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seriously? it's not that serious.
Monday. 3.21.11 10:43 pm
I used to be bothered by the things that my friends would put on their Facebook. But then after a while, I realized it wasn't that serious.

Like my "friend" does. Seriously. This "friend" takes everything that goes on on Facebook way too seriously. Not understanding the full meaning behind things that others post before making assumptions.

They also delete everyone who isn't immediately relevant to them when they're in a bad mood and then add the deleted friends back when they're over whatever it is that's bothering them.

I don't really care if this person wants to delete me as a friend, but I just wish they'd stop taking things so seriously. It also makes things awkward at work. Which is why I try not to add to many people from work to my Facebook friends list. Either that or I seriously cut back on the status updates. Which I do anyway so I guess it's a win-win.

I'm the first person to admit that I overreact, but I'm not as bad as this person. Not even close.

Ugh. Whatever.

In other news, today was a good day. Jacob and I had a date night. We went out to the movies and had dinner afterwards. Paul was funny. And sushi is always delicious. All in all, a good day.

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emotional breakdown and important steps
Monday. 3.21.11 2:32 am
After three months of working at the hospital, it finally got to me. I was already feeling upset and down and just not in a good place, but when I started patrolling the Pre-Op wing, it just got to me and I broke down. The reason? The way the rooms are set up, they look exactly like the room that Jacob was in when he had his surgery. The sliding door, the curtain that goes all the way across, but doesn't touch the floor ... I just started crying. Like I said, I already was an emotional mess, but I was trying not to break down at work. Luckily it was Saturday and with the hospital being closed, I was free to break down right there in the middle of the hallway.

After a few minutes I finally managed to calm down, but the rest of the night I avoided that particular wing. I'm not really exactly sure what it was that had me all messed up to begin with, but I really wasn't having it on Saturday.

I felt better today.

One other thing that occurred on Saturday was a very important step for me. Something I haven't been able to do in the past, for reasons unknown. Probably mostly fear.

I finished and submitted my FAFSA application. I also submitted an application to three separate community colleges in the area. Each has a good Marine Biology program, so hopefully I hear back from one or more of them soon.

So, I finally made a step towards getting my future set up, rather than just waiting and seeing if something happens.

In other, happier news, I met Jacob three years ago today. It doesn't really count as our anniversary; we actually don't have an 'official' date when we became an 'official' couple. At this point I'm just going to go by the day that he proposed and we'll celebrate that until the actual day of the wedding occurs. {Who knows when that'll be, but I'm okay with that.} We didn't do anything to celebrate us meeting three years ago today. Work got in the way of doing so.

Same with his birthday. We're both working two different shifts that day so celebrating on the day will be impossible. I told him to pick a place that he wants to go or something that he wants to do and I'd treat him to it. So that'll happen either tomorrow or Tuesday.

Anywho, I needed to get that out of my system. I wanted to talk to Jacob about it, but I didn't know how to bring it up. But that's really all that's happened in the last few days ... or since whenever it was I wrote last. . . which I think was a couple days ago.

Until next time NuTang ...

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this or that
Saturday. 3.19.11 1:42 am
I'm having a hard time getting into my book. I'm currently reading Jack and Jill, by James Patterson. I love the author and most of his books are real easy to get in to. But every once in a while, I'll come across one or two of his books that just takes me longer to become interested in. Jack and Jill happens to be one of them. It is a good book thus far, but I just can't seem to keep my attention on it for more than a couple chapters at a time. Which, if any of you have ever read anything from James Patterson, would know that that means not reading more than maybe 6 or 7 pages at a time. Oh well. I'll get in to it eventually. Especially since I already bought the next book in the series: Cat and Mouse.

Anywho, I saw this new trailer today that has a very, very similar story-line as another movie that just recently came out, but in my opinion looks funnier. I also like the two main actors in the new movie compared to the other.

Friends With Benefits

and

No Strings Attached

Like I said, in my opinion, Friends With Benefits looks funnier. I like Justin Timberlake better than Ashton Kutcher. I like both Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, but I think as an on-screen couple, Mila and Justin go better. I haven't seen No Strings Attached, but it's on my queue so when it becomes available, I'll have it shipped to my house.

I'm sorry if the title made anyone think about the Kia Soul hamster commercial. My bad.

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independence ≠ freedom
Tuesday. 3.15.11 2:07 am
So I suppose all is forgiven. He's got a cold so his mood is a bit off anyway, but we've been able to laugh and joke. I'll just be trying my very hardest NOT to be bringing up the death of my grandparents again. Or at least for a really long time.

I was thinking earlier about the difference between independence and freedom. In my opinion, the two are not one in the same. Similar, but not the same.

See, I found my independence in Tucson when I moved in to my own place. I still didn't have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I was held back because of the lack of transportation.

I gained my freedom when I bought my car. Even borrowing my mom's car didn't constitute freedom because I had to have it back for when she needed it and I couldn't use it whenever I pleased in case she needed to use it.

As of right now, I suppose I have both. Freedom to do whatever, whenever, wherever. And the independence from parental control. However, financially, I wouldn't be able to support myself fully right now. I'd have to make sacrifices; kind of like I did before. I chose to pay everything else and only buy food on the rare occasion I could afford it. Well, with the combined income food is more than affordable. I am independent, but there's sort of a joint thing to it right now.

I very much love having my car. Even though it sucks a big chunk of money out from underneath me. I am aware that car insurance premiums go down when one turns 25, but I have a feeling it's not going to go down much. Oh well. Even if it goes down $20, that's still $20 that I didn't have before.

Having my car allows me to leave and go wherever. It's slightly restricted here; parking isn't exactly a free luxury. You either park on the street {I don't know how to parallel park, so this proves a challenge} or you find a lot and pay. More than half the street parking you have to pay for as well. You're lucky if you can find free, unrestricted parking. For example, Walgreen's down the street. Their lot is free to park in, but you have to be a customer there. You can't even park in their lot and walk the 50 steps to the Starbucks.

Wow, I kind of changed the topic a bit there. I mean, I guess it still goes along with freedom, but in a completely different way in which I had been talking about. Either way, I apparently needed to get that off my chest.

Anywho, I also realized that I only seem to write whenever Jacob isn't around. He's here tonight, but he's asleep. I'm not really sure why that is ...

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Sunday. 3.13.11 11:36 pm
I made a mistake. I wasn't even thinking so I kept talking like it was nothing.

I feel really, really, really, really, really bad now.

It's been almost a year since his grandfather died and it's still a very sore wound for him. So what did I do?

I was talking about the ailments that took my grandparents lives and just kept going.

Finally he stopped me and asked if I could just not talk about it anymore. That's when it clicked how close it was to his grandfather's passing.

How am I supposed to make things better? I apologized. I left the room to take a shower. When I came back out he was in bed.

I feel horrible. Hell, I'm the one crying.

He called off from work tomorrow. I want to think it's because he's coming down with a cold and doesn't want to go to work sick, but before my runaway mouth upset him, he was still fine going in to work tomorrow. He even said no when I suggested he call off. So I know it's because I've ripped open the wound and he doesn't want to go in feeling the way he is. Regardless if he were sick or not.

I don't know what to do to make things not so awkward. I really do feel horrible.

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ineffective
Sunday. 3.13.11 12:22 am
The time change is supposed to be so that there is more sunlight during the day. In the later summer months, yes, I suppose this becomes true. And just a side note ... even in the states and cities that don't change the clocks, the sun still rises earlier and sets later. Go figure. However, it's null and void to the people who work swing shift and are unable to take advantage of the evening sunshine. Sure, the sun is rising a lot earlier in the day, but that would only mean waking up that much earlier before the start of the shift in order to take advantage.

I don't know about the rest of the working world, but I find it rather hard to go to sleep right after I get home from work. I have to stay up at least a few hours before I'm tired enough to sleep for more than an hour or so.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I would much prefer it to be dark, but everyone likes to make a big deal about how they can stay out later during the day because of the extended sunlight hours. I want to have the option. I suppose I could always ask to change shifts. The odds of that actually happening would be unlikely.

Anywho, I don't really have anything else to write about. No more progress on my diet. I've mostly given up staying on the strictness, but I am still staying under 2000 calories a day. I really do need to see a doctor about my thyroid. If that's not what's making it so hard for me to lose weight {and for me to gain weight so easily} then I have no idea what is causing it. If I completely avoid food altogether, I will lose the pounds. Even just skipping a day's worth of food has proven to cause me to lose about a pound.

I need to stop procrastinating ... perhaps I'll call the doc's on Monday and schedule an appointment.

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