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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Time after time, I'll start to forget
as long as I know it's as good as it gets
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road.
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita






TICoSME
Musicalities!
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
Cure all
Monday, March 16, 2015
[7:15:25 PM] Dan: I'll just get a prostitute
[7:15:33 PM] Dan: Will that solve my problems
[7:15:49 PM] Me: Yes, all of them
[7:17:42 PM] Dan: Finally
[7:17:52 PM] Dan: I actually had a friend suggest it
[7:25:55 PM] Me: I feel like you might have mentioned that before.
[7:25:58 PM] Me: I honestly don't know what that would fix.
[7:27:00 PM] Dan: BACKED UP BALLS, NIGGUH
[7:37:16 PM] Me: Oh yeah, that's where all the sadness lives
[7:38:07 PM] Dan: duh
[7:44:05 PM] Me: I could see this as a news article
[7:44:17 PM] Me: "SCIENTISTS DISCOVER SADNESS LIES IN TESTICLES"
[7:44:21 PM] Me: "FEMALES ALL FAKING"
[7:48:37 PM] Dan: World changed

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Virtue ethics again
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Still thinking about virtue ethics.

Aristotle's proposed goal in virtue ethics is to achieve eudaimonia, which is a long term contentment with the course of one's life, but also a state of human flourishing. A eudaimon life is a life with few regrets, in which one reaches the full potential that could be expected for what one is.

My Ethics prof likes to use the example of a rosebush. A rosebush that is flourishing has green leaves, many blooms, and is healthy and vibrant etc. It is the best for what you could expect of a rosebush. It isn't, as he likes to say, "bionic"-- it isn't some sort of unnaturally enabled rosebush that can walk around and do stuff rosebushes don't normally do. The rosebush needs certain conditions to get it to a flourishing state-- it needs the right amount of water, the right kind of soil, the right amount of sunlight, and so on.

A rosebush cannot flourish if it gets the same amount of sunlight that would be best for a fern. It also cannot flourish if it gets the same amount of water as a cactus. In the former scenario there is excess, and in the latter there is deficiency. It is necessary to find the golden mean between the states of excess and deficiency. This golden mean is virtue.

Aristotle felt that humans were uniquely capable of reason. To reach our full potential we need to make use of that and reason well. Were reasoning well when we determine where the golden mean is for us-- when we figure out where virtue lies.

To become a virtuous person you need to practice virtue. Another example my prof used was someone who plays a musical instrument. There are good violin players and bad violin players. How do you become a good violin player? By practicing, yes, but not just by practicing. You have to practice playing well. You could play violin eight hours a day and still be a bad violin player if you practice badly.

I think when I first decided I wanted to be the best person I could be, I went a little overboard with some things, but I've been figuring out where a good middle ground is. Like, I realized some point along the way that trying to be 100% selfless wasn't going to work because if I didn't spend at least some time on myself, I wouldn't be healthy enough to effectively support other people. Just trying to make sure I don't slide back though...

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Reset
Thursday, March 12, 2015
It's weird, I almost feel like something was off in my mind for the past couple days (because of the random anger) and now it's been reset and I'm totally fine again.

Maybe it was PMS.

Part of me wants to think that killing dream cleared me out though. I felt extremely satisfied and kind of smug in the dream.

I don't think I consistently get PMS, if that's what it is, but it does seem like every now and then I just feel super angry and irritated a few days before my period starts. A long time ago when I first learned about PMS I thought I could just counter it by realizing it was probably just PMS and not getting angry. That awareness took awhile to cultivate though. It's easy to see it after it happens but significantly more difficult to do it in the moment. Still, it's not impossible. It's just a habit that had to be developed. Probably the hardest part is wanting the anger to go away. I find that when I'm angry it often comes with the feeling that I want to be angry. So really, the challenge is not to shift the mood, it's to shift the desire. And I guess that's where reasoning comes in.

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Dreaming...
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
I slept a bit more last night than I have been the past few days, because my internship meeting got canceled today.

I don't remember all that I dreamt, but there at least three separate storylines going on. In one of them I abducted a bunch of people and had them all in a large room where I made them compete to see who I wouldn't kill. There were maybe six or seven women (including a trans woman who talked to the others about how she had been circumcised) and I was going to let two live. The first contest involved dancing and they were all terrible but to the point where it kind of amused me, so I decided I would pick the winners based on who amused me most. Then this guy showed up and apparently wanted to enter the competition by choice, because he felt confident that he could win. I saw no reason to stop him.

In another one I was talking to Sean on a crowded lawn while this grotesque girl hovered around him. Apparently they were friends from OKC and she had been interested in him before he met someone. I found her face disturbing and didn't want to look at her, but I couldn't avoid it because she was so close to him.

Today I don't feel particularly angry but I feel kind of mentally tired.

---Edit---

My therapist found my dream very interesting. He loves doing dream interpretation... I'm okay with that in a casual setting but I feel iffy about it in a counseling setting. His suggestions for what aspects of my dream might mean didn't really feel right to me.

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FTSOH
Tuesday, March 10, 2015


I was feeling very angry earlier, and my thoughts were unproductive, going in circles of negativity and reaching no true conclusions. I decided to play a game and felt much better afterwards. Calmer. More clear. Looking at pictures seemed to help too.

The quarter is ending in a couple weeks, and then I'll have Spring Break. Don't know what I'm doing for that yet...

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Ethics dj vu
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
We started on virtue ethics in my Ethics class today. It was kind of weird for me. I've never actually read anything about virtue ethics before that I can remember, but I feel like to some extent I've kind of been practicing it. >.> At least... from the overview we got today. So that's... strange to think about.

Or maybe I haven't actually been practicing it. My personal development wasn't motivated by the drive to be happy. I dunno. I'll probably have to think about it more as I learn more about it.

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March
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
So I played this game.

MARCH

It hit me harder than I was expecting. Especially the end. The game kind of forces you into a sad ending. You have the option to end it at a happier place, but it gives you an option that suggests that's not the real ending.

And the feeling is sort of sadness and sort of pain and sort of loss. Which makes perfect sense given the theme of the game.



"Don't Touch My Bikini" by The Halo Benders.


"Art Decade" by David Bowie.


"The Garden" by Cut Chemist.

Translation of the lyrics as posted by a Youtuber:
He who is a good man does not betray
The love who wishes him good
He who says a lot that he goes, does not go
As he doesn't go, he does not come

He who doesn't come out from himself
Will die without loving anyone
The money of he who does not give
Is the work of he who does not have
Capoeira that is good does not fall
And if someday it falls, it falls good

Capoeira told me to say it already came
It came to fight
Berimbau confirmed me there will be a love fight
Sadness, my friend


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The pressure!
Monday, March 9, 2015
This guy who's been visiting my profile on OKC for years finally messaged me. He said he's had me bookmarked for a long time and thought he'd send me a message. Now I feel like there's pressure on me to be cool and interesting so it seems like it was worth it to have me bookmarked all that time. >.>

It is kind of exciting though, I guess. I've had one other repeat visitor that has never contacted me to my knowledge, and I don't know what's holding him back. Well actually no, I guess I do... His profile says he's only interested in long term dating and I've never been single when he's visited me. So I'm guessing that's it.

I was talking with my friend Alice just now about guys with skills. It started off kind of as a joke when we were discussing programming last night and how neither of us really knows how to do it. I feel like it would be really cool to have programming skills, but I wouldn't even know where to start with it, and I feel like I get confused easily by it (maybe because the people I talk to about it go over specifics and I don't know the basics).

Alice: There are people to pay to do that for me.
Me: There are people to date to do that for me. XD
Alice: Lol! I suppose I suppose.
Me: As Napoleon Dynamite once said, girls like guys with skills.
Alice: Hella skills. I only like guys with at least 3 skills.

We went on to discuss whether or not the kind of skills mattered, and I jokingly suggested basket weaving, pancake flipping, and masterful toaster oven fixing. She said she would find those acceptable. Then I asked what skills her boyfriend has to compete with the hypothetical basket-weaving, pancake-flipping, toaster oven-fixing guy we were talking about, and she listed a few things, including obedience and patience. I thought it was kind of funny that she mentioned those as skills. I guess she's right, though, in a way. They are things that you can cultivate and get better at, so in that sense they are skills. Patience is something I'm always trying to increase, myself. To some extent I feel like impatience is connected to selfishness. Like, not being able to look past your own wants, I guess. I'm not sure though, I haven't thought about it too much.

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