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Its too early
Saturday. 4.14.07 8:53 am
For me its too early. I'm rarely up this early on a Saturday. Its not even 9 yet. It will be in about 7 minutes, but that's beside the point. For me, its still entirely too early. The only reason I want to be up this early on what's supposed to be my day off, is if I have plans that are worth getting up early for. Today, however, its just because I have to work. Again. On my day off. Again.

I'm so sick of it.

I also realized that it was Wednesday the last time that I posted under this name. I posted a couple times under Bug, but other than that, I haven't really had anything interesting to post about so I just didn't.

Thursday, nothing exciting happened. I worked my normal shift. Got pissed off like usual. Realized that I do actually like Justin and stopped denying it to my coworkers. Came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to see Stuart again, so I'm not texting him as much as I was in hopes that he would come over. Besides, I'm sort of 'taken' so I guess its good that Stuart is out of the equation. I use the term 'taken' loosly cuz I'm still not too sure about getting involved in a relationship. I'm still going to be moving and I don't want to get hurt.

Yesterday was a fairly good day, even at work. Everyone was in decent moods which always makes things easier. I had Justin come in for lunch so that Erin and Gary could see who I was talking about. So I got to see Justin for a few minutes. It would have been longer, but we were busy when he came in.

The night shift came and everyone {except two people} were in good moods. So that made the dinner rush go by better than it would have had everyone been pissed off. Even though it was busy, I got to leave about an hour earlier than I was expecting. It was nice cuz this gave me a little more time to get ready to go out.

Justin took me out last night and this time I was careful not to look at the prices so that he wouldn't bitch. I couldn't help but glance at some of the pirces, but I tried hard not to say anything about it. I succeeded. He took me to TGI Friday's. The food was good. Next time I want to go to Olive Garden. Damn commercials and they're influences. They just make the food look so good. Oh well.

After we left the restaurant we went to one of the local parks. There was a pond there and we walked around the pond listening to the ducks fight and stopping every now and then to look at the stars. Its so much easier to see the stars out here than it is in Vegas. It was nice, except for one thing. It was about 55 degrees outside and we were by a pond so it was cooler. My dumb ass didn't bring a jacket so I got a little cold at one point. No big deal though.

So that's what's happened over the last couple days. Nothing extremely exciting. But it wasn't a boring two days either. I don't really have anything else to say so I guess this is the end of the entry.

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10 vs. 12
Wednesday. 4.11.07 9:05 pm
So Justin and I aren't going out tonight. Although this is the time we went out last Friday, its a little different tonight.

I had to work 10 hours today and although my ten hours is nothing compared to his 12, I'm still tired. I'm still okay to go out though, since I don't have to be at work until 4:30pm tomorrow, so I could just sleep in tomorrow. Justin, however, had to work 12 hours today and his job is much more strenuous than mine. I only work at a restaurant. He is an automotive technician at a dealership so its more involved than mine. He's just going to go home and pass out since he does have to work in the morning.

I'm a little bothered by it, especially since I don't know when we're gonna go out again. I have to work all weekend, but I'm sure I'll be able to figure something out as long as he's available also. Oh well.

I texted Stuart to see what he was doing tonight, and he's hanging out with his brother so he's not coming over either. I guess I just sit all by my lonesome tonight. Which is fine with me, since I'm tired.

Alright, I don't know what else to say so I guess that makes this entry officially over.

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Wednesday. 4.11.07 9:17 am
I have about 10 minutes to write this before I have to go to work so this won't be very long.

Last night Justin took me out to the movies. We saw Meet the Robinsons. It was funny. It was kinda weird cuz there were a whole 10 people in the theater, us included. Probably cuz it was 7:00pm on a Tuesday in Tucson. There's hardly anything to do on a fucking Friday, let alone on a Tuesday.

We were supposed to go out to dinner afterwards, but it was just after 9 when the movie got out and Justin was tired from having worked all day. And he had to get up early again this morning. So he asked when I had a free night and I told him I was free tonight. He's taking me out to Olive Garden tonight after I get off work. The only reason I chose Olive Garden was cuz I had never been and I wanted to go. I'm sort of taking advantage of this situation, but only this time. I don't like him spending all kinds of money on me. But it should be fun {as long as I don't focus too much on the prices}

I finished out my taxes last night. I hate doing them. I don't know of too many people who like doing taxes though. I guess the only people who like doing them are the people who get back $7000, like one of my coworkers did. Since I'm single and have pretty much nothing to claim on my taxes I got hardly anything back. Oh well. The few hundred that I did get back went directly into a savings account to put towards my move.

With the Stuart situation, I figured that I won't see him on Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays since he's got hockey. Its also doubtful that I'll see him on Fridays. So I'm thinking that Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays are good days to have Stuart come over. I need another week or so to get it figured out in more detail though.

Alright, my 10 minutes are up. I need to finish getting ready for work. I'll be back later tonight and if I'm up to it, I'll write about how my work day and my dinner date went.

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Tuesday. 4.10.07 3:03 pm
The title of this entry is actually the title of a movie. It has nothing to do with me and my life. My friend/coworker, Steve, suggested I watch it. Here is the description:

Mike Judge wrote and directed this offbeat sci-fi comedy which gives a new meaning to the expression 'people are getting dumber all the time.' Pvt. Joe Bowers {Luke Wilson} is a soldier chosen to take part in a secret military scientific experiment in which he will be put into induced hibernation for one thousand years. Bowers is chosen for the assignment because he is statistically the most average man in the Army. However, Bowers is forgotten a few decades into the experiment, and when he wakes up in the year 3001, he finds himself living in a society where intelligence has taken such a landslide, he's now the smartest man in the world. What will Bowers do in a nation where an unremarkable man is elevated to the level of genius?

I think the year when he wakes up is actually 2505, not 3001, but that's what the desciption on the cover says. It was kinda funny. Not as funny as Steve made it sound, but funny none-the-less.

Anywho, Stuart did end up coming over last night. It was fun. Its a good thing, though, that my hair is long and that I don't own too many sleeveless shirts. He left three marks {I don't like the word hickey; it bugs me} on me; two on my shoulder and one on my neck. Thankfully the one on my neck isn't really obvious and you can only really see it if you know where to look. And with me not working today, I can just keep my hair down covering the spot. The two on my shoulder are a little more obvious, but most of my shirts have sleeves so I'm good to go.

I normally wouldn't really give a shit about them, but Justin is taking me out again tonight and I'd really rather not have to explain. He thinks I'm mad at Stuart and at the time I was, but I got over it when he came over the next day. Oh well.

I'm not sure what Justin and I are going to do. I know that he's not going to stay too late tonight cuz I have to work in the morning. Maybe we'll go out to the movies this time. I'm in sort of a movie seeing mood. I kinda want him to take me out to dinner again, but I feel sort of bad that I can't pay for stuff. I'm just so broke right now, but I will eventually pay for something.

Uhm, I had other stuff to write, but I got distracted with something so I guess I'll write more later.

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I'm sick of this place, you have no idea
Monday. 4.9.07 6:44 pm
I'm so fed up with my job, its insane. Today was just a really freakin long ass day. It was busy cuz I had to make up for the weekend {though we were closed yesterday, it must have been busy Saturday cuz we were out of a lot} And then customers were coming in an almost constant stream. Not busy, but steady. Which is even worse; I'd rather it be 2 hours of busy and then nothing instead of 4 hours of every 10, 15, 20 minutes. It blows.

I have tomorrow off, but then I don't have off again until next Tuesday. Like ... four people requested Saturday off again so I have to fill in. Fuck this job.

On a different note, I've narrowed it down to Justin and Stuart. I'm not really sure which one I want more. I want both of them, but for different reasons. The reason David is out of the picture is cuz I confronted him about what happened on Friday in the office and I made sure {for my own knowledge} that it was a one time thing and that it wouldn't happen again. He agreed that it was just a one time thing. It also means though, that we're cool again. That was sort of a test, I guess, to determine if it would be uncomfortable as it would have been in the past. But since it wasn't everything is back to normal for us. I'm glad that its back to normal, but the fact that it took two years isn't saying much. Whatever.

Anywho, I want Justin because I like being able to hang out and go out with him. I'm comfortable going out places with him. And he makes me feel good. But when it comes to the physical attraction, its just not there. Gary seems to think I'm just using him to get free shit; which is not the case. When I have the money available, I'm gonna start paying for stuff regardless if Justin wants me to. This will {sort of} make up for the fact that I'm not giving him anything physically.

With Stuart, the physical attraction is there. And I like going out places with Stuart. Its just that with his jam packed schedule and my odd schedule, we hardly have time to see one another. He was here last night for a few hours and there's a possibility he'll be over again tonight. I somehow doubt he'll make it tonight though. Oh well. I can hope right?

I hate not being sure about this. This sort of makes me feel like I'm back in high school. You would think it wouldn't be too hard to decide; just weigh out the pros and cons of each situation and determine it that way. But I'm one to have the bad habit of over-analyzing things so its not that simple for me.


I bought more Wheat Thins {the Sundried Tomato and Basil kind} and two more pints of Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream. I also bought more food food, but that's not as important to me as the Wheat Thins and Ben & Jerry's.

Alright, I'm gonna chow down on my Wheat Thins and watch Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. I'll write again whenever.

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A weekend of unsure thoughts
Sunday. 4.8.07 3:04 pm
My mind has been full of thoughts this weekend. All revolving around three guys and my inevitable departure from Tucson. ~This is probably going to be a long entry so make sure you have the time to read it, but only if you want to~

Guy # 1: Justin
I've known Justin since I started working at the restaurant. He worked there as a pie person/kitchen cook. He was 17, getting ready to graduate high school and go off to college. After a few months of crazy crushes on various different guys {mostly from work} I started crushing on him. He came over once and we made out, but nothing more. Then he graduated and moved and I lost contact.

Every-so-often, when he would get a break from school, he'd come back to Tucson to visit his family. A couple times he came up to the restaurant and I'd be happy to see him and to hear that he was doing well. But other than that, I never kept in touch. I'd ask Lance about him once in a while, but each time it was the same; Justin was doing fine and he was happy.

Justin moved back to Tucson about a month ago and I knew this cuz he came up to the restaurant and told me that he was back. He'd grown. He looked older than the 17 year old that left. Though he's still only 19, he looks old enough to pass for legal drinking age without being carded {to which I'm very jealous since I'm close to actually being 21 and I'm just now passing for 18}

I requested his friendship on Myspace {cuz I was at an even number of friends and that would have brought me to an odd number; don't ask, I have no explaination}. Well about 2 weeks ago, he sent me a message via Myspace asking if I'd like to go out sometime. He probably would have called, but he didn't have my number. I found his number that I had from back in the day and texted him to see if it was still his. It was and that's how we ended up getting together and going out.

I enjoyed the date very much and I really want to do it again. I'm trying hard not to get involved though cuz I don't want to be hurt and I don't want him to be hurt when I leave. Right now, its fairly easy, but I'm sure if we continue to go out, it'll prove to be rather difficult as time passes. The only thing I can do is have fun, not think about it and see what happens. Not as easy as it sounds.

Guy # 2: David
I've known David for just as long as Justin, seeing as how I met them both at work. I had a much stronger crush on David and we had one night together. Afterwards, I became too attached for his liking {and now that I think about it, I was being rather ridiculous} and we couldn't work together. After time, we were able to talk and work out our issues, but it was still uneasy being around each other.

Two years have passed since the incident and you could never tell that there ever was a problem between us. We're able to talk and joke and play around. I guess maybe there will always be something that I feel for him, but I know not to push my luck. I know that there will never be anything there between us.

I was elated on Friday when he held me the way he did and kissed my neck. It made me so happy, I had to actually calm myself down before Justin showed up. But I've been thinking about David since then and I'm trying not to get carried away with my thoughts and I'm doing my best not to hope for more. Right now its proving easier than I thought it would be.

Guy # 3: Stuart
I've only known Stuart for the last couple months and we've only really been talking and such for the last month. Though he doesn't work up at the restaurant anymore, we still talk often.

I don't necessarily want to go out with Stuart, but I want him to come over. I want him to be here with me. I still want to be invovled with him in a way. But as much as I've tried to get him to come over, it hasn't happened yet. I'm not terribly bothered by it though. I'm not sure what's going to happen between us, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Justin is the guy who is my main focus right now. As much as I want to be with someone my age, the fact that he's a year younger than me isn't bothering me like it usually would. Maybe its cuz he looks older and acts older. I'm not sure. I was happy when I was out with him. I know that I was happy when I went out with Stuart, but this was different. Its hard to explain the difference in happiness, but there is a difference.

I'm confused right now about why this is happening and where its all going to go. I have one explaination for it, although it might not be the real reason. I'm moving in 3 months. No ifs, ands or buts. My departure from Tucson, AZ is inevitable. I'm thinking that maybe Justin, David and Stuart are becoming suddenly interested in me because of that reason. They can all have {or attempt} a 3 month long fling with me knowing that I'll be leaving and there will be no string attached.

I'm okay with it to some extent. I mean, I want to have fun in my final three months here, but I don't want to get too carried away or too involved. I'm hoping it proves to be a much easier task than I think it is.

Anywho, I think I'm done. Those are just some of the thoughts racing through my head right now. I'm also thinking about finishing my taxes and working my ass off so as to save up money. And just various other odd thoughts about my current state of life. I know that this was long, but it much easier to type it all up than write it down. My hands don't hurt as much.

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