Lots to do today for tomorrow....

Got home at 12am last night but I was really gone around 10pm... in a daze and laughing uncontrolably while we played Kents and Mafia for 2 more hours was *whew* ridiculous. I can tell when I am beyond tired, cuz the laughing just never stops. Right now I am too tired to laugh anymore, but I did get 8 hours of sleep. I am more physically exhausted than tired, but I have work at 9:30 sooo I better get un exhausted cuz there are rooms to be cleaned! When I get home I have to clean the house, (esp my room) write out all cards, finish scrapbooking my photos, and start baking... the day hasn't even started and I am ready for it to end. leave a nice comment to get me thru the day.

If I could I would...

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So, the big graduation- David A drove but Li didn't know where to go so she followed us, however I guess we were going a bit too fast for her bc we lost her like 5 times. "should I turn right or straight?" "well, where are you?" "should I turn right or straight?" "wherrrrre are youuuuu?". Get to the hall, lose sash a couple of times, many pictures being taken but only a few with mine, 'the chill look', court and I rolled up our pants bc we found that every other girl was wearing a skirt, I couldn't get my gown zipped but Dave got it working, *embarassed*, Anthony busted out in dance and singing "a whole new world" for us as we waited in alphabetical order to walk in procession. No one tripped even tho everyone was afraid they would bc the aisle incline was so steep. "I advise u girls not to wear high heels", Got on stage and listened to one awesome speech and two boring ones. It was just happening, nothing magical, just a bit suureal. After we all got our diplomas n whatnot it was a mad rush in the lobby to find parents, friends and pppl with free hands to take pictures. We al kept losing everyone, so finalyl David White and I left, went to Friendly's to see if anyone was there, and came home. Got online, found one more person not doing anything till 11:30pm check in time for the after grad party and went out to get ice cream with ash, like good old times last year. Sort of a full circleness to end the year with my best friend from last year, *sigh*.

after grad party at the plaza- Around prolly 1am we busted out the ultimate frisbee shirts vs skins *wink*. They tried to make the two girls (me and court) be on the skins side but no, we made the football players do that! Running around on the tennis courts barefoot occasionally bumping into sweaty athletes was really fun. I am happy that the guys all bonded too and now they r gonna get together to play from now on to play. There were really good subs, tons of food, they were giving away way too much money and sadly it went to ppl who do not need another 100 bucks, The door prizes were nifty (huuuge stuffed animals, gift certificates, money, candy), We also did a round of twister, sumo wrestling, disgustingly sweaty, there was character sketching, hand writing anaylsis, pool, karyoke (come on guys, 'can u feel the love tonight'), had some girl fence side chats, and I got some mean blisters from walking barefoot all night. I think I will remember the hot sweatiness of everyone during frisbee the most. hahaha. Giant trip for thank you cards at 4:40am, home, crash to sleep.

THis morning woke up 3 hours later at 8am, took a shower and met up with David A, David W, Tom Z, Mike H, Ben T, and another dude to go canoeing! After totally turning around and not knowing where we were going 4 times, we arrived to this little back on woods trailer type place, but the people who owned this function were the nicest people ever, esp the old guy. We decided on doing the 4 hour trip in 3 canoes... and let me tell u it was an awesomely fun, dirty, and adventurous 4 hours. The scenery was beautiful on the Swatara. Trees hanging over the river, roots creating creative patterns, rock faces that looked like they had come out of some movie. Traveling down the river reminded us of heart of darkness, returning to none of our native american roots and even conjured up a rendition of "row row row ur boat" in cannon. hehe. The first group to capsize their canoe (tip over) was Mike's. Then David W's, thennn mine bc now all the guys were wet so when David A got back in our canoe he MADE it tip over! It was actually refreshing, just extremely dirty. 4 hours is a while so we got a little creative... tied our canoes together, played catch with a tennis ball bw canoes, raced to get the tennis ball thrown, acted like it was a gondala in Venice, "now all I need is to learn some Italian love songs" -david a. A nice sun shower sprinkled us too... then it continued to get muddy, wet, buggy, and tiring. Finally we reached our destination... "BRIDGE #3, ok now only 40 minutes more" rinsed off and climbed into the cars to leave. Stopped by Wendy's, lost part of our order so we had to go back to get it, and now home. I didn't even wait to get to my room before I was peeling stuff off, good thing no one else was home. But now, *sigh* I am CLEAN! Got more tanned today even tho the sun wasn't out that much. My arms are tired as hell, 4hours of rowing works ur stamina hehe. I don't think I will go to bed until tonight even tho I only got 3 hours of sleep... so yea, what to do tonight? hehe.

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The day has come, and yet I feel no different, no excitement, no spark, it's just another day in the neighborhood... yet it is indeed graduation. Who wudda thunk that getting 283 students in alphabetical order would be THAT complicated?! danggg. Christina O (whose name becomes right before mine) just had her baby Monday, she wasn't at practice but Mr. Murphey said that she was allowed to come anyway under her "circumstances". I really hope she does, she deserves to walk across that stage. I admire her for finishing high school n attending class up until the day before she went into labor, even if I do not admire that she didn't wait a few more years to have a baby. I don't think it is fair that the "smart" ppl get to wear not only a gold tassel (for NHS) but a big orange sash around their necks. We are alll graduating right? so yea, I feel bad for those ppl with gpas below a 90. We're picnicing at Shank Park in this crazy 90 degree weather, should be a good ol sweaty time. hehe.

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Looking back at the past year makes me smile and want to cry at the same time. I shoved all this stuff I found in my room when I was cleaning it from the past year... conversations I printed out for the record, cards, pictures, ticket stubs, awards... and so today i sat down and read thru it all. gosh. I am pretty much speechless. Partly bc I am amazed at what I have been able to experience these past two years and also in response to the pathetically reoccuring themes that seem to have etched my life. In a sense that makes me sad bc it makes me believe that any new thing is just really a repetition of something that already happened so it will end the same. Once again I am looking at a situation hoping that I will find some understanding of it, but knowing that the last time I was in this sort of place I found that understanding in letting go and moving on. I read letters from friends whom I wish I was still a part of their lives, who are growing up without me, struggling and succeeding. I see cards from friends who tried to make my life shine when I could not. I look at pictures, unhappy at what I see of myself but fond of the good times that they represent. It makes me realize how close friends become, how connected, and then how one day turns into one month and then a few months and suddenly u've lost it all. Although I am grateful for having had the opportunity to meet some more amazing people I regret having lost the others in the mean time. I've gained so much from everyone, whether we shared a year or a few months. I'd like to think that down the road we can keep in touch, that I won';t have to look back with a heavy heart as I do now with my friends from Belchertown who I have not seen in 5 years, wondering what they have done with their lives, how their grades are, who their heartbreaks were, if they are ok and ready to face the world of college, what their dreams are. I sit here wondering all these things about friends I left in 7th grade and I know that I will always wonder... wishing I could have continued to be part of their lives. However I would never go back and stay, having to miss out on THESE experiences here in Hershey either. I'm glad that I am keeping a record of what I appreciate from each of my friends bc when I sat down to write grad cards, I realized that I coudln't really remember what it was that made me cherish some of the friends that I have lost touch with this year but made a huge mark on last year. For some reason it is also the guys that stick in my mind... maybe it is bc I have more faith in the girls and am not concerned about how they turn out... I still feel like a mother to those guys I left in 7th grade, bc I practically was. That feeling has sort of ingrained itself into me- caregiver. It has carried itself here to hershey too, 10 years from now I will wonder how is Tim happy, did he succeed?, how is David's business, has he found a diff girl?, is Tom in med school, will he be like his father?, is Robbie alive or gone off to war? Even guys who I do not know that well, like Ben N, Galen... I will wonder about. Maybe another part of it is bc I have more confidence that if I want to, I will stay in touch with the girls. *shrug* someone should psychoanalyze that. Anyways, it makes me sad to remember how amazing some conversations were and how incredible some people are, just bc right now they are not here with me having yet another awesome experience. But of course I make myself go thru this bc it is like tradition and I am girly like that with wanting to be reminded of past sappiness. *whew* The day people stop writing letters and cards, will be a very sad day indeeed... so goal of the summer--- write to as many people as u can, and just take the time now while u are still talking to them to tell them what u feel.

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Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. ~Author Unknown

You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well. ~Author Unknown

"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy"

The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. ~Elbert Hubbard

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. ~Donna Roberts

Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer. ~Author Unknown

There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound. ~Diana Cortes

There are many ways to love someone. Sometimes we want love so much, we're not too choosy about who we love. Other times, we make love such a pure and noble thing, no poor human can ever meet our vision. But for the most part, love is a recognition, an opportunity to say, "There is something about you I cherish." It doesn't entail marriage, or even physical love. There's love of parents, love of city or nation, love of life, and love of people. All different, all love. -Raymond E. Feist

Here in my on-again, off-again style
Here in my on-again, off-again smile
Here in my off-again, on-again grin
Here in my off-again, on-again skin
Waiting for you to say let us begin -gordon lightfoot

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There will always be this struggle b/w what is real and what is just a dream... what should and what will happen, what to believe and what to accept, what we understand and what we rationalize, when to hope and when to let go, when to ask and when to forget, when to reflect and when to look ahead.

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