I love it... the feeling, the connection, the thought that perhaps I did some good today for someone, even if it was just to gain their respect and comradery. Had a talk with Laine today, I feel where she is coming from, not knowing why she is suddenly unable to handle the stress of this year, or why an overwhelming sadness just clouds her days for no apparent reason... so I tried to offer some guidance, perhaps I did. Then I have been making an effort to get to know the other laX girls like Steph, Lauren, the freshmen... and I think I have made a good impression, at least one that qualifies me as being "soo cute and helpful".

It's always "cute"... I've realized that that is prolly the most used adjective given to me on a daily basis. Katie W uses it "my little MoMO, ur so cuddely and cute." Ash used to say, "look at you, ur just so cute!" Lauren just said "u were so cute" today when I ran over to help a girl who broke her nose for the second time this year (blood was everyyyywhere) I dunno it is just a common occurance to hear "cute" be associated with "meggyo". Can't decide if I like it as much as to hear it everyday. I guess it is a compliment?

"do u realize that it is lightening?" "uhh, where? shoot, we should call the game."... so I am home much earlier than I expected with absolutely nothing to do.

I am in the mood for a road trip... anyone? This coming month is going to be a crazy one, and I am looking mildly foward to it! 12 more laX games, psych dinner (5/11/04), senior dinner, prom? laX tournament (5/15/04), finals, SRU freshmen orientation (next weekend!), various fundraisers (sorrento's/carwash), graduation, after grad party, road trip to DC/Fairfax VA... ah yes, the year is near a close. Don't forget, we need to see that movie (spotless mind), I need to go buy that book (6 degrees), and order that drink (with a cherry)!

With every drop that falls, it pulls me toward the earth, realizing that maybe all I want is to be there instead of here. I look out my window watching memories, laughter and love pour infront of me, washing away the hard times, the mistakes and the dissapointment. Clearing my mind, the rain offers a refreshing look at what I want. I find some reassurance in the fact that u are watching rain fall from the same sky. When the sun peaks out, it offers a light that not only I can see, but I know that u can too. So if we will interpret the sun the same way, then it will guide us to each other. If we follow it to different paths, than so be it, because we are both following our happiness and light.

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If it is not this... then I don't know what it is.

Raining... and it was the warm rain. If I didn't have a lax party to go to I would've def gone for a walk, even by myself, looking like a slight idiot walking by myself with no shoes on in the rain, ppl might start to wonder if I was stranded or something, but none the less it would've been a good day to do it.

Caitlin wants me to com visit her in NY however since we might have a game tomorrow, I can't. Sorry. This weekend we need to get together, it's been too long. Courtney was thinking the beach but the weather won't let us, Tom wants to go to Neato Burrito and I am def up for that. Everyone is prolyl up for some football or frisbee so we'll see how it goes... none the less the weekend is upon us once again.

... and the drums could be heard in the distance, as if they were beating to the rhythm of my heart.

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So I'm in school wooh! The seniors went to the assembly. What an inspiration! Some of things that I got out of it was...

*You can hear someone blush
*Believing is seeing
*The nature of the mind is like water, if you do not disturb it, it will come clear -sherpa quote.
*You give courage by doing couragous things.
*Leadership is contagious, lead by your actions.
*There is such a thing as postive pessimism. "You know, you are really mean, but at least you're stupid"
*The greatest things in the world cannot be touched nor seen, but felt.
*Goals spur from our own vision.
*It's the commitment to reach out in the darkness and find out that counts.
*Everyone climbs their own mountain blind at times. Each step is unknown, but your senses help to tell u if it is the right path to take. With each movement foward, each step toward the top/goal there is always a chance that you may fail.
*There is a drive/light within everyone to prove themselves.
*Sometimes you need to throw the expectations into the trash and just do the best that u can, with no expectations determining your path or success.

*sighhhh* The sky looks so grey and rain is just begging to fall. Another mundane day, here... but for a while I feel sort of lifted.

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Right now I wish I could...
* drive to Amherst and be able to dance again. take classses, do rehearsals, choreograph something...
* Go to the beach, play volleyball, read a book, take a walk, watch the sunset and watch the stars come out.
* Run in the rain
* Go for a drive anywhere

I am looking foward to...
* Going to DC, watch a baseball game and go to Dave's old house
* The day I move into SRU
* Psych dinner May 11
* After graduation party
* Assembly tomorrow
* 3 day weekend May 7-9 and 4 day weekend 28-31

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Soooo... woke up this morning and pulled a mighty, "I don't feel like going to school today" so I didn't! This is becoming a very bad habit, of every Wednesday of just staying home... stay tuned for how many weeks I can pull this off before my rents catch on. Anywho, so yes, yest was a disheartening day bc we lost our first game vs CV however we almost won... 10-9 us with 2 min to go and they get 2 scores off of us. This team has never been challenged like that before so we felt pretty proud, I just wish the coach would've subed in ppl bc everyone looked tired. JV won tho, so that was awesome. Ppl on our team also need to learn how to pick up their own trash.

On a good note, tomorrow the seniors are going to Milton Hershey School to listen to this awesome dude talk. He is blind but has climbed the 7 highest mountains including Mount Everest. In eng we watched an Oprah show with him in it and for the first time in a longgggggggggggg time tears were like trickling down my face. I actually had to go wipppppe them off before they turned the lights back on. It wasn't bc it was a sad story really, it was more like, "WOW!" What really hit me was when this 9 yo boy came in to tell this dude how much he helped change his life, and I just kept thinking, I wish and hope that I can do that for someone... that really is all I want to do with my life, that is my goal. To have that impact on someone else, and i guess I figured that I can do that by medicine and the way I try to be there for the people I care about.... but simply, that is all I want to accomplish in my life, is to touch/help someone that deeply.

So plans for today, can't get to practice, so I will email the coach. Go for a run hopefully, do the little hw that I have, and should clean the various rooms that need cleaning. So I'm home, give me a call if u feel the incline to do so. Later.

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So yea,.. unfortunalmente it is just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. School was pretty good, did well on my big english test I think so that was a big relief... and then came to after school. Hung around the trainer's room fer an hour helping to tape ppl's ankles and whatnot, always fun. But for some reason I was dead tired, my muscles were all shakin and such, but just enough fer me to notice. So finished off my coffee like I always do in the afternoon, took my vitamin and after a quick massage from Chuck the Trainer (bc I was already late fer warm up) walked over to the game. Get outside and it is steamin! I figure, ok, I can deal... however not only was today the worst game I have ever had, but I was also benched the whole first game and some freshman took my place. Alright, whatever, even tho I felt like last time I played def should've earned me my spot back in the first game, donna obviously thought differently. So yea, after a very poopy game, went with Court and Laine to the Ice Cream Corner, but of course that didn't go as planned either... dad showed up, so I left. However, I did have a nice conversation with David A's mother after she finally turned around wondering who was so talking so angerily behind her... haha ooops. So yea, talked to her about college and stuff then got my soft serve with choc sprinkles and got in the car with my dad, let him eat my ice cream while I drove home... and now I am here. My shoulders are killing me, must be the tension, bad kharma er something going on.... BIG game vs Cumberlain Valley tomorrow too and sadly I am now not looking foward to it at all. *sigh* I need a candle lit room, with the shades pulled up just enough for me to see the sun set, and be listening to some awesome music...

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