I really lead quite an uneventful life.... I don't even work anymore, which sucks bc i seriously need the money. I come home from school... get online, stare at the screen for a while and then get off, pretend to do hw, get back on, talk, get off and fall asleep doing the hw i should've done a few hours earlier. I need some good ideas for senior pranks.... hershey neeeds to get it BIG this year! We have to figure out something to do that is not breaking any school rules or laws... which will be pretty hard, cuz damn, u can't even drink water in that fuckin school! well at least not ur own water, cuz woooo it might be vodka, damn freshmen had to go ruin it. But yea, we gotta get hershey really good! Not even 2 more weeks till vacation I am so excited. Jess came back to school today, and she has to wear this big neck brace, I feel so bad. Tim, Missy, TJ and I watched Family Guy on DVD on TJ's laptop during study hall... damn kid kept trying to get me to slip and agree to some sexual favor.. but he failed. I don't think i have been tickled in yeeeaaarssss.... and today for some reason TJ decided it was time to tickle Meghan for 15 minutes... I couldn't stop laughing, but really it wasn't funny... it was actually uncomfortable. I wouldn't mind it if I didn't feel like he was just pinching at my fat, lol. But mannn, I forgot how damn ticklish I am. haha there's another weakness I have. It is wiiiindyyyy here today, but the temperature is in the high 40's without wind. Since I have nothing else to do, I'll just do a rundown of things:David got a haircut... short... but looks ok. Ash found out more shit on this reporter guy at the Hershey Chronical, but shh. Robbie might be making headway with Steph finally... if he gets up the guts to talk to her, goodnesss. Poor Li's eyes, I feel ur pain. Milica got screwed over by another guy, but I think he is a good one to give another chance. Leigh's bday is in a week. Courtney is thinking about quitting school, haha not really. Chris is making shirts that say "Free Maenner" or at least he wants to, shh. Amy and Kailtyn are flipping out about the Feature sectiion of the newspaper bc the layouts are fucked up (excpet for ash's). Mr. Steelman has been out for 2 days. Caitlin sent Senor a peppermint pig. Tim is having headaches, dizziness and sleep problems.... all reactions to anitdepressents, but he's not on any... so must be something else. I bought a coffeee mug at Sunoco so now my coffee every morning is 63 cents! woohoo... hmm nothing else really sticks out in my mind. I guess that is it. off to write about a funny incident i had and what a beautiful person is... all in spanish!! haha, oh mannn, crazy senor has us writing about funny stuff.

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"Each person enters our life, each spirit that accompanies us upon our journey, leaves us forever changed and enriched.

I am soooo bored!! oh mann, this sucks so much. Oh wait, just thought of something I can do... xmas presents! woohoo. Ok, well I'm just waiting now..... for something. But in the mean time, I will occupy myself with the gift of giving.

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SO I deleted the past few entried bc they were too depresssing. I am sorry that I ruined everything, that I ever doubted, that I needed to be sure, that I couldn't just accept things how they were and deal with them... it's part of my lil problema, and right now I am researching it to try and find a way of making the symptoms lesser. God I hate being sick. I mean, it's not like I have a cough and I can just wait until it goes away, this is something that will stay with me for my life. So on a happier note, since I promised this wouldn't be depressing, my new obsession is the Rips sour candy, haha. I really am sorry that I mentioned my concern, questions .. because I feel like I let someone down. Why couldn't I had taken it for granted and just let it be what it was, why did i have to go questioning what was like a selfish idiot?? Right now I wish I could go back in time to Sunday... and re do everything from there till now. But I can't so all I guess I can do is learn from my mistakes, i am just sorry they were at someone else's expense. I feel like an alcoholic. I taste a little, I want more, I get too much for my own good and then go out of conrtol, doubting everything I see, saying and doing things that are uncharacteristic of me and impulsive, then after when I realize what I did, I feel guilty and try to apologize but realize that the trust is gone.... so I'm at that stage of trying to take back the past few days, bc I have not been fair to anyone.. especially those that mean so much to me. I have pushed them away and questioned their loyalty.... I am sorry, and I know you can't understand how sorry that is... but please tell me it's ok.

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Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me/ Oh things are gonna happen naturally/ And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side/ And balancing the whole thing/ But often times those words get tangled up in lines/ And the bright lights turn to night/ Until the dawn it brings/ A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved/ What you and I spoke of/ What you and I spoke of/ Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words/ Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words/ Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards/ More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive/ Now you and I, you and I/ Not so little you and I anymore/ And with this silence brings a moral story/ more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of/ and others just read of and if you could see now/ well I'm already finally out of

and it's okay if you have go away/ just remember the telephone works both ways/ and if I never ever hear it ring/ if nothing else I'll think the bells inside/ have finally found you someone else and that's okay/ cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of/ and others just read of and if you could see now/ well I'm already finally out of words

.--- you and i both by jason mraz

I'm sorry... u know who u are... maybe replace each word "Love" with a word not so strong.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Self declaration:

I am pathetic, I change my mind too fast, I try to do what is best but only end up hurting people, I can't understand what I want or listen to what I need, I analyze too much, I am too intuitive, I trust too much, I believe in fate, I can't stop worrying, I only find happiness in helping others, when I need help is when I feel the worst, I am independent, I treasure my friends more than anything....

... this is me, and some days I wish it weren't. Some days I am proud to be me. This is one of those days I am ashamed.

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