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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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gah! {edit}
Saturday. 9.29.07 10:18 pm
I'm so sick of the internet giving me problems. Only half the web sites I go to are working. Some of them just aren't working at all and others half work. They start to load, get halfway done and stop. Its very frustrating. Its not a virus this time, because I just ran a scan and nothing was found. The internet is just being gay.

Anywho, I am in no rush to go back to Target just to see if I come across Charlie again. The next time I go to the store, I really would like to actually purchase something. Unfortunately, I need a job to provide the cash needed to purchase something. Nothing is looking up.

This Wednesday {the 3rd} the Texas Station Casino is hosting a job fair which I will be attending. I'll be 21 on Friday so I'll be able to tell companies that if they ask when I'd be able to start. I really don't want to start working on my birthday, but I will if I have to.

On Saturday I'll be reapplying everywhere that I already applied at. This will allow me to skip all of the "under 21" questions they have to ask to narrow you down to a specific group. They're quite annoying.

Uhh, that's it for now. I don't know if I'm going to write any more later or not, but right now my mom wants to reset the modem to see if that'll fix the problem. Which means I need to sign off. I'll either write later tonight or tomorrow sometime.

{EDIT} The internet seems to be working just fine now. None of the sites I visit are giving me a problem.
The desktop {the comp with the modem and the router} was saying that there was no internet connection and the router wasn't being detected. Mom unplugged and replugged both the router and the modem and when that happened, my connection was lost and then gained again. It was connecting for me, just not very well. On the desktop, it wasn't connecting at all. So what I had her do was repair the connection and that seemed to work. Both comps have working internet again.

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bad dream gone ... weird
Friday. 9.28.07 9:43 pm
Last night I had a dream that started out bad, got worse and ended up weird. It wasn't necessarily a nightmare though.

It started out with my mom getting a phone call from my older step brother {how he got her number, I'm not quite sure.} He told her that he found out my little step brother had cancer {I don't remember what kind} and that the odds of him surviving till his 14th birthday {he'll be 13 in February} were not likely. It was a very somber atmosphere after that, but the dream skipped ahead. I don't know how far, but it was dark outside and I was out there.

I was walking with someone heading away from a bar or a pub or some sort of restaurant where I could drink {it was after my 21st.} The guy was tall with dark hair and he looked like someone I had seen before in real life, but I don't know who he is. We were talking and when we reached his house, I told him I didn't live that far, I could walk from there. He insisted on walking me all the way home, but I told him that was fine.

He said okay, but once I walked away from his house and got around the corner, he was suddenly right next to me again. I told him again that I really didn't need him to walk me home, that I'd be fine. He said that he didn't know where I lived and he was curious. I said fine, that he could walk me to the driveway; I really didn't need him to walk me to my door.

We get to my house and I say goodbye, thanking him for the couple drinks and walking me to my house even though it wasn't at all necessary. I turned and headed toward the house and he was right by me again, telling me he wanted to come in. I said it wasn't my house, that it was my mom's and due to the later hour I didn't think it would be right for him to come in.

I unlocked the door and went to close it, but he put his hand on the door and stopped me, insisting on coming in. I told him that I wasn't comfortable about it and that he needed to leave. If he didn't I'd not hesitate to call the police. There was a struggle then, for me to get the door shut and for him to get in. That part ended and it skipped ahead again.

It was night out again, but I was in an apartment complex in the parking lot outside my new apartment. I had a few friends over and we were all outside admiring my new self-given gift. It was a motorcycle. I had bought a motorcycle! But I didn't know how to ride one yet. I was simply in the parking lot with my friends, playing around. I would sit on it, put my helmet on and pretend, but it would stay stationary. It was a black bike, with dark blue tinted here and there that you could only see if the light hit it in the right place. Not a crotch rocket, but still a sports bike. It was nice.

Then the dream ended and I woke up. See? Bad dream gone weird. Oh well. It was just a dream.

Anywho, I can't get Charlie off my mind. I almost wish I hadn't seen him. It would have been easier. I wouldn't have a very clear picture in my head. I'd just have the pictures on his myspace to go off of. Unfortunately I saw him and now I see him in my head quite clearly. Ugh.

Alright, that's it. I'll write again whenever.

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Thursday. 9.27.07 10:04 pm
Alright, tonight my mom broke it to Jean that she and Steve have a month to leave. Surprisingly, she didn't react as badly as we all thought she would. But Steve also hasn't told her yet that they won't be finding a place together. That's when shit will hit the fan.

During the time that mom used to talk to Jean and Steve about them having to leave, Lori, Tony and me went out to Target. While there, we wandered around clothes for a while, headed over to underwear and ended in shoes. Basic "girly" stuff. Tony dealt with us wandering through clothes and underwear, but when we started to head over to shoes, he left us to head over to electronics.

I wanted to be home by 8 so that I could watch the premieres of My Name is Earl and The Office. On our way out of the store, I saw someone who I never thought I'd see, especially there ... working. Charlie. Charlie works at Target!

When I pointed it out to Lori why I had stopped talking and who it was I was staring at, she told me she had seen him a few times throughout the store while we were wandering around. Either it was a really odd coinsidence or he was following me. Either way, it was really weird seeing him. Ha, I thought he'd be taller.

Anywho, part of me wants to go back to Target so that I can try and see him, but then again, I don't know if I want to. Ugh. I kinda want him to contact me, but I doubt very much if he will. Oh well.

Alright, that's all I have for tonight. I shall write again tomorrow.

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Maybe this is God's way ...
Thursday. 9.27.07 7:16 am
... of telling me that I shouldn't have left Tucson.

~ This is the 4th or 5th time that the cat has decided to use my bed/blanket as a litter box.

~ I've been here 2 1/2 months and I still don't have a job.

~ I still don't have my license because we got into a car accident the day after I got my permit and the car, though still drivable, is messed up. And I've been afraid of driving since.

~ I'm completely miserable, but can't do or say anything about it because there are people all around me. ... and cutting is bad for you.

~ Out of the 4 other people in this house, only one person seems to care about my well-being.

My depression seems worse than it has been in a couple years. I'm not happy here. I knew that I wouldn't be very happy coming into this situation, but I didn't think it would be like this. I had plans and goals. None of which I've reached. The way I had it planned out, I would have been marginally happier living out here than I currently am.

The only thing I seem to be able to do right now is ask why? and not get an answer back. What the fuck does God have planned for me that is keeping me in this misery? Why am I dealing with all of this? What the hell is the reason for all of this?

What did I do to deserve this?

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so ... hmm
Wednesday. 9.26.07 12:32 pm
I can't think of a good title.

Right now I'm watching the HBO Justin Timberlake concert for the 5th time since it premiered. I wasn't aware that I like JT, but I'm oddly drawn to watching the concert. Oh well.

My friend is having an issue with her boyfriend right now that I'm trying my hardest to help her through, but there's only so much I can do. Especially with me being 364 miles away from her.

They got together during the summer so they had all the time they wanted to be with each other. When school started, it put quite a strain on the availability of both of them, but moreso him. He's got school, work, band, and pep band {which if you know, are two different things.} She's only got school and work.

He spends so much time with the band when he's not in class or working that it leaves very little, if any at all, free time. She gets jealous whenever he goes and hangs out with one of his friends or goes to band parties. To make it not sound so bad, he actually spends more time with all of them than his own girlfriend.

When he does spend time with her, he's either so tired that he doesn't really do much of anything but lie around or he focuses his attention on the TV and not so much on her. She feels as if there might be another girl, but I've assured her that's not it. He was cheated on and I know him well enough that he wouldn't push that kind of pain onto someone else.

Basically she's just not sure what to do about it. She's afraid that the relationship is falling apart and that there's nothing she can do to try and salvage it without it seeming pushy or clingy. I'm running out of ideas for her to try.

Anywho, I've decided that there's a very small part of me that's looking slightly forward to my birthday. For the most part its because being 21 will open up my job opportunities. The other part is so that I can drink out in public whenever I want. It should be fun times because I barely look 18. I'll get carded wherever I go.

The only thing I want for my b-day is a cake. I don't even know what "special birthday dinner" I want. Last year I had McDonald's {that I had to pay for} because the douchebag that took me out wanted to go drinking instead of buying me dinner like he had promised. The year before that I had dinner at my work because I had no life. I have even less of a life right now because back then I at least had work. Now, I have nothing. Ugh.

Alright, I don't know what else to say. That's it for this entry.

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that's uhh, A ... C ... phlegm
Monday. 9.24.07 5:03 pm
I'm pretty sure most of you have no idea what the title means, so I'll tell you. The ventriliquist Jeff Dunham had his second Comedy Central premiere last night and it was hilarious. It was actually funnier than his first special. The title is refering to something he makes one of his new characters say. The character's name is Achmed and he asked the puppet how you spelled it. Put two and two together and you should find it funny. Here's a quick video of different clips from the show. It was obviously made before the premiere, but its funny. If you haven't seen this guy perform {whether live or on TV} I definately recommend it; especially if you need to laugh. {my jaw and face hurt after watching the show because even if I wasn't laughing, I couldn't stop smiling. I also have both DVDs so I can watch them any time I want to laugh}

Anywho, I'm done with Radio Shack. My interview was rescheduled for today and when I got there, the right manager was there. However, he was the only one there and since he had been out for the past few days, he needed to catch up on inventory and couldn't interview me there. He was going to send me to another store for his boss to do the interviewing, but the store was about an hour drive away from the house and that's just too far for me. I'm not going to try back there again.

My mom took the car up to the shop today to get an estimate and the guy who looked at it told her it would probably be a total loss. Which means fixing the car would cost more than the whole car is worth. So basically, the car won't be fixed. The insurance company is going to send someone out to personally look at the car and the damage and will most likely end up giving us a check for the value of the car. It'll be at least a few thousand dollars, so we should be able to get another car. It'll be cheap, but hopefully it'll be better running than our current one.

Once I turn 21 I'll be able to apply at a convenience store and/or a casino. My mom suggested that if I work at a convenience store, the best one to work at would be Terrible's. Its a big enough corporation {its also a casion out here} that after 90 days, I'll be able to get health insurance, including dental and vision. If that happens, I'm going to see if I can put my mom and sister on my plan so that my mom and I can be covered for our vision and so my sister can get her long needed jaw work done. Mom has worked for that company twice before and the only thing she had complaints about was the uniform because she hates having to tuck in her shirt. Its something I don't mind, having had to deal with it for band and when I had to manage at the restaurant. So that'll definately be something I'll look into once my 21st has passed.

Alright, I think that's it for today. I know that the sections are longer than usual, but I didn't want to seperate the related sections.

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