Well besides me being an apparetn insensative bitch, I did have a good time last night... until the whole "yea it happens at every event break down crying fest" and someone storming out angry and then I try to figure out how it is MY fault, so I apologize and life goes back to being so not happy, we just pretend it is.

But last night.... was fun. I mean, I didn't break out of my shell much, bc I jsut wasn't in an adventurous mood. I was too tired. But Dave and I triiiiiied to do some dancing but the music just wasn't the right kind for merengue. I wish I could dance like CLint, or laine, or some of the other free spirits. I prolly could if I felt more "throw caution into the wind". Tim was totally there for me last night which was awesome. Even tho it was mostly about bets and him trying to get a pict of just me and Dave. He's an awesome friend who I can just talk to and who understands me and I him...so it' s cool to have that and not be jealous of the other person when they want to get with someone else. We actually just kiid around about it... he tells me if some guys is a good choice (even when I wans't considering him as a choice) and I tell him what I think of his younger skinny girls that he likes but is too shy to go ask them their name. Robbie showed up.... bam wasn't expecting that one. Yea, that is one big problem in our friendship, we never talk.( which is why it all ended) I don't know if there just aren't thing to talk about, or if we think that we will say the wrong thing or something stupid so we don't talk at all... that is just not right. I know that each relationship with someone is different but can u have a relationship with someone who u never talk to, know very little about? I don't think so. Not on an understanding level at least. David and Li... no comment. vicious cycle I tell you. So in short, I had a great time... I just need to losen up and be "more direct" i guess, even tho my intentions weren't to get anything, that idea just sort of was pushed by other ppl, (like, tim ash, li, tom...) Can I say, "akward?" haha. Went to Cocoa Grill afterward with Chris (who drove), Tim, Dave and Li. good times, greasy goodness. many lauhgs and talks. A very different group of people, yet we all had a good time. Glad to see Tim out socializing. Glad to see people standing up for themselves, glad to see the new kid out meeting new people, glad to see old friends re gaining friendships with forgotten friends. Chris thanks so much for the ride, ur awesome. Oh man Amanda thanks so much for that converstaion... "it just doesn't add up, she has alll this stuff to do alll the time, yet she has time to write down every last single thing that happened that day on an online journal"

Welp, I have laX practice at 2pm , then hopefully that'll let me vent some frusteration. Cards tonight I think. The rents are going out. So we'll see. Things do get better, so I am not worried.

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