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Rejection: number 17
Monday. 10.13.14 4:20 pm
I'm not actually keeping track of how many times shit has gone south over the last few months, but 17 is a good number. It's entirely randomly chosen.

I didn't get the position that I interviewed for. I'm more upset by the fact that I have to deal with the rejection of it, adding it to the ever-growing list of things that haven't worked out, than I am about actually not getting the position. I wasn't terribly interested in getting it to begin with, mostly due to the hours, but I was really hoping it would be my ticket out of where I'm at. Going in to a job that I don't want to do would be counterproductive anyway. There'll be a spot opening up at another facility soon, but I want to be there about as much as I want to be where I currently am so going for that would be along the same lines as why I originally tried for the position I was turned down from.

My response to this rejection was to blow up my friends phones by telling them that I'm doomed to be stuck at the place I'm at ... forever. With a corresponding crying face. I stayed quiet the rest of the shift and avoided any kind of social situation. It's probably a good thing I didn't tell anyone in my own department that I was trying to leave. At least everyone else I told will just encourage me to keep trying. I put in 7 more applications this morning. Four of them are all in the same building, but since there were different job numbers, why the fuck not? Can't hurt. Worst that could happen is that the number in the title goes up to the 20s or 30s.

I made two phone calls when I got home from work. I have an appointment set up to get my back fixed, finally. It's still not for some time, but the fact that I have an appointment set up and a design being worked on, I'm stoked. It's been messed up for 8 years and to know that I'll finally have a reputable artist fixing it is awesome. Plus, more ink. What other reason do I need? Duh!

The other is an appointment to meet with a therapist. I'd been thinking about going back, but kept putting it off. I put it off the week before my birthday and it didn't happen last week either so with the negativity that occurred this morning, I knew it was time to finally make that phone call. I actually called a different guy from the one I was originally going to call. I looked at his information again and something told me not to call that guy. So I went with another one who's 'about me' section got my attention. We'll see how the first meet goes. I'm usually a pretty good judge of character when I first meet someone. Every once in a while I'm wrong, but not often. My sister is the same way.

I don't know why I keep getting turned down for positions that I'm applying/interviewing for. Something has to give at some point, right? Where the fuck is the open door that I'm supposed to go through? Hell, I'll take a fucking window at this point. Something open that I can go through and come out on the other side as a success story. I deserve something to go right in my life, dammit.

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Defiance
Sunday. 10.12.14 4:24 pm
I admit, I did got caught up in the hype of the Seahawks' winning streak last year, all the way up until the point at which they won the Super Bowl. I said it was hard not to, being so close to the stadiums and all. I think I was just looking for an excuse to tell people who have known me the entire 4 years I've lived here and know that I'm definitely not in to sports. I was also working at Sam's Club then and people would come in and the excitement was contagious.

Today, hearing the crowd roar ebb and flow with each play against the Cowboys just annoys the hell out of me. This is the first home game of the season that I've been home the entire time and I, unfortunately, wasn't able to stay asleep long enough for the game to be over. This year, I absolutely refuse to get caught up in the hype. I don't give a fuck how well they're doing or who they've beaten or any of it. I'm not in to sports; I never have been and if I couldn't have my mind swayed with last year's spectacle, nothing is going to make me 'come around.'

If my future significant other is in to sports, he can keep it. I'll find other things to do on game day. I may participate in some activities, if asked, but I'm not going to pretend that I'm in to something I'm not.

Anywho, I'm back to wearing my old glasses for now. The eye place is closed today and tomorrow so I have to wait until Tuesday before I can bring them back. They're going to get really sick of dealing with me, but hey, I need glasses that don't make me dizzy and disorient me. Which is exactly what happened to me today. I'm not supposed to leave work while I'm on the clock, but I was starting to walk around without them because it was less disorienting to see everything in a blur. If I looked through one lens at a time, it was fine, but both together fucked with me too much. One of the ladies joked and told me to get an eye patch, turn myself in to a pirate for the day. When I go in there on Tuesday, I'm going to see about scheduling an appointment to get fitted for contacts. Hopefully those don't get fucked up the same as the glasses.

I'm already halfway through season 1 of The Blacklist so there's no way that I'm going to to still have that to keep me entertained throughout the rest of this week. I know that season 2 is on Hulu, but I'd still need something to fill in the in between times. New episodes only air once a week.

Any suggestions?

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Symmetry
Saturday. 10.11.14 4:54 pm
For those rare moments when just one isn't enough ...

Leave it up to a new pair of glasses to remind you that your face, in fact, is definitely not symmetrical. I know that my facial structure is asymmetrical. Everyone's is. Having something to put on your face and trying to make it 'even' is a fast reminder that if you try to make them line up to your eyes, they'll appear crooked. If you try to line them up to an even horizontal line, they won't line up to your eyes and will then make seeing clearly rather challenging. Now, I like a challenge as much as the next person, but being a visually impaired individual kind of requires me to just have to deal with the annoyance of the fact that they will never be 'even.'

My eyes are still adjusting to the new prescription, but I had my tattoo consult today so I had to venture out. It's not messed up enough that I'm incapable of seeing clearly. It just makes me feel like my vision is a little out of whack, despite being able to see clearly. It may have something to do with the fact that the lenses are different prescriptions, with one being a considerable amount stronger than the other. If it's still like this by the end of the week, I'll go back in and see if they can check the prescription to make sure that the correction to the defective lens didn't affect the prescription as well.

Have you ever seen pictures online of people who have played around with photo editing programs where they take your face and split it exactly down the center, then make each side exactly symmetrical? Where they take the left side of your face and create a mirror image of it as the right side and vice versa? I would actually love to see what my face looks like done that way, just to see how radically different I would look should my face be exactly symmetrical. Now to find someone who has access to that kind of program and is good with it.

The entry prior to this one is only small pieces of a bigger picture. It's not very well put together, but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters. Which is also why it has a password; if you know it feel free to read it, but it could be taken out of context or misconstrued without knowing the whole thought process.

Anywho, back to The Blacklist.

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Gone missing
Saturday. 10.11.14 1:28 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Adjustments
Friday. 10.10.14 5:33 pm
I'm not terribly satisfied with my new glasses. It's been 4 years since the last ones, so I don't remember how long it took for me to adjust to the new prescription. I remember loving the frames, though. I like the look of these ... just not on my face. Everyone else who has seen me with them on thinks they look fine. And I know that they're the type of people who will be blunt about it if they don't look right. I guess we'll see how I feel by next weekend. I don't know exactly what's making me not okay with them, but I'm not feeling the same way I did 4 years ago when I got the other ones.

I didn't go anywhere today. Trying to adjust to these new glasses kept me from wanting to leave. I know that it'll be exactly the same tomorrow, but I have an appointment so I kind of have to go out. I have to do my laundry tomorrow as well, but other than the appointment and making up for the one thing I didn't do today, I will be spending the day inside.

I'm caught up on The Walking Dead. The new season starts Sunday and it appears that I can watch the episodes on the show's website the day after one airs so I'll have to check that out on Monday. I've begun The Blacklist so that'll keep me occupied for at least a week. I'm not sure how much I'll get watched tonight, but the sun hasn't even set yet so I've got some time to kill before I go to sleep. I'm hoping for at least 6 episodes to be completed before bed.

It looks like we might finally be done with the possibility of getting above 70. It only took forever. I'm so ready for the weather to be cold, wet and miserable. I want to go in to work and listen to everyone complain about the weather. It's probably wrong for a small part of me to be satisfied that people are miserable when it's like that, huh?

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Flirting with disaster and maintaining professionalism
Thursday. 10.9.14 4:44 pm
The thing I was hoping to avoid happened today. The wonderful thing about maintaining a certain level of professionalism is that it can get you through most anything. Despite the fact that it made me rather nervous {as I expected} it didn't feel forced, faked or awkward. Bittersweet was the word used to describe how I might have been feeling and I would have to agree that it's the best term to use for that particular situation.

Still, I wish I could have told him how nice it was to be able to hear from him.

The apartment that I was hoping to look at and apply for tomorrow has already been approved for someone else. I guess it was too good to be true. I would have loved that place. The perfect size, location and price. Oh well. And the search continues.

The spot on my arm has grown in size again, but only a little bit. It's not quite the size of a half dollar, but it's getting there. It's bigger than a quarter. Still no itching and a nurse asked today if it was hot to the touch, which it's not any more warm than the rest of my arm. Although, my fingers have been cold all day so that probably doesn't help. I need someone with warm fingers to see if this spot is warm.

I picked up my glasses today. They were ready a bit earlier than I was expecting so I'm going to start wearing them tomorrow. The jog that I was going to go for after work today has been postponed until tomorrow, since I wanted to get the frames before the shop closed. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with them ... yet. We'll see after I wear them for a bit tomorrow.

I have one thing to do tomorrow, but other than that I'm in for the remainder of the weekend. This is the first week in over a year that I won't be getting a paycheck from Sam's and it's reflecting in my finances. I'm not going to be negative, but I'm going to be strapped for cash until next week when I get paid again. It'll be another short check {thanks to the two days I took off this week} so the credit card to rebuild my credit will have to wait ... again. Oh well. I guess it's probably a good thing I didn't get the chance to apply for that apartment. I probably wouldn't have been approved anyway.

Time to take my hair down and dive in to Netflix for the weekend. Here's to hoping I can actually motivate myself to leave my pod at some point tomorrow.

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