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welcome to my mind ...

The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
Well, hello there.
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early
Sunday. 2.28.10 7:54 am
I have no reason to be awake this early. Yet here I am. I tried going back to sleep, but it was unsuccessful ... obviously.

I'll probably end up dozing off again in about an hour.

I've been attempting to write up something for the past few days, but halfway through the attempt, I suddenly lose interest and just click off the page. I'll publish this one, but it might not be any longer than this.

Yeah, this is all I've got. I'm not in the mood to write about my problems today.

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I pray for you
Tuesday. 2.23.10 5:45 pm



It's a really messed up song if you actually listen carefully to the lyrics ...

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stuck in limbo
Sunday. 2.21.10 9:10 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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taking your own advice ...
Monday. 2.15.10 6:57 pm
... is much, much harder than you'd think.

You can tell a hundred people the same advice for the same situation, but once you're in that exact situation yourself, you have no idea how to handle it. Even though you've explained and repeated how to deal with it a hundred times already.

I hate holidays, btw. It's just coincidence that yesterday happened to be the one holiday I dislike the most. That's probably why I'm feeling all pissy lately. Stupid commercialized holidays. Yesterday's was the most ridiculous one of them all.

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let's try this again
Sunday. 2.14.10 12:54 am
Sitting at work hoping the time passes quickly is useless. Time never passes quickly when you aren't doing anything. Even when you're sleeping time doesn't pass quickly.

I was given some advice and I'm going to try to take it. I don't know how well it'll work out, but I can try. I was basically told to play "hard to get." Doing so will be beneficial in me finding out, to some extent, just how much I'm wanted. I want to believe now that he's trying to prove that he cares, but my friend has a point. If I give in every time, then he doesn't have to try very hard. I don't remember the last time I said, "no, not today/tonight" or "maybe next time; I'm busy today." I'm afraid of the outcome should I start saying no. But I guess if it is the outcome I don't want, then there really was no point in me trying so hard to hold on.

I almost told someone my secret. I think I might actually tell my sister. It's not really any of her business, but she's pretty much the only one I can trust. And the fact that she sees that something is going on, I'm pretty sure she already has an idea. I just don't know how she'd react if it were openly confirmed. I'll see how this week goes. I don't know if she'll be home at all this week, but she knows that it'll happen. It's been happening for the last few weeks. Oh well.

I hate work right now. And I don't even care if the camera sees that I'm typing this out. I'm so ready to quit. I've already put in my transfer paperwork, but I don't know how soon something will become available. I need something that pays more. If I were getting paid what I'm making right now for overtime as my regular pay, I'd definitely stay and deal with the fucked up drama. Unfortunately the economy doesn't work that way. And at my pay right now, the drama just isn't worth it. Everything is fine until 6:30am when my boss shows up. It's not just me who feels that way. Both of my coworkers feel the same.

I have just under 6 hours left just sitting here doing my time. On weekends I'd prefer to work swing shift, but this is the only thing available. I'll probably be working Saturday nights until they find someone to replace the position. I need the extra money to help catch me up. And it's really not like I do anything on Saturday nights anyway. Hell, I hardly do anything on Friday nights either, but I'd like to keep it open just in case the rare plan is made. Or spontaneity occurs.

Anywho, I suppose it's time to find something else to watch on Hulu. Watching movies or a bunch of 45 minute shows will kill the rest of my time here. That's not what I had written before when my internet decided to crap out, but it got across some points I wanted to talk about. Till next time NuTang. . .

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gah! stupid internet!
Saturday. 2.13.10 5:04 pm
I just had a fairly lengthy blog typed out and my internet decides it wants to stop working right when I hit the publish button. Because it stopped working, I couldn't even hit the backspace button to copy and paste everything I had written out!

Fuck you internet!

~~ on a side note, I'll be working OT tonight so I'll probably try and retype it up then.

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