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We started this path together, hand in hand. We said we would walk it slowly, but now we're running. Running from fear of being discovered? Running from excitement? Running from reason? The world is blury as we pass it by so fast, ideas hit me then sail away. I stumble a few times but u picked me up and now we're running again.

A first for many things, and I have no doubt more to come. Glad that if my rents did ever find out, that this is the one that they are most comfortable with... my mom last night at dinner was saying how (we were talking about where everyone was going for college) and my dad asked if that person had another option besides the one school and I said yea... it's________. And my mom went, "oooo so that is only an hour or so away from you, so u can take a bus down from Slippery Rock and go visit/stay with that person....... (3 distinct seconds later) and other people of course" haha. oh goodness. The day my mom starts setting me up, haha. I was surprised bc at the beg of the year she was like, "please don't marry (well marriage is def not in the works, but still, it would apply to dating too, or even just messin) someone like ________, bc ur so small." hahahah. gosh madre. Coach May saw me in health class yest too, and so he came in n said hi, squeezed my neck and said he saw me at the basketball game with someone. Asked if we were dating, I laughed said no, we just went to the game together...but of course it is Coach May so he took that as a "well it's one of my ftball players, so I'm gonna have a talk with him" I have no idea what he is gonna talk about, something like "taking care of u, or watching over you" I think he said.

But onto other ppl and colleges, I am so happy that Tim got into Randolf Macon!!!! I think that it will be a great place for him for many reasons. My dad said he drove by there the other day. With this weather, I wish I was going to college a bit more south. Slippery Rock is gonna be freakin cold. I hope I can drive to Penn State to visit ppl since 3/4 of my friends are going there. It is 2 hours before SRU, on the same road and everything. I hope I make the most of this year. Senior week stuff is so up int he air.... gahhh. I am drifting from some friends, yet getting closer to others, and then there are some that are just there... yet I wish they were here, closer, happier. So many ppl are unhappy. I wish I was working too, I need money really bad. K, well it's early, dunno why I am awake. I coudl really go for a something from Panera bread right now. Have Lacrosse practice 2-3:30. Watching the titans/patriots game with my dad tonight. Get wisdom teeth out friday. then 5 day weekend. awesome, yet I'll be in bed. hahah. k, i'm out now.

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Whew, interesting week, ups and downs, feelings and emptiness, energy and tiredness, smiles and frowns... someone makes me laugh and feel comfortable and happy inside, yet I don't know how to move that to "friends". Others are falling by the wayside and others are trying to find themselves. One has entered in a new way and in my changing mind moods, I have to say, is being awesome about it. I think that everyone's mind changes as much as mine does, just I voice it bc I feel the need to be honest and open about everything all the time. I think i should just stop SAYING everything. I want to go out tonight, do something, Known but Forgotten is playing at Mj's tonight, so if I can get ppl to go to that it would be cool. I HAVE to go to lacrosse practice tomorrow, stop slacking. It is so freezing cold outside, I finally got up the nerve to go run, and I decided to stop after 4 minutes because my ears were about to fall off.

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Things don't necessarily work out how u planned.... but they still work out. We can plan out how we want our life to be, what we want to do, who we want to spend our time with, but under the forces of everyone else's objectives and life's own twists nothing happens exactly how we want. What makes it all ok, is taking what you have and making it what you like.

Edit 5:30pm: Haircut... never say, do whatever you want. It's so short! ahhh! Oh well, good thing my hair grows fast. I woke up incredibley sore today... my legs, my neck, my arms... yet I haven't done any sort of excercise all week!

stolen from courtney: *A guy and a girl can just be friends, but at one point or another, one of them will fall for the other; maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe, just maybe forever*

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Life is a pendulum. Just swinging from one extreme to the other. I wish my life would take a chill in the middle for a bit tho. My mind has changed 3 times so far on one issue since dec 25, n right now I am consoling my self with a big ass chocolate bar, while I sit here and think. This time it is not my mind that is changing what I think... so maybe I should just wait, see if it passes? In the mean time, just go with the flow... be fair to the other ppl involved, and not jump to conclusions.

Yet am I being fair? So far I think I have hurt a bunch of ppl who don't even know whyyyyy... just that I am diff. Life is complicated, you can't please everyone... although I am still gonna continue to darn hell try!

So I normally thought... speak what is on ur mind, now I am thinking, just suck it up and deal!... but that philosophy might change in 2 minutes... damn my changing mind!

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Summary of past week: Never imagined that I would. Never guessed that I could. Never believed that I should.

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