Waking up this morning I was just tired. It is supposed to snow tomorrow.... excited? Went for a walk with Milica. good talks. Then hurried off with Li and David to the viloin store.. an hour and 2 gas stations later, "hey there it is!" always... and once again, i was in a group of 3... dammit.

I am proud.... of a lot of things.

"u deserve it!" ... too bad whoever has been deciding this part of my life and what i do and don't deserve does not share milica's enthusiasm.

Whew week is almost over... and soon christmas, i really am in the mood for christmas shopping! darnit i need money.

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What a blah day... Milica noticed before i said one word to her that i was in a bad mood and then Eric noticed in physics. "ur not so chirpy today, what's wrong?" It's not like anything is wrong... I'm just not in a bouncy mood lol. This morning started off rough, but it is my father's bday! Happy Birthday Pop! I was going to be a good girl and go to LaX practice, but noooo, they had to cancel it. As unsatisfied as I am with myself and with as many things I see wrong with myself, I don't have time to worry over them bc I have to be an example for others who need me to be stronger, I just hope that I have not let any of them down.

i feel like a pain/ it draws me in again/ sqaushes all my worst of me/ darkness in my veins/ I never could explain/ and i wonder if you have ever seen/ and still believe// and all of your ways/ and all that you dream/ falls on me/ it falls on me/ and your beautiful sky/ the light you breath/ falls on me/ it falls on me/ --- fuel

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Life “to do” List (part of) - graduate Slippery Rock with BS exercise science, MPT and DPT/ - Help others find a purpose to life/ - Build a house with Habitat for Humanity/ - Fly a kite/ - Learn how to play tennis, pool, chess, poker,/ - Go canoeing/ - Climb a mountain/ - Go to central America and climb ruins in the rainforests/ - Visit Bali, Hawaii, the pubs in Ireland, palaces in England/ - Swim with the dolphins/ - Train a rescue dog/ - Travel the landscape of New Zealand/ - Take a cruise to see the northern lights and then live in an igloo for a few days in Alaska/ - Watch a sunset from each state on the coast of the usa/ - Go to China or San Diego and work with the Panda bears for a month/ - Join the Peace Corps/ - Tap my own maple syrup/ - Cross country ski/ - Find Jonathan Ortega/ - Go ice skating at night on a pond with a full moon/ - Get over my fear of heights/ - Learn how to break dance, play the guitar, play the piano/ - Go bowling in the early morning/ - Go sailing/ Learn how to surf/ - Participate in the 48 hour dance marathon at Penn State/ - Do one unnecessary good deed every day for someone I don’t know/ - Go to Belchertown and Amherst’s graduation this year/ - Eat a whole pizza/ - Play football in the mud/ - Find a cure for or the prevention of depression/ - Meet Christopher Reeve/ - Get one homeless person off the streets/ - Skydive/ - See a volcano, Whale watch/ - Help 23 people reach their goal/ - Swim in a lagoon/ - Eat lunch under a waterfall/ - Learn how to do a handstand, back handspring and stuff like that/ - Go to a public auction/ - Watch every I Love Lucy show

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Do your friends chose you or do you chose your friends? Or is it a mutal decision? And if they chose us then why do so different groups of people chose us? Or if we chose then why do we chose people from different groups? For instance, my friends are not at all from the same groups... well moslty, but my closests are not part of the majority. It's something that has puzzled me for a while.... I look at my friends and the people that I attract and wonder why I attract these people? do they sense something in me that says, hey this girl will listen and care or is it that they have tried everyone else and as a last resort go to me and say, heck it can't be any worse. hmmm, share ur thoughts.

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From now on... no worries, no plans, no expectations, no hopes, no going after things... from now on I willlet things happen how they happen. I will nto stress out about one small thing. I will let the pieces fall as they fall. No trying to change what is, or what will come. I will accept things as they come to me and when they come to me. I will not question other's actions or become jealous. Life is too short and precious to let anything that is out of ur control or that makes u sad, get in the way of living the best u can. Although it is important to have dreams and goals, we must be able to also see the good in even the bad that comes our way. Sometime things just never happen... we wait and wait and hope and expect... and get all dissapointed when nothing happens. From now on, I will not let this get in my way of having fun and being happy.

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Last night DID NOT work out how it was supposed to.. haha. but we had a good time anyway. David #2 never came, but Courtney, Tom, David #1 and Adam did! "I love it when ppl just show up at my house! I am completely serious too!" We played cards, went to Giant, came back, watched the Pitt/Miami game, talked, played more cards and then Li left her keys in Robbie's car so my dad drove her out and david home. I love my parents, god they do so much for me! the weather is nicer outside... a bit brisk but nice. I've been able to walk 4 out of the 5 days of vacation so that has put me in a good mood. Playing tennis at 4 with Li.... come on arm muscles!! haha. My family is still here until Monday, so I hope get to spend some time with them. Last night we did a big to do around the thanksgiving table of what we are thankful for ( we had to write it down and share). My grandmother and my pops didn't want to share... interesting of the generations. Sigh, so yea, today, cleaning the room, checking to see if i have hw... and then going to play tennis in 2 hours. My friends are all depressed... I wonder if it me who choses my friends, or if it my friends who chose me?

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