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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Not-so-super glue
Wednesday. 10.8.14 6:01 pm
I can only fake being okay with things for so long before I crack. The ball of hate showed through the cracks yesterday, but I was able to glue some of them together today. I'm not sure how much they'll hold tomorrow, but at least it's the last day in my short week. And I'm *hopefully* working with people who I don't have to feel like I'm babysitting. Professional babysitters get paid more than I do. If I didn't dislike kids so much, I'd go for being a nanny.

There's a spot on my arm and it was about the size of a dime yesterday, but it has since grown to about the size of a quarter. It doesn't itch and there's only pain when there's pressure applied. It kind of looked like a zit, but with the way the spot around it has grown, I'm thinking it might be a spider bite. With the exception of it not itching, that's kind of how I reacted the last couple times I got bit. I guess I'll wait and see if it continues to grow or if it finally shrinks down a little bit. If it gets much bigger, I suppose I'll schedule an appointment with the doc. After the MRI results came back negative, I'm incredibly weary to be going in for something unless it's an emergency.

I told one of my friends today that I'm not going to hold my breath on anything anymore. I'm getting really tired of not being able to breathe. It's my attempt at a joke on a rather serious aspect of my life. I get excited about something only to have it fall through later. Then I find something else to get excited about just to have that fall through as well. I'm tired of falling and choking. So now I'm just this little ball of hate just kind of trying not to explode at the wrong time.

Perhaps now that the contents of my stomach have decided to begin digesting properly, I'll put my new sports bra to good use after work tomorrow.

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Hit or miss
Tuesday. 10.7.14 5:54 pm
Puke one day, fine the next, back to puking the day after. That seems to be the trend lately, so I'm good today, but I should be careful what I consume tomorrow.

My system didn't appreciate the buffet food that I had for lunch yesterday so it expelled it about an hour or two after the entry that I wrote. You ever puke so hard that you couldn't catch your breath? I had so much mucus in my throat and mouth that I could barely inhale. And, of course, when that happens your body causes you to cough, which only gets rid of whatever little air is left in your lungs. I finally forced a dragging breath in between wretches, but it didn't last long before I had a coughing fit again. It finally subsided {obviously; I'm not writing this from the grave} and I was able to get my breathing under control. I guess it was too much to hope for to only have a few puking episodes over a two week period.

I snapped at a few people today. Unintentionally. I just woke up pissed off and it stayed that way throughout the entire shift. I'm having a harder time pretending to be okay with that place. People know that I'm not happy there, because I'm vocal about it, but they usually can't tell other than what I'm telling them. Today, they caught a glimpse of what is really going on. I think even the suicidal patient that we had to watch felt bad for me. How sad is that?

I told my friend that I'm just a big ball of hate today ... sadly, until something gives, I have a feeling it's going to be something that sticks around a bit more than a day.

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I guess it does happen
Monday. 10.6.14 3:15 pm
Well, time did feel like it moved a lot quicker than normal. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm going back to work tomorrow. I hate Tuesdays, and now Wednesdays, so to be starting my week back up on a Tuesday means these next three days are going to suck. I also spent most of yesterday inside and will be spending the remainder of today inside.

I met up with my friend at Snoqualmie Casino and, over lunch, let her in on everything that's been going on with me since May. She's sorry about what happened, but agrees that things happen for a reason and no one knows for sure what the future will bring so not to get discouraged. I told her it would take me a bit, but I know that, even after just a month, I'm already doing rather okay. Of course, I'm still bummed, but I've certainly reached the edge of the 'acceptance' stage.

Other than the outing from this morning, I have nothing else going on today. Again, I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go. I got kind of dressed up last night for dinner, but I only stopped for hot chocolate on the way home. I'm in the same boat today, except I'm home a lot earlier. It's a little too early to just give up and go to bed for work tomorrow. That can happen in about 7 hours.

Until then, I sit on my ass, all dressed up, with nowhere to go.

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Fast forward
Sunday. 10.5.14 9:03 am
I can't remember the last time I actually looked forward to my birthday. This year is not an exception.

I'm writing early today so that I'm still fresh and less resentful of the day. I haven't been up for more than a couple hours so it hasn't completely sunk in yet that the day has yet to commence. I've received various birthday wishes already, but I'm sure those will phase out as the day continues. Maybe they're wanting to get it out of the way as soon as possible as well.

My mom will be calling me later and my sister has yet to do/say anything. She usually saves her bit for later in the day; keep me on my toes. I think she actually forgot last year, but she made up for it a few days later.

After the 'what-the-fuck-is-happening-to-me' day I had yesterday, I'm feeling slightly better. And by better, let's just say I haven't puked yet. The 3 chicken nuggets that I ate yesterday were able to stay down. It was all I could bring myself to consume. I heated up 5, but 3 was enough to fill me. Which makes sense; all the rest of the contents of my stomach evacuated themselves leaving just a tiny, empty space. If I had eaten all 5, I probably would have been sick again.

Other than dinner, I have no plans for the day. I'm still rather curious as to what they would have been had things continued on as they were a couple months ago. Then again, as I've said countless times, if I don't know what I'm missing out on, I can't be disappointed.

Now to just keep repeating that over and over again until today passes. Can we fast forward through time yet?

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Saturday. 10.4.14 3:59 pm
I woke up this morning with an upset stomach and have made several trips to the bathroom since. I'll spare the details, but let's just say that whatever I consumed yesterday has caused my system to want to expel it in any way it can. Over and over again.

This is bullshit because I want to actually enjoy my day tomorrow and if I'm feeling this way today {I have yet to be able to keep anything down} then how the fuck am I supposed to be able to enjoy anything tomorrow? I guess it's a good thing I didn't want to go anywhere today. My body took that in to account, apparently.

I'm currently chowing down on some crackers and water. If I can keep this stuff down over the next couple hours, I may up it to some chicken nuggets {since that's the only thing I have in my place} and see what happens.

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Unexpected hitch
Friday. 10.3.14 9:16 pm
The day didn't start out how I expected, but the rest of the day went off without a hitch.

I was planning on taking this weekend to get used to my new glasses, but after about 15 minutes of wearing them, I noticed a spot on the right lens. I took them off, cleaned them and put them back on, only to see that annoying spot again. So I put on the glasses I've been wearing, got dressed and headed out to the eye place. Turns out there's a defect in the lens and it has to be sent back in to be repaired. If I had started wearing them two weeks ago, when I got them, I could have had them fixed by now and been wearing them this weekend, as planned. Oh well. Now I have to wait another two weeks before I can start wearing them and this time I'll start wearing them right away. Or, at least, the next day I have off after I pick them up. I'll need at least a few hours in order for my eyes to adjust; something I'd rather not do at work. It's kind of a bummer, but since they're insured the only thing it's costing me is time.

After that I stopped back at home and then went back out for the mani/pedi. My friend's husband came with and we all got the spa treatment. My toes look really pretty, but I didn't give my finger nails enough time to completely dry so a couple of them got messed up. Which is fine. They still look good and it's only noticeable if you're paying close attention. I'm rough with my hands anyway and it's kinda amusing how obvious it is which hand I use for most things due to the fact that more nails got messed up on that hand than the other.

Once that was finished and paid for, I went to pick up my birthday cake and got a wrap while I was there. I bought them home and hung out for about an hour before my friend came back to pick me up to go the Elysian Brewing Company Great Pumpkin Beer Festival. I went there as a designated driver {since the admission tickets for drinks and a souvenir cup had sold out} but after a bit, I took off the bracelet and sampled some of the beers. There weren't any monitors there and the fun part about sharing samples is that you get to taste a bunch of different things without dealing with the after effects. It was so much fun. We were there for close to 5 hours. I'm so glad I was able to go.

The plan for tomorrow has become to just hang out at home, do laundry and watch Netflix. I really have no interest in going anywhere, especially since I have plans Sunday and Monday. It'll be challenging not breaking in to my cake tomorrow, but I have this thing where I can't eat my birthday cake until my birthday. Kinda like opening Christmas gifts before Christmas is cheating.

I'm definitely enjoying how this extended weekend has started. Here's to hoping it continues as such.

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