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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Can't you see what you've done to my heart and soul?
this is a wasteland now
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories — if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

“The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita






TICoSME
Musicalities!
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
The Game of Implications
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I don't know where this is going. Well, I mean, it doesn't have to go anywhere, really.

Discussed with ES Guy today how Alice and Jasper think I come off as flirty. He said he didn't think that.

We talked about death and depression, and life. He seems to have pretty typical views on the subjects. (Boring)

"Life is good! Death and depression are bad!"

Blah blah.

He also talked about singing. He's asked me before if I sing along with songs when I'm by myself. I answered truthfully (which is to say I said yes, I do). Today he was asking if he could hear me sing. I said I sound horrible (I can't carry a tune), and he talked about how females are supposed to have evolved to have "enticing" voices or something. I laughed, but said I didn't sing in front of other people. He was sort of playfully disappointed, and said "I'm never going to hear you sing, am I?"

Jasper's conclusion: HE LIKES MEH.

I guess it doesn't really matter... mostly I should just be worried about attracting guys who would take it badly if I wasn't interested in them... People who are fine either way shouldn't be an issue, right?

Oh also I thought I lost my phone today while I was biking to school, but my dad found it (and my chapstick!), so I was mildly worried for nothing!

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This is a really stupid problem
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Disclaimer: I have no proof that this is true in some cases. I'm going off opinions mostly.

---

I feel like I can't make platonic male friends. Or rather, I can, but it doesn't stay mutually platonic.

The dude I was hanging with for awhile started to bug me. He's boring and he talks a lot, and I recently found out that he's sorta weirdly clingy. Yesterday he called me (I'd been avoiding him a bit) to ask if something was up. Was I mad at him? Did he bore me? (Yes, yes he did, but etiquette dictates that I am not allowed to say that) When I told him I didn't feel like we had a good friendship dynamic and that I didn't enjoy hanging out with him, he was really insistent that he wanted to keep me as a friend and still hang out. I should've just said "HELL NO." Instead, I was my typical "I can't bear to punch you with rejection" self and said okay, but I would only hang out in group settings. He seemed disheartened, but agreed to it. Oh, and he also said he thought that I had gotten the wrong idea from his giving gifts to me (which is true; his actions there sent a very bad message). I told him I didn't feel it was appropriate, since I didn't consider us very close. He got kinda defensive (but in normal tones, I guess... not utterly whiny) and said he just gives gifts to his friends. Whatever, dude.

Obviously Jasper asked me out awhile ago, but he's been much more laid back about it. I'm still cool with hanging out with him. When I told him about my issues with the aforementioned dude, he said something to the effect of "well, you're attractive, interesting, and single. It's not surprising he likes you."

Annnnnnnnnnnd after some discussion with Alice, it's possible that ES class guy might like me as well. No proof on this one, though. He's very nice, of course, but I'm trying to assume that's all it is. It's true that we've discussed our views on dating (not each other, but in general), but I figured that was neutral, not laced with hidden implications. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK THOUGH, GAH. Alice thinks we were flirting (although she wasn't there, just to clarify, so my retelling of the events could've skewed her impression of the situation)

I think that if I could talk to myself, aged a few years younger, the younger me would say "wow, you're complaining about that? I WISH guys were interested in me!"

Right now I don't have very many friends. I'd like the friendships I have to be uncontaminated by possible romantic feelings on one end. I've never been the type to be all "single life is freakin' FANTASTIC, I wanna be single FOREVER," but right now I just don't think I have the energy to deal with a relationship. Hence my withdrawal from the dating pool... or at least my attempt to do so.

Somewhere out there, people have real problems, and if they were to read this, they would shake their heads and sigh.

---

I need a t-shirt that says everything about what I find amusing in a few easily readable words so I can stop being tempted to buy shirts online constantly.

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Too much dubstep
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Last night, I attended what I'm fairly certain was my first rave. It was actually pretty fun! There were lots of people dressed up in interesting ways, and the music was acceptable to dance to. Mostly.

Beforehand, we went and got dinner at this vegan soul food place. It was pretty awesome. I guess the cuisine was like, cajun style? But vegan. We got the "everything plate", which had fried okra, red beans and rice (cost extra), collard greens, corn bread, lentils, mac and cheese, fried tofu, barbeque tofu, potato salad, yams, and... this other bean thing. I found out that fried okra tastes basically like fried pickles, except not sour. It was quite enjoyable. :3 Too bad the restaurant is in Oakland... SAN JOSE HAS NOTHING GOOD IN IT. >:0


When we got to the actual music event, which we didn't know was a rave at first, it was pretty empty. They wouldn't let us go back outside, though, unless we paid the... bouncer dudes. Jasper tried to say one of us left our medication in the car (real smooth, man...), but they didn't fall for it (who would?). Eventually it picked up, though, and there were enough people for dancing not to be weird. They played WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much dubstep. Now, I can handle dubstep in short spurts, but really... new dubstep all sounds the same. Old dubstep is more individualistic, at least. The new stuff has the same filthy dropping beat in every song. It's annoying.

I danced in public for the first time since seventh grade! Chances are I looked totally spastic, but that's fine. Not like anyone was watching me anyway. Hopefully.

No pictures, I'm afraid. I looked at the Facebook page for the event though and this girl posted the pictures she took. Link is HERE if you're interested. I gotta say, the lights didn't look nearly as cool in real life as they do in her pictures. It just looked kinda weird with the people twirling their fingers around...

My voice was hoarse afterwards/today from all the shouting I had to do just to talk to Angie and Jasper. Also, I was slightly deafened by the loud music. My hearing seems to have returned to normal today, though. (Yay)

I would totally go to another rave! It was lots of fun except for the excessive amount of dubstep, and I probably got at least a little exercise, jumpin' around like that. My feet/calves are sore today, but somehow I survived with no blisters. :D

---

Today I volunteered at the Green Festival in San Francisco. I was helping out with the bike valet. Basically we just parked people's bikes and watched them while their owners went to the festival. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I was there for like... five hours. :|

BUT! I got free admission to the festival, as well as a free t-shirt. And I bought some things! Here's a list of the loot I had by the end of my moseying:

-Various samples of Dr. Bronner products
-Tiny samples of shampoo, conditioner, and lotion from... some other people
-A coupon for $1 off Mamma Chia drinks (they were weird tasting... but they grew on me after my third sample)
-A rainbow headband/bandanna/scrunchie
-Giraffe socks
-A PETA recipe pamphlet
-Random business cards

I also ate lots of organic/fair trade chocolate samples and a potato spinach knish. BURNING HOT DELICIOUSNESS.

Walking the few blocks to CalTrain kind of sucked, since my legs hurt, but the ride home was fine. I had my iPod, so the guys near me who talked about Yu-Gi-Oh! the entire time didn't bother me. They reminded me strongly of my brother's friends, though...

Finally, I'm going hiking tomorrow with my friend (I guess?) from my ES class last quarter! Alice was invited but she will be hiking with someone else, somewhere else, unfortunately. :|

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What I learned today
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Prostitution is legal in Nevada.

MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION EVER!? I guess, if you've really hit a financial dead end.............

Other than that though, my Women in Crime book is boring as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

You get the point.

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Just two more days...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
And the first week of school shall be finished.

And then there are like... ten more. Or something. I dunno.

Dance-errific, guys.


Wish I had those kinds o' moves.

I succumbed to a nap earlier today, which is why I am still on the ol' computer at 11:10 PM, when I SHOULD be in bed so I can get a nice eight hours of sleep in before I have to wake up at 6:45 AM. Man, I used to be so GOOD at this in high school. College, St. John's, ya screwed me over, man.

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Before I drop off
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Well, it's only 5:23 PM, but I'm super sleepy. It's this getting-up-at-6:45-AM business. Going from "waking up at 2 PM" to that is... a bit rough.

I'm doing okay though! Unlike some, I can weather it without the use of caffeine.

Yay, relatively drug-free lifestyle... (Still gotta take a Zyrtec for allergies...)

My dream last night was quite a wild ride. I will summarize it in bullet points for you.

-Varsha's dad had discovered all her fancy underwear and destroyed it
-She came to me, very upset, and told me the story
-My favorite pair of underwear was on the floor, so she picked it up and put it on (she was NOT naked though; people can get dressed in my dreams without undressing first)
-I observed, kind of uncomfortable with what was happening, but didn't say anything
-I told her we would go to Victoria's Secret and get her some new fancy underthings
-Asked my mom where Victoria's Secret was, because the ones I knew weren't big enough, and I was sure they were having a sale
-She told us there was a good one by "Off the Ramp"
-We went there
-An old lady was the proprietor
-She was sort of a cantankerous sort
-I somehow murdered her
-We dragged the body to the back room and didn't know what to do with it
-It turned out that day was her birthday, and she had a hot date with an old dude
-He came around looking for her
-We hid until he left
-I suddenly had the brilliant realization that everybody would be tricked into thinking everything was perfectly normal if we went to the parking structure and played tag
-We did so
-Fast forward several years
-I had apparently taken over the store and turned it into a liquor shop
-The body was also gone
-My two bored looking teenage employees were wearing red aprons as we stood in the back room
-I told them they were lucky that I was passing on the store to them, because when I was their age, I had to start from scratch with my establishment, and it was hard work
-Then we had a party where all the guests were large fat black women

I think it's kind of amusing that "starting a business" equates to "murdering an old woman and stashing her body in the back room" in my subconscious.

Despite getting sleepy towards the end, I would say I had a good day! There was the dream, and class went well. I went to Jamba Juice and tried one of their new fruit/veggie smoothies (it was okay... I can make better ones at home for much cheaper). I have a break from 10:20 - 12:30 PM every day, so there wasn't much for me to do but wander. I had anticipated this, and brought a book to pass the time, but wasn't sure where to go to read. Since I had a smoothie, I couldn't go to the library (and the library is kind of big and impersonal anyway...) and I don't like reading outside (lighting is too bright, plus all the distractions...). I settled on the Kirsch Center, which is where I had my environmental studies class last quarter.

Well, I hadn't been there long before I saw the dude I was sorta befriending from the ES class. Cement plant guy, if you prefer to remember him that way. We chatted for a bit while he checked on his class (which turned out to be online), then he suggested we go for a bike ride. I had nothing better to do, so I agreed. I was a little worried he was going to be like, a hardcore cyclist, but we actually went pretty slowly, so it turned out fine.

As we rode along, we saw a sign that said "Blackberry Farm". He asked me if I'd been there, and I said no, so we decided to check it out. Very disappointingly, it was not a farm with blackberries. It turned out to be... kinda like a country club. We rode down a paved path and stopped at a trail along the side. I guess he has a penchant for... breaking and entering abandoned buildings, so that was the only reason he pointed it out. XD

We parked our bikes in the grass and walked around on the trail for awhile (and passed an elderly bird watcher and some wild bunnies) and talked some more. Hell if I remember what we talked about, though.

Eventually we decided to go back, and ended up sitting on some tanbark next to a walkway at school. Well, he sat, I stood. I didn't want to sit on the tanbark, but he let me sit on his jacket, so that was nice. Very chivalrous. :P We might hang out again sometime, who knows!

Oh yeah, and the other guy I was hanging out with... uhh... Sunday night he called me to tell me he got me some gifts. It was kinda weird. On Monday we hung out and he gave me the stuff... it was an Uglydoll keychain (neon orange) and a knockoff Uglydoll. He told me he thought I'd like them.

I mean, it's the thought that counts, yeah, but... really... it was such a... not entirely pleasant surprise... I feel like you save the gift-giving for friends (I don't consider us close enough for this to be okay) and... well... romantic interests. And I DON'T want this to go down the latter road. Staying away from romance has dramatically improved my overall mood, it seems like.

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Makeup, you say? [2P]
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Arghleblarghlebah
Sunday, April 3, 2011
I am not hungry, but I have this compulsion to just stuff myself until I throw up.

Whyyyy...

Also my budgies have been doing this thing where one hits on the other, and the receiver of the affection is totally not into it, and then after some time they switch off.

So you got Cici makin' a move on Romeo, and he's like "ehhhhhhhhhhhhh" when she's all up in his stuff.

Then Romeo is prancing around the cage being cheerful and getting all flirty and basically shoving his face in hers and she just sits there stoically.

Those guys... I... don't... I don't even know.

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