Last nite made me realize that there is very little to do on Sundays around here bc everything closes. Tom, Court (later David A) came over, we had dinner out on the porch and then ventured to the new Bruster's. I def got more ice cream in my double cup than David annnd Tom. Had some interesting talks in the Jeep... then returned to my house bc David had to bring his sister grocery shopping, *not such a good pick up line* "hey, My name's David, I'd be a greaaat father!" so Tom, Court and I decided after 15 min in the car to go to the Cocoa Grill for coffee, "don't let me drink more than 1 or 2 cups guys" *tom writes note* "meg, don't drink more than 1 or 2 cups of coffee tonight, sincerely, Tom" Court finished Lovely Bones and so now I am reading it. Went home the earliest we have ever gone home all year, 9:30. I was wired by the caffine so until 1am I just kinda wandered around my room, read a bit etc. Got up late this morning for work.. tonight is Court's last nite on this continent for 10 days bc the lucky girl is going to HAWAII! This morning we were talking about how cool it would be to get married in Hawaii... and seeing how I wouldn't have many ppl to invite to my wedding anyway, it is plausable. EDIT 11pm- nothing like a second dinner at Applebee's at 10pm tonight with 3 of my best buds, Court, Tom and David A. Tomorrow going out to lunch with Laine after work.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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... in my bathroom I see before me one of life's most sacred, beautiful symbols... a rose. (after reading the Da Vinci Code u will understand, esp if u are a woman). So in curiosity I wanted to see what each color of rose means.

Red Roses proclaim "I love you." They are the ultimate symbol of romantic love and enduring passion.
Pale Pink Roses connote grace, gentleness, and gratitude.
Deep Pink Roses say "Thank you."
Lilac Roses indicate the sender has fallen in love at first sight with the recipient and is enchanted.
(my favorite color) Pure white roses symbolize truth and innocence. They also send other messages: "I miss you" and "You're heavenly."
Peach Roses speak of appreciation, gratitude, and also sympathy.
Yellow Roses indicate friendship and freedom
Single Red Rose- "I love you" (but I'm not going to go broke telling you).
Single Rose Any Color- "I thank you" (and I'm still not going to go broke saying so).

When I go off to college I want to buy myself a flower every month to have in my dorm but I know that I will become busy, not have time to go out and get them so maybe I will ask my rents find a flower shop near Slippery Rock PA where my rents can order them and the shop delivers them to me. I remember my dad did something like that for my cousin when she bought her condo in MD. He just called a floral shop nearby, gave them an idea of what he wanted and they delivered them to her. A flower "just because".

Spent the day at home with my parents, slept till 11, then took another nap from 2-4pm, had a longggg nice in depth talk with my mom this morning that really helped me with some stuff that has been going on. I can't even begin to describe how much I am thankful for her and admire her. Also spend a lot of time on my comfy bean bag lounger reading. Finally around 8pm my parents asked if I wanted to go out for a bit with them. I drove them to a new Bruster's ice cream that just opened up 15 minutes from here (which is more convenient than the 40 min away one), I treated them to ice cream, drove them to Border's, then home by 10pm. First time driving on a major highway at nite and it was pretty cool, listening to Enya, talking with the pops... "I don't think I tell u enough that I love you and are glad u are my daughter." *happy sigh* I really really am going to miss them. We made an agreement that one day a week I spend with them instead of going out until I go off to college, but really that means only 4 or 5 more days with just my parents and that seems too little so I think I will make an effort to do things with them more. I needed a break anyway, and right now I feel good, happy, content... listening to Simon and Garfunkel, on my bed with my eyes closed just breathing.

... and of course u can't say it enough times, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH!"

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The things girls and guys do to themselves to feel wanted, sexual, attractive, needed, beautiful, pretty, handsome... and they all conclude that to feel this way, to have value and worth is to be skinny.. bc heaven forbid that it is possible for anyone to love or be attracted to someone who is either normal weight/size or more. Girls and gusy are willing to go thru depression, live life in a state of dizziness, forgetfulness, carelessness, shivers, sickness, addicted to drugs or stimulants, dependent upon someone else, losing their menstruation therefor getting osteoporosis at the age of 23 earning them bones of a 50 year old, dying from a heart attack or organ failure, grow that soft fuz hair all over their bodies that tries to keep them warm, just to reach that impossible number on the scale or a "magic" pant size that of course will just HAVE TO guarentee them happiness. The sad thing is, it doesn't, It makes u more miserable bc now the chemicals in ur brain and body are unbalanced causing u countless health and mental issues. But no, our youth is not concerned with these things bc we will be able to "snap out of it" when we want, withdraw from the haunting thoughts and altered body image. The truth is no one can. Even after therapy u live with this mentality for the rest of your life. Some people use it as a way to control something in their lives when everything else is going haywire. Some people use it to keep their attention on something and make them feel worthy or good by sacrificing something, punishing themselves. Whatever the real reason is, we wouldn't have thought of using weight as a bargaining tool if the american public, the infomercials, the movies, the tabloids, our families, the health industry even, tells us every minute that fat is ugly, gross, daunting, and anyone out of this 1% emaciated population must achieve an impossible look to evvvver be considered beautiful or worthy of life's greatest things. We live in a society of excess, so as to "perfect ourselves" we use our wealth to starve... to buy drugs, diet pills, stimulants, exercise equipment, trainers, bogos videos that claim to hand you what u want on a silver platter. Every single girl that I have ever known already has ingrained in them this picture of what is "beautiful" and no matter how skinny (which in turn removes their femininity ex: hips, breasts, ability to have children) they are, they want more. They use not eating as a way to prove a point, to beg for reassurance, to give them a sense of control that America has taken away from women for centuries, just now we realize that we can and SHOULD be entitled to the same as men. The same priveldges, the same desires, the same wants and needs. Every minute on the tv or the radio someone is TELLING us to lose weight. SHOWING us that being a size 1 make ALL of these people happy. When a child is born do u really think that when they are sad they think, "oh to make me happy I need to lose 10 pounds!" No! It is something we have learned, something so engrained into our metality that it haunts us every second. think about how many times u calculate the numbers of calories or fat grams are in everything you eat, or the debate that goes thru ur head as u sit and order a meal, or the hideous, self degrading comments that fly thru ur mind as u try on clothes or look at urself in the mirror. We don't even realize it. We are commanded to lose weight, that losing weight will make us as happy as those people on tv, guarentee people to start wanting us, paying attention to us, and in return will make us feel good about ourselves. The reality is that this only makes us feel happy bc we are told that this is what makes someone happy, this makes someone wanted, worthy, beautiful. Whatever happened to looking at someone's personality, their talents, the changes they want to make in the world to weigh how much value they have as a person, not just a number on a freakin scale that changes depending on where u are in the universe anyway? It frusterates me, angers me, depresses me, hurts me... to see and witness and feel all of these things. I cannot even describe to you how much it HURTS to watch my friends do things to themselves just because they feel like this will make them happy, will solve thier problems, will give them control or will make them desireable. We're all looking for the same things, humans do that... unfortunately lives are lost or permantly ruined, looking for those things in the wrong direction. Instead of looking at our bodies, let's look at our hearts and minds. Let us let our actions determine how we are liked or desired, not our pant or boob size.

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Word of God Speak- mercy me
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's OK
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

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That meant a lot to me yesturday, thank you both. *hugzzz*

A friend is there when times are ridiculously awesome, great, good, ok, mildly decent, iffy, poor, bad, horrible and miserablely aweful... not just one or a few, but every one inbetween as well.

... thank you for being there and helping without even saying a word. Thank you other guys for listening even when there was nothing else to say.

I've determined that soft serve ice cream, flowers, walks and car rides cure everything! Or maybe it is just the special friends that accompany you.

After reading the Da Vinci Code I can now appreciate the rose and what it stands for, so now I like roses, hehe. (esp yellow ones [and white and pink] like the one I got yesturday *grin*)

This morning I enjoyed a lovely, cheering breakfast at the Hershey Pantry with Mike Hu and Li (bc she left today for Penn State's outdoor orientation thingy). The waiter was quite a character, sarcastically funny, but sort of lost his originality when he used the same jokes with every customer.
"do u guys need anything? " -waiter.
"no thanks I'm ok" -mike.
"really? are u sure u'r ok? How's life?" - waiter.
I love going to the Pantry, the atmosphere, service and food is wonderful. We ate out on the porch with Enya music in the background, talked about college and how Mike is ok with the fact that not many attractive ppl go to Carnegie Melon bc he wil be able to concentrate on school work with no "distractions".. mmm sure, I wonder how long that will last.

Conversation of the hour:
Tom: some old lady told me to cheer up at work today and i glared at her
me: aw hehe, cheer up tom!
Tom: grr
me: it's amazing how ppl can tell, even ppl u don't know, it is just written across ur forehead
tom: yeah and it's amazing how like after knowing someone for a few months you can be totally sure of the fact there's something up and after a little longer sometimes you can figure out exactly what it is too
me: hahaha indeeed!

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