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my chest felt like it was on fire
Friday. 4.1.11 1:56 am
I ran to a code yesterday and I ran for about a block before my chest started to scream at me. I was beyond out of breath and seriously in pain. I walked the rest of the way to the code. And it took about 10 minutes of regulated breathing and not moving much before I had caught my breath again.

I really need to get in to some kind of shape. Even if it isn't great shape or even good shape. I need to get in to shape enough that I don't feel like my lungs are going to collapse from over-use every time I have to run from one side of the campus to the other.

Eating more greens might do that. Walking a distance every day, even if it's the same distance every day, might help as well.

I'm actually anxious to go see the doctor so that maybe she can help me figure out if my thyroid is what's causing these problems. I don't want to pass off the blame from self choices. I'm the first person to admit that I'm lazy, but even when I tried to eat healthier, I had to go to drastic measures first in order to get the weight down to where I wanted it before working to maintain it. I went without eating or eating very little for days on end to get the weight down.

Now, granted, I've never tried strict diets. Setting timers and measuring out ounces to let me know when I could eat and how much I could eat each time. But I have cut back on sugars and unhealthy carbs. Cut back on junk food in general, including backing off on fast food.

No results.

It sucked yesterday. Feeling that completely out of shape; not being able to run for more than a block without feeling like I had just started the next wildfire right in my lungs.

Today is April 1st. Hopefully I don't have to deal with too many "April Fools!" idiots at work.

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second guessing
Monday. 3.28.11 7:44 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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feeling rejected
Sunday. 3.27.11 5:29 pm
I know that it's not what I'm thinking it is, but I still can't help but feel the way that I do.

I haven't seen Jacob in over 24 hours {our work schedules have overlapped} and I've barely talked to him in that time frame. Maybe 5 minutes on the phone and no more than 10 texts exchanged. Even then, I haven't heard from him since early this morning. And I've still got 4 1/2 hours left before my shift is over. 5 until I get home and can maybe actually see him.

It makes me feel like he's not thinking about me to even just send a text asking how work is going or even to just say hi. I just want to hear from him. I'm determined to have him text me first ... but I probably shouldn't hold my breath. Earlier I was avoiding texting him because I figured he'd be sleeping. I know for a fact that he's not still sleeping. It's been nearly 12 hours. And with his mom visiting, I know he's not going to sleep the afternoon away like he might should the house be empty.

I just feel like I've been forgotten about. I don't like feeling this way.

{EDIT} I'm tired, sore and now I'm pissed off. Apparently the phone call I received wasn't supposed to be to find out how I was doing. Especially when my response was just kind of shoved aside by an "ah" and then asking me the question that required the phone call.

Like I said, I'm just pissed off right now so this is basically a rant, but still. I'm going to end it here so I don't end up saying something that I will later regret.

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17 more hours ... 16 of it work
Sunday. 3.27.11 5:11 am
Remind me why I signed up for this again?

Oh yeah ... 16 hours of overtime on the next paycheck.

Money is why I signed up for this.

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I must learn my place
Saturday. 3.26.11 12:49 pm
I understand that he hasn't seen his mom since we moved here, but apparently I have to stand up next to the couch for 15 minutes before anyone realizes that I should be offered a seat.

Maybe it's because I'll still be here when his mom leaves so he can give me the attention then.

It's a good thing I'm working so much the next few days. He won't have to worry about giving me any attention since I won't be here.

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it's only gonna be for a few days ...
Saturday. 3.26.11 1:34 am
Jacob's mom is in town and I'm okay with that ... but it's the music that she's got playing to help her sleep that's going to get on my nerves. This apartment is pretty good when it comes to blocking out noise, but when she's got the music turned up? The walls don't do much then.

So I've got my laptop in the bedroom tonight {and probably for the next few nights} so I'll be playing soft music of my own. Mostly to cover up the stuff she's got playing. If it was like soft jazz or classical or something of the such, I wouldn't mind. But country? Hell no. It's bad enough that it's in the house. Ugh, oh well. Like I said, it's only for a few days.

Anywho, I picked up a couple extra shifts this coming week. I work my normal 2pm-10pm today {Saturday} then I have to turn around into a 16 hour shift Sunday, 6am-10pm. The morning shift is what I picked up. Then Monday, which is my normal day off, I picked up the swing shift: 2pm-10pm. Then I'll have Tuesday off before going back to my normal schedule Wednesday. 16 hours of overtime will definitely look nice on the next paycheck. But Wednesday will probably be mostly spent sleeping. We have to renew our lease that day, but otherwise? It's pajamas and bed for me.

Alrighty, I guess that's it. I had to rant about the fact that there's extra music in the house. Hopefully I don't overwork myself this weekend.

Until next time NuTang ...

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