I'm aware my title contradicts itself so let me explain. I've spent money I really didn't have to spend so I'm stressing about not having money. But I'm relaxing on my new mattress {which is comfy, btw} with my mini fan pointed at the bed so I can cool off.

The truck was normal. It sucked. A lot of it was big, bulky items. Which, I guess, is better than a ton of small boxes, but with the larger boxes you run out of space a lot faster. We have a fairly large ad coming up this weekend. It means I have to work on Sunday. Blah.

I miss my boyfriend. I mean sure, I saw him on Saturday, but still. I'm very glad he's got his phone charger. Now I don't have to go completely out of my mind. We've made plans for Thursday. They're not set in stone because I don't know yet if I'm working, but I will be seeing him. I'm looking very forward to it.

Uhm wow, I've got nothing coming to mind right now. I guess I really didn't have anything specific to talk about to begin with.

Oh, I got a bunch of Twix PB. I still don't want chocolate, but I've been wanting Twix PB for quite some time now. When I saw that we got them in stock I knew that I had to buy some. So I did and now I have them.

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That's basically what I did all day. I thought. About anything and everything. The good, the bad, the annoying, the fun.

I'm still debating whether to buy a new futon mattress or to just continue waking up sore as hell from sleeping on bars. At the present moment I'm leaning towards the new mattress. The thing stopping me? A complete lack of money. I mean, yeah, I do have the money, but then I won't have it for other things. Such as food, bills and the clothes I'm in desperate need of.

I'm going out of my mind thinking about everything. Part of what helps me keep my sanity is talking to my boyfriend. Something I can't do at the present moment because I have no way of contacting him. It's driving me crazy.

I don't feel like myself lately. You know how I'm a chocoholic? Well, I've gone I don't know how many days without and I'm not having any cravings. Every time I walk past chocolate I actually don't feel well. It sort of makes me a little sick to my stomach.

I'm not upset, exactly, but I'm not ... I'm just not feeling like myself.

It's hard to explain.

I did have a weird dream last night. I wasn't quite asleep yet, or at least I didn't feel that way, but I was definitely dreaming. I was in the car with Jake. I don't know where we were driving to, but it was night out. We were laughing and joking about the events of the day when all of a sudden it was dark. Like, there were no street lights or car lights or any light of any kind. Even the lights in his car were off. All I could see was the sillouette outline of Jake in the drivers seat. Next thing I know, he's laughing and I can't move. I try moving my arms and nothing. I'm being pinned down.

I get jolted out of the dream and I still feel like I can't move. Like I was still being held down. It scared me a little bit, but after I slowed my heart back to a normal beat I was able to turn over and fall asleep again.

Alright, I think that's it for today. I've got nothing else.

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My IE just randomly closed. Right in the middle of me writing up an entry. I guess it's a good thing I didn't have a whole lot done yet. That would have sucked and it would have made me pissed.

Anywho, today was quite boring. I didn't really do a whole lot at work; I just wasn't feeling it.

I have to go to UPS tomorrow to get my package. Mom's Mother's Day gift is in it as well. I got her the next book in the series she's been reading {if I've already said that, then oh well. I'm sayin' it again.} I just hope they'll give it to me with just the tracking number because I don't feel like waiting for the notification card thing to come in the mail.

I'm thinking about not starting The Host until Wednesday. I have to work Tuesday and Wednesday, early morning, so I don't want to get involved with the book and end up not sleeping for work. I'm off Thursday - Saturday. That'll give me plenty of time to start and complete the book.

Uhm, I suddenly lost my train of thought. I guess I'll write again whenever.

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Jake was able to come home from the hospital today. He's still not completely better, but he can at least swallow without being in immense pain. He has to take antibiotics and pain meds for the next 10 days, though.

With the crazy work week starting up again I don't know when I'll be able to see him since I won't be able to get the car, nor can he drive on his medication. His phone is still not charged and he can't find his charger so I don't know when I'll be talking to him either. You may be saying "but what about the internet?" Yeah, that doesn't work either. Lame.

I still have a headache. I'm pretty tired too since I couldn't seem to stay asleep last night. I was tossing and turning and awake every couple hours. I have no idea why I haven't been able to sleep lately. It's probably stress-related, but whatever it is it's annoying. Whatever.

Maybe tomorrow after I get home from work I can pass out and not have to worry about leaving the house until Monday when I turn into a chauffeur again. Joy.

Meh. I need to go to bed.

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I forgot to tell someone that I was expecting a package so when they tried to deliver it today, no one was home to accept it. Fuck. Now I have to wait even longer until I can read The Host.

What I don't understand is that the last time I ordered through Barnes & Noble, they didn't require a signature. They just rang the doorbell and by the time I got to the door, they were pulling away; the package was just sitting at the door. This time, it didn't say on the order e-mail that a signature was required, but apparently it did. Otherwise I'd have my book right now.

Instead I have to wait for the slip to come in the mail and then find a UPS store so that I can go pick it up. Fuck.

Anywho, I had every right to be worried about Jacob ... after not hearing from him in two days. Jake's phone has been off the last two days because it had died and he couldn't find his charger. But him being in the hospital was one of the last, yet first, things on my mind. I was actually able to get the car today so I decided to go up to his work and suprise him. Well, when I pulled into the parking lot, his car wasn't there. I had a bad feeling that it wouldn't be there, but I was hoping that's all it was. Unfortunately the bad feeling was correct.

I went in, asked about him and got a very vague answer: "he's still not feeling well so I'm covering for him today." It worried me even more when he said, "have they not told you?" I felt my heart skip a beat. Everything that could possibly go wrong went through my head in about 5 seconds.

I drove over to his house thinking he'd be asleep, but would be okay with me waking him up. When I got there, I saw his car was there, but not his mom's. I figured this would be even better. I could sit and cuddle with him for a while before having to explain to his mom why I was just randomly there.

I knocked. I rang the doorbell. Nothing. That's when I started to freak out. I calmed down a little bit when he called me. But only a little bit.

He was also supposed to get out of the hospital today so he wasn't even going to tell me that he had been in. But the fact that I was up there ... he kind of had no choice. His phone held enough of a charge for him to tell me where he was and how to get there. So I spent a couple hours with him up in his hospital room.

Hopefully he'll be able to go home tomorrow like they're telling him he should be able to. I'll be taking the car again to go see him. Either at home or at the hospital; wherever he's at. I'm hoping for home because I hate hospitals. They make me very uncomfortable.

Now that I know what's going on with him, it's relieved some of the physical stress. Unfortunately my pounding headache is back. I'm not sure if my headache was always this bad and the physical stress overpowered it or if the headache subsided and is now back. Either way, my head hurts.

Now that I've written a long ass entry and my headache is worsening by the minute, I'm going to end it here. I'll write again probably tomorrow.

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This is the 4th morning in a row that I've woken up sore. Sleeping wrong the first night, even possibly the second night, would have been plausible. But to have it happen two more times? Something isn't right.

My headache seems to have also branched off down to my stomach. Yep, my stomach aches are back. I thought I had taken care of those; apparently not.

Blah! I need to go, but I'm not even close to finished.

To be continued later ...

Alright. I can't exactly remember where I was going with this earlier, but I've got crap to add to it.

It's hot. Plain and simple. I'm not looking foward to when it becomes freakishly hot {meaning up in the 100s during the day.} Hell, I'm not looking forward to when it's really hot {the 90s} and that's just around the corner.

I'm seriously beginning to have doubts about the whole moving thing. If I don't get something figured out, and soon, I'll be stuck moving with my parents regardless if I want to or not. It'll be like I'm a minor again without a say in what's happening. I can't afford to live by myself otherwise I'd already be there. And I don't have anyone who I can stay with out here if I want to stay when my parents are ready to move.

This situation sucks.

I guess I don't really have anything worthwhile to write about. This seems to be just an ongoing rant. I shall save you guys the trouble of having to read more by ending it here.

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