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Right now I wish...
the world was flat
Quotes of the day
Is that a kind of occupational hazard of soul mates ? One's not much without the other ?
- what dreams may come

Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? ~Richard Bach

"I'll love you till the ocean is folded and hung up to dry" -W.H Auden

I'll wait so longingly for you to need me... want me... notice me...

"If looks be the reflections of the mind, the thoughts that in that head are not what they used to be- those thoughts which I knew so well." - De Maupassant in "A Family"

Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
-garden state
For you-- John Denver
Just to look in your eyes again
Just to lay in your arms
Just to be the first one always there for you
Just to live in your laughter
Just to sing in your heart
Just to be everyone of your dreams come true

Just to sit by your window
Just to touch in the night
Just to offer a prayer each day for you
Just to long for your kisses
Just to dream of your sighs
Just to know that Id give my life for you
For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just to wake up each morning
Just to you by my side
Just to know that you're never really far away
Just a reason for living
Just to say I adore
Just to know that you’re here in my heart to stay

For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just the words of a love song
Just the beat of my heart
Just the pledge of my life, my love, for you
Profile

Hobbies peer educating, road trips, dancing at Ghost Riders, music, listening), going on random excursions.

College Slippery Rock,

I Like french vanilla cappaccino, pineapple, buffalo chicken, walking in the rain, looking at the stars, watching the sun set, going for long hikes, being around kids, chocolate, mexican food, random road trips, card night

I don't Like heights, the dropping feeling on amusement park rides, people who think that they are better than everyone, humidity, olives, people who don't use turn signals

awesome cd in mind
Believe- gavin degraw
more than anyone- gavin degraw
meaning- gavin degraw
folow through- gavin degraw
I'll be- Edwin McCain
The reason- Hoobastank
Iris- Googoodolls
It only hurts when I'm breathing- Shania Twain
Running away- Hoobastank
100 years- five for fighting
blurry- puddle of mud
wonderwall- oasis
champaign supernova- oasis
someday- nickleback
dremaing of u -selena
1st cut is the deepest- sheryl crow
For you to notice- dashboard
My immortal- evanescence
Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
I'll follow the sun- Beatles
Walk Alone- Green Day
Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers
can't stop - red hot chili peppers
saliva- rest in pieces
crash and burn- savage garden
every breath u take- the police
White Flag- Dido
One thing- Finger 11
Collide
Drift away- uncle kracker
When a man loves a woman
drops of jupiter- train
let it be- beatles
country cd in mind
the dance- garth brooks
she's in love with the boy- garth brooks
If i'm not in love- faith hill
breath- faith hill
there you'll be- faith hill
cry- faith hill
I melt- rascal flats
i'm movin on- rascal flats
these days- rascal flats
love you outloud- rascal flats
Let's be us again- lonestar
amazed- lonestar
I need you- LeAnne Rimes
she's my kind of rain- tim mcgraw
i like, i love it- tim mcgraw
favorite oldies cd
when a man loves a woman
wonderful tonight
unchained melodies
say a lil prayer
aint no mnt high enough
faithfully- journey
open arms- journey
I am happy because
new friends
What I am greatful for
the best parents in the world! ftball games, going for walks, going out to dinner, card night, my FRIENDS, awesome conversations, the ability to experience life to the fullest.
to do...
lose 20
sell back book
make mom's cd
clean room/bthroom
gym gym gym
visit eric, becca, kate, katie, kara
currently...
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'll be there...always

...I am trying to lose weight, but it keeps on finding me. -author unknown
A WOW moment to be shared before it dissappears
Tuesday. 2.15.05 7:13 pm
First of all... I am EXUDING WITH HAPPINESS inspite of wearing a thong (which can i say is theeee most uncomfortable thing ever). Tonight was absolutely FABULOUS!

I am almost crying from excitement, exuberance, happiness, appreciateiveness, anticipation, and a lil sadness.
First of all: I miss dancing and I was reminded of that this past week when all the women who saw me in Vagina Monologues came up to me and after commenting on how wonderful I/we all were, said, "I just love watching u move, ur so graceful". WOW, complete and utterly painful flashback to my many years devoted to dancing. I realized that THAT was what it was ALL about, that making ppl feel that way was what kept me going and when I stopped I stopped bc I didn't feel like I was making anyone feel that way anymore. fuck.
Second: I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Women's Center/mentoring dinner tonight courtesy of my favorite and most admired professor CIndy LaCom. It was... beyond words inspirational. I was sitting there talking amongst women and students who were all tied together by the simple fact that we have ambitions and are living within the same society. I found myself proud to be a woman, excited, ambitious, and just whole heartedly devoted to making my life a fraction of what theirs have been. Surrounding urself by a bunch of older women can have an impact on u, just to hear their stories, see what they have learned, suffered, overcome... that brings me to my third point.
Third: Cindy tells TONS of stories, and unlike some ppl who I know, she tells all of her stories ABOUT HER. I was telling my dad this and he said, that that is what u have to do, tell ur stories to others so that they can inspire, and eventually u will be sharing ur stories with other just like Cindy is.
Forth: The key note speaker tonight was a female vetinarian who was here to talk to us about being a woman in the sciences. One interesting point she made that made me question my previous thoughts was that, yes women are given lower wages becuase primarily, we accept them. We accept them because we want to balance our careers with family, we are willing to sacrifice maybe whwat we deserve to that of what we want. Also, there ARE limiations for a woman working, like by raising a family she CAN'T work as many hours as a man, or when pregnant can't be around xrays, heavy machinary etc so the dependability is lower.
Fifth: I felt such a connection tonight, to myself, to the other women around me and especially to this college campus. Ever recpient of an award tonight mentioned how there were many people in their lives were from this campus who encouraged them to fulfill their dreams, and supported them. That is because of other ppl's belief that they have accomplished what they have. It just goes to show how any act can create an endless ripple in events. Just my being here still amazes me beyong belief.
Sixth: I called my dad the minute I got back bc I wanted to share all of this with him. I knew that he would understand and in a way I wanted to thank him. If I ever get to make some honorary speech about my successes he will be top of the list. He told me today again that " I have special gifts at the age of 19 that he is just gaining at 54." wow, I mean that means a lot and that in itself made me want to cry bc I am so gosh darn excited to get on with my life, to... I can't even describe it! I doubt many ppl feel that way, but I hope someday u all do.
Seventh: I was telling my dad bout the Notebook, and how one part that caught my attention was when Noah says, "Picture urself 30, 40 years down the road in life and if it is with him then go..." and how that hit home for me because sometimes I find that u HAVE TO look at the big pciture of things when dealing with life stuff. Sometimes it is easier to handle things day by day but I am finding that when it comes down to the basic, big stuff like love and life goals, it is all about the "down the road, what do I, want." Another line that caught my attention was when the older Noah said, "but that is my sweetheart in there, I can't leave her, I AM home." and my dad said just as I knew he would... "that is how i feel about ur mother u know." TO go off of that, the other nite when talking to keith I said how I never talked to my mother about WHY she stayed with my dad over all the years... I know they seem like they are the perfect couple, and to me they are, but I also know that it wasn't always like that. Not in the least, it wasnt until the past few years when my dad's "true" self was able to come out, when he didn't have hypoglycemic flair ups and get really agressive. I doubt I will share some of those stories with anyone, and that is ok bc it is in my past and I admire the man I know NOW. I see what he has become and I admire how my mom, whether she did it bc she felt she had to, she did it for just the kids or bc that is how she defined love and her vows, she stuck with him for 33 years.

I am just beaming, if u couldn't tell already and I know that something will piss me off soon and I will get really low bc that is what happens, so I just wanted to jot down my thoughts/notes before I lose this feeling. In addition to all of this, I had 3 very distinct dreams last nite and this morning. I rarely remember dreams, and to be this struck by THREE kinda scares me. The themes were: sex, floods, war, death/sickness, and friendship. After relating these dreams to Amanda, my lil dream interpreter, I have to stop and think.... hmm... and maybe the strong emotions I got out of after having these dreams MAY change my actions in life.

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funny
Monday. 2.14.05 11:19 pm
Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...erotic
Your hugs are...warm
Your eyes...twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...awakening my heart
Your smell is...amazing
Your smile is...entrancing
Your love is...unique
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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working week starts with a lil love
Monday. 2.14.05 4:55 pm
When ur expanded throughout a whole campus of ppl, Valentines Day doesn't seem so bad.. sure u see the occasional rose float by but not like it was in high school where ppl in the halls boasted about their sig others or crushes with flowers, candy and cards galore. This way u are not FORCED to be pissed off.

btw.. Happy Valentines Day, even if u aren't with anyone, jsut take the time to make some girls'/guys' day and do something sweet, they'll be greatful. Also don't forget to tell those u love that u still do, including parents. It might be a Hallmark Holiday but there is never a time when letting those whom u care about know again.

I am gonna devote this week to working so I can get a normal or nicer pay check by the time Spring Break comes around and last week I missed out on working altogether because of the monologues. Today I got in 4 1/2 hours. My goal is to work 4 hours tomorrow, 2 wed, 2 thurs, and 4 friday = 16 1/2 hours = about $80. My pay check I should get this week should be around $55. So that will be all spent over Spring break since the concerts themselves cost a total of $35, train ticket home $31, and then a cowboy hat and clothes for dancing in.

I am not religous but I am going to give up baked goods (cake, cookies, browbies) during this time when everyone else around me seems to be giving up something, just for my own good. It takes 21 days to break a habit, I can do it again!

I watched the Notebook for the first time last night, plus deleted scenes which i think added a lot to the story... wow... that's all I got to say about that.

I ask you: Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? 40 years from now?

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adoption advocacy
Sunday. 2.13.05 10:23 am
This morning at breakfast, after 4 1/2 hours of sleep.... we touched on a topic very close to my heart... ADOPTION: over the course of the hour meal I was about to give my own thoughts on adoptions versus having ur own child and educate Becca and Amanda on the 'facts' of it all. In summary
1) there are so many kids out there who were born whose parents aren't able to take care of them and wish thema better life that there is no reason to try and produce more kids into the world.
2) a child adopted is just as much as a child created from ur own genes, they just look different, but really folks, they act just as much as ur own child might, hold the same ideals etc, this is where ur attitutdes and parenting comes into play, it is not ur chromosomes.
3) There is variation, disorders, illnesses, disabilities that any child could have, whether or not u adopt them, accept them as YOUR child and treat them as u would ur own child.
4) It is safer in a sense to adopt because the child will be monitored before adoption, screened for illnesses (and they will inform u of these findings, I would hope that even if ur child is sick, with Hep B for instance, u woudl take it anyway bc when u produce ur own child u have no choice either), disabilities, and unless u request or allow, u will get a "normal" child.
5) Women! There is no child birth process, morning sickness, moodiness (guys u should be happy about that one), baby fat to work off, swollen ankles, taking time out of ur job.
6) Sure there will be things to deal with that u wouldn't have to with a child u birthed, for example: I remember going thru a period when i wanted to see my birth mother, I wanted that connection, but it has passed. My brother and I also went thru a period when we were mad at our parents for not letting us eat 10 cookies or something, that we would rather be with our "real" parents, and sure it hurts to hear that but it is a phase, just like the terrible twos or rebelious teenage years. Ur child might feel like they weren't wanted and that is why they were adopted, but in a good enviornment and understanding that their mother did what she felt was best, once ug et old enough to comprehend that, u forgive, and reach thankfulness.
7) It's hard enough to have kids, the infertility rate among women (and men) is greatly increasing due to toxins, hormones in our meats, STI's like having chlamidea ONCE can make u infertile (it's all about smart choices thinking long term here) and the trying to get pregnant stuff is horrible for the marriage, well at least my mom said it almost ruined theirs... because "sex is the glue to ur marriage in many senses and when u are forced to do it on a schedual.... it ruins the glue"
8) Think about it, I would never wish for something other than the life i have now, the parents I have now, or the opportunity to be adopted and be here right now. I am thankful my birth mother and my parents chose adoption.

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save a horse ride a cowboy!
Sunday. 2.13.05 3:53 am
Ghost Riders tonight... UPDATE! It was of course a BLAST!!! Even without the guys there besides Ryan, we had so much fun! I loooove dancing already, and even during the slow ones the ppl there are so polite and chivalrous, they made sure that there weren't any girls left sitting alone during a slow song so I met Nathain and Jason who made me sing along to the song that I didn't know so I had to pretend I did... both akward dancers and both juniors in college. Kate met two 24 year olds again but didn't get kissed this time by any of them. It was so energizing, we all caught on much faster and I earned my 6 blisters. The only downfall of the night was that we got harrassed pretty bad after we dropped off Big B at the apartments and Kate was driving and was shaking so bad. Dumb asshole drunks. We did some circles and Ryan led the way out so we finally got back to our dorm safe. For the first time... with the exception of family and a few select amazing friends, I got complimented tonight... I figured they were drunk but I couldn't smell any alcohol, still it was kinda nice. Now I smell like smoke really bad and even tho it is 4am I think I am gonna take a shower. goodnite all! p.s. I JUST figured out how to make a gallery, so check it out!

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divergence
Saturday. 2.12.05 10:39 am
I have my views, u have urs... and there is where we differ and u can make ur choices, judgements and I shall make mine. This is where it's hard to hold onto old friendships when ur worlds are different and so are ur experiences.. that is what creates me and that is what creates you.

Quotes from profiles that I liked:
* L.A.U.G.H.T.E.R Love and understanding gives hope to emotional recovery.
* "There is a fine line between dreams and reality, it's up to you to draw it."
-B. Quilliam

... after it's been a while, it's hard to go back.
--- there's this feeling stuck inside that just won't leave me and I don't know what to do with it... cuz I am afraid.

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