I was browsing thru my old entries from another site i have, and if anyone ever wants to know me really well, go take another look at those, cuz man! I am amazed at how my mentality has and hasn't changed, how my goals in life and dealing with other ppl haven't changed very much, and how darn sad I was last year! Here are some favorite entries:

MY WISH LIST:

I wish that people could talk about their feelings, and when they finally do they aren't bashed for it.

I wish that there wasn't so much poverty in the world

I wish that I could understand all that I apparently cannot.

I wish that everyone could tell me everything cuz i truely want to know

I wish that I could have more nights like last and more conversations like friday's.

I wish that I was more motivated... and when I took more risks like people said I should, I got results.

I wish my skin wasn't such crap... or my eyes so weird ... or my nose so tiny that my glasses fall off... or my legs so short that I have to role up capris to make them pants.

But even though I wish all of these things, they don't stop me from loving life and loving all of you.. because friends make all of these imperfections not matter, at least I have you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How come it is so hard to tell someone how much you want to be with them? Is it the thought of rejection? The thought that you aren't good enough for them? The thought that you aren't their type? Yes, yes and yes, I say! Why am I so damn shy? Isn't it worse to go wish people could be themselves. Open up and not feel like they will be rejected for who they are. So many of us pretend to be who we think the rest of the world will like. Then we hide so much about ourselves, and don't feel like we can ask for help, because "no one knows who I really am". If I could wish for anything this year, it would be for my friends to be able to be who they are. Know that I will be there, and accept them no matter what comes with it, because I care about THEM

You make me laugh/happy without even trying, and you don't even know it...and i wish you did.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Interesting fact... well maybe not fact, but an observance... hair absorbs scents the most. After a short time of being in an enviornment with a scent, no matter how strong or weak, ur hair absorbs that scent quickest and it lasts in ur hair the longest. At least my hair does that. For example, after sitting in Li's car for a trip to Giant which total means being in the car for 25 minutes, my hair smells strongly of her car. (not my head, but the actual hair strands) Also, everyday after study hall which is 43 minutes long, when i sit next to Tim, my hair smells like his cologne that he only puts one spray of on in the morning. I can't even smell it on him when I am sitting there most of the time, but afterward my hair smells like it. (good thing he has nice cologne)... a strange random observance I have come to recognize.

Another random thought... consensus of most girls, if there was a choice between being asked out to a school dance or to do anything else like movie, bowling, food, whatever, they will 90% of the time say the other thing. So if any guy wants to ask a girl out to a dance just to have an excuse to ask a girl on a date... save u both a potentially uncomfortable time, ask her to the dance if u must, but also offer up a second option that would be more enjoyable. Another point of using dances as a way to finally "reveal ur feelings".. u never know when a dance might get canceled or put off... so if ur serious abotu exploring a further option, don't rely on a school dance for the time to have that happen.... Why did I think of that? because our school was supposed to have a Satey hawkins dance... which made no difference for me, bc i wasalways the one asking anyway, and coincidently the one always told, "no i don't go with friends".... but that is beside the point. So the dance was canceled and now is re schedualed for Feb 11th... a lot of girls were saying how unless the ddance is a semi formal no one wants to go, and then the erst of us were saying, even at that we would all enjoy something else with less stress and akwardness.... but oh well. Not like any of this applies to me, cuz u first have to have a date! haha... ok, well end of random thoughts, back to ap english journals.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Dear baby, baby/ Won't you/ I go crazy, crazy/ For you/ Won't you tell me, tell me/ What to do/ I go crazy, crazy/ For you

Cause the way you look at me/ I can say you set me free/ And no matter what you say/ I won't go away/ I won't go away

I see your world, the world is you/ I see baby, baby blue/ Everyday is a day to get through/ Till I see baby, baby blue/ And it takes/ Such a long time to get through this

Such a long time to find this kiss/ And I can't forget it / I'm not ready yet

And I came such a long way/ From where you are / Now I'm falling from this star/ And I can't forget it/ I'm not ready yet

Cause the way you look at me/ I can say you set me free / And no matter what you say/ I won't go away/ I won't go away

Heal me, baby, baby won't you/ I go crazy, crazy / For you / Won't you tell me, tell me/ Something new / I am crazy, crazy/ For you -vertical horizon

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

High school is def the hardest, I'm living thru it now and I would never wish it upon someone else. I see such confusion, pain, emotional challenges, changes, dissapointments... but when I look closer I also see opportunities, great friendships, smiles, laughs and unforgetable memories. We spend so much time dwelling over what WAS... and how we wish it was like that now, or if we could go back and do things over. The fact is we can't. Moving on consists of letting go of the things we love the most. Letting go of those memories, recognizing that that is what they are. They have formed who we are but we can't live soley on them. We grasp on the past because we know it, it is not new or unpredictable. We are prepared wtih handling the past. Yet if we try to live everyday based on the past, we will miss new experiences/chances and end up digging deeper and deeper into our unhappiness. Soon it becomes almost impossible to get ourself out of the hole and it would just be easier to remain down there, uncontent with no hope left. Yet no matter how far down we are... at the top, even if that is far far away, there is light. Just now that we are down so far it will take more effort to reach. But no matter how far down, there is ALWAYS hope.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Man, drama sucks.. what sucks even more are feelings, emotions and miscommunications. No they don't suck, most of the time they allow us to experience the best time of our lives.. but those other times, they make us want to crawl into a hole... I just wish I could convince everyone that things happen for a reason, even if they don't happen how we want them to. I've had a lot of experience with that and while it hurt like a bitch, was depressing, thought no one could make it better, was confusing and hopeless, I have been thru that enough times to realize that there is ALWAYS hope. If someone ever needs a hand to help them thru, I'm here, so please ask.

My day was ok, 2 hour delay. Key Club meeting tonight and maybe I'll stay to see the basketball game or something cuz I know there is a gymnastics meet too, so Chuck might need help? We'll see, I never do my hw anymore, that it's mostly all good. I love listening to new music. It's kind of depressing but it's all soothing, soft, lovey dovey songs. good stuff, My new favorite song is I won't go Away by Vertical Horizon. Welp, that's all.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

A good friend asked me the other week... why do i put up with my friends, who go around, stealing my other friends or prospective guys... who stab me in the back and claim they have no idea of what they are doing... and really, I didn't have an answer except that I do not hold things that are out of some ppl's control against them. I believe and trust my friends more than to accuse them of doing something intentionally when they tell me they are not. Maybe that is one of my faults, that I trust too much... but it is a fault I most of the time, and proud to have,bc it give those who need it another chance. I wish I could be mean. haha.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!