working up the motivation to become motivated
Saturday. 7.2.11 2:37 am
Yes, at two thirty seven in the AM, I am thinking about how I can improve and the steps that need to be taken towards improving.
I've been lacking a certain amount of motivation as of late and it usually gets to me in the middle of the night.
I need to work on my math so that I can test in to a higher math class. At least the lowest college level course so that I don't have to pay extra money just to have someone teach me things I can learn at home for free.
I need to get in to shape. Walking up two flights of stairs gets me winded. The 30+ pounds that I've gained in the last however many months needs to go away. Which means, yes, I'm considering going to the gym again. There's this fairly cheap gym down the street from me, that I can walk to, that offers free personal trainers. I need the push, the drive, the challenge in order to keep at it. Which is the job of a personal trainer; to push you when you can't push yourself any further.
I am going to get in to school in the fall. I am going to start motivating to do better. To improve my life.
Now if only these things stuck with me during the waking, daylight hours when it's necessary to have this sort of drive and not right before I'm about to knock out for the night.
16 years is too long
Thursday. 6.30.11 11:09 pm
tomorrow's exciting agenda
Saturday. 6.25.11 11:36 pm
First, though, I need to emphasize how tired I am right now. I got off work at 10pm last night, then had to be back at work at 6am this morning and work until 10pm tonight. Needless to say, having only gotten maybe 3-ish hours of sleep last night and working the 16 hours today, I'm rather tired.
But in order for me to have something to wear for tomorrow, I needed to do a load of wash and take a shower. So I can't go to sleep quite yet. What's going on tomorrow, you ask? Well, I shall inform you.
It'll be my first one ever and I couldn't be more excited. Jacob and I are meeting up with a couple friends and we'll be getting some breakfast before making our way to the parade route. Probably IHOP or something along the same lines.
The parade itself is due to start at 11am and is supposed to run for about 2 1/2 hours. Then there's this brunch after the parade, but I'm not sure if we'll be attending that. It hasn't been discussed yet.
I do need to be home by 5pm, though. I have my volunteer shift at PAWS.
Even with as tired as I am and having the knowledge that I won't be able to sleep in tomorrow as I normally hope for after working 16 hours, I know that it'll be worth it to get up early and go out.
Here's to Seattle Pride!
please, don't stop on my account
Friday. 6.24.11 1:17 am
I know all of you have experienced this at some point in their life: where you walk towards some people talking, they stop when they see you nearby and continue talking when you're not near them anymore.
This generally happens for one of two reasons. One, they're talking about you and don't want you to hear them. Or two, they don't want you to hear what they're talking about for fear you might tell someone else.
I ran in to a situation like this today. However, there's a catch.
I walk towards a closed door, but I can hear that there are two people in the room I'm approaching. I open the door and the conversation stops. I go in, hit the button that tracks where I've patrolled and walked out. As soon as the door shut behind me, the conversation started up again. What makes this different from normal situations like that?
They weren't speaking English. I had no clue what they were saying, nor did I really give a shit. Yet, for some reason, they felt compelled to stop speaking while I was in the room.
It wasn't even a typical language that I might have learned in school. If they had been speaking Spanish, French or even German or Japanese, then maybe I could understand the possibility of me maybe understanding some of what they were saying. But they were speaking some kind of African language. Something they don't teach you in school. Least not high school.
It irked me for the simple fact that it's fairly obvious that I would have no idea what they were saying. I'm unmistakably white. You can't even pretend that I might be some other race. The odds of me understanding what you're saying are less than slim to none.
So please, by all means, continue your conversation. Pretend I'm not even in the room. I have no clue what the fuck you're saying.
miffed for no apparent reason
Wednesday. 6.22.11 3:59 pm
I woke up this morning feeling okay, but as soon as I got to work, I felt pissed off. I have really no idea why either. Nothing obviously apparent sticks out as a trigger, but here I am, getting pissed at quite literally everything. Every person that walks by requires me to make eye contact and at least smile. That pisses me off.
The simple fact that I have to be at work is pissing me off. I don't want to do anything. I'm not even sure if I want to go home. I just don't want to be here.
It's entirely possible that something that's happened recently, but not today, is what's triggering me to dislike everything. Maybe an event or statement that occurred or was said sometime in the last couple days is what's causing it. The problem with that, however, is that I can't even begin to narrow down what it could possibly be.
Another thing that's put me in a rather ornery state is that fact that I need to jump through flaming hoops just to register my car in the state of WA. It would almost seem easier to trade in my car for a new one here so that I don't have to deal with all the transferring of information from NV to here. I don't have the time to jump through said hoops before my registration expires.
This is causing me to not wait until Monday, as previously planned, but to get up early tomorrow and hope that I can do at least some of the paperwork in person at the vehicle registration place before I have to go to work. This way there might be a possibility that I can get the required information transferred before the middle of next month rather than the "up to 60 days" that I was told by my financer.
Ugh, now that I'm done ranting I think I'll end this before it gets any further. Or I get any more pissed.
tired! but so worth it
Sunday. 6.19.11 12:15 am
I got three hours of sleep last night and after having gotten off work at 10pm, had to be back to work at 6am. I did this because I needed to have the afternoon free. Why you might ask?
Roller derby, of course!!!
Tonight's bout was so much more fun than the one we went to two months ago. I'm not sure if it's because all the home teams were competing against each other to see who would go to the finals, or if it was because we had a more fun group and were actually able to hang out afterwards and grab a bite to eat. Either way, this time was much more fun.
Next month will be awesome because it's the final bout of the season; the championship game. It also happens to fall on a Sunday, which is my day off anyway. I won't have to worry about taking a day off or swapping shifts with anyone. It's also the day off of like 5 other people who are probably going to next month's as well. Hopefully next month will be the biggest group yet. I'm hoping to get at least 6, possibly 8 people to go, including myself. We'll have to wait and see what happens.
In 4 hours, I will have been up for 24, but I'm not going to stay awake that long. I'll actually probably go to bed after I'm done typing this up.
I just wanted to write about how exciting the night was and how much fun I had.
Tomorrow will be nice. I'm off work, I can sleep in and then I have my PAWS volunteer shift tomorrow night. Then Monday, I've got to actually get up a little early so that I can make my way downtown and register for the one class that I want to take this summer. If I can't get in to that one class, then I'm going to look in to this internship that the Seattle Aquarium is hosting this summer. Perhaps that would be great fun and great experience to put towards a future career. We'll see how school goes on Monday, though.
Until next time NuTang . . .
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