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Right now I wish...
the world was flat
Quotes of the day
Is that a kind of occupational hazard of soul mates ? One's not much without the other ?
- what dreams may come

Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? ~Richard Bach

"I'll love you till the ocean is folded and hung up to dry" -W.H Auden

I'll wait so longingly for you to need me... want me... notice me...

"If looks be the reflections of the mind, the thoughts that in that head are not what they used to be- those thoughts which I knew so well." - De Maupassant in "A Family"

Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
-garden state
For you-- John Denver
Just to look in your eyes again
Just to lay in your arms
Just to be the first one always there for you
Just to live in your laughter
Just to sing in your heart
Just to be everyone of your dreams come true

Just to sit by your window
Just to touch in the night
Just to offer a prayer each day for you
Just to long for your kisses
Just to dream of your sighs
Just to know that Id give my life for you
For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just to wake up each morning
Just to you by my side
Just to know that you're never really far away
Just a reason for living
Just to say I adore
Just to know that you’re here in my heart to stay

For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just the words of a love song
Just the beat of my heart
Just the pledge of my life, my love, for you
Profile

Hobbies peer educating, road trips, dancing at Ghost Riders, music, listening), going on random excursions.

College Slippery Rock,

I Like french vanilla cappaccino, pineapple, buffalo chicken, walking in the rain, looking at the stars, watching the sun set, going for long hikes, being around kids, chocolate, mexican food, random road trips, card night

I don't Like heights, the dropping feeling on amusement park rides, people who think that they are better than everyone, humidity, olives, people who don't use turn signals

awesome cd in mind
Believe- gavin degraw
more than anyone- gavin degraw
meaning- gavin degraw
folow through- gavin degraw
I'll be- Edwin McCain
The reason- Hoobastank
Iris- Googoodolls
It only hurts when I'm breathing- Shania Twain
Running away- Hoobastank
100 years- five for fighting
blurry- puddle of mud
wonderwall- oasis
champaign supernova- oasis
someday- nickleback
dremaing of u -selena
1st cut is the deepest- sheryl crow
For you to notice- dashboard
My immortal- evanescence
Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
I'll follow the sun- Beatles
Walk Alone- Green Day
Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers
can't stop - red hot chili peppers
saliva- rest in pieces
crash and burn- savage garden
every breath u take- the police
White Flag- Dido
One thing- Finger 11
Collide
Drift away- uncle kracker
When a man loves a woman
drops of jupiter- train
let it be- beatles
country cd in mind
the dance- garth brooks
she's in love with the boy- garth brooks
If i'm not in love- faith hill
breath- faith hill
there you'll be- faith hill
cry- faith hill
I melt- rascal flats
i'm movin on- rascal flats
these days- rascal flats
love you outloud- rascal flats
Let's be us again- lonestar
amazed- lonestar
I need you- LeAnne Rimes
she's my kind of rain- tim mcgraw
i like, i love it- tim mcgraw
favorite oldies cd
when a man loves a woman
wonderful tonight
unchained melodies
say a lil prayer
aint no mnt high enough
faithfully- journey
open arms- journey
I am happy because
new friends
What I am greatful for
the best parents in the world! ftball games, going for walks, going out to dinner, card night, my FRIENDS, awesome conversations, the ability to experience life to the fullest.
to do...
lose 20
sell back book
make mom's cd
clean room/bthroom
gym gym gym
visit eric, becca, kate, katie, kara
currently...
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'll be there...always

...I am trying to lose weight, but it keeps on finding me. -author unknown
why do bad things happen to good people?
Tuesday. 10.5.04 8:09 pm
I've got to agree with Amanda in that Cindy LaCom, my college writing prof is one of the strongest person I know. Next to Mrs. Curry they are my idols. Teh amount that they both have, and hopefully Cindy still will continue for many years to affect soooo many people,. live life to the most possible and appreciate everything they have in spite of the health they don't have... is definitely inspiring. Watching Mrs. Curry pass away after her battle of cancer last year really made me question for the 3rd time in my life, "why do bad things happen to AMAZING people?" First it was my neighbor who had so much spinal surgery that they said that if she needed another one she wouldn't make it. All of her children went to prestigious schools on full scholarships and continue to be the top in their classes. The second person was my social studies teacher/mentor for two years, Mr. Gould who was diagnosed with testicular cancer the year I left Amehrst and was pulled away from his passions in life, runnin, coaching and teaching for almost a year. He was the most fit and energetic person I have ever known and for him to get cancer... was a shock. Then there was Mrs. Curry, who guided me, helped me push to bring the Yellow Ribbon Project to the school against the whole community, who inspired most of the people she interacted wtiha nd genuinely cared about all of them. I remember how she came to school in wheelchair just to finish "her students" papers, that was her goal. Now Cindy, a feminist, new historicist, teacher, friend, mentor... broadens not only the academic minds, but more I think, the personal and "open ur eyes to the world u live in" minds of those she interacts with. Already her life has impacted mine so much.. she got me to the honors program, made me change dorms to Bard where I met Amanda! and have air conditioning and a quiet study enviornment, has inpsired me to write tow of the best pieces of writing I have ever written my whole academic career, Mr. Gould would be very very proud! (I need to write to him). She has forced her students to look at history snd the world we live in from all sides, never making judgement before we understand both sides, even topics like prostitution in the west which is a topic no one would even consider to be of any importance if we considered the real side of it, not the Hollywood version. She has inspired me that our generation can change the things that frusterate me about our educational ignorance, and if not our whole generation, that I can change at least with my interactions with people I meet. Once again, as was the case wtih Mr. Gould, Mrs. Curry, everyone you talk to says, "oh man Cindy! Awesome teacher, really taught you how to think, worked you hard, great class" Today... she hobbled into class with a fractured vertebrae from her Chrone's disease medications that lowered the density of her bones. Trying to balance meds that nock her out and the pain, she forced back tears of frusteration that she could not teach how she wanted. yet even sitting in the chair, grasping onto every word with a single breath, she still made her jokes and sarcastic remarks. We were still able to converse about how personal experience influences how we take what people say, clashes of our cultures in our "contact zones." I just hope I don't have to say good bye to yet another incredible person yet. Please, do whatever you do to send good thoughts and energy to her... even if you don't know her, I'd really appreciate it.

Btw, the dude came and fixed my computer. It's a small world, he went to CD high school! I guess my Hershey football new articles pasted around my walls gave it away that I was from the same area. hehe.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I think it is to remind us what life is all about, to inspire us to make use of what we DO have before we lose it, to make most of a moment, say what you want to say, never hold grudges.. to remind us that while we have no power over how long life will be, we do have power over what we do while we are living it.

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life's shit
Monday. 10.4.04 7:00 pm
I have... A LOT of thinking to do. Thanks for talking Court, Li, David, Tom... I really miss you guys. I spent some time running today but of course it was cut short each time because ppl were busting in on my turf each time, even the outdoor track. hmph. But yea, I just hope I figure things out and deal with it without doing something extremely stupid... "it's just a stupid feeling"- me "none of ur feelings are stupid, and none of them should be ignored. You're an intuned, connected person, don't ignore them"- pera-phrasing court. If only my feelings didn't always turn out to be true... just another rock (no pun intended in reference to my school) to climb over. Now it's time to listen to my own advise eh? It's just so hard... it's so hard to figure out what is most important, what even matters and what is worth it.

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down in the lab
Sunday. 10.3.04 10:13 am
Yesturday: headaches- naps- food- hypnotist- forest gump- radio- hyper- can't sleep- restless- I have this feeling... and it won't leave me. I thought after sleeping that it might go away, but instead it grew and so I am fighting b/w two overpowering emotions and my only outlet is to run and I can't until 12 when the ARC opens. I see old insecurities creep up all around me and that worries me. It worries me because even if they are not my insecurities, they still will become part of my life. That is just how it is and that is who I am. When it has to do with my friends or even aquaintances who are really assholes who say they will hang out but never do, yea even them, if there was something wrong, I would be worried. So why do I worry about others? I know that I hate it when people worry about me, so why don't I just follow the golden rule and do onto others as I would like to have done onto me? Uhhh, well maybe it is because it gives me an excuse to not deal with anything with me. haha and u'd think that that would be nicely unselfish of me to think of others, but really.. no I think it is quite the opposite. Because I am too weak and selfish to deal with my own issues I deal with others. This is just my perspective on things and maybe u have a different one, but right now I'm finding my sense of helpful concern a poor excuse to not deal with some stuff for years even I am still not addressing. I could list them all but I might get yelled at by someone who still reads this if anyone... I know what the list is so there is no need to write it down. It's amazing how much energy, thought and time these things take up in one's life and I can only imagine how much more I would be enjoying life if I could throw these things aside... Oh well, just another day. I need to go for a walk.

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all this time...
Saturday. 10.2.04 12:34 pm
So my computer is messed up.. and the RCA er whatever hasn't called me back yet... pffff. So I am down in the computer lab for now. Thie keyboard is definitely a lot quieter than the one I have, which means I am not a loud typer Amanda, it's totally my keyboard. Uh so let's see... what has been going on? Well last night was... not what I planned. I got out of class at 11 and spent the rest of the day chillin bc I seriously have no work to do for any of my classes. Watched some of Monty Python and the Holy Grail with the roomie but fell alseep for some of it. Then dragged my ass to the ARC and I must've been high on something cuz I definitely ran 3.3 miles. When I get cold (like I was in the dorm) I get this energy rush which is also why I am so hyper after football games. hahaha woooh, anyway... so after my run, came back took a shower, talked to the rents online and decided to screw being afraid of gettting raped and walked to the ski lodge to meet up with Amanda at the bonfire. It was a nice mildly long walk, in the dark, under some poorly lit lights, on a paved road for the most part... and so I get there and find out they had gone to Founders, so I walk backkkk, talk to Jillian for a bit, and walk back to Bard. I was planning on going out the Ghost Riders dancing till 2am but of course, go figure this girl gets a headache once again and so I had to lay down. That was a bummer but got to catch up with some missed folks, and of course enjoyed riding the telephone lines with the awesomest. *sigh*

I still am not sure what will happen in even a year from now, with school, with me, with anything. I was thinking last night and I don't even know if this is what I want to do with my life anymore. I really want to pick up a double major in psychology but that means staying an undergrad for 4 years instead of the hoped 3, and that means more school, longer time to put off things, get out in the world, but it also opens up other doors that I am pretty sure I will want to explore during my career. I want to help people.. and I am trying to figure out where I can be of the most and best service. 1) helping people get back into their daily lives ex: learning how to walk again, 2) helping athletes with prosthetic limbs get back into the game 3) dance therapy 4) working with people with eating disorders, building self esteem thru movement 5) specializing as a psychologist in a disease such as Dissociative Identity Disorder 6) dancing, teaching and choreographing 7) having my own physical therapy business where I can incorproate alternative methods of medicine, psychological factors to healing, and run it how I want 8) traveling the world to under developed countries practicing medicine there.. I think those are the biggest ideas floating in my head and really I want to do them all. There are so many things in this world that I want to change, and I guess that is my goal in life.. I just figure I can do some of it thru the field I have chosen. But if I stop and think what am I really passionate about? It is people... the many frusterations I have about society and how it is affecting the welfar, physical and mental health of my generation and definitely generations to come. So what degree does one earn to do that? to change the way the world sees itself and to change the way it runs itself? I don't think there is one, and all I can do is try to help and teach those around me, combat the social norms and stigmas that have not only gotten to me but run my family and friends' lives too. Am I passionate about dancing? of course. Am I passionate about medicine and the brain? definitely, but I want to use both of those things as a vehicle for change. For changing the way our society views beauty, values, morals, importance, money, etc. That is what I want to do with my life. So how and where do I start?

Today I have nothing planned until 7pm when we are going to see uhh I'll get back to u on the guy's name, a hypnotist.comedian. Then if I still have nothing to do they are showing Radio outside or inside depending on the weather at 10pm. Hope all u Penn State kiddos are enjoying ur weekend home in Hershey, I miss you all. Feel free to drop a line sometime.

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50 Facts that Should Change the World
Wednesday. 9.29.04 2:06 pm
The average Japanese woman can expect to live to 84. The average Botswanan will reach just 39.

A third of the world's obese people live in the developing world.

The US and Britain have the highest teen pregnancy rates in the developed world.

China has 44 million missing women.

Brazil has more Avon ladies than members of its armed forces

Eighty-one percent of the world's executions took place in 3 countries: China, Iran, and the USA

British supermarkets know more about their customers than the British Government

Every cow in the European Union is subsidised by $2.50 a day. That's more than what 75 percent of Africans have to live on.

In more than 70 countries, same-sex relationships are illegal. In nine countries, the penalty is death.

One in five of the world's people live on less than a $1 a day

More than 12,000 women are killed in Russia every year as a result of domestic violence.

In 2001, 13. 2 million Americans had some form of plastic surgery

Landmines kill or maim at least one person every hour

There are 44 million child labourers in India.

People in industrialized countries eat between 13 and 15 pounds of food additives every year

The golfer Tiger Woods is the world's highest paid sportsman. He earns $78 million a year-or $148 every second.

Seven million American women and 1 million American men suffer from an eating disorder.

Nearly half of all British fifteen year olds have tried illegal drugs and nearly a quarter are regular cigarette smokers

There are 67,000 people employed in the lobbying industry in Washington DC-125 for each elected member of congress.

Cars kill two people every minute

Since 1977, there have been nearly 80,000 acts of violence or disruption at abortion clincis in North America

More people can identify the golden arches of McDonald's than the Christian cross.

In Kenya, bribery payments make up a third of the average household budget

The world's trade in illegal drugs is estimated to be worth around $400 billion - about the same as the world's legal pharmaceutical industry

Nearly half of Americans believe aliens have landed on Earth

More than 150 countries use torture

Every day, one in five of the world's population - some 800 million people go hungry

Black men born in the US today stand a one in three chance of going to jail

A third of the world's population is at war

The world's oil reserves could be exhausted by 2040

Eighty-two percent of the world's smokers live in developing countries

More than 70 per cent of the world's population have never heard a dial tone

A quarter of the world's armed conflicts of recent years have involved a struggle for natural resources

Some 30 million people in Africa are HIV-positive

Ten languages die out every year

More people die each year from suicide than all the world's armed conflicts

Every week, an average of 88 children are expelled from American schools for bringing a gun to class

There are at least 300,000 prisoners of conscience in the world

Two million girls and women are subjected to femal genital mutilation each year

There are 300,000 child soldiers fighting in conflicts around the world

Nearly 26 million people voted in the 2001 British General Election. More than 32 million votes were cast in the first season of Pop Idol

American spends $10 billion on pornography every year - the same amount it spends on foreign aid

In 2003 the US spent $396 million on its military. This is 33 times the combined military spending of the seven rogue states

There are 27 million slaves in the world today

Americans discard 2.5 million plastic bottles every hour. That's enough bottles to reach all the way to the moon every three weeks

The average urban Briton is caught on camera up to 300 times a day

Some 120,000 women and girls are trafficked into Western Europe every year

A kiwi fruit flown from New Zealand to Britain emits five times its own weight in greenhouse gases

The US owes the United Nations more than $1 billion in unpaid dues

Children living in poverty are three times more likely to suffer a mental illness than children from wealthy families
-- stolen from Jen G

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wooh buddy
Wednesday. 9.29.04 11:29 am
Anywho, college is RIDICULOUS! prof shows up 5 min late, hands out tests that he scored on a curve (the highest grade was 27/36) and told us to leave. Time in class = 10 minutes. Next class, goes over and hands back tests, time in class = 30 minutes. Chem test tonight... eeek.


When I’m back from the road
And you’re out on it
& I’m tired of this distance
& I believe it’s over-rated.
And this phone tag game is endless
The novelty is wearing
I’m hoping time will pass
Without any assistance
Or convincing.

Road rules apply
There’s so much action,
You’re getting busy.
I’ll call your cellular phone
To tell you tv night was
Lonely without you
& so am i...
So am i.

It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.

So many high points on this last leg.
I can’t wait to recount them
It seems like nothing’s happened
Until I’ve shared them with you...

I think I miss you most
On wednesdays
& saturdays.
-shirts and gloves (dashboard)

I miss you a whoooole lot a lot a lot!

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