It's a chick flick, candy and chillin in the bedroom day... haha. Just thought of that. But right now I am trying to write an essay on this poem by WH Auden.. it is very good, and when I have time I will write it on here. One of those sentimental, fairytale sorts. But I am sure there is also a deeper meaning... like cross meaning. Anyway... blah day. Got to drive in the rain. BUt had to wake up at 6:30... well it was 7:30 but that is only bc of the clock changes. I really do not feel like doing anything, but I must. I must do this work to show that I am not a complete failure after that last english test I failed. 4 th marking period and I can care even less. Ugh. I want to leave so badly, jsut get out of it all... go onto college, stop going to pointless classes, just at least get away for a day er something... sigh. Oh well, I'm stuck here in the cold drearinesss none the less with a paper to write.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

I love being so free... I wish I was even more so. I want to explore, travel, meet new people and be on my own... if I could fly... I'd fly over right now. But for now my wings are still tied n I must go vaccum the living room, clean up my mess and put away clothes... sighhhhh. With or without a cup of coffee... thanks for the thought.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Blah I feel sick.... *Will I be carrying it around for the rest of my life? I sure hope not. *It'll last a week, so just bare with me. It takes so much effort. *What DO I want?... *What do I NEED? very little. *As much as I'd like to think... there are always faults. "It's not that u just forgot all that u have learned these past 12 years of school. It is that u want to leave ur past and go to ur future so much it is a natural response to forget."- mom Woke up this morning at 7:50 to my dog howling.... and howling, and howling. Damn dog. So got up and took him for a walk, sadly we are both having issues today. Sat down to watch some saturday cartoons (wow, what is with the shit they put on tv these days?), made some cookies (yes at 8:30am) and am debating what to do with the rest of my alone day. Scholarship apps, grad project, email sru (honors and psych ?), clean room/bth/downstairs, poetry paper... sounds like a winner. Feel free to drop on by anytime today.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

9pm: Reflection- Life: I decided to spend the night at home. I knew that if I tried tomake plans, they wouldn't have worked out and I also needed that bonding time with my rents. My mom and I, while preparin dinner those few nights that we are in the kitchen at the same time for more than 2 seconds, end up talking. And I love the talks! Mostly it revolves around decisions, our lives, our family, the past, the future, and who we have and are all becoming. I guess that is really where I get all my insight and look out on life from, is my mom. I can now bring a deeper, more studiousness into our convos too, with psych and experience. It def all revolves around the countless struggles with my brother, and I keep reminding them that I am greatful for those hard experiences, mostly bc I know that without them I would not be half the person I am and who I want to be. Again and again, I cannot get over the awe, of how we have, as a family witnessed so many chances that were meant to be. I do not believe in fate, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. (as we all know bc I am sure I have said it countless times). Maybe it is rationalization or just crap, but either way I have found it to be the most impowering belief in my whole life and I am thankful everyday for those "meant to happen" bad times which led to awe inspiring good experiences or developments. I look at where I am going, who I am striving to be and I realize that I would not be so satisfied with my future if it weren't for that tough past. I have learned so much from my experiences, not bc mine were any more drastic than anyone else's, but maybe bc I took more time to learn and reflect (perhaps more than was healthy at the time) on those experiences than most ppl do. After talking to my mom (and my dad) I come out feeling inspired, greatful, and wholeheartedly amazed by life. I just can't explain it... and can only hope that one day all of you can feel the same.

5pm: All that I remember is that I was happy, I did have a good time, and I felt at peace. Sadly, I don’t know why I stopped feeling that way. Right now it's like this

.......................................................................................................

There is always something... Under it all.

Nothing to do tonight. Nothing to do tomorrow either, and my rents will be away all day. It should be just “chill and keep Meghan company day.” Anywho, my thoughts are with- Ash P and her hand, Wilson guys who although were very attractive, had their heads in the clouds so not worth shit, Courtney on her trip to DC, my stressed out parents who are stilll giving all they have, and whoever thought to process coffeebeans into a drink, u give me energy, keep me awake and make my happy!

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Christina brought in pictures of her baby toady.. well the ultrasound, and he was smiling! Like a biiiiiiiig grin on his face that she said was there for a good 10 minutes. It was the cutest thing. i strongly admire her for carrying thru with this annnd still going to school. She has been there almsot everyday. She is due June 17, only 8 days after graduation.... it would be mighty interesting if her water broke while she was walking across the stage. Good thing our entire town is made up of doctors. But yea, for a short period of time (mostly in the past few weeks) I have actually been thinking about how I sort of want a baby, weird feeling really. BUt then I think, mann wtf am I thinking? I have so much I want to do with my life, I don't have time for a kid! Besides the fact that I am just 18. whew.

Everyone is sick... hope I don't get it, although I have been dead ass tired this week. watch out for the cold that leads to bronchitis!

Since Feb gained 9 pounds!!! ick. Maybe getting sick again wouldn't be a bad idea ( juuuuuuuuust kidding)

First lax game tomorrow, if we don't get rained out.. I really want this game to happen to prove a lot of things, like we CAN win without all the "good" players.

I keep looking at the clock when it is odd numbers like... 5:55, 6:16, 7:17, 1:11, 12:12,... n that's all.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

ok, so taking after the awesomest person... comments on my buddy list.

leighbee1218- Leighwe talk when we have something to say, ur not a big online talker
cmhu12- Mike: u checked out my profile but never imed me dude
TBShaffer- tommmmmmmm! ur by far the most down to earth, mature and thoughtful guy I have ever known, u mos def give the male race a good rep and u always can put a positive spin on life.
AznStx2k4- dave #2. insightful, neutral, always a greeting, never a long convo
Lili4886- Li: wow u have grown up. always there to listen and to be confused. When I need a kick in the pants u give it to me.
TrojaanMan-Ben: awesome.inspirational, only on business conversationist.
vivacesolo- TomZ: on the spot questioning of philosophy.
cheerldrht18- been a rough ride. but we're finishing off with colors.
le battement- always glad to read ur poetry or get in some convo where i know u want to win the argument
Heart Shard- my bro... greetings, random movie facts, always busy when u converse.
caiteilin34- sweetie. there with hope when i need some.
lx KeEfiSis xl- keith: what starting a random online journal led to. always there for ridiculousness and smiles
Dancer2147- good summer convos, occasional talks about brothers and such. thanks for understanding.
OAKY535- Robbie: and it all ended
IcurnozTWO- David #1 awesomenesss. always there with advise about anything and the blunt truth.
lilmands04- always there to listen and offer some reason
oxo cuti85 oxo- Milica: occasional converser now, but many good convos before
Spider23Run- Tim: better on the phone.
pooshinggedy- Chris: always an "i love meggyo!" for me
enchanting2215- Court: supportive, listener, honest, awesome. always good convos and venting sessions no matter where or how.
LavenderHaze- Laine: we had some good ones, keep on talking when u need to hun.
jellyj85- car rides had great convos, briefness online
JSG1984- Jen: crazinesss at its best.

Whew, not all but I need to go study now. i bed thee goodnight

Comment! (0) | Recommend!