So I got recurited to defend Jung's title in psych March madness today. Our Adler group did very well, btu sadly were defeated by Maslow bc Raba presented an awesome conclusion. So now I was asked to debate with Jung bc the group went down to 1 person since juniors will be doing PSSA testing tomorrow. Hafta look up a lot of stuff now to slam the other teams with. Indoor lacrosse sucks.... wish we were outside, but it's mighty cold n windy.

need a physical to get permit... dang, such an inconvinience since i just had one, but noooo have to get another one. stupid laws. Must go to Pitt this friday for convention... don't want to go. meh.

What else what else.... Trying to be studious now. Too bad it is way too late. This mrking period my grades are seriously gonna be horrid. Who knew a dog could howl like a wolf? well my dog can. Wow that was random. ummm, what else.

Just for the sake of saying it, you make me smile.

And... I only slightly hate you now.

And... got a nice email from the admissions person at SRU. Good to be on good terms with those pppl. What kind of admissions person signs the letter... *hugs* haha. Only mine that's who! Have some essays to write n whatnot fer that ridiculousness and get to go to orientation May 1. I wish I was going next week, but it was already booked. Emailed the football coach too, to ask if I can meet him when I go up to visit to talk about being a student trainer. need to fill out job app too.

What a monotonous entry... wish I had something inspirational to say. It is funny how som ppl's problem is that they have too many boys liking them, and yet then there are others who have none... can;t we even it out a bit here? Oh yea, and prom.... we'll see how that goes. I still like my idea of bowling. night all.

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Wow, I haven't done a thing all day long... except sit at the computer. I know there is stufff I shouldve done but could never think of what. I got a very good wake up call from someone today....thanks. Hopefully this will help with my mood. friend: if u think about it. u can take it out all on him. becuz the reason why he never went out w/ u was stupid. the reason why he never went to prom was stupid. the reason why he liked ur firends was stupid. so he's just stupid and if u ever realized that his shallowness can cause alot. and get very very anrey and get over caring for him maybe it wouldn' be so painful becuz honestly meghan you treat him alot better than he treats you and when u dont' get the same respect back u look for reasons u start that analyzing u get down if *** was a nice boy who cared about girls for their personality and their caring.. then i'm pretty sure it woudltn 'be like this sometimes your whole like mood swing thing is based upon hwat happening w/ him i think its' quite unhealthy i mean you can be firends w/ him. u can hang out. u can have fun talkin to him but realize that he can be a jerk. he's not perfect. he makes alot of mistakes that can hurt you like do you know what i mean about the two peopel making someone jealous thing? ur in this siuation not becuz ur asian. but becuz ***'s shallow just save all ur energy and caring for him and use it on another oby who's worth it becuz then you wont' have these up and downs you wont' be hurt it'll be all good and i realize that it'll be hard to suddnely stop feeling that way about him.. but i think u can do it slowly everytime i've read or seen u upset. i've wanted to say that to u. but i never had the guts too.... ...well thank you for having the guts to.

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Instead of prom plans....

* Renting out a bowling alley
* Spending the night at the beach, walking at sunset and having a picnic, flying a kite, and sleeping on the boardwalk (not on the sand or u will die from hypothermia)
* Spend the night taking swing dance/salsa/merengue/whatever lessons.
* Go on a boat ride
* Find a mountain and climb it, just in time to watch the sun set and the stars come out. Then try and find some constellations/ or time it for a meteor shower.
* Go horse back riding along the beach, remenice while sitting on a tire swing, and sit ontop of the roof until 2 am.
* Take a road trip to Washington DC and visit the monuments and zoo. Play the guitar in some park.
* Go to NYC and climb the statue of Liberty/shop/see a broadway show
* Spend the night going to every coffeeshop, play a round of card games, drink some coffee and leave.
* Visit every ice cream shop and get it all to go, then rush home in time to eat it before it melts and watch comedy movies.
* Drive until dawn and see where you end up, then while everyone is still asleep from hang overs u can drive back and no one will notice u were gone.
* Rent a hotel room in ur home town or some random place, and pretend u are a tourist.
* hmmm... any other ideas?

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I can't express how much I hate her. Everything about her I hate with an unknown passion that I possess. Anything and everything that gave me happiness and was the pride and joy of my life, she takes away. Steals away more like. Yet for no reason either except to make me feel horrible and to make herself feel better. Everything is just so damn annoying about her now. I mean, it was that way a while ago but now I can't even really respect the person. Why am I only a few of many to see her like this? I wish more ppl would, even if they have to go thru the same shit and pain she has put me thru. It is bad to wish that upon someone else, but they won't find out any other way what a selfish, bitch this person really is. ughhhhhhh. I never knew I could dislike someone so damn much. I hate that i feel this way, but if anything, I learned that I need to recognize that this is what I feel and that is ok. Whether or not I have justifications really, well we'll leave that up to my mind.

Dance marathon recap (brief)... very cool. not big turnout but made more $ than last year. Activities that we did do turned out really well. AI was a huge hit. Scarface was awesome and so was Back Seat driver. prep for the marathon was crazy and during it I played volleyball and brusied my arms. I tried to stand the whole time but only made it to 9 1/2 hours of pure standing, plus the times before I started counting. Decorations were amazing! Tried to have a good time while one of my best friends was hanging all over and out with my not so recently departed friends. Seems I've been replaced once again, no doubt due to some gossip of shit that they conjered up at one of their festivities. ewww, no they can't use that fuckin word, it is too awesome... no festivities for them. More like cult meetings. There, that is better. Wow I am in a bitter mood today. I don't know if it is bc I have not slept in 28 hours or if it just hits home every time this happens. I know I need to let go a bit, but seriously, whyyyyyyyy do u have to all gang up and take away the most important person to me? That just sucks. It was liek u were testing me to see how far u could go without me blowing up or showing any sign of dislike. Yea well, you got me and that is not goo bc that means u have the power. So this weekend I worked on not giving u that power, and while I did very well while in the situation, I am doing very poorly right now. I should go to sleep. later all.

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My hand is almost broken... almost. It is numb right now again.... but the xrays said not broken. Damn lacrosse ball. Swelled up like a balloon too. Can't type er anything with my right hand. Can't really do anything. Esp with my forefinger. ughhh. Spend 1 hour in ER, really nice ppl there. Gonna have to not do some stuff like cradling and such at larosse for a while. Boy's first game tomorrow, n I want to watch but we also have late layout. hmmmm. My grades suck this semester... god dangit. Oh well. Right now I am jsut concerned about lacrosse and my hand. I got to wrap ankles again/ well tape them. and I felt at home again. I lvoe doing that. Court said, hey just think u will doing that ur whole life.. and i was cool with that. Really nervous about lacrosse placement... I really want to be on Varsity. Senior here. Oh well, if I am not, I will play my fuckin hardest on JV. sighh. I wish I knew why you were so distant... she must've said something. But I know u won't tell me what. I hate that. But I also hate that maybe I will let go.... should I? I am not so sure. I must;ve been holding on for so long for some reason.

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Yest turned out to be an awesome day. Woke up, got online... bored. Talked to some ppl and ended up going with Dave A to get a tripod for his camera bc it was all nice out even tho windy. Drove to Best Buy, but it took a good hour to get there instead of 20 minutes bc we first missed to turn off to colonial Park so we had to go into Harrisburg and turned around in a ghettoishness place. Thennn we had to double back and took old jonestown road. Got to best buy, found a good tripod. 58 1/3 inches? "yea that is here, about my height" Drove home so I could go out job hunting with Li, but got a bit confused on the way home too. hehe. I knew where I was the whole time so I was cool, just not in relation to where we wanted to be. hehe. Got back and went job hunting with Li. Got some apps to Issac's, Soda Jerk and Friendly's. Rode choc World ride. Came home and went out with Courtney to Chris's house to watch them play poker. Chris came out up 50 bucks, yay. Went home, made som brownies for the festivies that were decided to be at my house since we couldn't think of anything else low budget and indoors. So my house it was.. to play board games! HAd some good convos with the rents in the kitchen about society, marraige, parenting, and all that. My mom asked me, "do u like Tim?" last night. An I relpied, yes as a friend. and she goes, yes that is what i meant. thenn she proceeded to say, well i like him too. If u were to ever bring home a nice boy, I would be happy with you bringing home a boy like tim. I was like. whoaaaaaaaaaaa. mom! It is just funny, bc tim doesn't really speak when he is over, but remember last year on my bday when he was over she said something to me about him after ward and so I think she is still stuck on him and me thing. Mann she is a funny one. I have dismissed that completely from my mind as ever happeneing but I am a bit interested in why she is so adament about it bc she tends to have very good sense about that sort of thing.... so why chose tim? *shrug*. Oh well, he never came over last night anyway to join us and the gang of Me, Dave A, Dave W, Courtney, Tom, Li and Chris! Rockin good time anyway and after playing a game of Life, we went to the cocoa Grill of course. Played around with Dave A's camera. good times. Got home at a reasonable time too. Woke up this morning to go driving which is getting very easy. And... going out shopping in an hour with Court, Dave W and maybe Tom.

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