Today didnt go as planned at all, but I didn't mind putting off my work for hours at a time, because the time I DID do things other than work was worth it, to me, to my friends and those who needed me, even if it was to drive with them so they could get their fix of chinese food.

The days started off with:
2 waterpolo games with Scott so he wouldn't drink the night before, went to lookout deck underwater
lunch with kate who didn't go to church
phone with a headache "cart is short for carriage"
birth of time phone log dared by Amanda
worked on project proposal
..."30 minutes, guess I missed the 'an hour and...' " for chinese food. talks about morals, sex, past relationships, friends, music etc.... 4 hours later return back to dorm
Kara gets back, Rocky's share stories about spring break, many laughs, eating muffins, desensatize Steve bc Krista hasn't.
Amanda and I decided we are going to each get a Goldfish named Dallas...
"god only gave men enough blood to support one of their heads"
Talk about keeping in touch forever even when she is in Guam or Australia
Looking at music, remember all awesome tunes I have been missing out on, she burns 18 of them!
$10 found in my cd case by Amanda who has the luck of the room.
Talk to Tom on the phone and shared awesome weekend news "I'm running out of adjectives to show my excitement"
Work on my project proposal... wondering where u are.

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Finding Neverland was sooo.. powerful. Especially in the midst of this week when over 10 people we know have passed away, and the numbers just seem to be growing (3 more died yest), the whole life/death... how to life, what ti imagine, what to face, and just a whole new perspective on Peter Pan story was awesome. The one part tht sticks out in my mind was tinkerbell, how she drank the poison to sasve peter pan just like how the mother was practically killing herself to keep her children alive. Also the comment made about captian Hook, how we are all running away from time, which made me think that perhaps captain hook is really afraid of time, of death, not just of a stupid clock because the alligator ate it. The emotion provoked in the movie almost mae me cry and if anyone knows me, they know I don't cry at movies. It's definitely one ontop of my list now.

Yesturday was so beautiful outside. After my test, lab, class, went to work, lunch, back to work, have come to the conclusion that chocolate is a factor in my headaches/nausea which means I am gonna try and stay away from it for a while.

Then I SPRING CLEANED! and that includes packing away everything I am bringing home over easter (2 big boxes and two big clothing carriers) and vaccuming!!! (for the second time this year), then went for a lovely walk for an hour with Katie outside and had some wonderfully intuitive talks about such things like mothers, guys, self-growing up, attatchments, school, meeting new people, future careers, families etc. It was sooo nice to connect to someone like that againand ontop of the walk (which weall know I LOVE my walks) in the perfecto weather, I came back inside sooo happy.

Took a shower, and started SCRAPBOOKING! Then Katie came in and roamed around on my computer "why don't we ever hang out in here?", then Kate and I went to dinner as Katie left to go home to 3 funerals/viewings. Oh man I almost forgot! I got to kiss a suffed cow and sign a paper today for a guy in a fraternity, he was really sweet tho and I was the first one to do it so I didnt mind. Reminded me of "head" from key club ash. Then of course Kate did it too.

At dinner quote of the evening: "u didn't say hi to me, u were looking right at me and didn't say hi, for that u get this *unsips my black/white jacket thingy*" "I didn't have my glasses on, sorry" "well, hi then... btw u look sexy like that with ur jacket open, leave it like that" "*as person walks away zips jacket up realllly high* Then after dinner, went to marketplace for some cookies and off to the movie where we got moved from McKay to BSB and almost didn't fit everyone in a seat. Saw Finding Neverland, almost cried, walked back and went to the gym to burn off some emotional stress about all these deaths and the movie for an hour n a half.

Came back feeling gross and exhausted enough to just call it a night, talked to the roomie for a bit, and went to bed without a care in the world, more I think cuz I just didn't want to give a shit about petty things, not that I didn't still have compassion about the day's goings ons.

Now I am here, waiting till 10:30 so kate and I can go to breakfast and then cheer the waterpolo team on in their AA champs game at 11:30. This weekend have tons of work to do.

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I am so wired still, maybe cuz I didn't hit up the gym today, maybe cuz of the mix off drinks we made (shake rattle and unroll) or cuz of the dissapointment in not winning.. damn ARHS. But we had fun, we put in sooo much effort and we bonded well. Dino is so adorably hilarious and Mu is just the quiet nice guy who needs some nice girl who appreciates him and his really really dry sense of humor, and Pam is so cute being the motherish figure with her gorgeous engagement ring, Sue the complete goofball Grad Assistant, and Amanda the normal one haha. I dunno what I am, I guess the sweet short one... "give me this cup and I would pour sugar over ur head" I have no idea what that meant but it was referenced to me. I hope the pictures come out well, I have to have those developed tomorrow.

I am so glad this week went by fast, I have some stuff to get done over the weekend: research project proposal, read 70 pages of A Lesson Before Dying, study Chem, take two psych test online, write essays for scholarships online and of course I am majorly looking foward to SCRAPBOOKING! I have sooo much stuff like vagina monologues and spring break! Also I am psyched cuz I get to go home WEDNESDAY at 12pm now! *breath* I really should get to bed cuz I have an anatomy test at 8am this morning. hmph. *signing off*

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Currently listening to: heart of stone by the Rolling Stones... ironic? I have no idea why I decided to listen to the stones at this moment, maybe cuz it reminds me of my naive days riding around in the car with my dad... when things like death weren't a reality, didn't hit home, and the ppl u did lose u weren't old enough to hurt that bad. Now "as tears go by" is playing... I really like this song, always have.

We are going to go up to Erie Friday afternoon for Kara's dad's viewing or whatever we can get there for, even if it is just to take her out for a while. I can't help but think that I am in for a loss sometime soon... right now I guess I am just feeling vicarious mourning. Or maybe I just need an excuse for a good cry... wow that's horrible.

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wasting time... of course. I have been going back and forth b/w buttons and stamping pamphlets on drugs.

News of the day: A girl in the health office got engaged over break...

"hey so and so has great news, come here"- niki
"what is this great news?"- kathy
"isn't it gorgeous?!"- niki
"oh I really like it, that haircut is very fitting" -kathy
"not her head, her HAND!"- niki
"ohhhhhhh you're engaged!" -kathy

Today's weather is nice, I didn't get down to the gym this morning tho :(, bootcamp won't be the same without Kara either. All of us are going to send her flowers and a card sometime this week hopefully. I have film to drop off today and study for chem.

If someone were to ask what word people use the most to describe me I have concluded without a doubt that it is, "cute" and "so little". The new haircut, is "so cute" any outfit is "very cute", I myself am just "cute".... funny how being short can make everything and anything about you to be termed "cute". Someone who is tall is rarely called 'cute' and someone who is short is rarely called 'hot'. Just the way things are. But upon arrival back to school, I have never heard "cute" so many times! Apparently the new look makes me look shorter as well, juuuust what I needed, haha.

It's always funny when new people drop on by the health center, cuz they never know which window to go to, and then when u tell them the other one, they want to know what one this is... so u tell them and seeing their reactions are humorous. Today it was, "pffft I don't need any of those... 4 for a dollar eh? cool."

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Whooop! back in the ol' dorm room... slept the WHOLE way here which was a first. Must've been more tired than I thought... wow I forgot how quiet it is around here.

Random thought of the day: Tell me why chex mix for kids is cheaper than regular chex mix?

Consideration of the day: I just found out that my good friend Kara's father died suddenly this (?) morning. So of course I called my parents who are on their way home from bringing me back to college and said, "I love you".

My dad is one of those guys who says it all the time, and sometimes I catch myself thinking that he says it too much, but then I realize that u can't say it too often if and when u really really mean it. You never know what can happen, when u could lose someone and never be able to hear it or say it one last time.

You know some may call someone who is always looking at the bright side of things, always taking the bad with the good in an obscurely graceful manner, always being sentimental and caring to be odd... I would rather live my life in that way and die knowing I was genuine, loved as many ppl as I could and they knew how I felt. Whenever someone gets in a car I have gotten into the habit of saying, "have a safe trip back" or "take care" and giving them a hug that hopefully they will remember as being a caring one.

As the age gets older, such as with parents and such the fact of age raises the chances of unxpected loss. Somedays I try to forget that it is even possible to lose someone I care so much about at this point or any point in my life so that I don't bog myself down, but then again, we all have to remember the mortality of everyone to some degree so we don't forget to say the things needed to be said, to do the things needed to be done, even if it is said and done over and over and over... just to make sure.

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