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its official
Saturday. 9.15.07 2:54 pm
I'm sick. Though not as bad as my mom is. My sister and Jean are recovering from the cold and Steve is lucky enough to have dodged it, though for how long I'm not sure. Lucky bastard.

Anywho, yesterday another piece of a tooth came off and now the edge is all sharp and its scratching up the inside of my cheek. It feels like I bit my cheek and that I keep biting it. Its on the side of my mouth that I can't use to chew food {yet I can still chew gum ... you figure it out} so it doesn't affect my eating at all. Except that the up and down movement my jaw makes while eating ensures that the sharp edge continues to scrape at my cheek.

This isn't the first time its happened so I know that within a week the blister will heal and the sharp edge will no longer affect my cheek, but its that first week that it feels really weird and it hurts at times. I already know that I need to see a dentist and that he'll {or she'll} tell me that I need surgery. Well, I'm not ready for surgery yet so the dentist will wait. Besides, I don't have the money ... for anything right now, so its going to have to wait whether I wanted it to or not. Also, when I do have the money, I'll be seeing a regular doctor and a gynocologist first. Those two things are a little more important to me than seeing a dentist.

I'm through the first two parts of the Vampire Lestat. I have 5 more parts to go plus an epologue and an extra 3 chapter part that, I guess, didn't fit into the rest of the book. So basically I've got about 400 more pages to read. Normally, if I was into the book, I'd be able to finish a 400 page book within 3 nights. But I'm not into this one like I usually am, so it'll take longer.

I have a feeling that I'm going to have to reschedule my road test seeing as how my mom is sick and she's not wanting to go anywhere. I don't blame her for wanting to rest, but this is something that's important. I have today, tomorrow, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to practice in Charlotte's car. In actuality, I don't have today or tomorrow or Monday because she's working today and tomorrow and after she gets off work tomorrow she'll be driving to California and won't be back till very late Monday. So technically, I only have two days to get the hang of her vehicle before I'm tested. So much for staying calm about it.

Alright, I dunno what else to say so I will write again whenever.

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inhalation of the bug
Friday. 9.14.07 4:42 pm
I do believe I am getting sick. My sister's boyfriend got sick quite a while ago and eventually my sister got the bug. Then Jean caught the bug and now my mom is sick too. My throat is a little scratchy towards the back and I'm sneezing, but other than that, nothing too serious.

The sneezing thing isn't too bad cuz I've been sneezing since I moved back. And I can still breathe through my nose without much issue. Only when I bend over and stay there for any length of time does my nose start to run or get blocked up. But when I stand up, my nose clears.

But I have a feeling that I caught the bug. This will be the second time this year that I've gotten sick ... that I can remember {the last time was in January just after I got back from vacation} Another great downfall in living with people. Whatever bug they have gets spread around in the air everyone breathes. Usually I'm not suseptable to these things, but with me not going out and working, my immune system is starting to weaken.

Ugh. Nothing seems to be going right. I haven't met any of the goals set for myself and whenever I try it, something goes wrong te prevent me from reaching my goal. I came out here with the intention of finding a job by the beginning of august. Its been two months since I moved here and not even so much as a phone call.

Another goal was to have my license by the end of August or the beginning of September. My road test is next week {about a month off from my goal}, but due to the car accident the day after getting my Nevada permit, I've been afraid of driving.

I already know that I won't be going to Tucson for my b-day, as I had hoped and started to plan. I won't even be celebrating out here with the friends I've made while working, because I'm not working and I have no friends out here. Yet another plan shot. And if you remember, I had been quite excited about turning 21. Not anymore.

I really hope that once I get my license, I'll be able to take the car and widen my job search area. I'll be able to apply anywhere once I turn 21 because I'll be of age to work anywhere. Right now, I can't even think of applying at a convenience store or a casino because you need to be 21 to get the required work cards to work in those places.

Bah. Alright, I'm done complaining for now. I'll write again later. Hopefully next time I'll have something good and happy to talk about rather than my own despair.

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exit relaxation, enter nerves
Thursday. 9.13.07 7:57 pm
So my road test is in a week. I've driven once since I got my Nevada permit. The day afterwards is the day we got into the car accident. And since that day, I've been nervous about driving. I keep picturing myself getting into an accident and not knowing what to do.

I need to drive Charlotte's car at least a couple times so that I won't be going into my road test completely blind. I need to at least know where all the major things are, the things that the driving instructor looks at to make sure the car is efficient for driving.

I'm one of those people who can hide the nerves on the outside, but can be screaming and shaking on the inside. Its only in crazy, intense situations where I have trouble hiding that I'm nervous. Even though I can maintain a calm, collected exterior, about the only thing that gives it away physically is that my muscles tense up and I might shake. But you'll only notice it if you're really looking.

Along with all the thoughts of car crashes, I keep dreaming that I'll do so good on my test that I won't realize I passed until I did. In my dreams, driving comes incredibly easy for me. I shouldn't have too much of a problem with a majority of the stuff {granted I have no issues driving in Charlotte's car} until I get to the parallel parking. In Florida, we didn't have to learn if we didn't want to and I didn't want to. Out here, though, parallel parking is used more often. Ugh.

I really hope that I pass on the first shot because I don't want to have to deal with that pressure again. I would imagine that it would be similar to the disappointment that comes with failing a class and having to retake it. You already have the knowledge that you failed once before, what's going to be so different this time? You're going to be afraid that you won't pass it a second time. And the pressure and disappointment will just build. I don't know if I'd be able to handle that.

Bah. Alright, I'm done for tonight.

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not gonna lie
Wednesday. 9.12.07 12:37 am
So, I know that I haven't mentioned Stuart at all here in a while, but I have to tonight. I still talk to him, but only maybe every few days, if even that. I'm perfectly fine with it though. I've managed to get over him enough that it doesn't hurt when I talk to him and all I do is just not think about the things that would make it hurt.

But I'm not going to get into that cuz that's not the point of this entry.

Over the past, maybe, 3 weeks he's been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he misses me. But tonight, he flat out said it: "I wish you were here."

Only problem is, I'm pretty sure its the fooling around that he misses rather than just simply being able to see me and enjoy my company. I'm alright with that though. It means that I must have done something right in that department especially if he's got all his girl friends there who want him and he would still rather have me. It makes be quite happy; not gonna lie.

Anywho, my sister is sick ... again. It doesn't seem to be as bad as the last few times she's gotten sick, but its just the first day. I hope it doesn't get worse. The last few times, she's had to miss a week of school each time due to illness. I hate seeing her sick because there's nothing I can do to help make it better faster.

Its going to take me quite a while to read through The Vampire Lestat because I'm not reading every night. Its not holding my interest like every other book I've read so far since I've been back has so the incentive to want to read it isn't there every night. Oh well. I'll finish it ... eventually.

Alrighty, I don't know what else to say. I shall write again whenever.

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where were you?
Tuesday. 9.11.07 2:03 am
Obviously no one of this generation will forget what happened on September 11th 2001 and everyone in the future who was not around on that day will be studying it in history books. I do believe that its already a part of the US History books that are in schools and has been since I was a senior or just before.

I won't forget that day, as no one else will, but it didn't hit me as hard as it did some others who were more directly affected. I was out here, in Las Vegas, and it was a school day, sophomore year. Usually before I left for school my mom would have the news on, but on that particular day we were running late so we didn't have time to turn the tv on.

When I got to school, people were all talking about "the WTC was hit! the WTC was hit!" I wasn't sure what the WTC meant; I hadn't heard that abbreviation before, but I did understand "attacked" and "New York," which was what caught my attention. I still didn't fully understand so I had no problems about joking with my friends for the few minutes before the bell rang for first period.

The bell rings and I'm in my first class, which happened to be band. But instead of the teacher being in the front of the room ready to teach or in her office getting stuff ready for the day, she was standing next to the television she had in the middle of the front of the room. Everyone who was already in there were all sitting in front with their eyes glued to the tv.

There I saw it. I saw a live feed from New York, the state that I was born in. The place where parts of my family still lived. Though I barely remember it from when I was there, I did think of my family who was still living there. I sat there, tense, watching as the second plane hit. Watching as the towers collapsed one at a time.

When the bell rang, I didn't want to go to my next class. But I did, because I had to. The rest of the day was spent going from class to class, watching the same thing in every classroom. And at lunch the attack was all anyone talked about.

When I got home, I turned on the news to watch it some more. My mom had contacted all of my family members who lived in the state to make sure everyone was alright. That's when I found out that my aunt was supposed to be at a meeting in the WTC that day, but something had come up and it prevented her from going to the meeting. What a lucky break.

The next day at school some of the teachers, mostly the history teachers, were still interested in what was going on in New York. Others had the TVs on, but they started their lessons. A few of my teachers were not interested in it the least bit and insisted on everyone paying attention to them and the lesson being taught.

I remained interested in the attacks for about a week. Then I started getting sick of hearing about it and seeing it on half the channels on TV. Six months had gone by and they were still talking about it all the time, though not as much. Even after a year, they were still talking about it like it had happened yesterday and by then I was just flat out annoyed.

I can understand that you're still trying to figure out what happened. And I can understand that we're now in a war {that was supposed to be over who knows how many years ago now} and that people are never going to be able to come back from this, but must you dwell on the past? I've had shit happen, everyone has and yes, I acknowledge that this is so much more catastrophic than the things that have happened in my life, but there's nothing you can do to change the past. Its over, it happened, keep moving.

I'm very sorry to hear that its directly affected certain people, but its been 6 years. What's going to happen when all the people who were alive during the WTC attacks die? Are there still going to be people who care as much as they do now? I doubt it.

I'm sorry if this has turned into a rant and to any of you who were directly affected by the attacks, but there are just some thing about this that annoy me. Not so much anymore though because of the length time its been, they don't air shows on it all the time anymore.

But I have to ask, where were you when it happened?

~~ I'll write my usual, much more boring entry at some point much later in the day~~

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post 498
Monday. 9.10.07 2:53 am
The title is the number of entries I've done, including this one. {however it doesn't include 153 entries on blackfire or the 116 entries on bug}

Today was fairly better than yesterday. Dinner was nicer because everyone was in a good mood. I actually don't remember a whole lot of what we talked about because it was all kinds of random stuff. Everywhere from a lobster claw machine to the items that we had put in the fridge as leftovers and could no longer identify.

Dinner was tasty. It was supposed to be chicken patties and chips, but Steve had gotten a $100 gift card to Wal-Mart so he bought stuff for dinner with that. On the grill we had shrimp kabobs and bratwurst. With it we had those garlic cheddar mashed potatoes again and the leftover shrimp, after the others were skewered, Steve cooked them in a mix of pineapple bits, celery pieces and a garlic butter. I actually liked those shrimp as opposed to the kabobs. But overall dinner was tasty. We'll be having the chicken patties tomorrow.

I planned on going swimming tomorrow, but the blister hasn't healed enough yet for me to be wearing shoes. I also need to do laundry cuz the clothes I wanted to wear {including my bathing suit} are all dirty. Maybe on Tuesday.

I think I'm going to start reapplying at some of the very first places I applied at. I don't remember which companies held their applications for 30 days, 60 days or 90 days so I figure it wouldn't hurt to reapply at some of the places. If my app is still active, I'm sure the computer will tell me.

I've decided that once I'm completely done with The Vampire Lestat, I'd read Memoirs of a Geisha. My sister told me that the book was better than the movie. . . which is how it usually is with a book-turned-movie. They can only do some much in a movie. In a book, you are unlimited. If you want to write a lot, more than one book's worth, than all you have to do is make it a series.

Alrighty, its just after 3am and I'm having trouble focusing on the screen. This conludes the 498th entry.

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