I'm gonna make myself a TENT! hehe not really, but just a curtain across my lower bunk so that once I get a clip on light I can read and not disturb Amanda at night.

Mildly eventful day... finished it off mildly dissapointed but then revived by a phone call from Charisse! Talked for as long as she would allow herself to before she went back to reading that ridiculous amount for her class. I think we talk once a month/2months yet always pick up right where we left off. Funny how friendships work out that way. Dunno if I'll be able to go to sleep tonight... I guess I'll give it a shot after I finish my book. *eeek!*

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This morning we got up around 9am, showered, went to breakfast where of course I had my make it urself belguim waffles! Unfortunately they did not have strawberrys tho. Thenn came back, went for a walk in the woods cuz I needed to get out. The weather is gorgeous I wish I could enjoy it more. The paths weren't very long tho so someday I will go insearch of some longer ones. I twas so nice to just walk around in the woods by myself and know that I could sit down and stay there if I wanted. But anyway after that we pretty much just hung around the room except for a 4pm dinner break. Watched some OC with Bethany, Emily and Ashlei, figured some stuff out, read some more.... then around 8pm we went to Rocky's for diet Pepsi, guitars, some good singing/ great guitar playing followed by a high dude singing "brown eyed girl" (sha la la... la la... wait I need to look at my notes"), laughing till the sides hurt walking back to dorm at 9:30pm, "I have an enormous shalalala!" since it was Open Mic night.. aawww the memories of last year! and now.. ku plunk BORED. hmph. I still am proud that we are not out partying, getting drunk and raped. THAT is a good feeling esp once the stories start filtering in about those girls. Sorry, I can't feel bad for them, just don't put urself in that postion dumbass. I have started reading First Person Plural... wowwwww. It is both amazing how the human mind can protect itself and completely cover up memories for so long then reveal them in the form of many "people/personalities" and so incredibley disturbing the abuse he went thru. I am already 100 something pages in so it is an "easy read" text wise. I should've worked out today but I got some nice blisters from the past few days so I had to take a day off *frown*. So it is 10pm... still have a good 2 hours to kill.... come on... think! *sigh* oh well. later kiddos. take care please.

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There are some days where I want nothing more than to run forever... run away, run toward, run through and run for. Run until I fall over, run until I feel no more, run until I have so much adrenalin pumping I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Today was one of those days... and the frusterating part is that I never know WHY. This never ending supply of energy could be to some people in certain instances a "zone" but tonight it was just an agravating nuisance that got me ancy and my friends worrried. When asked, "what's wrong?" I hate that I had no answer, that I couldn't even tell the people that I care about what was making me feel like this. Maybe it is homesickness, maybe it is frusteration, maybe it is the feeling of helplessness, maybe it is boredom, maybe it is the yearning for something I cannot have, maybe it is the beans and rice I ate and the cookies that Amanda thought to bring back for me from her meeting, maybe it is God's blessing of giving back to me the energy that has been missing for the past week and a half, maybe it is the let down from this "new" envoirnment, maybe I know why but I don't want to admit to myself, maybe I just need time to figure and absorb all of this ... I have friends here and they are all amazingly fun... tonight we just all decided to do different things, that's all. Some days are for being with people, some days are for being by yourself. Some days you do both. It's all about priorities and trying to make time for everyone. Today was a "roomie hang out day" and the past 2 hours were "my venting time" while lunch was "kara and katelyn time" and the hours in between were "catch up with Hershey friends online time". I just hate, and I mean hate, when I can't even give an answer to how I am or why I am. It passes, it always does.

P.S. thank you courtney- have fun at the party, and *wink* thank you tom for calling after court probably called you to yell at me not to walk alone. Li, I'm glad that you made that decision. Caitlin, thank you thank you for listening.

Quotes I'd like to save from "the secret life of bees" by Sue Monk Kidd

"I have noticed that if you look carefully at people's eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away." - pg 104

"Every human being on the face of the earht has a steel plate in his head, but if u lie down now and then and get as still as you can, it will slide open like elevator dooes, letting in all the secret thoughts that have been standing around so patiently, pushing the button for ar ride to the top. The real torubles in life happen when those hidden doors stay closed for too long." - pg 170

"There is nothing perfect, there is only life." -pg 256

"... nobody is perfect... you just have to close your eyes and breath out and let the puzzle of the human heart be what it is." - pg 285

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If I could I would... (to various ppl)
give you everything you need
make u understand u don't need to lose weight
change the attitudes of cocky assholes
show people how to have fun without being drunk or high
have all the answers or right words to say
achieve the small goals that seem to be harder than the big ones
be in 3 places at once
not need to turn on the AC at night and freeze out my roomie
give up sugar
go for a 5 mile run thru the rain
truely be confident in those things I appear to be
just freakin be able to give u a hug

Question to ponder of the day.. why is it that the dessert line consists mostly of women? Coming back with plates of cake, cookies, ice cream, chocolate or not... it's the women that dominate the sugar rush.. while the men take on the hamburgers and steaks.

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I
am
soaked
u cannot get more wet than I am right now because some fucker stole my umbrella and left a note on my door and was like... heyyy, u r umbrella is in this room and then I went to get it before class and they weren't there so I had to walk to and from chem class in the POURING wind gusting rain! Then I come back to my dorm really pissed off and there is my damn umbrella back where it was in the hall drying off and the lil note was erased. what the hell is up with that?! Walked to dinner and the umbrella pretty much didn't even help anyway bc the rain is pouring in from all sides so I am just as wet 9except for my hair) as I would've been without it. On the way back I stepped into a 5 inch puddle and it splashed all over my legs but we have go out again in 30 min for an honors program meeting 10 min away so I can't even change... I never believed in getting sick from being in the rain, but I wouldn't be surprised if I got sick after this week. Some people are asses that's all I gotta say. grrrrrrrr. I'll be so happy to just wear dry clothes for once today, but I gotta wait till 9pm.

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Things I like about the college life thus far-
being able to wake up at 8am each morning and no earlier
Free pizza at any club/organizational meeting
the redundant but reliable selection of foods
being able to workout no matter what the weather
meeting new people
free time inbetween classes
quiet places like the common rooms
ur own mailbox (but only when u get stuff)
being able to stay up as late as u want or go to bed almost as early as u want
walking to class/meals/everywhere
doing laundry! (it's more the smell of clean clothes)
road tripping just to find a place 5 minutes away (which turns into a 45 min venture bc u get lost)
the bathing suit mate that dries ur bathing suit in 10 seconds!
waking up around 10am on the weekends and walking to breakfast in pAjamas

Things I do not like about college thus far-
the ridiculously confined hours of the dining halls
having to share a room and agree on temperature etc. (although it is not that bad)
being across from the bathroom and having to hear the hand dryer go off every other minute
getting food stuck in my keyboard and being too lazy to clean it out
being disorganized/cluttered
having to use ur ID or key for each door (3 for me) to get to my room, balance ur books or dig thru ur bookbag while looking ridiculous
walking by dorm buildings when people are sitting outside, I feel like I'm under a microscope

Things I have adopted into my lifestyle/learned-
wearing flip flops EVERYWHERE (they are the most comfortable shoe now)
wearing a robe/taking a shower in flip flops
triple checking that there is toilet paper in the stall
drinking pepsi everyday
mini ice cream sunday everyday
bacon bits adds flavor to anything
you are not stealing food from the cafeteria just getting the most of your money
(sandwhiches are the easiest meal to steal)
pull the window shade once it gets dark
brushing my teeth and drying my hair at the same time
not carrying my cell phone around
putting up descriptive away messages
binging twice a day instead of nibbling 24/7
trash accumulates really fast
when u have a vegan roommate u don't have to hide food
read ur mail from the school... "what? what meeting?" gah!
many people smoke, most drink and a rare few do neither

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