Things to consider: It's amazing what a mother can tell about her child.... and sometimes I exepct everyone to be able to do the same. "Hey honey, how are you?" "I'm ok" "You don't sound ok, at least try saying that in a more convincing manner..." "haha *sigh*"

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Last night I can't say that I cried.... but my pillow was wet from what I guess were tears from my eyes. More like an overwhelming of emotions that just seeped out without my knowing it... and there are a lot of reasons for it... this morning I woke up to a message from a dear friend and I realized that maybe I wasn't crying for myself last night but that I felt her pain and was instead letting it out for her... *shrug* If I could do that I would.

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What we got from tonight's girl talk conversation/venting spree---
Ah, the effects of a parent on their children. Advise of the day- don't have kids until u really really really want them and are ready to postpone parts of ur life for 20 something years.

My throat started hurting again.

Jennifer Garner's outfits in 13 Going on 30 are awesome. I was so bored today I found myself looking at wedding dresses (bc there are no more proms in college)! haha Court, it's like that day when ur mom suggested we go shopping or paint our nails like normal girls do and we looked at her like she was crazy.

Normal girls indeed.... sometimes I wish I could be girly, maybe that is why I was looking at dresses. For some reason I have the desire to dress up, put on make up, look half decent and even submit my control issue (that amanda knows all about since I never let her or anyone else around here open or unlock any door and I have to walk infront of everyone) for one night. In short--- I want to go on a date. Girls always have these deep heartfelt conversations at the most odd times; mostly at night, riding in the car or while taking a walk. In one of them recently I realized that I have never gone out on a date...

Ok, end of girly rant... mannnn these entries are starting to get quite feminized... I guess homesickness and this crazily warm weather ("I'm going to go in heat?!" hahahah) is getting to me. Yeup, another Saturday wasted to sleeping, eating, exercising, im-ing/watching movies and checking the non existant mail ("we're just not loved" *bows head as we walk away from empty mail box*).

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If you could... knowing that things wouldn't necessarily turn out well... would you do it all over again?

You can erase memories but u can't erase feelings or emotions.

Fate has a way of working out even if you screw up. Part of fate is the screwing up.

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On a rainy day, after working out, taking a shower and eating too much food at dinner what else to do besides congregate around a laptop with a movie? We just finished watching a chick flick... Cinderella Story to be precise. At the end of the movie all the girls got up, said "awww" and almost everyone said in unison, "too bad that doesn't really happen." Maybe it doesn't happen exactly like that (I actually hope that it wouldn't, those girls were bitches)... but all I could think of was that, "ur 'prince' will come when the time is right and when he does it'll FEEL just like that!" I really believe that. I remember the days when I would watch those movies (like the first time I saw this one, actually) and instead of feeling this pining absense and ridiculously girly "if only" I now just find myself with a goofy grin on my face while hugging a pillow curled up in ball. (cuz the fetal position is the coolest) More like a ... 'complete feeling' grin. *sigh* whew, anyway What to do what to do... NOTHING. Jeez we gotta watch another movvvvie. Weekends are both boring and peaceful around here. Midnight caramel apple making Sunday tho! wooh!

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I opened this blog to write with a thought on my mind a while ago but got distracted by some friend oriented issues that came up.

Some ppl are trying to figure out who they want to be with, some ppl know but at the same time their ex is still trying to get back with them, some want to be with someone but in their head won't let themselves, some are still trying to find a prospect and some are trying to find contentment in being alone.

At the same time, people are changing... so as much as I wish I was going home this weeekend (oh yea, that was my origional topic) and as much as I can't wait to go home Thanksgiving.... I don't know how it will be. I know that part of college for a lot of ppl is experiencing what u couldn't, thinking that u are invisible and as long as ur intentions are good u won't get caught... We're all human and we all make mistakes, act on impulse, lose sight of who we are for one reason or another... but I found that when u have nothing missing in ur life, feel complete, u don't have the need to do any of those things anymore. I wish I could somehow give everyone that sense of fulfillment so they wouldn't go and throw away their self respect.

On the other hand... it IS the weekend so I have to figure out what to do.

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