Currently listening to: My immortal

*sigh*... I feel like I am standing on the edge of a pond, there are no wind, no ripples, no noise, just stillness. However, the clouds have formed above, and without warning the storm will hit. I'm just waiting...

I almost hate to write over that last entry and ruin its effect, but I am in school on senior skip day doing nothing. It would be naive to think that it is something more special than any other...

You can have high expectations of yourself, but when u have them of others know that it may be too high an expectation for someone else to be able to reach.

There are some situations that call for you to settle for what u have and not expect or ask for more, as to preserve what u have and ur sanity. On the other hand there are some worth fighting for because from the greatest battles come the greatest victories. When faced with a dilema we chose either to fight or to reserve ourselves and hope for the best outcome and that is probably life's greatest challenge.

... wait, breath, don't think and trust.

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Sometimes I wonder why... and then I realize that the reason is because I love it!

Anytime that I catch myself wishing that I was part of a relationship, I look around me and realize that there is so much I have and will continue to learn from others that I would barely have time for one of my own... jk.. kinda. I love my position where I don't have questions about life or love, where I can sit back and observe, learn and offer a hand when asked. Sure, occasionally I miss being involved with someone in my own life, but that will come with time right? It is one thing with which I don't have to grow up yet.

We are at a point in our lives when we are forced to decipher what we want to do with our life, we shouldn't have to also tackle who we want to be spending it with. Yet we are... in small and large ways. Innocence is drifting away as a harsh reality of double edged swords slides in as the only fact we know.

Take the time u have with those that make u happy and treasure it. Everyone who is part of our lives is here for a season, a reason or a lifetime. We don't have to know which category anyone belongs in yet, bc things change, so make the most out of every experience. Don't worry about being hurt or hurting, as long as ur intentions are to love and befriend, ur always right. It takes two people to make a frienship or a relationship, which means it takes two people to hurt someone bc both go in knowing that it might not be what they expected. U take things as they come.

I used to think that the only thing u could control was urself, but now I realize that oneself is often the hardest to decipher, let alone control. With anything, if there are ups there will be downs in some way or another... u just have to decide what is worth risking to reach those ups. I say, take that risk and go for it, live, love and cherish more than u think is possible. To interact and be part of someone's live in whatever shape and form that might be, is the best thing anyone could experience, so take it, learn, remember and never regret it. To everything there is a purpose... and never give up the chance to say thank you or I love you.

Thank you truely for all the "meggyo, I love you"s today.

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brrrrrr.... this room is freezing and I'm about to zzZzzZ, cuz I was up way too late yest.

Reflecting on my schedual for tomorrow ... it is very tempting to NOT come to school along with the rest of the lazy seniors.
Goals this weekend- win championship game, get sundress, prom jewlery, buy a lottery ticket for fun, see Shrek 2 or Troy, go out to dinner/coffee, buy mom's bday gift, send out all invitations...

Everything we do and say is only a small reflection of what we feel. Sometimes the only way we can express what we feel is not in actions or words... we have 5 senses, learn to use them all.- mciho 2004

....... it's ok.

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Sometimes life calls for me to seperate myself from a situation, sometimes it calls for me to embrace it with all I have... at the end of the day I can't always remember what I did and did not participate in... was it a nightmare or a dream? I can't shake this feeling of doubt. All the lessons, de ja vus, coincidences and "perfect moments" make me doubt that this life I am living is real sometimes. I feel like I am slipping in and out of conciousness somewhere, and all I can hold onto is the fact that I don't want to wake up and lose it all.

- Congrats girls on making it to the central penn girls lax championship game! (ashley p, u are freakin awesome!) haha. prank calling donna, have I never ever, Rita's, horrrrrrible refs, and a lot of "what?!'s"

- First talk in a long while.... sadly, it reminded me of what I close to loved and what I probably lost.

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Honey mustard pretzels are saving my sanity right now. mmm.

Psych- we're studying how people follow authority and obedience... Mr. Steelman even pulled an experiment on us. crazy stuff.

I guess Friday is senior skip day, I dunno if I'll skip, depends if we have a lax game er not. But friday I want to go see Shrek 2 or get a summer dress cuz Court said she found a lot somewhere. 14 days left of school... 9 days left till finals. Next week is prom so we get our grad gowns in the morning and then have the rest of the day off. That Monday is Memorial day, Tuesday is senior dinner, Wednesday is Hershey Park day, Thursday- Tuesday is finals, Wednesday is graduation... danggg. woooh! I think the group should go out to breakfast sometime soon. Not much else... it's a blah boring day.

A wandering mind can find magical places to console onself in or destroy oneself in. You can look at imagination as a possibility of what you want or what you cannot reach, the choice is yours..-mciho 2004

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It's a stormin outside! Big crashes of lightening and thunder (of course, both), drenching rain..and then it stops in 5 minutes. That's how it goes in central PA. Still waiting to hear back from Donna if I am going to the playoffs game tomorrow. Chuck said that my neck went into spasm saturday bc I must've pushed one of the joints next to the spine out of alignment which caused the muscles to go into protection mode. Wonderful things our bodies are, just in this case its defense mechanisms caused a lot of pain. I feel bad that Chuck is giving me a massage everyday, but he practically makes me get one now. haha I just thought of how intimate that can be looked at.... his hand goes down my shirt, moves the bra strap... ok ok, it's Chuck so no worries. Anywayssss... got in a deep discussion about smoking and speeding, the ethics, is it right or wrong based upon what we know now, how it affects other people etc. I hold a strong view point but it is interesting to see someone else's double sided one. P.S. Anyone who says that getting a plantars wart frozen doesn't hurt like a bugger is lying!

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