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Right now I wish...
the world was flat
Quotes of the day
Is that a kind of occupational hazard of soul mates ? One's not much without the other ?
- what dreams may come

Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? ~Richard Bach

"I'll love you till the ocean is folded and hung up to dry" -W.H Auden

I'll wait so longingly for you to need me... want me... notice me...

"If looks be the reflections of the mind, the thoughts that in that head are not what they used to be- those thoughts which I knew so well." - De Maupassant in "A Family"

Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
-garden state
For you-- John Denver
Just to look in your eyes again
Just to lay in your arms
Just to be the first one always there for you
Just to live in your laughter
Just to sing in your heart
Just to be everyone of your dreams come true

Just to sit by your window
Just to touch in the night
Just to offer a prayer each day for you
Just to long for your kisses
Just to dream of your sighs
Just to know that Id give my life for you
For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just to wake up each morning
Just to you by my side
Just to know that you're never really far away
Just a reason for living
Just to say I adore
Just to know that you’re here in my heart to stay

For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just the words of a love song
Just the beat of my heart
Just the pledge of my life, my love, for you
Profile

Hobbies peer educating, road trips, dancing at Ghost Riders, music, listening), going on random excursions.

College Slippery Rock,

I Like french vanilla cappaccino, pineapple, buffalo chicken, walking in the rain, looking at the stars, watching the sun set, going for long hikes, being around kids, chocolate, mexican food, random road trips, card night

I don't Like heights, the dropping feeling on amusement park rides, people who think that they are better than everyone, humidity, olives, people who don't use turn signals

awesome cd in mind
Believe- gavin degraw
more than anyone- gavin degraw
meaning- gavin degraw
folow through- gavin degraw
I'll be- Edwin McCain
The reason- Hoobastank
Iris- Googoodolls
It only hurts when I'm breathing- Shania Twain
Running away- Hoobastank
100 years- five for fighting
blurry- puddle of mud
wonderwall- oasis
champaign supernova- oasis
someday- nickleback
dremaing of u -selena
1st cut is the deepest- sheryl crow
For you to notice- dashboard
My immortal- evanescence
Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
I'll follow the sun- Beatles
Walk Alone- Green Day
Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers
can't stop - red hot chili peppers
saliva- rest in pieces
crash and burn- savage garden
every breath u take- the police
White Flag- Dido
One thing- Finger 11
Collide
Drift away- uncle kracker
When a man loves a woman
drops of jupiter- train
let it be- beatles
country cd in mind
the dance- garth brooks
she's in love with the boy- garth brooks
If i'm not in love- faith hill
breath- faith hill
there you'll be- faith hill
cry- faith hill
I melt- rascal flats
i'm movin on- rascal flats
these days- rascal flats
love you outloud- rascal flats
Let's be us again- lonestar
amazed- lonestar
I need you- LeAnne Rimes
she's my kind of rain- tim mcgraw
i like, i love it- tim mcgraw
favorite oldies cd
when a man loves a woman
wonderful tonight
unchained melodies
say a lil prayer
aint no mnt high enough
faithfully- journey
open arms- journey
I am happy because
new friends
What I am greatful for
the best parents in the world! ftball games, going for walks, going out to dinner, card night, my FRIENDS, awesome conversations, the ability to experience life to the fullest.
to do...
lose 20
sell back book
make mom's cd
clean room/bthroom
gym gym gym
visit eric, becca, kate, katie, kara
currently...
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'll be there...always

...I am trying to lose weight, but it keeps on finding me. -author unknown
my mom and me
Wednesday. 11.12.03 2:13 pm
So I wanted to write an insightful entry... but I am not sure who reads this thing and who doesn't anymore.. so no hard feelings. I guess the only thing that comes to mind is something I have observed b/w my mom and me over the past few years... I was adopted,... when i was 3 months old. So there is always the debate b/w enviornment/heredity... I have to say that enviornment all the way! maybe my case is extreme, and maybe my mom and I are just such perfect soul matches that this wis why i see most of me in her.... or most of her in me. We are so alike in way too many ways. I am so porud of her and I could only hope to be just as strong as her when I am out on my own, the fact is, I am sure that I will be, if not even stronger bc that is who I have become. I am focused, determined, independent and ambitious, caring, patient and giving.... just liek my mother. She commented the other day at how all the men in her lfie have suffered from chronic depression... her dad, my brother, my father... and I commented back at how most of my friends, the closest in my life have suffered from depression, eating disorders... and a lot of other stuff. I always wonder why I attract these type of people, maybe it is an instinctive force from me to be their caretaker. My mom warned me not to do that tho... to get so involved that it brings me down, bc u can't change someone, or do it for them, or help them... they need to do it themselves. I have had to discover this on my own this past year especially, and at the same time, so has my mother... with the whole fiasco with my brother 5 years ago, my parents have had to learn to seperate themselves, to realize that they can't do anything else to save my brother, that he will keep making the same mistakes over and over, until HE learns. Since I was in 7th grade and this whole thing started, I realized before my parents would admit to themselves, what was going on.... I told them over and over that they couldn't do anything else, not to get down from it, that nick had to hit hard bottom on his own. My mother and I are also alike in that we have dreams, yet now, I can reach them, unlike my mother who put her dreams off to get married... diff time period. my hair dresser said that when she is cutting my mom and my hair, if she closes her eyes, and just listens to us talking, we are the same person. My mom and I are both "old souls", knowledgable, mature, experienced... We know what we want out of life, we see things that people do not even see of themselves... like Ephram in Everwood, last week told the babysitter all that she felt... sometimes I feel like I can do that with certain people... which is why I guess everyone comes to me for advise, bc I see things and am honest enough about them, that I tell them what I "see"... I am grateful for this gift, although at times it makes me worry a lot, or feel hopeless, or frusterated with the ignorance of some people. My parents keep telling me how proud they are of stuff i do for others, when really, I can't understand why people WOULDN'T do those things for others. I am thinking about joining the Peace Corps too when I get out of college.... I dunno. I keep hearing about all these people who want to, and I can't help but think, that is what I want to do.

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ughhhhh
Wednesday. 11.12.03 12:57 pm
5th day out of school.... woke up at 5:45 to feeling soo sick. Got ready, about to walk out the door, almost fainted, almost started crying, and almost threw up so my mom and dad worked out how I could go in and take the make up bio test n then leave before school started. Took bio quiz... well left like 7 ?s unanswered. What a nice intervention of a fire alarm this morning... can Hershey get anymore pathetic? We're in high school ppl...grow up. Got back in the building and headed out to the parking lot where my dad was... must've looked a bit fishy... fire alarm pulled, everyone hustled to homeroom, and there's meghan walking very fast out the door, to the parking lot, driving away fast (my dad was late to work bc he had to wait for me). Cam home, went back to bed and just woke up... my stomach hurts mostly now, no more feverish headach. My mom thinks that bc I was in so much pain for a while, that my immune system sort of shut dow, bc I NEVER get sick. At first she thought I had mono, when this whole headache/jaw fiasco started, now I wish she was right, it would've been so much easier. I am so freaking tired.... ok, well I missed everyone in school today, Mr. Barber was about to have my head today when I told him I would be missing his class AGAIN.. this is number 12 I have missed... holy shit. No wonder he doesn't like me. By my lonesome until 5ish today... I will prolly just go back to bed. later all.

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harbour
Tuesday. 11.11.03 8:03 pm
i am studying for spanish at harbour right now... i am surprised at the number of people here on a TUESDAY night! Wow, lots of preaching I guess. PA driving laws are so stupid.

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zzzz
Tuesday. 11.11.03 2:19 pm
I'm sooo tired... it's bc of the Vioxx I am taking. Went to the oral surgeon today, who was an awesome guy... he explained so much and took 1 1/4 hours with me. I hold so much tension in my neck, shoulders and jaw... just like my mom, which is weird bc we aren't genetically linked, but we both do the same thing. I don't think my shoulders will ever be not tense. Whenever I am tired, i come across as being in a bad mood... sorry. It is all icky outside, raining, cloudy, foggy... cold. blah. Have studying to do, and babysitting at 4:30. I have missed more school these past two weeks than i have in all of my high school years! i felt really sick this morning... prolly cuz I am taking 4 pills now. gosh, I need to take a nap... and I need some excitment in my life. oh well. I think one of the most beautiful songs is "only hope" by Mande Moore.. like I know how cheesy that is, but if you have listened to it, the only way to describe it is beautiful. That and Pachebell's Canon... beautiful.

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i try
Monday. 11.10.03 3:51 pm
I keep telling people that I understand what they are going thru,... and I have this little voice in the back of my head that wants to tell them, it IS possible to move on and they just need to find the strength to do so. Yet I also look back on the past hard ass 10 months of my life, and realize how hard it was for me to move on... how long it took, how much suffering, how much thinking and strength it took to accept things how they are and not spend time or energy in trying to change them. How I am so thankful for that experience, bc in the end, I can now be there for my friends who need guidance... it's just that, when i was in their position, I wouldn't have understood that it was possible to move on.... so how do i assure them now to trust me, to believe that everything happens for a reason? We never truely understand why things happen until after the matter, after the pain, after the confusion... sometimes it takes weeks, months, years.... but IT DOES happen.

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I think...
Sunday. 11.9.03 8:51 pm
... that I have found someone... well someone who I am interested in getting to know, as a friend... just bc rushing into it before u are friends can be dangerous. But I am happy today, finally the first day without pain, and I have been making some new close friends too.... *wink*... sigh, we'll see how things go.

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