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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bug
Buttersafe
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Broodhollow
Bullfinch
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Chainsawsuit
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Mirror
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Oopsies
Sunday, October 16, 2011
This could be tricky. :/

Last time, I thought it couldn't hurt, but it did, and I still don't think I've recovered.

But... this is different. They're not the same person. It might not be the same?

There's only really a couple months though. And then it has to end. So I guess it's safe in that respect? Or maybe not...

So conflicted. And kind of confused. I don't know what to do.

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Update on the money thing (among others...)
Friday, October 14, 2011
No, it was not a blowjob. I'm pretty sure it would severely compromise my morals if I were to become a part time sex worker.

Anyway, I haven't been contacted about doing it again, so I'm going to assume that I'm not making any more money off it. Oh well. $30 wasn't bad for the one time. I already spent about $10 of it on food. X|

Also, my old phone came back from the dead! -Weeps tears of joy-

I already got a new one, though. :/ I'm annoyed that the new one somehow has a shorter battery life and harder to use features. Isn't technology supposed to get... better... over time...? -Sigh-

We don't really keep milk in the house anymore, since I stopped drinking it, so when I was making mac and cheese today I had to figure out what to use as a substitute. We have milk substitutes... but they're all vanilla flavored, sweetened, or both. I ended up using yogurt in place of milk, 1:1.

It uh... came out very tangy. Tangy could be good, I guess, but it was kind of weird for me. I don't think I want to make that substitution again.

Oh, and good news! Since my phone was revived, I was able to swipe my pictures off it! And here they are, ladies and gents:

There's a FIGHT CLUB being advertised on campus!


It has not been completely well-received.


During one of my lengthy breaks, I read a fascinating article about rat mating habits and quirks.

If you can't read the caption, it says "SERENADING IN THE BUFF: Male rats make music during the act, uttering a special song for each phase of the intimate tango."

Here's the first new phone I got, which I didn't like:


It was severely lacking in the organizational department, which I use my phone for, so it wasn't useful to me.

Here's the phone I got after returning the other new one:


It has the ability to create recurrent appointments (unlike CERTAIN phones I can think of... -cough cough-), which is important to me. Unfortunately, it doesn't automatically put birthdays onto the calendar like my old phone did. Oh well. I guess you can't win on all fronts. :/

Lemme think... Oh, I'm going to the Renaissance Faire with Tyler on Sunday! So that will hopefully be fun. It'll be a long drive, so he suggested bringing some CDs to listen to. :D I've been browsing my music, trying to figure out what to burn onto a disc, but I ended up just listening to Splitsville for hours.

Maybe I'll just bring a mix of Splitsville and Point B. Powerpop/punk and old school dubstep. Good times, right?!

Man, I'm sleepy. Okay, the entry is over.

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Admitting [DP]
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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It's okay, guys
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Nothing bad happened.

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For a price
Friday, October 7, 2011
I'm considering doing something to earn a little money. It feels like it's kind of shady, but $30 for ten minutes is very good money if you ask me, and technically there would be nothing that would directly make me uncomfortable... I think...

Still, I'm really hesitant. I don't think it would compromise my morals, just be kind of weird.

And $30 for ten minutes. There's that. And it would most likely be a repeat venture, so I could make $400 - $500 a month if I chose to.

That's money for school and Christmas presents and maybe some new toys for my birds...

It's not illegal... it should be safe... but I'm just not sure.

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I think it's been awhile
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
I think I had a "good" day today. Or at least, I thought that to myself as I was walking around, and it didn't feel like a lie. So that's something.

Hung out with Tyler (new friend) for a few minutes between his classes, then wandered around and saw Treasure (girl I failed to befriend during Fall Quarter last year) sitting on a bench. I stopped over and said hi, and she ended up showing me some areas of school I hadn't seen, and we wandered around campus and talked about movies and academics. I walked with her to her next class after that, and she hugged me goodbye, so I guess we're friends now?

This girl whose name I don't know also talked to me in my last class of the day. I had never previously talked to her, but for whatever reason she said hi and then sat right next to me. During the break (it's a long class), we discussed classes and the school.

So... yeah... I guess I socialized today. And that was good.

A while after I got home, my dad mentioned that he was going to the library, so I asked if I could go with him. Lately I've been finding it difficult to kill time on the computer, so I end up staring at the taskbar clock when it says 5 PM, wondering if it's too early to go to sleep.

But yeah, at the library, I picked out a couple movies, one of which was Lars and the Real Girl.

My parents had seen it before, unbeknownst to me, and my dad made a face when I suggested it, and told me it was too weird for him.

I watched it when we came home though, and I actually really liked it. I don't remember the last time I actually liked a movie. I mean, there have been movies I didn't dislike, but usually I just feel kind of indifferent and like the film is lacking in some certain quality I just can't place.

It was nice to enjoy things again.

There was a shooter in the area today, though. He apparently killed two or more people at the quarry and then went to my dad's workplace, where he tried to jack a car. I don't think anybody was hurt at the company, but they shut the whole place down, so when I got home from school, my dad was watching TV, and told me they gave everyone the day off-- except for the Mexican groundskeepers. I guess the logic is that it's only dangerous if you're indoors with a shooter.

Here's a link to a live coverage article if you're curious: CLICK

They haven't found him yet. I'm not really worried about myself or anyone I know, since it's unlikely he'll come around here and shoot more people, but I hope no one else dies.

I feel like I should be excited or anxious or waiting in anticipation for news he's been caught, but I just can't muster anything.

I think my good day is over now.

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Psych magazines and attraction
Monday, October 3, 2011
I spend my copious amounts of free time at school either reading for class or perusing Psychology Today/The Scientific American/The Scientific American Mind.

Something I found interesting that was mentioned in these:

-In a dating situation, men find women more attractive when they laugh
-Men's laughter has no impact whatsoever
-In order of most attractive to least attractive facial expression, for men: happy, ashamed, prideful
-In order of most attractive to least attractive facial expression, for women: prideful, ashamed, happy

I can't remember what the reasoning behind the laughter thing was, I think it had something to do with men perceiving female laughter as flirtatious, but the facial expression thing... Supposedly pride suggests power to women, whereas smiling implies weakness of some sort. :S

On the other hand, men view mirthful women as uh... well, happier and healthier, maybe? Probably has something to do with fertility. All this stuff always does. But women who look too proud don't appear as "feminine" because power is a historically masculine trait...

---

Oh! Funny story. For Basic Photography we had to do a blind walk (you walk around and take pictures blindfolded), and me and my partner went over to this large group of people surrounding a stage. On the stage were a couple of men with shirts on that said "JESUS HATES SIN" and stuff like that. One of them was holding a sign that had a bunch of things on it (HOMOS, PERVERTS, PEDOPHILES, PIGS, POT SMOKERS, etc.), then "JESUS REJECTS YOU" or "JESUS HATES YOU" at the bottom. The other guy was yelling at everyone around the stage, calling everyone sinners and telling them Jesus hated them.

It was a laugh. Even better though, everyone who was around the stage was pounding on it with their fists and chanting "GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" or "I LOVE SCIENCE!"

Ahh, college.

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What I'm missing
Saturday, October 1, 2011
In several ways, I do regret getting a FB. (It also just occurred to me that that could stand for something much more heinous... but uh... moving on...)

Every time I see updates from my friends in New York, pictures, that sort of thing, I feel kind of sad. I've spent over a year being at home, feeling alone regardless of whom I'm with.

I'm not saying that I think they're living it up in New York. I mean, it's entirely possible they are, but that is not what gets me down, per se. The separation is just painful for me. I don't think I've ever missed anything so much in my life.

---

I have to write a 2 - 3 page story for Fiction Writing.

"THEY KEY TO THIS ASSIGNMENT IS TO USE EXCLAMATION POINTS TO END EVERY SENTENCE, AND TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT YOU'RE EXCLAIMING ABOUT IS NOT AWESOME OR GREAT, IN FACT, OBVIOUSLY QUITE THE CONTRARY!"

Pretend to be happy. Pretend to be excited. Aren't I good at that? Should be a breeze.

On a mildly related note, the story in question, Elizabeth Crane's "My Life is Awesome! And Great!" reminded me of Zanzibar while I was reading it.

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