorrow.

Alright, that's it.

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update
Saturday. 5.16.09 12:04 am
I am officially living on my own again. It's not in the best part of town, but that's where all the cheaper apartments are. I can barely afford this as is, but I'm going to manage somehow.

It's a lot smaller than the one I had in Tucson, but it's only for me and I really didn't have that much stuff to begin with. I've gotten most of what I brought over today unpacked, but I still have the rest to do. Basically the dishes. I don't know why I bought so many different kinds of pots and pans. I'm not a cook. I do need to see about purchasing a microwave. I'm okay not having a dishwasher. I need a microwave.

It's a quaint little place. I'd prefer the one bedroom because it's bigger and just simply to have a seperate bedroom from the rest of the apartment. Unfortunately I can only afford the studio so I stick with the one open room that morphs into the kitchen area.

I'm glad to be away from Jake's mom, though. It's amazing how much hate can come from one person. Even when you do everything that is asked/told, they will still find a reason to be pissed at you. I thought I was leaving on okay terms. I'm not going so far as to say I left on good terms. Due to the break-up and her son leaving kind of ruined that. But I didn't think she'd be that pissed. Whatever. That's why I'm here now instead of still there.

I have more stuff to say, but I'm hella tired. I've been up for almost 24 hours and I've been working and moving nearly non-stop since I got up. As soon as I finish my Volcano Burrito {from Taco Bell} I'm going to hit the sack.

Hopefully my hiatus won't be too much longer.

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part 1 of a long entry to come
Monday. 5.11.09 3:31 pm
Here's the short story as to what's been going on.

Jacob and I are taking a break. We don't have the titles "boyfriend and girlfriend" anymore, but we still see each other, hang out, talk, etc. He left the house a week from yesterday and the same day I was given 30 days to evict the house.

His mom seems to think that with us not dating anymore, he won't come back to even visit while I'm still here. So she's making me leave. Even though in the last week, he's been here to see her twice or three times, but whatever. It's long past due time for me to leave anyway.

I've found an apartment. I'll be moving in on Friday. It's not very big ... I'm sure in two or three pictures I'll be able to get the whole apartment, but it's cheap and it's what I need for just me.

I'm still hurting; it has only been just a week since all this happened. But with time, things will get better.

Either part of the reason or the whole reason we're seperated is so that we can find out who we are. We both need to get our lives in order on our own time before we can have a life together. I still want the relationship to work and he's told me the same thing, but I need to find out who I am and what I want to do with myself before it can work. He's doing the same thing.

Only time will tell where this is all going to end up.

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extended hiatus
Sunday. 5.3.09 5:34 pm
It appears my hiatus will last longer than expected.

Some things have come up, rather suddenly, and I need to figure them out before I can come back here.

Let's just say it's not looking good right now.

I don't want to talk about it either.

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see ya
Wednesday. 4.29.09 3:20 pm
I'm going on hiatus again.

I'll still be lurking and commenting around, but I won't be updating unless I really feel like something needs to be updated.

I'll be back. Sooner or later. Just like last time.

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this entry won't make sense
Tuesday. 4.28.09 4:01 pm
There's quite a few things going on right now. I'm not sure yet if it's all for the better or worse.

I supposed it'd be, in general, for the better, but being the pessimist that I am, I can't help but think of the bad coming out of it also.

All I know is that it's going to take time.

We were supposed to go on a vacation to Michigan next month. That's not happening now. I don't really feel like explaining why. I don't know when we'll be taking a vacation together.

I don't enjoy going to work anymore. I suppose that's when it's time to start looking for something else. Even before, when I'd complain about going to work, once I was there, it {usually} went by just fine. Now with the new supervisor, I don't look forward to work at all. Ever.

I've made a mental list of things to do within the next two weeks. I need to write them down and make something of a check-list. This way I'll have the reminder right in front of me. And I'll be able to see what I've taken care of and what I still need to take care of.

Ugh. I just don't feel like writing anymore. At least not for today.

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