My day went from good to great to horrible... chiro, groceries, clothes shoppin for Tim, lunch, walk around Southpoint, dinner, TIm's, Emily's, Friendly's, home.

I am fighting the whole world, I don't know how much longer I can do this. Then again it shouldn't be my battle to fight, it's urs.

I am in so much pain right now, I just wish I could chop off my head and forget everything. I refused to take any meds until 15 min ago but I still hurt so bad I want to throw up.

My friends/family... I haven't given them what they deserve lately and inspite of that somehow they are still my friends. Somehow I still get much needed hugs and pats. I wish I could just make everything ok again, but Iguess I have to stop wishing that cuz it is out of my control.

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Woke up at 8:45am, slept right thru my alarm, jumped outta bed, took a 1 min shower, got dressed and hair dried, ready by 9am to have David A sleep thru his alarm too and not wake up till I called at 9:20 to see if he was still coming. Just got back from I guess it would be 3 1/2 hours of christmas shopping... hehe and I really enjoy finding/looking for those special things that are "just so" for ppl. Definitely searched high and low, hopefully the last bit of it will work out.
"I owe u my life" -d
"well I wouldn't go that far" -m
"ok, how about lunch then?" -d
I realized how much I love just being thoughtful... I had to keep myself from buying things that I thought, "that would be so perfect!" Now just wasting some time till Court comes so we can go back out shopping for her. I also realized that I miss scrapbooking and how dry my skin gets in the winter. hahah anyyyyway. Wasting time wasting time.. hair is so staticy and skin is breaking out cuz I have not been working out. Whoop Court just imed me saying she is leaving now. Sorry Tom I didn't get to visit u at work. I have a walk to take after I get back, cleaning, cookie making at 7:30pm and chiro appt tomorrow at 9am. Milica is coming over to pick up her pie now. Ash P if ur reading this I have urs, my cell's been broken but it works now I just haven't been home enough to call. Let me know when u want it. Ok welp, I should stop rambling. Later gators.

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Quicky before I go to dinner with Tom, Tim, and Court. Today was pretty darn good and I realized how I thrive off of being busy. Ortho appt 9:30, went to the bank to deposit money, dentist cleaning, drove right by the Verizon place to get my cell fixed so went to Colonial Park Mall--- bought ALL my christmas presents for the amigos all of which I am very satisfied with! SOooo excited! Then after driving by the darn Verizon building twice I finally was in the correct lane and got in. They said it would take an hour so I went to Micheal's and Border's. Came back for "good news and bad news" I got a new cell phone but no phone numbers attatched cuz they couldn't get the thing to turn on. Drove back to Hershey and visited Chuck n Coach May! Ohhhh man I got two huge hugs and was forced to cal two people I didn't know, one of them being a footbal coach at SRU who Coach May had already talked to and I have a job with them now!!! I just hafta visit them first day I get back to school. Oh my gosh, I couldn't thank May enough. Thennn he makes me call this other dude who is a football coach at hershey and a chiropractor for my neck/headaches that have been a daily thing since last fall. So I have an appointment Wed at 9am for that! Got some more football programs with my artcile in it tooooooo... wow they have done so much for me. Ok, ok, ok, time for dinner! I am starving, pumpkin spice cappaccino can only hold u over for so long! Call me!

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"Your friends are those special people u choose to be in ur life because you can't choose your family." -quote of the weekend in conversation around Aunt Rose's house.

I'm home and that was the most enjoyable weekend at my Aunt's ever... I am a 'woman' now, so I can partake in all the conversations and mannnn, was I missing out! Audrey (madre's best friend) and Sharon came down to visit my mom cuz she is so stressed and doing pretty bad and the hours we spent sitting around the dining room table exchanging stories about disfunctional families, aging parents, guys (do they EVER grow up?), and just pure ridiculousness were so genuine. The laughter carried into today when Kristen and Billy (plus two ADORABLE boys) came and the stories/comments just got worse and worse (thanks to Billy of course). When u have 3 married couples in the same room watch out! Of course there was serious conversation about the education system and stress on teachers now, raising kids in today's society, and economics, but after that the mood lightened to ummm... somehow we got talking about "if ur erection lasts more than 4 hours, please see your physician immediately" and u can just imagine what else. It was awesome to be considered an adult and just sit there laughing.

It's amazing how grown ups in your life don't seem to change. I haven't seen Audrey in 2 years, Billy/Kristen in probably 8 and they all look as I remember.

Last night I fell asleep to my dad tracing my face with his fingers, something he used to do when I was little. I felt bad once I woke up cuz his arm had fallen asleep. I got tons of hugs from my cousins and that about made my day cuz we haven't really hung out er anything since I was little. Now they are at the age where we can go for walks, braid hair etc. They're like my lil sisters... and growing up way too fast! The whole weekend was quite fabulous except for a lil anxiety about not being able to call someone and then the ride home was... long.

I saw so many cars/trucks/tracter trailers tipped over and off the road. I don't understand how so many ppl are so stupid and go speeding down the highway like that. Even tho it wasn't snowing much the roads were slushy and just one bad patch can send u off, so please drive carefully in winter weather. Tomorrow I have some appointments at 9:30/11:30, christmas shopping, getting rid of last 3 pies, bank, visit Chuck/Coach May at school and cell phone to take care of. Give me a call, goodnight.

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I'm still here
waiting
for you to be
you

I'm still here
holding
onto everything
old

I'm still here
believing
that you deserve
everything

I'm still here
wanting
to give you
reason

I'm still here
praying
you'll stay another
day

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I'm home.... for a lil bit. My father reignited the idea that we all impact so many lives, some without even knowing it and for every negative, there are way more positives if we have good intentions. He fianlly realized that he is one heck of a father, and someone who many people look up to including myself and my brother. It reminded me of "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" and to anyone who has not read it yet, you should. It realy makes life more meaningful and you begin to appreciate yourself, and realize that you DO matter. It also makes you think about Heaven and not at all in a religous context but just one idea of what it could be and what you have yet to learn about yourself and your life. We all do things, sometimes we don't know why things happen. I think all of these concepts are important to keep in mind during those tough spots in life.

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