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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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you can't have one without the other
Wednesday. 11.23.11 10:04 am
There are things that make me smile. They make me laugh and really enjoy this thing called life.

Yet there always seems to be something right around the corner to either counteract it or outweigh it entirely. It makes the "high" feeling vanish and all that's left is ... despair isn't the right word, but it's the only one that comes to mind.

It's weird how much the simple, three-letter word "our" can make my day. Even when it's not said in the way that my mind wants to understand it as. Yet when all that would make me smile is a simple look back ... it doesn't happen.

I'm usually okay with the holidays, but this year is different. I'm not in the relationship I was during the last few years. He's still there, but yet, not. Last holiday season was our first together ... and our only together.

The two years before that, it still involved family and others; last year it was just us. This year it's back to being just me.

I am in a better place from a few months ago, but only slightly. People at work have noticed that I'm happier. Maybe I am. Or maybe I'm just playing it at work.

I haven't cried in a while, but I feel like I should. Maybe if I hold it in some more, the feeling will go away.

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Saturday. 11.19.11 11:55 pm
So the first half of work was alright. I pretty much just bullshitted around. I did a partial patrol, but nothing like what I should have done. There was this huge crane at work, though and watching it do it's thing was fascinating. They needed it so that they could replace an HVAC system on the roof of one of the buildings. The HVAC that was being installed was about the size of a bus. I wish I had taken video or at least some pictures. Oh well. The second half of work was bullshit. So boring. I'm glad I've got the next two days off. At least from there. I still have PAWS tomorrow.

Yesterday our daily log system on the computer decided it wanted to stop working and since everything we do still has to be recorded, we have to hand write everything out. I didn't realize how out of practice I was on writing for a long period of time until this happened. In high school I would write a ton of notes in class, then go home and rewrite them over and over until they were perfect. I would write pages of stories at a time without having to take a break. Now, I could barely get through 10 different entries before my hand started to cramp up. It was ridiculous. The more I wrote, though, the more I got used to it. I do like writing, but I hope the Sharepoint program has been fixed by the time I go back to work on Tuesday. It's just much easier to type everything out. You don't get a hand cramp from holding the pen and the backspace button works a lot better than messing up with a pen and having to start all over again. See, with it being a legal document, I can't use white out because that's considered altering the document which is illegal.

Anywho, I wanted to rant about that earlier, but I was busy finishing writing before the end of my shift. Alrighty, I think that's it for now.

Until next time NuTang ...

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I personally know The Muffin Man
Tuesday. 11.15.11 1:45 am

I finally met up with him. He gave me a tour of the UW campus. It was really pretty. The only building we went in was the library, but still, it was awesome. It was a short get-together, but fun none the less. Hopefully we'll be able to do it again. . . granted our schedules permit it.

In other news ... I am officially registered for Winter quarter! I have to go to the school and prove that I'm a resident, though. All because I applied before my residency kicked in so now it doesn't matter what date I put on the application, I still have to prove I live here and have lived here for at least a year. Oh well. Luckily I work like 6 or 7 blocks from the school so it's not like it's completely out of my way. I can swing by the school before work.

I'm so excited. A little nervous because this is the first time I've been in school in a little over 7 years and I'm also taking full time credits, but the classes I picked shouldn't be too difficult. Just time consuming.

And hey, I'll get to make friends.

So yeah. I met Brian and I am set up to start school in January. I would say that {technically speaking} yesterday* was a rather productive day.

Until next time NuTang . . .

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A wave of unexpected emotions
Friday. 11.11.11 11:29 pm
My sister found my Dad's headstone online. I didn't even know she was looking for it. So when I signed on to Facebook and saw it at the top of my news feed ...

The initial reaction was complete shock. I seriously didn't know what to or how to think. Then the tears came. During the flow of tears came laughter. It was seriously a crazy wave of emotions all in a very short period of time. I can only imagine how it will be when I actually go visit. Just seeing a picture is very surreal.

RIP Dad. I love you. I miss you.

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here's to nothing being set in stone
Monday. 11.7.11 11:06 am
This weekend was full of plans. Last night me and a few of my friends had all finally worked around our schedules to plan for something. What happens? About 2 hours before I was supposed to be done at PAWS, one of my friends text me and said she wouldn't be able to make it cuz she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be very good company. So that pretty much threw off the whole thing ... since the other two friends are a couple and I'm not about to be a 3rd wheel. Their work schedules clash too much so they don't get much time to spend together so when they do, they're all lovey and it's kind of gross. We hung out for a bit, but then I got tired and started feeling awkward so I said it was time for me to go home. It was okay up until that point, though.

Then today, as most of you have probably read, me and The-Muffin-Man were supposed to hang out, but something happened with one of his class project groups so we won't be able to get together today. Some sort of emergency meeting. We're hoping next Monday will work out better.

Anywho, I didn't really have much else planned for the rest of the day. Just kind of hanging out. Jacob and I might get some pizza later and watch some movies, but even that isn't set in stone. Something could come up to throw that plan off. Either way, it just reminds you that nothing is definite until it actually happens. Even then it could still not go exactly as planned.

The only thing that's set in stone is the stuff that's already happened. The past.

Anywho, I digress.

In completely unrelated news, I just realized that in throwing away my suitcase, I inadvertently threw away some of my clothes. Granted they were just shirts that I didn't ever wear, but some of them I've had for a long time. My "band" shirt from Freshman year of high school. It was a basketball shirt that the team gave the band so that we could wear them while attending the games. The shirt that I had gotten Junior year that half my friends signed. Granted most of the signatures had faded so much over years of washing that I could barely read them, but still. There were some others that I had that were gifts and stuff. Like I said, since they were left in the suitcase it meant that I never wore them, but I might have eventually taken them out to wear. Only reason I threw away the suitcase at all is because it was covered in mold and I didn't want to have to wash it. I completely forgot that I had stuff in there. Too late now. The trash at my old place has since been picked up. If I had realized this a week ago, I would have driven back and gotten the stuff out. Oh well.

Alright, I guess that's all I've got for now. Until next time NuTang...

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Tuesday. 11.1.11 8:39 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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