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feeling rejected
Sunday. 3.27.11 5:29 pm
I know that it's not what I'm thinking it is, but I still can't help but feel the way that I do.

I haven't seen Jacob in over 24 hours {our work schedules have overlapped} and I've barely talked to him in that time frame. Maybe 5 minutes on the phone and no more than 10 texts exchanged. Even then, I haven't heard from him since early this morning. And I've still got 4 1/2 hours left before my shift is over. 5 until I get home and can maybe actually see him.

It makes me feel like he's not thinking about me to even just send a text asking how work is going or even to just say hi. I just want to hear from him. I'm determined to have him text me first ... but I probably shouldn't hold my breath. Earlier I was avoiding texting him because I figured he'd be sleeping. I know for a fact that he's not still sleeping. It's been nearly 12 hours. And with his mom visiting, I know he's not going to sleep the afternoon away like he might should the house be empty.

I just feel like I've been forgotten about. I don't like feeling this way.

{EDIT} I'm tired, sore and now I'm pissed off. Apparently the phone call I received wasn't supposed to be to find out how I was doing. Especially when my response was just kind of shoved aside by an "ah" and then asking me the question that required the phone call.

Like I said, I'm just pissed off right now so this is basically a rant, but still. I'm going to end it here so I don't end up saying something that I will later regret.

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17 more hours ... 16 of it work
Sunday. 3.27.11 5:11 am
Remind me why I signed up for this again?

Oh yeah ... 16 hours of overtime on the next paycheck.

Money is why I signed up for this.

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I must learn my place
Saturday. 3.26.11 12:49 pm
I understand that he hasn't seen his mom since we moved here, but apparently I have to stand up next to the couch for 15 minutes before anyone realizes that I should be offered a seat.

Maybe it's because I'll still be here when his mom leaves so he can give me the attention then.

It's a good thing I'm working so much the next few days. He won't have to worry about giving me any attention since I won't be here.

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it's only gonna be for a few days ...
Saturday. 3.26.11 1:34 am
Jacob's mom is in town and I'm okay with that ... but it's the music that she's got playing to help her sleep that's going to get on my nerves. This apartment is pretty good when it comes to blocking out noise, but when she's got the music turned up? The walls don't do much then.

So I've got my laptop in the bedroom tonight {and probably for the next few nights} so I'll be playing soft music of my own. Mostly to cover up the stuff she's got playing. If it was like soft jazz or classical or something of the such, I wouldn't mind. But country? Hell no. It's bad enough that it's in the house. Ugh, oh well. Like I said, it's only for a few days.

Anywho, I picked up a couple extra shifts this coming week. I work my normal 2pm-10pm today {Saturday} then I have to turn around into a 16 hour shift Sunday, 6am-10pm. The morning shift is what I picked up. Then Monday, which is my normal day off, I picked up the swing shift: 2pm-10pm. Then I'll have Tuesday off before going back to my normal schedule Wednesday. 16 hours of overtime will definitely look nice on the next paycheck. But Wednesday will probably be mostly spent sleeping. We have to renew our lease that day, but otherwise? It's pajamas and bed for me.

Alrighty, I guess that's it. I had to rant about the fact that there's extra music in the house. Hopefully I don't overwork myself this weekend.

Until next time NuTang ...

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seriously? it's not that serious.
Monday. 3.21.11 10:43 pm
I used to be bothered by the things that my friends would put on their Facebook. But then after a while, I realized it wasn't that serious.

Like my "friend" does. Seriously. This "friend" takes everything that goes on on Facebook way too seriously. Not understanding the full meaning behind things that others post before making assumptions.

They also delete everyone who isn't immediately relevant to them when they're in a bad mood and then add the deleted friends back when they're over whatever it is that's bothering them.

I don't really care if this person wants to delete me as a friend, but I just wish they'd stop taking things so seriously. It also makes things awkward at work. Which is why I try not to add to many people from work to my Facebook friends list. Either that or I seriously cut back on the status updates. Which I do anyway so I guess it's a win-win.

I'm the first person to admit that I overreact, but I'm not as bad as this person. Not even close.

Ugh. Whatever.

In other news, today was a good day. Jacob and I had a date night. We went out to the movies and had dinner afterwards. Paul was funny. And sushi is always delicious. All in all, a good day.

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emotional breakdown and important steps
Monday. 3.21.11 2:32 am
After three months of working at the hospital, it finally got to me. I was already feeling upset and down and just not in a good place, but when I started patrolling the Pre-Op wing, it just got to me and I broke down. The reason? The way the rooms are set up, they look exactly like the room that Jacob was in when he had his surgery. The sliding door, the curtain that goes all the way across, but doesn't touch the floor ... I just started crying. Like I said, I already was an emotional mess, but I was trying not to break down at work. Luckily it was Saturday and with the hospital being closed, I was free to break down right there in the middle of the hallway.

After a few minutes I finally managed to calm down, but the rest of the night I avoided that particular wing. I'm not really exactly sure what it was that had me all messed up to begin with, but I really wasn't having it on Saturday.

I felt better today.

One other thing that occurred on Saturday was a very important step for me. Something I haven't been able to do in the past, for reasons unknown. Probably mostly fear.

I finished and submitted my FAFSA application. I also submitted an application to three separate community colleges in the area. Each has a good Marine Biology program, so hopefully I hear back from one or more of them soon.

So, I finally made a step towards getting my future set up, rather than just waiting and seeing if something happens.

In other, happier news, I met Jacob three years ago today. It doesn't really count as our anniversary; we actually don't have an 'official' date when we became an 'official' couple. At this point I'm just going to go by the day that he proposed and we'll celebrate that until the actual day of the wedding occurs. {Who knows when that'll be, but I'm okay with that.} We didn't do anything to celebrate us meeting three years ago today. Work got in the way of doing so.

Same with his birthday. We're both working two different shifts that day so celebrating on the day will be impossible. I told him to pick a place that he wants to go or something that he wants to do and I'd treat him to it. So that'll happen either tomorrow or Tuesday.

Anywho, I needed to get that out of my system. I wanted to talk to Jacob about it, but I didn't know how to bring it up. But that's really all that's happened in the last few days ... or since whenever it was I wrote last. . . which I think was a couple days ago.

Until next time NuTang ...

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