School is boring. Dave A and Li ran over to my house cuz I couldn't go running. Dave W, Court and I are going to the girls' bball game tonight. Tim got his car back and he said it looks weird. Trying to figure out festivities for the weekend. My feet are healing I think... did I mention that school is boring? Yeupp. soooo bored. mannnn life is boring... but that is ok bc it makes the good times even better! anyway i'm out.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Oh mannn... ice skating at 2pm with Dave A and his sis, Tim, Mike H, Dave W, Tom, Courtney, and Li (eventually)! Driving allll the way around Hershey Park to get to parking... then backing up the whole driveway to get to the correct enterance. good times. I fell 4 times, once I brought down Dave (they got a pict of that), once bringing down Tim and 2 by myself, or was it 3? "Don't touch me!" "It was ONE finger, how can u fall over by being touched by ONE finger?" (I did) Thanks Mike, Dave and Tim for trying to help to keep me on my feet. Got some beautiful blisters on my arches and scrapes all on my ankles and legs, (Tim had to carry me to the car, thanks bud, u got ur workout for the week) so I have no idea how I am going to get any type of shoe on my feet for a week, but it was worth it. I prefer taking risks on solid ground tho, you have more control. After almost 2 hours of skating, we all went to Courtney's house to play cards (mafia, kents, bullshit) until 6:15 when we realized that the kick off started at 6:25! Rushed home to soooo much food. mmmm. Thanks for the rides to all and thanks for a wonderful time!

Last night:

Cards at Dave A's...Good times... "what is this movie about?" Meghan's the Mafia! (what? why do u think it is me again?) mm goodness.

I'm tired... of being blamed, of apologizing, of trying to help, of accepting things as they are, of doing nothing but be posative... and when I tell someone that I get still bitched at for wanting to give someone their space and live their own life. I never in a million years thought that I would ever give up. I am not giving up, I am letting them find who they are and me find who I am. This will never be fixed, people change and you can't depend on the past to make things right.

At some point we don't like who we are changing into.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Mannn, changing sucks, being nice all the time sucks bc the moment u chose not to, it all comes back at you with vicious kharma. So being a nice person i guess pays off,.. but right now, I don't give a damn anymore. Which is horrible! gah I hate who I am turning into. And why have I changed? I don't like it one bit.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Well besides me being an apparetn insensative bitch, I did have a good time last night... until the whole "yea it happens at every event break down crying fest" and someone storming out angry and then I try to figure out how it is MY fault, so I apologize and life goes back to being so not happy, we just pretend it is.

But last night.... was fun. I mean, I didn't break out of my shell much, bc I jsut wasn't in an adventurous mood. I was too tired. But Dave and I triiiiiied to do some dancing but the music just wasn't the right kind for merengue. I wish I could dance like CLint, or laine, or some of the other free spirits. I prolly could if I felt more "throw caution into the wind". Tim was totally there for me last night which was awesome. Even tho it was mostly about bets and him trying to get a pict of just me and Dave. He's an awesome friend who I can just talk to and who understands me and I him...so it' s cool to have that and not be jealous of the other person when they want to get with someone else. We actually just kiid around about it... he tells me if some guys is a good choice (even when I wans't considering him as a choice) and I tell him what I think of his younger skinny girls that he likes but is too shy to go ask them their name. Robbie showed up.... bam wasn't expecting that one. Yea, that is one big problem in our friendship, we never talk.( which is why it all ended) I don't know if there just aren't thing to talk about, or if we think that we will say the wrong thing or something stupid so we don't talk at all... that is just not right. I know that each relationship with someone is different but can u have a relationship with someone who u never talk to, know very little about? I don't think so. Not on an understanding level at least. David and Li... no comment. vicious cycle I tell you. So in short, I had a great time... I just need to losen up and be "more direct" i guess, even tho my intentions weren't to get anything, that idea just sort of was pushed by other ppl, (like, tim ash, li, tom...) Can I say, "akward?" haha. Went to Cocoa Grill afterward with Chris (who drove), Tim, Dave and Li. good times, greasy goodness. many lauhgs and talks. A very different group of people, yet we all had a good time. Glad to see Tim out socializing. Glad to see people standing up for themselves, glad to see the new kid out meeting new people, glad to see old friends re gaining friendships with forgotten friends. Chris thanks so much for the ride, ur awesome. Oh man Amanda thanks so much for that converstaion... "it just doesn't add up, she has alll this stuff to do alll the time, yet she has time to write down every last single thing that happened that day on an online journal"

Welp, I have laX practice at 2pm , then hopefully that'll let me vent some frusteration. Cards tonight I think. The rents are going out. So we'll see. Things do get better, so I am not worried.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

I mind as well apologize on here instead of doing it in person, bc that seems to be the "way to go" around here. Say stuff that should be said in person, and then expect a response on here instead of in person. First: I know that I am a shitty person. Second: I know that I have not been fair to you in how I have ben acting. It does not represent anything about our friendship. Third: I know that it seems like I only wants rides or whatever, but that is not it at all. If that is all I wanted, we wouldn't have been laughing that much in the car, or had that many "moments" to remember. Fourth: I wasn't talking to the other you bc I never see you, not bc I didn't want you to know. Hell, I'm the girl of all honesty, but I guess in the past month or so that has changed too. Fifth: I didn't understand that you wanted to leave THEN to go to Friendly's. Sixth: I know how you felt about that night at ur house, believe me I'm sorry... about the whole damn thing. Seventh: I got a ride with someone else bc I wanted u to go out and have a good time without having to drive me. Eighth: Why can't we be normal people who talk things out with the person and don't broadcast it all over the internet for everyone to comment on? Ninth: I always understand that people aren't perfect, and I try my darn best to accept them how they are no matter how pissed off they make me sometimes. Yet everyone expect me to be perfect.. why? I get bitched at when I am sad or upset, told, "you can't be sad, be happy". I can't make a mistake in judgement with a boy, I can't be overly happy either or else ppl get jealous, I can't miscommunicate or then it is MY fault... the list goes on.

Maybe it is hypocricy at its best or just selfishness. I dunno, but about standing up for urself... yea I gotta do some more of that too, as in not letting anything bother me. Life's too short to exclude ppl from ur life bc of their faults. We only have 5 months left, and I have come too far with all of you to let that drift away. Maybe I need to. maybe I need to take my own advise I recently gave to someone else and apply it to this: Let go some of the people who mean the most to me bc obviously they are being hurt by it and I don't want to go back to how I felt before I was happy either.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Strawberries. a whole pineapple (how do I cut this?). mm cake. frosting job. blue is for cool/mild salsa. white is for hot. everyone's pleasure in 3 kinds of chips. 18 candles. *click click* picture. blindfold. SURPRISE! happy bday court! Good laughs (what's so funny?) + great company = awesome time. It was worth it to be sitting there in a cozy room with food at hand, and smiles all around. Worth it enough to now have a paper to write that I haven't even started. But I don't care, bc times like those are worth more than a paper any day! thanks.

8pm: I hope she knew how much she meant to my life, how much she indirectly did to make me who I am. I am not crying bc I have no regrets. I got to tell her before she left how thankful I was to have met her. This is the best one can feel when someone special leaves ur life.... no regrets.

No regrets... that's ironic that I should mention that. W/e as someone pointed out to me, I was happier and in a better mood so I guess I get to look foward to that again. thanks kiddos for everything. Better things to look foward to.... sure. I waited 17 years, just got a 17 more to go I guess. Live and learn. Take what u can get and then when it breaks, pick up the pieces and throw them away. You will always remember what it was and how it broke but you won't be carrying it around with you weighing you down. I am so thankful for honesty in this world.

Can u help me cry? For there are so many things to cry for today. yet no tears go down my face, or shivers up my spine. can u help me cry today? cuz I don't know how and I want to be fine.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!