Good old reminiscing... think back to the first impressions you got when u met someone (like me) and what happened that day that first ignited that friendship.

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, i will dry them all;
I'm on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
*big hug coming your way*

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I have concluded that Tim, Chris, and Dave W are always right all the time... when they want to be. hehe that is my recent realization to life. So listen to the guys.

My day was like this.

That's right... blankness. complete and utter boredom, tiredness, lowness, uniterested. I wasn't even able to get amused by tune forks humming n tickling from physics lab. Someone told me today that they have never seen me in a good mood except for one time... dang. That's a lot of bad moodiness. I dunno what is wrong.

Today: Lacrosse practice?, get food for late layout, write four journal entries for english, n give myself an uplifting experience by watching Glimore Girls. haha that is the way I get happy.

Everwood last night was very well done. I could relate to at least 3/4 of those situations. Half the lines I remember saying to my friends or being told myself. It made me remember all these tough, growing up years experiences. (many of them happened this year) If you didn't see it, you most def should watch it this Sunday on the WB. (even if ur a guy, u'd appreciate it)

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Skioooolp: Went to school till 4th period. Left for an appt... which led me to Tim's house. Dave, Tim and I chilled there till 1 when we met Courtney at What If for lunch. Such good food. I can't decide! mmm. Went back to Tim's for Dave to beat him at NCAA ps2. Got my psych paper done and started reading for english. Came home earlier than I wanted bc I thought my mom would've read my paper by then so I could get it out of the way tonight, but no....so I left the festivities for no reason pretty much. Oh well. It is almost 6pm and my paper is done, just not corrected.
Rents and I don't talk anymore... it's all so different. I think that is bc I am different. I think I missed this rebelious teenage stage when I was dancing 6 days a week and was pre occupied. I mean seriously. I never was mal content with boys, or how I looked, or what my social life was like, or going and meeting/hanging out with ppl, or fighting with my rents, or feeling the need to get out of the house. Now i just feel so self concious that I can't even be in the same room with them... i just feel like I am being analyzed just by the way they look at me. Like I am not what they expected or they think I am doing stuff I shoudln't, I tell them the truth about who I am with and what I am doing, it's not like I am drinking, having sex or doing drugs. I am a good kid. I just don't think that they believe that. I am so much more unsure of myself now too... like i can't look anyone in the eye anymore. I can't look at my rents or any other adult for that matter. I can barely look at my friends. I don't know why but I have lost that sense of self and confidence. I wish I knew where I lost it and how I can get it back.

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and all of your ways
and all that you dream
falls on me

it falls on me
and your beautiful sky
the light you breath
falls on me
it falls on me

am I that strong
to carry on
have i changed your life
have i changed my world
could you save me ahhhhha

so my valentine's day sucked almost to the utmost extent. The only good part was eating so two plates of chinese food pirmarily chicken and broccoli, then eating a big bowl of ice cream, then going to get pizza, then buying coffee.... other than that I sat at home and did nothing. Went to Li';s house in an attempt to bake a cake and go shopping for her bf but that didn't work out. Was gonnan go hang with the single ppl but that din't work out either bc they all dispersed their own ways leaving me witth the couples. For the first time ppl are out and I am not... I guess that is ok.. I just wish I was bored and sad with someone here too.

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Valentine's day is really just "Single awareness day" as someone once told me. Woke up to a bag of M and ms, a pink rose (that is supposed to stand for grace, agility, compassion, and some such other descriptive things), and a sappy card from my parents. My psych paper is just calllling me to write it, but I can't bc Li needs help with her Vday gifts for David. Went to lacrosse practice but only 7 ppl showed up. Stayed for an hour... my rents are going out to dinner with some friends from MA who drove down this morning. That's about it.. laters all.

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Throw me anything, go ahead, try me...

I have been so tired all week. Almost fell asleep in classes but weightlifting woke me up. "You just can't lift it!" Total weights: 190-200 with bands hamst (3 sets of 12), 70 low pec press (2 sets of 10), 50 high pec (2 sets of 10), bar bench (2 sets of 8, 2 sets of 3), 35 quad ext (2 sets of 10), 17.5 free wt tricep press (2 sets of 12), 10 fr wt bic (2 sets of 10), 40 fr wt calf raise (2 sets 15), 40 back row thingy (2 sets of 12) 100 box squats... n that is about all I do. I think I should be working toward equilibrium, these numbers are allll over the place.

I realized last night how unhealthy I have been this year... physically and mentally. I wonder if there is a correlation. Right now however I think I have found some peace... equilibrium.

everyone plays the hand they're dealt
and learns to walk through life themselves
not everything in life is handed on a plate
when people think your words are true
it doesn't matter what you do

i sold my soul to get here
how 'bout you?

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