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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Can't you see what you've done to my heart and soul?
this is a wasteland now
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories — if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

“The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita






TICoSME
Musicalities!
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
The bits that sound more exciting...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I've realized that my entries about me hanging out with him are kind of long and... yeah, pretty much just long. So this time I'll try and shorten it...

After a series of delays he showed up around 9:30 PM. He met my mom, and we went into the dorm building because he now has a valid, if extremely ghetto, ID.

Showed him my room, which was not a big deal.

We went back down to say goodbye to my mom, but then basically stalked her to the bus stop. D: Then he made us stay there until the bus came...

After that we went into the dorms again for some reason, and when we came down the stairs there was this big group of people there and they all started calling him Peter. We were both confused, to say the least. He seemed pretty amused by it, though. :P

Ummm walked around some more, then went to get gum at 7-11. It turned out that he couldn't go back on campus because they wouldn't let him past 11:30 or something, so we went to Dunkin Donuts to sit down. These two guys came in and these girls in front of us were like "oh we thought we saw the last of you guys tonight!"

...The guys started talking to him, being like "well Frank told us you'd be here, you know, blah blah blah...."

He went right along with it. :P I just stood there and laughed. XP The girls were looking at the guys in confusion, and turned to me and started asking if I knew them, and if Frank was his real name.... I just sort of shook my head and stepped away and said that no, his name was not Frank.

Anyway, after they figured out they were being had, I guess everyone thought it was pretty funny. The guys congratulated him on being an awesome actor, then turned to me and said "but you.... cracking up in the corner? You could use some work."

Heh.

Following eating the food we got, we kind of just sat there and stared at each other's eyes. But not like "oh, I love you so much muh muh muh" kinda romantic stare. Just studying. Blue eyes are so cool looking... my eyes are boring and brown. D:

End.

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Contrary to past beliefs
Friday, September 18, 2009
...Going to bed with wet hair does not cause brain damage.

(I don't know why I believed that when I was younger...)

Yeah, I took a shower at like midnight and couldn't really dry my hair, so I had to sleep with it wet... and as a result I woke up with some ULTRA SEXEH BEDHEAD. :P

Heh... I'm actually half serious about that. ;D

But no pictures, sorry. It would be way too awkward to take a picture with all these people around... and also... just meh. MEH.

Just listening to some oldies right now and-- OH YEAH I GOT MY BOX GUYS. It has a lot of junk in it like veggie jerky and all those jelly beans that I didn't eat at home...

[I picked out the ones I liked before... but my parents decided to send the ones that were left because apparently jelly beans are a healthy and nutritious snack for college students X|]

At least there are cashews. :D

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I know I'm tired...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
...When I start dreaming if I close my eyes.

The world around me is muffled and fades, and suddenly I'm not in this classroom anymore, I'm in a strange new world...

But then the professor's voice comes back, jerking me out of my half-conscious dreaming.

Yesterday I kept almost falling asleep... In DNY this is understandable, because the guy never actually teaches, he just shows us videos, and we sit in the darkness, held by a feeling of obligation that has been built into us over years of schooling...

We sit, starting at 7 AM, and do nothing while a voice drones on about the events that shaped modern New York. I doubt anybody is finding this that exciting.

Next is Psychology, where half the class is spent reviewing what we learned the previous session... At least it's colder in there, so it's not as easy to drift in consciousness.

I have an hour break after that, during which I don't usually do anything. Yesterday I bought a chocolate muffin from the library café and read a chapter of my history text...

Emergence of Global Society (history...) was when I was having the most trouble yesterday. I think she was reviewing the chapter we read or something... hard to say, because I wasn't completely there, mentally. Everytime I closed my eyes, things around me would get quieter and more vivid colors would rearrange themselves into dream-images...

And then of course the sound of reality would come back in a rush and I would raise my head, tiredly, and try to focus on what was just said.

I'm not hanging out with him today because he has to do something related to the Marines... but his parents want to meet me, and he wants to meet my mom... so we'll see how that goes, I guess.

[I get to eat today...]

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FINALLY, some pictures [2P]
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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So comfortable
Monday, September 14, 2009
For now I feel happy, and it feels right. I don't feel uncomfortable with this feeling anymore, and suddenly it seems like it's okay to smile when I'm by myself. And I couldn't stop if I wanted to.

He arrived at around three, and I went downstairs. We hugged, and he showed me the tickets he'd gotten for Madame Tussaud's wax museum. I asked him if he knew when it closed, but he didn't, so I had to go back into the dorms and look it up.

We took the bus to the subway station, and then the train to Times Square. The museum was fun... he posed with a lot of the figures and I took pictures. There's a little section in there called Scream, and they have people who are supposed to creep you out. He harassed them, heh... one of them he kept calling fake, but the guy wouldn't talk. I guess he got fed up with all the insults though, because he said "the only thing fake is your chain." :P

There was a creepy old-ish fat guy wandering around, taking pictures of himself with the figures. It was hilarious. :3 We asked him if he wanted to take a picture with us, then of us, since he declined for that, but he said no. For the rest of the time though, whenever we saw him, I laughed a little.

After the museum, we walked around the city. He had his arm around me and we just walked together, looking at the shops and street vendors. There was a Borders down one of the streets, so we went inside and looked around. It was uneventful, but not awkward or boring.

Around seven or so, we walked to another subway station and rode back to the school. At first we got on the wrong train, but I kind of knew we had, so I said we should ask someone if it was going the right way. A man told us that we were going in the wrong direction (as I suspected), so we hopped out at the next stop and waited for the F train going the other way. It took a little while, but it didn't matter. I like being with him wherever we are.

It was dark when we returned. Or, at least, as dark as it really gets around here. We sat on a bench in a little garden by the dorms, and just talked until eleven. He had his arm around me at first, and then we were leaning on each other, and after a while I just laid my head on his lap and we held hands.

It was nice. :) I've never held hands with anyone before, so it was a new experience for me. His hands are almost twice the size of mine... on the train back he played with my fingers, gently curling and uncurling them one by one... neither of us knew why he was doing it, but I didn't mind.

I feel so comfortable when I'm with him. It's all so surreal to me... we can just talk about anything, and he can put his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek and I don't feel weird about it. We haven't even known each other for a week and a half, but we seem to just get along really well...

He asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I couldn't think of anything. I told him I was happy to just spend time with him... so now we're going to hang out every day until he leaves, I guess. And I've got to figure out how to write decent letters so I can keep in contact with him while he's at bootcamp...

I was so happy earlier, but now I feel sad that he's going to leave. Things are going to be different without him... or the same as they were before we met. In other words, depressing.

---

I like it when he calls me "baby", and when he plays with my hair. I like it when we sit together and talk about everything and nothing. I like that he's spontaneous and fun and always has stories to tell, and that he's so protective of me...

I guess I really do like him.

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Must get better!
Monday, September 14, 2009
So I'm still sickkkkkkkkk. :(

He's coming over today after class... so soon. I need to get better fast. D:

And I guess we're doing something on Thursday, too, instead of Tuesday. I should probably tell him that the museum we were considering closes at three...

More details later?

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The whole thing?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
This is going to take a long time if I attempt to write it out in detail... also I don't know if I completely remember the exact order of events.

He came... around seven I guess? We walked around with Casey and Saeedah, looking for a good place to sit. There were none.

...

Sometime later, we tried to get him into the dorms, but he wasn't allowed in because he didn't have a proper ID. My friends and I went upstairs then, and Saeedah went into her room, and I got my bag, and we were waiting for Saeedah to come back out. She didn't though, so I told Casey I was going downstairs... (Later I realized that I had implied I would wait down there)

I met up with him outside the building, and we went through campus, trying to find someone who would give him some change for a twenty. Nobody had anything. Eventually we just walked to Barnes and Noble, and a cashier gave him change for a five... in quarters.

The nearest bus stop was in front of a convenience store, so he told me to wait outside for the bus while he got some items. I was fine with that, so I stood at the bus stop and looked at some of the ads on its walls. A minute later he came back out, said he didn't feel right leaving me by myself there, where I could get jumped or something, put his arm around me, and walked me inside. :P

He asked if I wanted anything, but I didn't, so we just kind of browsed. He pointed to some drinks (those Arizona ones that come in huge sizes) and said he liked them. I remarked that they were big cans and he started laughing... and I couldn't figure out why for a bit.

While we were inside, the bus drove up to the curb. We ran outside and got on it, and it took us to a subway station. The train we took went to Manhattan, where it was pretty much pouring.... so we strolled around under his umbrella. At first we walked separately, but then he put his arm around me and we walked together...

Nothing was open there. X|

We went into several stores, just because he wanted to go into everything that was open. The last one was a Duane Reade. It had two levels, a street one and then a basement one, sort of. We went down into the basement one and sat in the chairs next to the closed pharmacy, and just talked. After a while this employee came over and stood in front of us and started commenting on how cute we looked or something... it was kind of weird for me. :S Then he left, but returned shortly with a female employee, and then explained to her that we had been "sitting there talking for forty minutes" and it was sure great "to be young and in love!"

The situation was awkward for me, since they were RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, so I guess I was blushing... and then they took a picture of us with his camera... All the while, cheesy old pop songs about love were playing in the background.

We didn't have much to do then, so we went upstairs, bought a pack of cards, went back down, and played Go Fish on a box of paper towels. Next he showed me how to play Texas Hold 'Em, which I was terrible at... we bet with the kettle corn he'd bought earlier at Barnes and Noble. I was getting sleepy by this point though, so we packed up and left.

On the train back, he had his arm around me the entire time, and his head on me half of the time. :3 I don't remember what we talked about, but the conversation didn't get awkward or uncomfortable at any time. I do recall feeling like it was a long ride, though...

When we finally got back to the school, we had to walk all around it to find a gate that was open. After some time we reached it, and said our farewells. (This was around 3 AM...) I started to leave, but he said "no hug?" so I went back and gave him one... then he kissed me on the cheek.... I'm assuming that's what he was aiming for, at least, because my hair pretty much blocked it.

After I got into my room, I signed into AIM and we IMed for a bit. He missed the bus, so he was stuck here for a while. :/ I was extremely sleepy though, so I told him that I hoped he would get home alright, but I wanted to go to bed...

---

Today I went to Greenwich with Casey and Saeedah, and we went through shops and it was fun. Casey got a "Legalize Gay" shirt from American Apparel, and it was almost eight by the time we got back. On the subway I said "dinner at six thirty?" but we looked at the clock and it said seven, so that wasn't really going to work. :P

We ate dinner at eight, and then tried to do my laundry. These annoying people in the laundry room took up all of the dryers and wouldn't let them go. I was pissed off, partially because they were doing that and partially because it was really freakin' hot down there.

A lot of things about St. John's pissed me off today. It almost got rid of my good mood from last night. D: Almost.

Also, somebody texted me and I don't know who it was, but that was twelve hours ago so I think the time to ask who they are has passed...

---Edit---

CLICKIES

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-Sigh- (But a happy one)
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I had such an awesome night with him.

Too tired to write it all out though.

Highlight: played poker with kettle corn instead of money on top on a box of paper towels in a Rite-Aid. And the employees of said Rite-Aid coming over, standing right in front of us, and talking about how cute we were and how great it is "to be young and in love."

I'm so tired right now, I can barely read these words... but I had a great night, so it doesn't matter at all.

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