Called up Li at 2pm yesturday... "hey we have to make Tim and David dinner, want to do it tonight?"

.... went to grocery store, walked around with shopping cart no less like pair of mothers. Got other necessities. Went back to my house to begin the cooking process. Started at 4... ended at 7:30. whew. Nothing burned, over cooked (or undercooked) and no fires. The only problem was one of the ppl was missing in action all day... but luckily showed up. Serenaded by violin music. Dinner began with salad (ranch dressing, there is NO creamy italian!) and homemade rolls. Main meal: green beans al almond, buttermilk chicken tenders, twice baked potatoes. Dessert: drop dead choc cake.

Played some rounds of bullshit, go fish (gold fish?) rat screw and black jack (I'm heading off to vegas!). good times good times.

Drove this morning again, and I feel pretty good about driving. Can't wait till I get out on the road.

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Absolute Perfection... Mike Hallock u are sooo going to be on broadway, don't ever doubt that! Pirates of Penzance was aweeeesome, yes full of awe. Devine, hope u make it into Julliard, Erin u'll find a place for that operatic voice, derek keep at it. mannn and Linsky, woooh! How can u speak, let along sing that fast? Went to Cocoa Grill after and w of course sat at our regular table (now that we go there at least once a week)... diff arragement tho. I sat next to court and dave a, tim was next to li of course, dave w was next to li of course and tom was across from court of course. always good times, convos. Today hopefully going to play ulitmate frisbee n basketball! whew, better work out. Debating if I should go run... it is so blah out. sticky n gross. collld too. I dunno why the heck I woke up this early... 9am. Especially since we have no school so I technically could've slept in.. too much energy really. boyyyy. I neeed to go do something. laters.

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Went for the longest run ever in my life.. which was prolly like 3 miles er something. But yes, I don't run very long distances and it wasn't a pure three miles bc we stopped a few times for amy to catch her breath. But yes, I love how I feel after exercising... so calm and happy. Good old endorphines. Going to see the musical tonight Pirates of Penzance. The preview looked awesome so I am excited! Mike is sooo gooood! Tomorrow hopefully it doesn't rain, and if it does we'll still play ultimate frisbee! wooh. I was looking at my old schools' websites today and I saw a pict of Mark Wotjowitzc, Korey Bell, Patrick Keefe... aww all my old buds. I misss them. I wsih I could go up and see them graduate but they graduate before me. June 5. Same with Amherst although I didn;t have many friends there. I want to go up May 6-8 to see the Ultimate invitational really bad. I want to see the btown kiddos and mr gould and mrs d and all them, take a class maybe, get in shape so i can dance in college. I want to spend the summer up there, and take classes and work for mrs d and at applebees or something, and if i can drive than that would be awesome. or I can walk everywhere too, which would be healthy for me. I love amherst. I miss it. I kind of wish I was going to college there. Too bad it is so expensive. I miss dancing too. sighh. But for now running and lacrosse will have to do. I want that freedom to drive. ughhh, just a little bit longer.

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My happiness and uplifting mood lasted a good 2 days.... today was soooo... never mind I don't want to get into it. I need to let him make his own mistakes, stop trying to protect him from gettting hurt. Let him make his own choices and if I am not part of his choices than so be it I guess. I can't let this pull me down, I need to enjoy the time I DO have with these people. I don't have to worry about ending on wonderful terms bc we will all be going away soon. I need to stop being mad, jealous, or thinking pesssamistically. I need to change my attitude and not be so over protective. There is not time or place for that anymore. No use or advantage to caring that much. All it does it hurt people, mostly myself. Self induced. Learned a lot today in my physical... I have a heart murmer that could be caused by caffine, adrenalin, exercise. Your mucus membranes in ur nose are supposed to be pink, but mine are pale so that means I had a cold or alergies that I don't know about. My deaf spell in weightlifting was prolly due to a sudden drop in blood pressure after I worked out upsidedown all the blood rushed to my legs and back, then when stood up, took time to go to my head again, hence me going deaf for 2 min. Now I just have to figure out why I am bruising so easily, but I didn't want to ask the cool doc. I love learning new stuff like this. 59 1/2", gosh darnit. hehe. Live.. stop worrying and start living. But does that mean stop caring? How can u balance both, that is what I need, is balance.

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It is just amusing now... not really. I swear it is a new form of entertainment.

You always know... thanks for the card. Cards have a way of making someone's day, especially when there is more than just a signature in it. It takes time and thought to write a card (or even to pick out one), which makes them the best present ever! I would rather have a thoughful card than a present any day. (although a flower would add a nice touch) jk.

Minority by female, asian, vertically challenged. Can I get money for any of this?

Got thru the whole day without being down or tired. yay! Got home and took a 20 min power nap. In weightlifting I got off a machine that has been sort of straining my back, got a head rush, started to talk to Dan n Clint and suddenly I couldn't hear, the sounds just started to fade away. I sat down incase I was about to pass out... kept talking even tho I couldn't hear anything I was saying. Lasted a good 2 minutes and then my hearing returned. Quite scary cuz back/nerve injuries suck. Now I just feel sick. English journals are calling me.

EDIT 6pm: How could I NOT be absolutely happy right now? It is 60 degrees out (perfect!), I got a card from Jen, a box of chocolates from my mom, went for a wonderful run where I looked up at the sun setting sky, ate some awesome broccoli/ buffalo chicken/ salsa wraps made by urs truely, am listening to emotion stimulating songs I downloaded way back when (one last breath, I will remember you)

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good fresh air... was good for a while. now i'm back down from my high. sighh. think i will be staying home tonight again.

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